Quick Dick News #4, Now More Visually Appealing, for fans of The Onion
- 2. Q: Should I eat a hard
boiled egg that’s been
sitting on the ground?
A: The Easter Bunny would
not hide something that is
not good for you.
Event Overview: Are you repeatedly frustrated by finding fewer eggs
than others? Is your sense of direction out of whack? Your luck can
change with a little interjection from The Big Guy himself. This one-
hour session will train you how to “let go” and “let God” eggstinctively.
Divine Intervention Easter Egg Hunt, 60 minutes
© Dick Sharp
- 3. Obama Secretly Meets with
Unemployed Psychic
No Jobs
in Sight
But I sent you
folks a ton of
money.
© Dick Sharp
- 4. U.S. Forces Discover Secret Al Qaida Mini-Golf
Course in Kapisa province, Afghanistan
“Links
to bin
Laden”
Sir I am not
making this up.
Soldier you been hittin’
that hookah again?
© Dick Sharp
- 5. National Soft Bullet Council
nsbc.com
Guns Don’t Kill People. Bullets Do.
So Change the Bullets!
Limpy
Softie
Lax
Slack
F
L
A
C
C
I
D
L
I
N
E
© Dick Sharp
- 6. Ray Lewis to Sing with Elmo on Sesame Street
“Only a G.E.D. Can Set Me Free”
Segment Targets Prison Population
Ray what G.E.D.? Got Enough Dope
© Dick Sharp
- 7. After Every Haircut, Clay Mathews Donates
his Hair to the Dumb Blonde Foundation
We are like sooo
totally fur sure gunna
find a cure I mean …
hey, wait a minute …
that rhymes …
oh my god that’s so
totally awesome. I
feel the momentum
building already.
DBF Spoke Ditz Beverly Hills
© Dick Sharp
- 8. Dr. G. Beringei
Author of the book
“Contents and Mal-Contents:
Why We Don’t Need to be Related”
Great Ape Historian Claims Humans
and Primates Not Related at All
We apes are of the
Contented strain.
Humans are of the
Mal or Discontented
strain.
© Dick Sharp
- 9. Justin Bieber’s Pet Monkey Tweets for Help
Chim Chim Churee
Dude’s gotta
lawyer.
No comment.
© Dick Sharp
U have no idea how bad it is in this house!!!
- 10. Adopting retired UAV’s
(Unmanned Aerial Vehicles)
to loving homes.
Fubar
Zeke
Beulah Sharky
Don’t you have
a place over
your back yard
for a lonely
drone?
Drone rescue
Drone_rescue.com
©
©
©
© Dick Sharp
- 11. Climatologists Discover Two Snowflakes
Exactly Alike!
From Himalayan
expedition 1947
From Antarctic
monitoring station 2014
Currently on display at the Snow Flake
Museum, Missoula, Montana
© Dick Sharp
- 12. Polar Bears Seen Bumming
for Ice Near Artic Circle
Buddy can you
spare a cube?
© Dick Sharp
