As it written on a cover page

1. T H I S J O K E S A R E M A D E I N S O U T H A F R I C A N O T I N C H I N A
2015
QUESTIONS AND
ANSWERS-Muslims &
Islamic jokes
SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA

2. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
1 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
1. Q: What isISIS?
* A:ISIS isthe MuslimskillingMuslims.
2. Q: It isshameful anddisgracefulthatthese terroristare doingthisinthe name of Religion,Andthe
BiggestReligionislaughingat them,Guess whoare those?
* A:The Christiansare laughingatthemin the name of Religion……… Ha ha ha haaaaaaa Amen!
3. Q: whatisan Islamreligion?
* A:It is a Sunni chasingShiato kill
4. Q: What doesa Sunni MuslimsayswhenmeetaShiaMuslim
* A:"I'm holierthanyou"
5. Q: Didyouknowthat you can’tcall a Muslima thug?
* A: Insteadyoucan combine all hiswrongnessandcall hima Terroristbecause Terrorist isthe only
name beginwith letterTtheyare calledwith.
6. Q: Didyouknowthat at the beginningof God’screatures inearth,the holybible talksaboutAdam
and Eve while the IslamicQur’anisn’t more onthemandit’seventwistingthe information,why?
* A:The MuslimsQur’andoesn’tmention themalotbecause theywere leavingnakedinthe tropical
field.
7. Q: Theysay the othervirtuousdeed inIslamisbeingkindtoanimals.Isitall typesof animals?
* A:No Muslimsare onlykindto Goats andCamels.
8. Q: What would happen if Noah in the holy bible was a Muslim?
* A: He would leave outside his ark the pigs and dogs.
9. Q: Didyouknowthat Islamgot spiritual psychologist?
* A: Duringthe heightof Islamiccivilization some 800 years ago, Muslim psychologists
diagnosed stress this way: The further away you are from God, the more stressed you will
be.
10. Q: Have you ever Note the similaritybetween the words Islamand Muslim?
* A: Both have the letters S, L and M. The way Arabic works is simple. You take a base of
consonants that have a plain meaning (a root word) and then you add or subtract prefixes
and suffixes and alter the vowel patterns to form new, related words.
11. Q: Itis unfairto pointtoa fewvillainsinthe Muslim worldandthenblame all Muslims for the
actions of a very few. But do you know the cause of that?
* A: All Muslims are Muhammad; they can have other names but the name Muhammad
always there and that name makes them the same
12. Q: Have you ever noticed Phrasessuchas MuslimmilitantandIslamicterroristappearso
ofteninthe U.S media. Why?
* A: It is because their word processors were programmed to produce only such pairs.

3. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
2 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
13. Q: Understandably,manyMuslims prefer not to use this unfortunate name among
themselves `Mosque’. The name Muslimsuse whenreferringto a mosque is masjid. This
translates as the place of bowing down. The English term mosque is derived from the
Spanish word for mosquito. Do you know why the name Mosque is being ignored?
* A: It came intouse duringthe Christian invasion of Muslim Spain in the fifteenth century.
The forcesof KingFerdinandand QueenIsabellaboastedthey wouldswatoutMuslimprayer
Houseslike mosquitoes.
14. Q: Is itTrue Lies:Muslimsare wife-beaters,bomb-throwers,andSwarthyimmigrantswhose
loyaltycannotbe trusted…… … But alwayswealthyevenjobless.
* A:Yes, Americasometimesuses tofundthemnotknowingtheyinsistterror,holocaustand
villainous ethnic.
15. Q: DidThe ProphetMuhammadcopythe HollyBible’sversionasthe Judeo-Christiansclaimsto
be?
* A:No he was illiterate.
16. Q: Islamacceptsthe existence of angels.Theyare made of lightenergyandcanmaterialize into
any formtheyneedtoin the physical world.Theyhave nogender.Theyalso have nofree will and
existonlytoserve Allah.Whilethey’re intelligent,theyhave noemotionalshortcomingsorfoibles.
Thinkof themas somethinglike God’s robots.They doastheyare told,thoughGod isnot
dependentonthem.The followinglist presentsthe top fourangelsandtheirfunctions
(i) Jibra’il (Gabriel) Thisangelbringsrevelations tothe prophet
(ii) Azra’il Thisangel isthe Malikul Mawt,orAngel of Death
(iii) Mika’il (Michael) Thisangel controlsthe weather.
(iv) Israfil Thisangel will blow the horn signallingthe endof the universe.
Thoughthe AmericanMuslims confirms,`now,there isanotherangel of deathand he isworkingas
a pair of Azrail’,Butwhose that?
* A: OsamaBin Laden
17. Q: Five Pillarsof Islam;Islamhasa system called the Arkan al Islami, or Pillars of Islam.
This serves to keep Muslims constantly aware of their duty to God.
(i).Shahadah -Declaringallegiance toGod.
(ii).Salat- Dailyprayer.
(iii).Zakat- Annual charity.
(iv).Saum-Month-longfasting.
(v).Hajj -The pilgrimage toMecca.
ThoughOtherMuslimsinsistof tellingus, theyare now six Pillarsof Islam(Arkanal Islam).Butwhich
isthe sixthone?
* A:The sixthof themis;Jihadi Terrorism-daily activisms.
18. Q: A Muslimmancan divorce herwife anytime he wants,withoutreason.Guesswhatthe cause
* A:The ShariaLaw.
19. Q: Didyou knowthat a Muslimeatspork meat(pig) won’tgoto Jannah(Heaven),ButaChristian
full porkinhisstomach justeasilyandfreelyentersthe heaven.Doyouknow the cause whythe
otherreligioncan’tgoto` Jannah’?
* A:The cause is the Qur’an.

4. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
3 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
20. Q: Didyou knowthat some of the firstpeople whocriticisedIslaminwritingwere Christians,like
Johnof Damascus (bornabout 676).In the medieval period,some Arabphilosophers like the poetAl-
Ma'arri alsocriticisedIslam.The Jewish philosopherMaimonides comparedIslamicviewsof morality
to the Jewishapproachthathe himself believedin.He believedthatIslamwasa copy of the Jewish
and Christianreligionswithafewminorchanges.He thoughtthese changeswere made tosuit
Muhammad'sdesire forfame and hisquesttostart a new religion.He thoughtMuhammadwanted
to be seenas equal tothe likesof Mosesand Jesus.Medieval ChristianwritersthoughtthatIslamic
beliefswere notvalid.Theytriedtoshow MuhammadwaspossessedbyShaytan ( Satan)-The Godof
Terrorists. Isthat all real?
* A:No he didn’tcopyanything,My Mother toldme,as I’mblack,I mustn’t try to blacklistwhite or
lightpeople because theycan’tbe black.
21. Q: Didyou hearabout the winnerof the Middle Eastern beautycontestonthe picbelow?
* A:She cheated inKabul,Afghanistan,she removedherburqainpublic.
22. Q: What do youcall a crazy laughingMuslim?
* A: Mu Ha Ha Ha Mad
23. Q: Theyaskeda Kurdishduringthe IraqinvasionbyAmerica.` How didyou getout of Iraq?’
* A: Iran
24. Q: What do you call a Muslimin a toilet?
* A: IslamicRelief.
25. Q: What isthe mostpopularword in the Middle East?
* A: Explosion!
26. Q: "What do youcall a Muslims treatment?
* A: A terrorpist."
27. Q: What isAl QaidanowlearningafterOsamaBinLaden's death?
* A:Don't bombUSA!
28. Q: What do you call a terrorist whoattacks inthe Middle East or a Muslimwhobombhimself?
* A: A Selfie!
29. Q: Didyou hearabout the Muslimparty?
* A:It was the bomb.

5. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
4 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
30. Q: What are the writingson the suicide bombersvestsay?
* A: The Jewsand Americansscrewers!
31. Q: If a Muslimsays` I wantto blowa …….. , what comesintoyourmind?
* A:A balloon.
32. Q: What do youcall an unemployedMuslim?
* A:Bin payoff.
33. Q: If a Chinese mancan Mary a Muslimwoman, be a citizenof chinaand give birthto a child.
Who mightbe the child’sname?
* A:Theycan name the child,`SumTing Wong’.
34. Q: Who wasthe mostwell-knownbythe Muslims Jewishcooker?
* A:Hitler!
35. Q: What isthe Muslimsmostfavourite song?
* A: Ahabthe Arab akbar
36. Q: Islammeanspeace inArabicand innormal Englishmeans?
* A:Terrorism.
37. Q: What isthe prayerthat all Muslimsmalessayearlyinthe morning,everydaybefore the sun
rise?
* A: Thank youGod, You didn’tmake me a female.
38. Q: I onesgetin a shopownedbya Muslimpersoninmycountry(SouthAfrica), Thanasked,Why
youMuslimin SouthAfricasoquiet, respectful andyouseemslike youevenknow nothingabout
bombs?
* A:It’s because we come fromHell andwe are tiredof it (Middle East)
39. Q: What isthe actionof hatingcriticisingIslamcalled?
* A:Islamophobia.
40. Q: What isthe place where all Terroristmeetonesayear?
* A:Mecca.
41. Q: The Nationof Islam,aBlack Nationalist organizationfoundedby ElijahMuhammadinthe
midtwentieth century,actuallyhas verylittletodowithIslam.Itis a mixture of Christianity,Islam,
and BlackNationalismthatisnotaccepted bymainstreamMuslims. Thatleadstothe resultof crazy
religion,Guesswho’stheircrazyascendants?
* A: BokoHaram.
42. Q: Do you knowhowthe massacre of WorldTrade centre happened?
* A:Illiterate MuslimshijackedAmericansBigaeroplanestryingtoflytoMecca.
43. Q: Did OsamaBin Ladenplanedthe US September11 massacre?
* A: No,he onlyplanedthe vacationtoMecca

6. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
5 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
44. Q: Was Osama BinLadena hatredman inthe world?
* A:Osama wasthe most lovely person aroundthe world;everybody mostly the people inAmerica
had hispicture evenintheirpocketswritten`MostWanted’.
45. Q: Didyou knowthat OnlyMuslimsare allowedto enterMecca. But the formerUS President
George W Bush didenterinMecca andwalkaroundthe Ka’bah(meccagatheringplace).Ishe was
there to praytoo?
* A: No,He was seekingOsamabinLadenwhowassuspectedhiddenthere.
46. Q: Duringthe Mecca pilgrimage, WhenMuslimshave completedseven RoundsinKa’bah,They
make theirway to the fountainthat SavedHagar andIshmael fromperishing.The WellOf ZamZam,
as it iscalled,then awalkbetween twomountains toan openvalleycalled Mina wherethereis a
large roundrooflessenclosure,inside of whichare severaltall stone pillars. Of whichAll Muslims
gatheraround the lowwall andthrow stones at the pillars, whichrepresentShaytan(Satan).
You knowwhat happenedthere the otheryear,Muslimsjustsaw George WBushalongside with
themtoo busy stoningthe stone pillarof Satan saying`I’mstoningBinLaden’. Guesswhathappento
Bushafter he had stonedthe devil inMecca?
* A: He lostnational presidency tothe sonof Muslim-BarrackObama!
47. Q: If MullahOmarthe Taliban’sspiritualleaderand the founder of the organisationcangain
that much powertomake the earth quake crack the countrieshe hates,whichisthe firstcountry
can be earthquakedbyOmar?
* A: USA.
48. Q: A Christianwakesupeverymorningandpray` Helpme God; I want to create peace inthe
world’.Thana Muslimdoeswhat?
* A: A Muslimwakesupearlyinthe morningand yawn` I want to Bomba Busfull of Christians
today.
49. Q: This dogis naughty;he peesonthe Islamicflag.If thisdog wasa human beingwhichrace
woulditbelong?
* A: The Jewish
50. Q: The other eventorjourneytoMecca iscalledthe Isra’, while the ascensiontoheavenis fully
calledthe Me’raj. WhyIsra?
* A: Infecttheyhate callingthe name infull because theyhate`Israel’, theirprophetwasinIsrael in
Jerusalemwhenhe ascendedtoheaven.

7. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
6 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
51. Q: Azra’il The propername for the Muslims angel of death,alsoknownas Malikul Mawt,ha ha
ha ha haaaaaaaa Lol. AndBani Isra’il the Childrenof Israel. The Illiterate Muslimscall Israel by
Isra’hell. Haha ha haaaaaaaa, Butyou know what?
* A:The Hebrewpropername forAzra’il the angel of deathisIsrael! Ha ha ha haaaaaa and the
mostlaughable thingis,Muslimsare callingIsrael byHell andalsothe angel of deathbutthere in
Palestine still fightingforJerusalemto be theirCapital, lol,youwanttobringthe hell inyourpurified
country ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa.
52. Q: What are terroristssayingtoeachof themwhowishto go to Americaandbombthere after
AmericakilledOsama
* A:Hey Mohammed,don’tplaythere,that’sahot spot!
53. Q: The two mainissuesthatcause Muslimsworldwidetooppose Israel are the injustice against
the Arabs inherentinIsrael’sfoundingandthe statusof Jerusalem (aPalestinianstate with
Jerusalemasitscapital).Actuallywhydotheywantthe otherCountry’scapital citytobe their
capital?
* A: AstheirProphet’sascensionoccurred there inJerusalemIthinktheyall believetheyshould
all go that waytoo.
54. Q: We all people laugh the same routine hahaha haaaaaaaaaa, but youknow what?
* A:Onlythe Muslimswholaugh differlahlahlahlahhhhhhhhhh.
55. Q: It istuff to be the BlackMuslim like BokoHaram, youknow why?
* A:You have to plantmanure on yourface and tie withHijabtogrow beard.
56. Q: Is Boko Haram’s leader Abubakar Shekau a` Mahdi’ (The awaited hero who will rally
the oppressed Muslims of the Earth to victory in the end-times. For Shi’a Muslims, he is the
savior who will make Shi’aismtranscendent).
* A: Nooooooo, firstly he is a Sunni, and he will come out from where he is hiding for
saying ` hey people! , I’m the black cousin of Osama Bin Laden, I’m a both Sunni and Shia!,
infect I’m an Ali Hummed!
57. Q: Isn’t Boko Haram hidden here Masjid al Haram “The Restricted Mosque.” Another
name for the Ka’bah and the mosque that surrounds it. Many restrictions apply upon a
person who enters this mosque, such as the person must not kill any living thing, even a
bug; and the person must be in a purified state.
* A: No they are not there; their Mosques are the big forests in Nigeria. So bring back our
purified girls!
58. Q: What is the terrifying moment for a Muslim girl?
* A: Is when her father trades her for a Camel
59. Q: How can you see that this lunch is for the Muslim?
* A: It’s always packed with a Bomb
60. Q: You are the real Muslim only if … … …?
* A: You have the camel and goat .You always practises anything that `blast’.

8. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
7 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
61. Q: What didotherMuslimssaidafterOsama binLadenbombedinUSA?
* A:Theysaid `we can do better’,than formedISIS
62. Q: What can happenif a Muslimcan die inJamaica?
* A: Rastafarianscansay let’ssmoke thisshit.
63. Q: Can yousay cheese tothe world?
* A:No, we got Jihadi John (MuhammadEmwazi) amongus.
64. Q: Is Islama freedom?
* A:It’s notactually a free butyou pay forit. Itis a Slave Dom

9. April 4, 2015 [QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS-MUSLIMS & ISLAMIC JOKES]
8 JOKESBY: SPHAMANDLA MAGCABA
SKYPE : SPHAMANDLA.MAGCABA
65. Q: What are those tree factsthat MuslimsbelievesonbyChristian religion?
* A: There are 3 fundamental truthsaboutreligion:Jewsdon'trecognizeJesusasthe Sonof God,
Protestantsdon'trecognize the Pope asthe Vicarof Christ,andBaptistsdon'trecognize eachother
at the bar onSaturday nights.
66. Q: Didyou knowthat Muslimspray5 timesaday, and whoelse?
* A:I'm catholic,we pray onlywhenisnecessary.
67. Q: In mycountry SouthAfrica-The place of Xenophobia, we have alotof Muslimsbuttheydon’t
practise terrorismandtheyrespect,why?
* A: It’sbecause theyscared of the xenophobicattackswhile theydon’tafraidof terrorismattacks
inothercounties.
68. Q: Isn’tthisinthis picbelowterrorism?
* A: Nobecause it’sAmerica
69. Q: If I wasa Muslim?
* A:My name wouldbe SphamandlaMuhammadal-Magcaba.
70. Q: WheneverIsee BokoHaram I shoutat them` Bringback our girls,andyou know what?
* A:Theyshout back` bringback our jokes!’.