Secrets Make You Sick, Trevor Kleinhans
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This document discusses overcoming illness through seeking professional help, not letting the illness define one's identity, and developing self-acceptance and forgiveness. It touches on themes of abuse, alienation, addiction, and illness and provides 3 steps to move past illness which are getting professional help, refusing to be controlled by the illness, and fostering self-compassion.
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Secrets Make You Sick, Trevor Kleinhans
- 9. Abuse
- 10. Alienation
- 11. Addiction
- 13. ILLNESSIllness
- 16. 2. Not Living My Illness
- 17. 3. Self Acceptance & Self Forgiveness
Editor's Notes
- Hi my name is Trevor Kleinhans and I am the author of Secrets Make You Sick. I am Durban born and bread. This book is about my life experiences. Ultimately it’s a book about healing.
- What people seemed to appreciate about my book, was its honesty. It seemed to strike a chord with many people. And so began my new journey about telling people how ‘brutal honesty’ could help them begin their healing process.
- By the time this story’s over you’re going to know more about me than you probably do about your best friend. It isn’t easy telling the truth. In fact, it can be quite uncomfortabale. So, this comes with a warning. This story is going to get personal – very personal.
- The first thing I want to do is introduce you to is a metaphor. When I finally decided to go to therapy, my psychologist talked about my emotional tank. She described it like this:…it is the ability to deal with your problems.
- An empty tank allows you to deal with a lot of problems. We all have the ‘capacity’. As a child you start off with a pretty empty emotional tank – ready for the shit life throws at you.
- Every major emotional crisis in your life adds to this tank. Sometimes we are not even aware that we are filling this tank up slowly, bit by bit. These are the secrets we hold on to.
- Hopefully, as you go through life you’re able to ‘purge’ these secrets. Letting go makes sure you’ve got enough capacity to deal with new problems.
- In 2004 at the age of 42, my emotional tank was full. I couldn’t deal with anything else and I had pushed the self-destruct button. Let me tell you about the secrets I was keeping.
- I was sexually abused between the age of 6 and 12 years old. In my case this was all the more confusing and emotionally disorientating as it was my eldest brother who was the abuser.
- Colour wasn’t the only thing being judged at that time. So was being gay. On two occasions I was arrested by plain clothes policeman pretending to be homosexuals. I felt alienated, morally judged, a social outcast.
- Skip a couple of years, some failed relationships, and a new found desire to push the limits - I got into drugs. You’re looking at a recovering crack cocaine addict. Only 3 out of every 100 crack addicts are rehabilitated. There’s a lot of stories behind this but you’d have to read the book
- The point to realise here was that all of my issues were things that couldn’t be spoken of. My emotional tank was past full, it was overflowing. Accumulating secrets pushed me over the edge.
- I guess you could see this coming. In 2003 I was diagnosed with the HIV virus. I was in complete denial. The guilt of acting sexually reckless during my drug taking days was over powering. I had no capacity in my emotional tank to deal with this.
- Unless I could ‘purge’ some of my emotional baggage, I wouldn’t be able to go on. I had to empty my tank. I did this in three ways.
- Number 1 – I found professional help. The stigma that therapists are only for loonies, is old and forgotten. My advise, is to get some, now. There are many different options. Whether you’re the victim, the abuser or a friend, there is help out there.
- Number 2 – I made a decision that I didn’t want to look like the picture of my illness. I realised the power of health. Living healthily brought me confidence and quality of life. More importantly it allowed me to represent a positive side to an illness badly misunderstood and prejudiced against.
- Number 3 – I had to accept that I wasa crack cocaine addict. that I had been abused, that I had been reckless and contracted HIV. I had to be OK with myself, my failings and those of others how things worked out for me that I don’t have complete control
- So, what I hope you can take from this talk is the idea that full tanks are bad. They’re like taking a soda bottle, giving it a good shake and then taking the cap off. Some people can release this pressure easily, some find it more difficult.
- Honesty it’s the best policy. Honesty started with myself, then my family, and even my board of directors who I told this story to 10 years ago. At the time, I feared rejection, I risked losing everything. And I am here to tell you today, that not one of those fears came true. I received nothing but respect and support.
- Finally, to rid yourself of your secrets is to free yourself… Because secrets can, literally, make you sick. THANK YOU