Most human beings have what some might call kinky sexual tastes. We would argue that such tastes are not kinky at all - and that they have clear and very normal antecedents. This presentation explores the psychological factors relating to Dominance and submission - common and increasingly mainstream sexual tastes. This presentation will be of interest to people who are in the D/s lifestyle and those who are just thinking about Dominance and submission. This is one of many sessions produced for members of www.lifeshierarchy.com.

1. The psychology of Dominance
and submission
A PRIVATE MEMBERS ONLY DISCUSSION WITH COMPLETE
ANNONYMITY
26 July 2022

2. SIR D – Mestra – and friends.

3. No participant in this discussion is an expert. We are students rather than
teachers and therefore not the font of all knowledge.
There is no claim that the content of this discussion is comprehensive.
The purpose of this discussion is to explore an interesting issue and encourage
listeners to explore some more.
Much more can be said about the psychology of Dominance and submission
– and we hope others say it on Life’s Hierarchy.
The members of Life’s Hierarchy encourage free speech. We are also
respectful of each other. We always play the ball!

4. Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender
connected to these are enduring themes in human culture and
civilization as well as human sexuality. Human beings share with
many other mammals the instinct to look up to certain individuals
who become leaders often through strength of will and
personality, and to lead or follow, submit or dominate. In human
sexuality this has broadened out to include mutual exploration of
roles, emotions and activities (such as sensation play, the
exploration of intense physical sensation as an end in itself)
which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing
partner taking an opposing role.

5. Why are people attracted to BDSM?
The answer to this question is not clear cut
Evolution - the reproductive imperative.
Initial experiences – early experiences influence future tastes.
Escaping reality – the desire to have alternative experiences.
Neurological construction – pleasure and pain are closely associated.
Taboo turn-on – the attraction of forbidden fruit.
Relationship PTSD – a response to sexual abuse or trauma.

6. Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set
of psychosexual behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving
and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an
erotic or lifestyle context. It is part of the BDSM group of paraphilias.
D/s is often referred to as the "mental" side of BDSM. Physical
contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously
over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services.
In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing
into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment
out of either dominating or being dominated.

7. Why are people attracted to pain?
Physical pain can be a source of pleasure
….. physiologically speaking, pain and pleasure have more in
common than one might think. Research has shown that
sensations of pain and pleasure activate the same neural
pathways and mechanisms.
Pleasure and pain are both tied to the interacting dopamine and opioid
systems in the brain, which regulate neurotransmitters that are involved
in reward- or motivation-driven behaviors, which include eating, drinking,
and sex.

8. The results mostly suggest favorable psychological
characteristics of BDSM practitioners compared with
the control group; BDSM practitioners were less neurotic,
more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more
conscientious, less rejection sensitive, had higher subjective
well-being, yet were less agreeable. Comparing the four
groups, if differences were observed, BDSM scores were
generally more favorably for those with a dominant than a
submissive role, with least favorable scores for controls.

9. Why do people enjoy submission?
It is not a case of one size fits all.
• Mental and physical escape – plain old escapism.
• Unleashing dark passions – we all have a dark side.
• Deep trust and intimacy – facilitating bonding.
• Pleasure from serving and pleasing.
• Danger and uncertainty – from not having control.
• Reversal of daily life – a change of pace.

10. According to the researchers, people in the BDSM community
often talk about being transported into a state of flow: “the idea
that the rest of the world drops away and someone is completely
focused on what they’re doing,” says study author Brad Sagarin,
professor in the department of psychology at Northern Illinois
University. The flow state is familiar to pro athletes, prolific
novelists, musicians—anyone who loses themselves in an activity
they’re extremely good at.

11. Why do people want to be dominant?
A question to which there is no definitive answer.
Control – dominants crave or even need control.
Obedience – obedience reflects control.
Responsibility – dominants enjoy responsibility.
Power – dominants want the ability to inflict pain.
Trust – like submissives - dominants enjoy the bonding.
Obsessive-compulsive – dominants often have OCD.

12. D/s is often referred to as the "mental" side of BDSM.
Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be
conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more
recently) instant messaging services. In other cases, it
can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing
into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic
enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated.

13. Why do people enjoy bondage?
The drivers are not always conscious.
• Security – and the capacity to be immersed in sex.
• Escape – the escape from daily life.
• Beauty– rope work can be very beautiful and skillful.
• Trust – to develop an intimate relationship.
• Meditation – being and enjoying in the present.
• Change – experiencing another power dynamic.

14. Cracking a whip and scoring a touchdown might not seem
like comparable skills, but they both require intense focus to
make sure it’s being done effectively and safely, Sagarin says.
It’s that fierce concentration that invokes this mental state,
researchers suspected. To find out, Sagarin and his colleagues
recruited seven couples who practice BDSM from across the
sexuality spectrum. Two couples were in a long-term
relationship, two were in polyamorous arrangements, two
pairs were friends, and one pair met the day of the study

15. Why is power exchange seductive?
Power structures and hierarchy are everywhere around us,
they are hardwired into us, no matter if we choose to be a part
of them or not. They’re an innate piece of our existence since
tribal times and exist everywhere in nature.
There even seem to be some psychological health benefits to
engaging in these activities, studies showing men in-particular
who engage in BDSM activities score significantly lower on
measures of psychological distress than those that don’t. They
are, in general, better adjusted and functioning humans.

16. It is my opinion that belonging to the BDSM community and
participation in consensual sado-masochistic acts are not
unhealthy decisions. It has been the view of past
researchers that BDSM is related to trauma, abuse, lack of
control, or even stunted development, but these theories
have since been disproven. Today there is more research
showing a lack of correlation between psychological issues
and BDSM in healthy relationships and actual benefits to
being open to exploring different forms of sexual expression
(Wismeijer & Assen, 2013

17. Can there be negative psychological effects?
BDSM can cause the neural networks controlling sexual arousal, aggression,
and fear to become dangerously intertwined.
It is tragically ironic that at a time when we are recognizing an epidemic of
campus rape and sexual assault—and carrying on a national conversation
about how to address this problem—we are at the same time rushing to
embrace a book and film (FSoG) that pair sex and aggression, and that portray
male domination as an enticing or exciting option

18. People in the BDSM community have been shown to have
higher self-esteem, high levels of education, higher
openness to experiences, and many other valuable qualities
(Damon, 2002, Wismeijer & Assen, 2013). The many
demographics that have been studied in the BDSM
community show that it is generally not a hobby for sexual
predators or abuse survivors or controlling sexists, but a
valid form of sexual and emotional release for all kinds of
people.

19. Why do some people enjoy inflicting pain?
‘Some cruelty can be pleasurable, even exciting.
Everyday sadism is real and more common than we
might think.’
‘People who score high on a measure of sadism derive
pleasure from hurting others’
‘Some find it hard to reconcile sadism with the concept of
‘normal’ psychological functioning, but our findings show
that sadistic tendencies among otherwise well-adjusted
people must be acknowledged. They aren’t necessarily
serial killers or deviants.’

21. In summary
Enjoying a D/s relationship or scene is psychologically
‘normal’ and healthy. It can even be beneficial.

22. NEXT – AUGUST 23
Guidelines for a healthy D/s relationship, lifestyle and
scene.

23. Thank you
Enjoy living your life your way