It's the best collection of hilarious holiday jokes.

1. Collected by www.earnpoint.org

2.  It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her
husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that
night when she was getting undressed for bed, he
noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?"
he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today.
On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry
Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they
tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why
did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't
complain that there's never anything to eat between
Christmas and New Years!"

3.  On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting.
He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom
a bitch. He asks, "Mommy, what does bastard mean?" She answers,
"Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does bitch mean?" He
says, "Uh, it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the
bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Shit."
The son asks, "What does shit mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving
cream." Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she
accidentally cuts herself and says, "Fuck." The son asks her what that
word means and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's
guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to
welcome them and says, "Welcome bitches and bastards! My dad is in
the bathroom rubbing shit on his face and my mom is in the kitchen
fucking the turkey."

4.  A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear
Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes
back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."

5.  Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the
pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they
are all evil men who should go to hell, but because it's
Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have
something representing the holiday with them. One of
the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in.
Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let
in. The third guy pulls out a pair of panties. "How do
those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are
Carol's."

6.  Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of
Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.

7.  A father and son are out shopping for Christmas
presents for their family. The son asks, "What present
are my sister and I going to get?" The dad answers, "I
got you guys an iPad and iPod." "Wow, thanks," the son
replies, "What will you give mom?" The dad says, "Your
mom is getting an iRon."