not worth your time to look. I'm not paying so it had to be public

1. What
if
the
NHL
were
a
country?
By
:
ennis-­‐the-­‐menace

2. President:
Gary
Be<man
-­‐ This
must
be
a
dictatorship
because
no
one
would
voluntarily
vote
for
him
-­‐ Probably
friends
with
Kim
Jong-­‐Un
-­‐ Hate
hate
hate
hate

3. Vice
President:
Donald
Fehr
-­‐ Be<er
liked?
-­‐ Hates
Be<man
too
-­‐ On
the
verge
of
crying
-­‐ He
is
Kred
of
your
shit
He
used
to
be
VP
of
the
baseball
country.

4. Senate:
Team
Owners
-­‐ Ummm
-­‐ Some
work
well
and
invest
in
their
state
(aka
team)
-­‐ Be<man’s
minions
-­‐ Florida’s
senator
is
broke
as
fuck
-­‐ Be
careful
with
these
guys

5. House
of
RepresentaKves:
General
Managers
-­‐ Pre<y
much
control
your
life
-­‐ Some
are
smart
like
Doug
Armstrong
-­‐ Some
are
stupid
like
Darcy
Regier
-­‐ Always
watching
-­‐ Basically
they
are
big
brother
They
feed
on
draT
picks

6. FBI:
Brendan
Shanahan
-­‐ And
then
there’s
this
asshole
-­‐ Video
board
of
shame
-­‐ Might
give
you
jail
Kme
-­‐ Might
give
you
community
service
-­‐ No
one
fucking
knows
Aka
“Shanabans”
He
used
to
be
a
criminal

7. The
Police:
Referees
-­‐ Fuck
all
of
you
-­‐ They
all
suck
-­‐ Get
off
your
knees
you’re
blowing
the
game!
-­‐ Does
your
wife
know
you
are
screwing
us?
-­‐ Requirements:
must
be
legally
blind
You
can’t
do
that

8. Governor:
Head
Coach
Mayors:
Assistant/goalie/condiKoning
coaches
-­‐ Make
or
break
you
-­‐ Either
crazy
or
stoic
-­‐ Be
nice
because
they
take
a
lot
of
shit
-­‐ Big
on
state’s
rights
-­‐ Some
are
super
corrupt
-­‐ Give
them
love
Crazy
as
fuck
Look
how
much
he
cares

9. Emergency
Service:
Trainers
and
Medical
Staff
-­‐ YES
GOOD
JOB
-­‐ Deserve
all
the
love
-­‐ Saving
lives
like
NBD
-­‐ KUDOS
We
love
you
All
the
giTs
for
you
Did
we
menKon
we
love
you?
Fucking
right!
Look
how
smart

10. Workers:
The
Players
REASON
FOR
OUR
EXISTANCE
I
hate
you
all
dumb
Can
you
not
Break
your
<3
Stupid
And
pre<y
bby

11. The
Media:
the
media
-­‐ Self-­‐explanatory
-­‐ Some
are
like
the
New
York
Times
-­‐ Some
are
like
those
shi<y
newspapers
in
drugstores
-­‐ STFU
you
know
nothing
ya
creep
-­‐ Milbury
and
Pierre
are
to
be
avoided
no

12. The
ConsKtuKon:
The
Stanley
Cup
-­‐ Bow
before
the
lord
-­‐ Religion
Marvel
at
its
beauty

13. The
End