Yes, orange juice makes me break out in canker sores like a 15 year old kid’s face the night before a prom. So I’ve learned in order to avoid extreme pain, I have to do something… that causes extreme pain.
3. Last year, I had the unbelievable
luck to get a kidney stone. It was
awesome.
And by awesome, I mean
something that made me pray for
sweet death.
4. I’d never had one before, and it felt
nothing at all like I was expecting it
to. I always thought it would be
sort-of a “razor blades when you
pee” kind of thing. Wasn’t the case
at all.
5. And for those of you who have
never had a kidney stone, you
always hear about how freaking
horrible they are, now that I’ve
had one I can honestly say that
the only reason people say they’re
so freaking horrible, is because
they’refreaking horrible.
6. It feels like God is raping you in
the back.
I don’t recommend them. Unless
you’re the kind of person who
enjoys
7. the experience of sitting in traffic,
and suddenly being aware of a
sound way off in the distance of
someone screaming bloody
murder, only to look in the
rearview mirror and realize that
the person screaming is you.
8. And just to add apocalypse to
injury, my particular granule of
satanic calcium decided it just
didn’t quite want to pass into
the cold oblivion of the outside
world. So it embedded itself in
my ureter.
9. Which means they had to go get
it.
I’ll spare you the horrifying
details from this point on because
it seems I still seem
10. I still seem to think I have some
semblance of dignity, but I will tell
you that when I came out of
surgery and the doctor showed
me the demon spawn I’d just
birthed by cesarean, I apparently
flipped it off in my drugged haze.
11. Meeting with the urologist in a
follow up later on, he gave me
some suggestions to keep this
from happening again.
12. One of his suggestions was to drink
orange juice every
morning. Evidently there are citrins
(that’s the word he used) in OJ that
keep the calcium in the kidneys from
collecting and forming stones.
13.
14. That’s cool. I like OJ. Only one
problem…
Citrus juice. Ulcers. Not a good
combination.
15. Yes, orange juice makes me
break out in canker sores like a
15 year old kid’s face the night
before a prom. So I’ve learned
in order to avoid extreme pain, I
have to do something… that
causes extreme pain.
16. Awesome.
I still drink the OJ whenever I
can – RAS sucks but kidney
stones are WAY worse – I just
make sure to rinse afterward.
