1. Emotions vs. Facts
Why do we talk?
What do we talk about?
Conflict is always about feelings never about facts.
Making a fact based decision doesn’t necessarily
remove the conflict.
People have emotions caused by needs being met or
unmet.
These needs are inherent to being human.
Negative emotions are a sign of unmet needs.
Gentle Art of Verbal Self-defense
ISBN 0880290307 Other people’s actions are only a trigger for our
Non Violent Communication emotion/reaction, not a cause.
Saturday Check-in
Leave out judgements “You make me feel bad”, Stick with facts. Feelings are not you, feelings are something you have.
Problems don’t turn into huge things, because the week has time specifically built
in for clearing and talking. Discover what you need.
Remembering that you are responsible for your own emotions and your own actions. Talking in a nonviolent way: Give the other person an actionable request. “What do you feel about
Communication
What works this?”, “Could you call me the next time you will be late.”
Respecting a request for a time out: this is a hard one, because I like to discuss things
until they are dead/cleared up and A needs time to get the adrenaline rush out of the way. Remember that a request can be affirmed or not. The
other person is not required to do what you want.
Paying attention and celebrating victories together, as well as mourning losses together.
Talking with the parts of us that are scared, or angry, or worried.
Bohk
Talking with our selves in a non-violent way: Giving our emotions legitimacy. You get to be sad or angry and you don’t immediately have to figure out why
Using NVC for business and remedy it.
Linux vs. Mac vs. Windows users.
You recognize people communicating violently.
Word is …
The usual error refers to the assumption that other people want the same things as we do, or think the same way we do. It is
reflected in the golden rule, or in our surprise when our sweetheart tells us, no he does not like cherries.
Unfortunately people vary and we need to make sure that we know what the other person wants and needs.
The Usual Error People also have different ways of dealing with conflict. Some people get a huge emotional rush that takes a long time to
abate, so they might still feel angry when the fight is over.
Sometimes conflict is a result of one person feeling shitty due to not enough food/water/sleep. Try those things first.
People’s attention span differs.