CUE Auditing/Assurance Service CUE Essay Draft Critique 1) An introduction needs to provide background, context, purpose, and lead up to or funnel into the thesis statement. a. How could the opening statement be even more interesting? b. Does the introduction give enough background and context that the thesis statement makes sense, assuming that the reader might not know a lot about this subject? c. Is it OBVIOUS that the writer is moving from broad to narrow in the introduction? 2) Thesis statement. a. Does the thesis take a position with respect to this issue, or it is more of a general statement about the topic? Can this thesis be disagreed with in a specific way? For example, “Although some people say “x”, I believe “y” for these reasons.” Make sure you address x as well as y in your paper. b. Does the thesis answer the question HOW or WHY with respect to this issue? c. HOW can the thesis statement be made stronger? 3) Body a. Does each paragraph include a topic sentence near the beginning of the paragraph? b. Reading only the words in the essay (i.e. the writer does not explain anything to you orally) is it obvious that each paragraph supports part of the thesis statement? c. Look at each component of the thesis statement. Can you clearly find a paragraph that supports it? d. Do you see evidence from outside sources that supports the position taken in the essay? 4) Conclusion a. Does the conclusion bring the ideas in the paper together and make a final statement on the position without simply summarizing the information? b. Does the conclusion introduce a new point or idea beyond the scope of the body? (It should not!) c. Does the ending leave the reader with something further to think about beyond the specific details in the body? Case Study Professor Ivan Independent strongly believes in independent learning—that real learning takes place when students have to complete an assignment on their own. Professor Independent was starting a unit on social stratification in the United States. He had two classroom sections, one with 75 students; the other with fifteen. Instead of a class discussion, he decided to have the students in each section do an independent exercise that consisted of a packet of worksheets. To have the students focus, Professor Independent included key questions that needed to be answered, using the textbook. The packet was to be worked on in and out of class. He knew if the students could respond effectively to those questions, they would have mastery of the topic. After a 15-minute relaxed lecture about the topic, he handed out the packets to students and explained the assignment. Then, he returned to his desk and graded papers from the previous unit. As he sat at his desk, he occasionally glanced around the room. In his larger class, he noticed most of his students were using the textbook to complete the packet independently. Only two students were on their phones, and three students were read ...

1. CUE Auditing/Assurance Service
CUE Essay Draft Critique
1) An introduction needs to provide background, context,
purpose, and lead up to or funnel into the thesis statement.
a. How could the opening statement be even more interesting?
b. Does the introduction give enough background and context
that the thesis statement makes sense, assuming that the reader
might not know a lot about this subject?
c. Is it OBVIOUS that the writer is moving from broad to
narrow in the introduction?
2) Thesis statement.
a. Does the thesis take a position with respect to this issue, or it
is more of a general statement about the topic? Can this thesis
be disagreed with in a specific way? For example, “Although
some people say “x”, I believe “y” for these reasons.” Make
sure you address x as well as y in your paper.
b. Does the thesis answer the question HOW or WHY with
respect to this issue?
c. HOW can the thesis statement be made stronger?
3) Body
a. Does each paragraph include a topic sentence near the
beginning of the paragraph?
b. Reading only the words in the essay (i.e. the writer does not
explain anything to you orally) is it obvious that each paragraph
supports part of the thesis statement?
c. Look at each component of the thesis statement. Can you
clearly find a paragraph that supports it?
d. Do you see evidence from outside sources that supports the
position taken in the essay?
4) Conclusion

2. a. Does the conclusion bring the ideas in the paper together and
make a final statement on the position without simply
summarizing the information?
b. Does the conclusion introduce a new point or idea beyond the
scope of the body? (It should not!)
c. Does the ending leave the reader with something further to
think about beyond the specific details in the body?
Case Study
Professor Ivan Independent strongly believes in independent
learning—that real learning takes place when students have to
complete an assignment on their own. Professor Independent
was starting a unit on social stratification in the United States.
He had two classroom sections, one with 75 students; the other
with fifteen. Instead of a class discussion, he decided to have
the students in each section do an independent exercise that
consisted of a packet of worksheets. To have the students
focus, Professor Independent included key questions that needed
to be answered, using the textbook. The packet was to be
worked on in and out of class. He knew if the students could
respond effectively to those questions, they would have mastery
of the topic. After a 15-minute relaxed lecture about the topic,
he handed out the packets to students and explained the
assignment.

3. Then, he returned to his desk and graded papers from the
previous unit. As he sat at his desk, he occasionally glanced
around the room. In his larger class, he noticed most of his
students were using the textbook to complete the packet
independently. Only two students were on their phones, and
three students were reading books. In the smaller class, he
noticed all students were working on the packet independently
in class.
Most of the students did well on the independent exercise,
scoring 85% or higher. A week after the assignments were
turned in, Professor Independent issued a midterm exam on the
topic. Many of the scores, however, were substantially lower
than he had expected.
Topic 4: Facilitating
Citing two to four scholarly sources, explain what is meant by
facilitation in the college classroom. (50-75 words)
Describe two examples of facilitation inside the college
sociology classroom. (75-100 words)
Citing the two to four scholarly sources about facilitation,
explain whether or not Professor Independent’s facilitation
method was effective. (75-100 words)
Why do you think some of the students did poorly on the
midterm after doing well on the independent exercise? (50-75
words)
Citing two to four additional scholarly sources, explain how
Professor Independent might improve student performance for
the large class and the small in the second half of the term. (75-
100 words)
References:
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CUE: Auditing/Assurance Service

4. Essay-Writing Expectations
_____
My paper’s style is appropriate for the intended reader.
· I have maintained a professional approach to writing with the
words I chose.
· I have minimized quotes from different sources (these often
make my paper choppy).
· I have kept a formal tone.
· I chose appropriate words for the intended purpose of the
paper?
· I have only jargon (specialized vocabulary of a particular
group) only when it is appropriate and understood?
· For most academic writing, I have used the third person to
phrase my view. (That doesn’t mean I used “one” all the time,
but I wrote sentences in a less personal way, for example,
“Fibbonacci was one of the world’s most important
mathematicians” rather than “I believe that Fibbonacci...” or
“You should recognize that Fibbonacci...” )
_____
My paper has an introduction that
· defines the topic – the issue, question, or problem – and says
why it matters.
· provides necessary background or context.
· offers a thesis that my paper will develop.

5. · indicates my method of approach to the topic.
· engages the reader, without being cute or “gimmicky”.
· provides a “funnel” into my thesis (going from background
and generalizations to a specific issue or topic).
· doesn’t 1) digress, 2) move in too many directions, or 3) settle
the question or issue to be discussed.
_____
My thesis statement makes a claim about my paper’s topic that
can be proved by the evidence I provide in the body of my
paper. It also
· makes a claim that readers could disagree with.
· doesn’t state an obvious fact or truth.
· doesn’t rely on conventional wisdom.
· doesn’t just state my personal opinion or what “feels” right to
me as the basis for my claim.
· is specific and doesn’t use broad categories or abstract
wording; it gives an indication about the complexity of my
subject.
_____
My paper has a body that analyzes my topic or issue and
supports my claims with evidence. It also
· Discusses what the evidence means and links it clearly to my
claims.
· Doesn’t treat opinions as facts.

6. _____
My paper has paragraphs that are cohesive and well written.
· They generally contain only one major point.
· That point supports the thesis statement.
· The major point is presented in the topic sentence of the
paragraph.
· Specific details in each paragraph support the topic sentence.
· There is a progression from sentence to sentence; some
sentences are linked with “word transitions” like however, such
as, etc.
· There is progression from paragraph to paragraph (linked with
“thought transition” statements).
· The sequence of paragraphs is logical and effectively builds
toward my conclusion.
· The end result is to persuade the reader that the idea expressed
in my thesis is valid.
_____
My paper has sentences that
· are clear, straightforward, and precise
· include a variety of sentence construction
· correctly written, using standard English (correct grammar,
spelling, usage, and punctuation). This means that I have

7. · proper sentences, not fragments or run-on sentences
· correct subject-verb agreement
· not shifted the sentence structure
· correct pronoun-antecedent agreement
· no misplaced modifiers or dangling participles
· used possessives and plurals correctly
· used commas and semi-colons correctly
· correct spelling and word usage
_____
My paper has a conclusion that leads the reader out of my
paper.
· It makes a final judgment on the question or issue that my
paper has focused upon.
· It culminates the paper by bringing my thinking together and
making a final statement on my position (not just summarizing
the paper).
· It leaves the reader with something further to think about and
moves beyond the specific details in the body of the paper.
· It 1) is not redundant, 2) doesn’t raise a totally new point, 3)
doesn’t overstate the case by claiming more than my evidence
has proven, 4) is not anticlimactic by ending with a concession
or an inconsequential thought.
_____

8. My paper includes appropriate formatting and documentation
using the APA style, consistently and correctly applied.
ACT 490 – CUE: Auditing/Assurance Service
Writing A Strong Thesis Statement and Supporting Paper
A. It’s almost impossible to have a great thesis statement when
you begin to write. So, develop a strong thesis statement during
the research and writing process, as you move from your
original idea to final paper.
Here’s how it works:
Overall topic – the Civil War
Original idea (but makes a very weak thesis statement): The
North and South fought the Civil War for many reasons, some
were the same and some were different.
Working thesis (the one you think about as you’re analyzing and
beginning to write the paper): While both sides fought the Civil
War over the issue of slavery, the North fought for moral
reasons while the South fought to preserve its own culture and
customs.
Final thesis statement (the revised one you finally use when you
finish the paper): While both Northerners and Southerners
believed they fought against tyranny and oppression,
Northerners focused on the oppression of slaves while
Southerners defended their own right to self-government.
Most students stop thinking about how to improve their thesis
when they write their “working thesis”; however, what makes

9. the “final thesis” much stronger than the “working thesis”
statement?
Here is another example that might help you develop stronger
thesis statements:
(1) Start with a topic, such as discrimination against Japanese
Americans during World War II. Note that this is very general.
At this stage, you cannot write a paper on this topic, because
you have no path into the material.
(2) Develop an idea or a question about the topic, as in "why
did government officials allow discrimination against Japanese
Americans?"
· You now have a question that helps you probe your topic; your
efforts have a direction. There are many, many questions that
you might ask about your general topic. Brainstorm them to get
you started, like the list of questions about snap judgments that
I asked you to think about.
· As you are doing your research you should take note of
possible questions, as we are doing when we read the books for
this class.
· Which ones are the most interesting to you? Which ones are
possible given the constraints of the assignment?
(3) Develop a unique perspective on your question that answers
it: Government officials allowed discrimination against
Japanese Americans because it provided a concrete enemy for
people to focus on.
· This is a working thesis statement. You have answered the
question you posed, and done so with a rather concrete and

10. specific statement. Your answer offers a unique and thoughtful
way of thinking about the material, but how can you strengthen
it?
(4) Revise, polish, and complicate your thesis statement:
Government officials allowed discrimination against Japanese
Americans not because it was in the nation's interest, but
because it provided a concrete enemy for people to focus on.
Let’s work through one more example:
Overall topic – Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn
Original idea, but a weak thesis statement: Huckleberry Finn is
a great American novel.
· Formulating a thesis is not the first thing you do after reading
an essay assignment. Why not?
· Before you develop an argument on any topic, you have to
collect and organize evidence, look for possible relationships
between known facts (such as contrasts or similarities), and
think about the significance of these relationships. This is the
analysis part – without that analysis, you probably won’t have a
strong thesis statement.
· Once you do this thinking and analysis, you will probably
have a "working thesis," a basic or main idea, an argument that
you think you can support with evidence but that may need
adjustment along the way.
Working thesis is what you are thinking about as you further
analyze your evidence and begin to write your paper: In
Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain develops a contrast between life
on the river and life on the shore.
Now apply these overall guidelines for strong thesis statements:
· Double check to make sure you are doing what the assignment

11. asks, or answering the question the professor wants you to
answer. Not doing that usually leads to a very low grade.
· Make sure that your thesis makes sense by itself -- you
shouldn’t need to read sentences before and after it for the
position you are taking to be understandable.
· Ask yourself if you have taken a position that others might
disagree with. If you haven’t you are probably summarizing
information rather than presenting an analysis. Look at the
above working thesis. Is there room for disagreement, or is it
primarily a statement of fact?
· Think about the information you are presenting – is your
thesis specific? If you use general words like “good” or
“successful,” ask yourself, why is it good or what makes it
successful? In the above working thesis, where is the
generality?
· For the above working thesis, you might ask yourself, “What
is the point of Twain showing the contrast? Why is he writing
about that? Asking yourself “HOW?,” “WHY?,” or “SO
WHAT?” often leads to a stronger thesis and a stronger paper.
Final revised thesis that presents your personal interpretation,
based on the evidence: Through its contrasting river and shore
scenes, Twain's Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true
expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave
"civilized" society and go back to nature.
B. It’s not enough to have a strong thesis statement! Each
paragraph of your essay needs to tie back to your thesis
statement. Also, each point in the thesis MUST be addressed
somewhere in your essay body paragraphs.
Here is one way to analyze each paragraph of the body of your
essay:

12. · Ask yourself, “Does each paragraph specifically and directly
provides evidence for the thesis statement?”
· Directly can be interpreted to mean, “Can everyone ELSE see
the connection?” Often when you are writing an essay, you
assume that what you are thinking is what your reader is
thinking. This is not usually true.
· It is your job as the writer to make your points clear to
everyone – state in words what you are thinking. Do no assume
that everyone thinks what you think. Make points and
connections obvious, with words.
· If your answer to the above question is “no” you need to
change either the body of your writing or your thesis statement.
· Ask yourself, “Does any paragraph include information that is
NOT directly related to the thesis statement?”
· If your answer is “yes”, you are “wandering” with your
writing.
· Usually you need to eliminate information that is “wandering”
because it is not relevant to the thesis.
· Occasionally you can figure out how to “tie it in” better. That
is, why do you want to include that information? Why is it
important for the reader to know that?
· Ask yourself, “Is there enough evidence to convince the reader
of my position?”
· One or two examples are not usually enough.
· Ask yourself, “Are the ideas in the body arranged in some
significant order, or at least in the order they are presented in

13. the thesis?”
· Order might be according to complexity, time, order of
importance, etc.
Some of the examples in this handout were adopted from
material from the following sources:
The University of North Carolina Writing Center,
http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/thesis.html
Bowdoin College Writing Guides,
http://www.bowdoin.edu/writing-guides/thesis.htm
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