1. Self-Love
Sheyenne Lacy
INTRO
In this essay I will be examining two works from ancient Greece: Plato’s Symposium
and Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, in particular, book 8. Symposium, literally meaning a
drinking party, is a recount of speeches given at a symposium praising Love, Eros.
Nichomachean Ethics, on the other hand, is a philosophical work written by Aristotle in
dedication for his son, Nichomachus, regarding the best way to live. Although these two texts
seem to have very differing topics and it is well known that Aristotle and Plato have differing
philosophical opinions, I believe that in both works the topic of Self Love seems to be the all-
important basis of living a good life. Which leads me to ask, to what extent does self-love affect
our lives according to Plato and Aristotle? Before we explain the importance of self-love; love,
the good and friendship themselves must be explained.
COMMON LOVE & THE PLEASANT AND USEFUL FRIENDSHIP
Plato commences his speech by establishing two types of love in accordance to the two
goddesses that embody love, Aphrodite. Aphrodite Urania is the motherless daughter of Uranus
and the older of the two goddesses, she embodies Heavenly Love. Aphrodite Pandemos is the
daughter of Zeus and Dione and she is known as the Common Love. The second speaker of the
Symposium, Pausanius, explains that Pandemos is the people’s love, meaning that anyone can
experience this and she is eager to strike. This is seen as the lesser form of Love to Plato because
it is attached “to the body more than the soul.” (Plato, Symposium, 14). He goes on to explain

2. that love of this nature is that of a man and a woman and have the possibility of ending badly. In
this, Plato explains that to achieve heavenly love, two people must have more than an
appreciation for the body of another, otherwise the relationship will not be “stable or permanent,
apart from the fact that no genuine affection can possible be based upon them” (Plato,
Symposium, 18).
Taking a look at the nature of friendship now- I’ll begin with book 8 of the
Nichomachean Ethics which states that friendships only arise because of pleasure, usefulness and
good will. He goes on to say that friendships based on pleasure, would only exist because of the
feeling One gets from being around the other, not necessarily for who they are; much like
Aphrodite Pandemos’ type of love that often is only an appreciation for the body rather than the
soul. Friendships based on usefulness only last “to the extent that they have hopes of some good
coming out of it” notes Aristotle, “The friendship then “dissolve[s] as soon as it ceases to be to
their advantage.” (Aristotle, Ethics, 219 & 221). He then goes on to make an interesting point:
men often love not what is actually good for them rather, what appears to be good. What he
means to say by this is that relationships based on personal advantages or feelings received from
the person aren’t going to last. So you might be wondering: If I receive pleasure from being in
the company of my friends or they are useful to me in any way, our friendship is not actually
going to last? Is it useless? Not necessarily, we have yet to discuss the friendship based on good
will.

3. HEAVENLY LOVE & THE GOOD FRIENDSHIP
“To be friends, men must have good will for one another.” (Aristotle, Ethics, 218)
Aristotle believes that a true lasting friendship arises between “good men who are alike in
excellence or virtue” whom have a mutual trust because they only want good for each other
(Aristotle, Ethics, 219). Having a friendship based on good will is good for the men because they
have the power to ruin your reputation with the secrets you’ve told them but the trust and
friendships keep them from doing anything rash.
Heavenly love as well, can only be between two men. One is younger man and the other
must be an older man “free from lewdness” that is to say, he feels no lust toward the other (Plato,
Symposium, 17).
“When the lover realizes that he is justified in doing anything for a loved
one who grants him favors, and when the young man understands that he is
justified in performing any service for a lover who can make him wise and
virtuous.” (Plato, Symposium, 18)
With this, the older man is giving the younger man means of educating himself and
teaching him virtues important to leading a good life, the younger man repays the older by means
of favors, this is the reason for this type of relationship. Aristotle goes on to talk about the
expectations between friends; an equality within friendship seems to be the most important part
in keeping a friend, because inequalities only exist through usefulness or pleasure. To me this
represents a fact that you shouldn’t expect too much from anyone as to not feel disrespected in a
friendship for it “seems to lie in loving rather than in being loved.” (Aristotle, Ethics, 124). But
then the question arises, how does One begin a friendship?

4. Aristotle goes on in chapter 9 to explain how to become a good man which allows you to
become apart of a good friendship. “The good man should be a lover of self.” (Aristotle, Ethics,
135) This fact, to me is apparent in real life and reaches to all aspects of a person’s life. If you
don’t love yourself, how are you then able to be loved by anyone else?
GOALS & REASONS FOR LOVE
An interesting story presented in Symposium as to why we experience love and longing
is told in the speech of Arisophanies. In this, he explains that long ago, there were actually three
genders; male, female and one made of both called Androgynous. These early humans had great
strength and ambition which resulted in them misbehaving and plotting against the gods, but the
gods needed their worship and sacrifices so instead of killing all of them, they cut them in half
and forced them to walk on two legs, forever in the search of their other half, “Love is our best
guide and guard; he is our comrade and our savior.” (Plato, Symposium, 37)
“Every desire for good things or for happiness is ‘the supreme and treacherous love’ in
everyone.” (Plato, Symposium, 51) This to me explains another reason we feel love: to find
happiness. Someone who has a desire for good things achieves happiness once he has them for
his own. One of the first reasons for Love is presented, in that a man would feel more
embarrassed doing something shameful in front of a lover more so than in front of a friend or
family member. By saying this, it can be assumed that virtuous tendencies are instilled into a
person in love because of fear of embarrassment. By these means and his older lover’s gift of

5. wisdom, the man becomes more wise and able to take on a younger lover when he becomes
older. The last reason for Love that I found in the Symposium would be that of Justice. “By far
the greatest and most beautiful part of wisdom deals with the proper ordering of citizens and
households and that is called moderation and justice.” (Plato, Symposium, 56) Later on, we’ll
notice that justice plays a major role in the In the speech of Agathon, the goals of love are
presented in that love sets out to find a person with a soft and gentle character with a pleasing
face, turning away those who are harsh and ugly (Plato, Symposium, 33). In doing this, the next
and more scientific goal of love is to continue a lineage through reproduction.
IMPLICATIONS OF FRIENDSHIP (Family life and Politics)
In the Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle puts forth the notion that friendship can also be
translated into a properly run government and home; lack of it causes distortions and disorder.
He states that there are three different systems in politics, Kingship, Aristocracy and Timocracy.
Kingship, Aristotle thinks that Kingship would be the best form of government noting that “A
king looks out for the advantage of his subjects.” (Aristotle, Ethics, 233). The perversion of this
system, a Tyranny, would arise when the king is very self centered and uncaring of his subjects.
Aristotle compares this type of relationship to that between a father and son. The father is the
head of the household, the son respects him and in turn the father looks out for the son.
Aristocracy was comparable to the relationship between a man and wife because they share
duties; the perversion of Aristocracy would be an Oligarchy. The last type of government,
Timocracy is comparable to the relationship between brothers and how they have equal say in the
running of things, the perversion of this would be, according to Aristotle, Democracy.

6. LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP
So how is One to even start on this journey of love that is made up to be so fulfilling?
This is explained by Diotima on page 49 of the Symposium with her Ladder of Love, so to
speak. “Love... goes always upwards for the sake if this Beauty, starting out from... one body to
two and from two to all beautiful bodies, then from beautiful bodies to beautiful customs, and
from customs to learning beautiful things, and from these lessons he arrives in the end at this
lesson, which is learning of this very Beauty, so that in the end he comes to know just what it is
to be beautiful.” (Plato, Symposium, 59) The first step being Self-Love, understanding a love for
yourself is the only way you can truly come to love another. Then from the mutual love between
two people you can have a love for everyone (bear in mind these are not a sexual form of love, a
pure love free from lewdness). After the person has understood and experienced love for all
beautiful humans he can understand the beauty of the soul. She then believes that the next step
would be to love the very ordering of souls; laws and government. This then ties us into
Aristotle’s philosophy on Friendship and how it ultimately is responsible for the proper ordering
of a state’s Government. Diotima takes us further to say that the love of Knowledge because it is
what allows us to know how to organize such institutions. The last step on the ladder of love is
the ultimate understanding of Beauty itself. Each step in the ladder is more progressive although
none is more important than the other.
So it has been established that Love and Friendship are both responsible for inculcating
wisdom, happiness, justice as well as the continuance of a lineage and the proper ordering of

7. states. All of these things would not be possible without first learning to love yourself. Self Love
is the very basis of all the proceeding steps in any of the orders Plato or Aristotle put forth. With
an understanding of self-love, one can potentially be apart of a heavenly love and a perfectly
well ordered family and state.