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Samadhaan.com
3 Mistakes Men Make
When Faced With Divorce
Samadhaan.com Page 1
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● ● ●
Do you want to get over with your
difficult times?
● ● ●
Do you want to see your parents and
children happy?
● ● ●
Do you want to start life afresh as soon
as possible?
● ● ●
If you answered yes, this report is for
you.
● ● ●
Samadhaan.com Page 3
Contents
You Are Not Alone! .......................................................................................................................................4
1. You still haven’t made up your mind.....................................................................................................8
a) Confused efforts for reconciliation ..................................................................................................9
b) Trying to be a good son .................................................................................................................10
c) Expecting loyalty from wife..........................................................................................................11
d) Explaining too much on social media...........................................................................................11
2. Not being well prepared. ........................................................................................................................13
a) Not remembering the details.........................................................................................................13
b) Hiring an incompetent lawyer ......................................................................................................14
c) Not having enough legal information...........................................................................................14
d) Unaware of financial planning for divorce...................................................................................15
e) Not having enough evidence .........................................................................................................16
3. Unaware of changed dynamics. ............................................................................................................17
a) Unaware of women issues..............................................................................................................17
b) Expecting your wife to still have feelings.....................................................................................18
c) Underestimating the influence of her new friends .......................................................................19
d) Expecting her to follow the “right” path.....................................................................................19
Recommendation ......................................................................................................................................21
Samadhaan.com Page 4
You Are Not Alone!
One of the toughest parts in a relationship is a break-up. A lot of emotional
baggage from the “just-over relationship” to lug around until life gives an
opportunity to heal oneself. Memories and future plans – all converge together
to create the feeling of extreme loss leading to depression. But what happens
when the relationship is more than just a verbal commitment limited to the
couple; when there are parents, children, friends, assets and legal paperwork
involved?
What happens when two people who vowed to be soulmates through the sacred
bond of marriage decide to part?
Divorce – the bitter-sweet ending of many marriages!
Now-a-days, the bitterness is not just emotional but also legal - two warring
parties in the battlefield of family court for a decree of divorce. The divorce
rates in India are going higher with every passing year, with stats from the
North-east leading the charts. Remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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But You Are A Man!
For men in India, it’s only tougher – you have been projected as the “bad guy”
by state agencies, women empowerment cells, social workers, and the wife’s
family; and yet you are not supposed to cry. Instead, you are supposed to show
yourself as the indomitable tough guy who has no emotions. Many people don't
realise that divorce is tougher on men than women. Recent study from the
Journal of Men's Health states that divorced men are more prone to heart
disease, high blood pressure and strokes than married men. Marriage gives men
a sense of direction and identity. When they lose
that connection with their spouse and children,
they are lost. They have no idea where to go and
talk about their loss because society has instilled in
them “you don’t grieve, you don’t cry, you are
tough”. They have to continue taking on their responsibilities, playing their
role in their profession, family and society. In India, the family pressure
continues: “are you going to cry about your wife or take care of your ageing
parents and unmarried siblings?”
How society conveniently forgets that men are human too!
The world is ranting about maternal instincts but rarely does anyone talk about
paternal instincts. What makes us feel that men are not emotional about their
children? And, that alienating a father from his children won’t have adverse
effects on the child as well as the father? Does a man not want to be a father,
does he not want to provide for his child? Does a father not mourn the loss of
child?
Regardless of what we think or the empathy that society and government lacks,
the reality is that you must fight this battle. The government along with legal
and social agencies are gradually coming to a realisation in India that they need
to worry about men and their emotional and psychological health during
marital crisis, or else they would lose them forever. While the government gets
their act together and starts thinking about the well-being of men in our
society, we have to start focusing on how we can make our divorce process
Divorce is difficult, but
hey, you are a man!
Samadhaan.com Page 6
peaceful, healthy and beneficial for us. The first step to achieving that is
making sure we know - what we want out of our divorce, and our life in general.
What is your most precious asset: personal well-being, parents, children,
property, career, reputation, or anything else? Once you have nailed that down,
the rest of the process will become a lot easier, and less painful.
After all, you too deserve happiness, marital bliss and the love of your children.
You have worked hard to provide for yourself and your family. You invested
your precious time, your emotions and your social image in building a home and
a family. Why should you be made to suffer? Why should you and your parents
lose this battle?
Samadhaan.com can help you. In fact, that is the reason we exist. We want to
be of use to anyone who wants to win their divorce battle. Before we go further,
a quick note on what is Samadhaan.com.
Samadhaan.com enables and empowers people to find effective solutions to
their legal-marital conflicts and divorce cases. We strive to bring to you reliable,
authentic and up-to-date information on legal-matrimonial matters. We offer
valuable information through our website, e-guides, webinars and live events.
We invite you to sign up for our weekly info-mails and announcements to stay
updated about legal-matrimonial rulings and judgements in India.
Samadhaan.com Page 7
How will this report benefit you?
It’s an accepted fact that divorce laws in India are primarily gender-biased, or
rather women-friendly, which makes it difficult for men to protect themselves
from false allegations and misuse of law. Most people are not aware of the laws
and penal code as much as they need to. This leads to wrongful arrests,
allegations, unnecessary harassment and finally – losing the legal battle. Do you
know how many men lose their cases just because of their lack of understanding
of the law, and not knowing how to prepare for divorce? Do you know so many
men have nowhere to go to talk about their troubles? They have no Men
Commission Office, or any other office where they could walk in and seek help.
If you are thinking or have already filed a divorce case, we want you to win
your legal case. In order to win the case, you must not make any mistake that
will ruin your chances of a win. This report will tell you what not to do, so you
can get a step closer to victory. More precisely, this report will tell you:
 What is it that you, amid all the chaos, unpleasantness, professional
demands, family or social pressures, will not do.?
 How will you not get consumed into controversies and nitty-gritties of the
past, but rather claim the happiness that awaits you.
 How will you not increase your financial burden during the process?
 How will you strengthen yourself and your dependents? How will you
ensure you know everything you need to know?
Wherever men lose the case despite them being honest, ethical or correct on
their stand, it is primarily because of mistakes they made when they were
filing for divorce - in the beginning phase or anytime during the process. What
kind of mistakes? Read this report to know more. We are convinced that this
document will be extremely helpful in revealing to you your blind spots, and to
help convert your weaknesses into your strengths.
You deserve to be happy and this report will bring you a step closer to happiness!
Samadhaan.com Page 8
Mistake # 1
You still haven’t made up your mind.
Are you still riding on dilemma- to divorce or not to divorce? It is totally
understandable because the decision to file a divorce or to respond to a petition
is not easy. Regardless of the jokes that go around, men are happier when they
are married or in a steady relationship. Many studies done in the area of health
and marriage have concluded that men seem to enjoy better mental and
physical well-being directly as a result of their happy family life – with wife and
children. When wife initiates divorce, it not only shatters the response
mechanism of the husband but also his future planning. Other than an impact
on general health, divorce can also affect the work-related physical capabilities
of men. And, for all these years, everyone thought – men don’t feel the pain a
woman feels.
Samadhaan.com Page 9
How does marital conflict or divorce impact a man and his actions? The most
basic effect among all men is change in lifestyle - not only does their sleeping,
eating and socialising gets disturbed but there is an increase in suicidal thoughts
and dependency on alcohol or smoking. Since we still continue to live in joint
families in India, we receive a lot of support from immediate family. However,
marital conflicts and changes in family life can have a devastating effect. Such
conflicts can cloud our judgment and can make us indecisive. If you are still not
sure of your feelings, the confusion will show up in your intentions and actions.
Let us see some mistakes that men commit as a result of this trauma.
a) Confused efforts for reconciliation
Most men tend to continue thinking that separation is temporary, and they will
be re-united with their wife and children. What causes this thinking? For
centuries, man has been positioned as the head of the household or the main
decision-maker. It provides him natural confidence to lead his family and give
them direction at all times. When a separation – physical or emotional,
happens, his natural instinct is to take on the leadership and resolve matters.
When that doesn’t happen, he gives in to wife’s demand to go back to her
parents’ home hoping that things will come back to normal once they give each
other a cooling-off space.
While the husband continues to lull in this “hopeful, semi-passive, go-on-with-
life phase, the wife is probably making other plans. These days, unless the
husband himself is initiating divorce, he or his family tend to make more
attempts to reconcile than the wife or her family.
While it is a very good gesture to make efforts to reunite and continue with the
marriage, if wife is not on the same page, your efforts for reconciliation might
come across to them as emotional weakness, fear of legal action, or social
pressure. It is important to have a clear mind when making such attempts –
what is it that you want in the long term?
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b) Trying to be a good son
Ever since “women empowerment” has been in effect, the social pressures on
men have been increasing manifold. Especially in India, where a man is
expected to be a good son, study and earn well; marry a progressive, beautiful,
well-educated and gainfully employed woman and then be able to out-earn her;
and finally get the wife to respect his parents and follow family traditions. If a
man fails to “control” his wife, he apparently “loses face” in family or peers.
Why so?
Why are men succumbing to social pressures of marrying according to parents’
will, ensuring the wife remains “dutiful”, and if she doesn’t - then he must
admit that he is not a good son or a good husband? Either ways, he is doomed.
This pressure only continues to build more once she leaves home and threatens
divorce. The poor husband is flooded with advice from all over:
“You must bring her back; what will the society say; we don’t want a divorce in our
family; you will be behind bars under some false case if you don’t reconcile with
her; and so on.”
While it helps to have family and friends support and guide you but it doesn’t
help when they coerce you to make the wrong decision. Only you would know
what the right thing to do is, and if you don’t have a clear vision of what you
want in life, you will end up making the wrong choice – to reconcile or not to
reconcile.
The most powerful way to deal with family’s pressure and managing their over-
expectations from you is to stand firm on your decisions. But for that, you need
to have right information and preparation. When you sign up for our updates
and access our library of resources and case studies, you will gain confidence in
your (and your family’s) ability to go through this difficult time. At
Samadhaan.com, we bring to you the information and understanding of divorce
from a multi-dimensional perspective so that - not just you, but even your
family can be confident about your decision.
Samadhaan.com Page 11
c) Expecting loyalty from wife
This one should be a no-brainer but for many men, they continue to expect the
same loyalty from their wife that existed when they were newly married, in love
or even while still together. It is understandable that a marriage is a very
intimate bond built upon love, trust and total commitment to each other. But,
the day the wife leaves her husband’s home and snaps all channels of
communication, one must recognize the signs.
- Has she left because she was genuinely angry with you and she will come
back? Or, she left because she does not want you back in her life?
- Are her parents trying to contact you?
- Has there been any attempt of mediation from her side? Has she shown
any sympathy towards you or your family?
- Does she let you or your family meet with the children?
If your answer to the above has been in negative, then you are definitely
making a huge mistake by expecting continued loyalty from your wife. You
must find out more about her stand regarding your relationship and divorce,
as well as be prepared for the worst. As you will read further in this report, if
your wife isn`t feeling the same level of respect for the marital relationship,
she could easily be misguided into taking the wrong steps.
What works is being smart about the new dynamics and be aware of the
signs early on. We recommend you to sign up for free weekly alerts where we
will share with you mental exercises that train men to get clarity and focus
to deal with new realities around them.
d)Explaining too much on social media
Are you a social media addict? It is normal for people to want to stay
connected with their friends on social media when going through divorce.
Very few remember that it is “hazardous” to tweet or post in an almost
depressive state or after a few drinks when your chances of posting abusive
or abrasive messages are much higher than otherwise. Many secrets that are
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best left covered could be out in the open. And, once your thoughts are on
any social platforms, there’s not much you can do about it, even if you
deactivate your account or delete the posted item. What are some of the
harmful effects of an objectionable social media message?
- It has already been read by your friends, family or colleagues
- It could have been passed on to your estranged spouse
- It could have been recorded: printed on paper or digital screenshots.
- It could reveal some aspect of your personality or situation that could be
used against you in legal proceedings, or in your career.
Similarly, regardless of how angry or hurt you might be, using verbal or written
abuse on the phone, in an email or a letter, is another mistake many men tend
to make. They continue to think they can be upset with their wife, express it
candidly, and it will all be forgiven and forgotten. Not when you are that close
to a divorce process. Also, it can be used to create a negative and more hostile
image to your children which is even worst. You will only lose your supporters
in the long run. Do not make the mistake of ranting on any public platform
without guidance from a relationship counsellor or best, your lawyer. The
phenomenon of sharing indiscriminate or “potentially-damaging” information
on social media happens because you might feel isolated in this turmoil, and
because you might believe that this poor fortune has landed upon you
exclusively. Instead, when you learn, share with others and update yourself –
you will not only find out which of your impulsive actions can bite you in the
future, but you will also feel less compelled to act on your impulses.
Food For Thought: This is a very crucial phase of your life. A relationship
devoid of trust offers little room for forgiveness and adjustments. It is time to
be practical, intelligent and prudent about the choices you make. Any small
mistake can have dire consequences. Know the difference between what you
want and your wife expects; plan and act accordingly.
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Mistake # 2
Not being well prepared.
Divorce is tough. Since it is emotionally demanding, a lot of men tend to suffer
from depression or anxiety which they are unwilling to accept or discuss openly,
or be treated for. This results in certain new attributes to their lifestyle like
procrastination, laziness, sloppiness, paranoia and anger. And, one of the worst
impacts of such attributes is – lack of preparation for divorce.
This is not to say that you are still in love with your wife, and not ready to get
divorced. But that you are not well-prepared to meet the divorce requirements
head-on. Divorce isn’t a one-sided affair unless you are ready to let your partner
manage the proceedings as they would like. If you are not filing a no-fault
divorce, there will be a lot of hard-work going into starting, fighting with, and
winning a divorce case. What happens when you are not well-prepared?
a)Not remembering the details
Why are you headed for a divorce? What factors led to this crisis and finally the
big decision? Did you try resolving the issues?
Yes, you did. Then, provide the proofs. Oh, you can’t. So, how do you expect
us to believe your story?
Most men are not thinking that far ahead in the game. They know in their
hearts that they are not wrong but they have not gathered enough evidence to
defend themselves. The worst is when depression takes over and one loses the
very strength and optimism that is the foundation for victory. Men don’t think
about the nitty-gritties of arguments and fights. They don’t think that a fight
could lead them into a tough legal battle for divorce. Simple documents like
restaurant bills, photos and gift receipts or writing a journal, or even holding on
to sms or whatsapp messages – men do not tend to think about keeping those
safe. Many times, after an argument is over, or anger mellowed down, one
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erases text conversations on phone. These are important pieces of evidence that
can work in your favour during a trial. You can find ideas and tips on
Samadhaan.com where we post information on details that matter in the court.
b)Hiring an incompetent lawyer
Do you know how many times people change their lawyer during the course of
their divorce case, even though it is a costly affair? Most couples are still
contemplating on their past issues, their present misery and the uncertainty of
their future, when they realize that it’s time
to hire a lawyer. While some people might
have hesitance in meeting with a lawyer when
they are still unsure of their next step
regarding their marital dispute, it is a good
idea to start researching. You can find out
from friends, family, colleagues or even online
about good advocates in your area who
practice family law. Waiting to hire a lawyer
until the last moment can cost you a lot in the
long run – like being stuck with the wrong lawyer, or changing lawyers in the
middle of the proceedings.
c) Not having enough legal information
To hire a lawyer is one thing, but to know how the police system and court
works is another. The divorce procedures are so complicated when it is a
contested one that it’s not in your favour to leave everything on an advocate
and simply show up at court dates. Lawyers are usually working on a number
of cases simultaneously and another case might take priority over yours. If you
are not aware about the process to be followed, you might be missing on the
opportunities to make it a smoother ride for yourself. The reason you hire a
lawyer is because they know about the intricacies of the law and they are
qualified to represent you, and assist you with the paperwork. But, remember –
no one knows your case and your situation more than you do. You have to play
an active role – question the process, give your inputs at every step, check with
the lawyer and their staff on updates, loopholes, change of tactics, and so forth.
Samadhaan.com Page 15
If you fail to participate actively in your case, you increase your chances of
losing at some point. How to define your role in the case? We bring the most
updated, precise and effective information on legal matters through our
webinars. It is your opportunity to listen to experts from all over the country
and ask your questions. Register for Webinars with us.
d)Unaware of financial planning for divorce
If you are going through an amicable divorce, and there’s no issue about
money between you both, half the battle is won. But if you are defending your
case or cases, or YOU have initiated the divorce that is NOT a “mutual
consent” divorce, you can expect quite a lot of money to be spent. How?
Most men don’t think of the money they will be spending during divorce. First -
as fee paid out to lawyers and court through the years; Second - the interim
maintenance and other expenses you might be asked to shell out to your
estranged partner; Third - time and efforts wasted on court procedures rather
than invest in your career. Men fail to estimate the amount of financial loss
divorce could mean to them, and as such do not plan for it. Financial crisis can
also have repercussions on mental and physical health.
A good idea is to prepare a rough estimate of legal costs involved in your
divorce case. And, remember – it will only be a rough estimate because you
don’t know how the case will move. You should also make an estimate of what
you owe your spouse and how you will be paying it to her. Interim
maintenance, permanent alimony, or division of money and assets – all should
be taken into account. Through our webinars, we will be bringing financial
experts to discuss this and answer your questions. We will also bring to your
attention the most overlooked aspect of the financial cost of legal battles – and
what is the worth of the battle as compared to your life overall. This is your
opportunity to educate yourself by Signing Up for Samadhaan.com Webinars.
Samadhaan.com Page 16
e)Not having enough evidence
Decisions in courts are made on the basis of facts, arguments and evidence
presented by both parties. Not everyone thinks about gathering evidence when
it is easily available. In fact, most of the time once doesn’t even think that
seriously about divorce. When arguments develop into a fight, rarely does one
start working towards the legalities of a separation. In fact, most families like to
lie low, keeping it all hushed-up to protect their reputation, career, and the
relationship itself. And in many cases, it does work. People are able to resolve
their differences over a period of time and the thought of using recording
devices or detectives seems too intrusive and abrasive for a relationship as
sacred and important as a marriage.
Other than personal hesitation, there are legal guidelines on personal privacy
related to wife and family members that must be followed or else the husband
could land in jail for infringing on their privacy. The ongoing internal thoughts
about matters such as gathering evidence are extremely confusing and
troublesome – and not to mention the whole set of knowledge about what
equipment to use for gathering evidences, what is useful in courts later and
what is not. We, at Samadhaan.com, are very glad to be around to help you
learn about what works and what does not. We have learned many of these
mistakes from painful personal experiences and are glad that with our support,
you won’t have to go through the painful process.
Food for thought: If you don’t use the resources available to you, someone else
will. Whether it’s emotional baggage, financial restraints, or our mindset, lack of
preparation for divorce makes you more gullible. When you get into a legal battle
you can no longer afford to be naïve, immature, unprepared – not for your own
sake and certainly not for your family’s sake. Whether it’s by your choice or it is
being forced upon you – once you are involved in a legal battle – you need to fight
– and you need the most effective knowledge and resources for that. Which is
why you need to sign up for the information updates of Samadhaan.com – we
have said this again and again throughout this report – because really – there is
no alternative if you want to win.
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Mistake # 3
Unaware of changed dynamics.
Have you come to terms with the new reality – the emotional divorce? This new
reality includes understanding and accepting that you and your spouse are not
a couple anymore; you both are not a team anymore; you both are not even
friends anymore. It is a harsh reality, and the sooner you accept it, the easier it
will be for you to steer yourself out of misery and emotional bankruptcy.
Marriage brings with it security, trust, identity and intimacy. That’s what
unites a couple together. To expect that bond to be broken overnight is not
easy. In fact, study says that couples go through varying and differing levels of
moving-on with the new fact of life – separation. While you may still be in the
grieving – searching and yearning phase, your spouse might perhaps be on the
way to recovering from the shock of divorce, and reorganizing her life further.
Gone are the days when women were sitting and sulking at their parents’ home,
hoping for their return and reunion with their husband. Nowadays, women are
educated and independent. They develop their support system pretty quickly,
seek legal advice, and streamline their finances much faster than their
counterparts. Men don’t always visualize how fast their spouse’s social life,
social circle and the group of well-wishers are evolving. Let’s do a quick
assessment of potential new developments in your estranged spouse’s life, which
if ignored or undermined, could be a huge mistake.
a) Unaware of women issues
When a woman leaves her matrimonial home to go back and live with her
parents or even live alone, her level of insecurity shoots up. You may wonder
what kind of insecurities these are. It can range anywhere from: “How will I
manage without a stable income? Who will take care of me when my parents are no
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more? How long will my brother support me?” If she is living alone, then the
worries are related to finance, loneliness and emotional disturbance other than
fighting a divorce case and getting maintenance, etc. These insecurities will lead
her into a whole new realm of emotions. She could develop aggression and desire
for revenge. Many women stop their children from meeting their father, just out
of a revengeful attitude.
This phase of your estranged wife is very important for your divorce case.
Either you would have to manage communication with her or her family so well
that the damage can be controlled, or you have to prepare your case so well
that the damage done during this phase can be mitigated. We talk about this
and other such problems in our webinars and you should sign up.
b) Expecting your wife to still have feelings
With increased responsibilities, fear of the uncertain future and a bitterness of
the past, your estranged spouse could be undergoing a big upheaval in her
emotional life. She is probably being advised to be practical, to move-on, and
even to teach him a lesson. Lack of communication and a hostile environment (if
your in-laws are unsupportive of your reunion or filing a no-fault divorce) will
only add on to negative emotions. If you both haven’t been in touch for over six
months it is time you ask yourself whether she still has any feelings or even
compassion for you. What is she thinking? Is she really thinking to teach you a
lesson for whatever reason? If the answer is yes, then she will be more prone to
distort or exaggerate facts at her convenience, in order to fulfill her agenda.
Whether she will teach a lesson or learn one (or in fact will waste a large
amount of time under the false impression) - is another area of discussion all
together. But, by considering her emotionally-disturbed state, you can make a
list of possible actions she might take against you: fake allegations or FIRs of
498A, marital rape, dowry case, etc., or exaggerating issues to seek divorce and
claim a fat maintenance.
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c)Underestimating the influence of her new friends
When your marital life gets disturbed, it is normal for couples to seek support
outside – friend, family or colleagues. And, as they start receiving sympathy,
they open up more to strangers - talking freely about their marital issues in an
attempt to get the heaviness off their chest. That is the time when their circle of
influence starts expanding. As they meet new people and get to share their
problems with them, they have new influencers in their decision-making
process. It could be extended family, friends, neighbours, colleagues or even
their lawyer. As time goes by, this new set of influencers become their best
friends and in this process the marital bond weakens and almost disappears.
If you are not aware of this new reality that might be developing around your
wife, you can prepare yourself for a big shock in the paperwork for divorce.
These new influences are what prepare “soon-to-be ex-wives” to take extreme
actions, make unrealistic demands, and even register fake cases against their
husbands (including their entire khandaan). It has been noted that four most
influential people at such times around your spouse are: mother, father, lawyer,
or a “partner”. With the new trends in place, a woman starts dating pretty soon
after separation and while her divorce is still in process.
Again, we would emphasize the importance of preparation. Prepare for this
situation as well. While your lawyer can be helpful in recommending steps to
safeguard your position – socially as well as legally, you should also read more,
interact and seek advice from experts who can guide you through these issues.
d) Expecting her to follow the “right” path
Are you expecting your wife to play fairly, behave well, be ethical and do the
right thing? It is highly unlikely and its best for you to assume the worst.
We don’t get married thinking we are going to break-up one day, divide our
assets or fight over our children. But, the circumstances in a post-separation
scenario force a new reality, especially the legal one. As soon as your estranged
wife walks out of your home or into the lawyer’s office, your entire life history,
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strengths and weaknesses, and property and professional information is out
there. At that moment, it isn’t the wife making decisions, but in all probability
– her lawyer is brain-washing her with techniques to make her present and
future secure through your money and assets. In some cases, the lawyers will
even motivate the wife to make false allegations like dowry or domestic violence
upon the husband.
It is important that you understand that if you and your wife have no
communication for more than six months and she has already seen a lawyer, the
chances are that she is being advised to exaggerate facts, make false allegations
and bring in false evidence against you or anyone in your family and friends, to
gain an upper hand in the case.
Food For Thought: Once the emotions dry-up between the couple, it isn’t too
difficult for the lawyer or another third party to motivate the wife to make fake
allegations. Many lawyers have been found to provoke estranged wives to file
false cases, and upon winning a settlement amount, pay commission to the
lawyer. This trend has led to a steep rise in suicides among married men in
India. Do not make the mistake of undermining the role of wife’s lawyer in your
case, and don’t think your wife hasn’t changed or “evolved further” from how
you knew her.
Dowry-related FIRs Emotions of Revenge
Samadhaan.com Page 21
Recommendation
Now that you have read through this entire document, you know where men
tend to make mistakes in preparing themselves mentally, emotionally or legally
for a divorce. How can you apply the learning from this report to your personal
situation? We recommend that you make a list of all the things which you think
could go wrong if you make any of the mistakes mentioned here. This report
could be the guiding document for your divorce process if you decide so.
Conclusion
No one is perfect and as such, we are all bound to make mistakes. But, the more
we know what not to do, the better for us. Also, some mistakes are difficult to
erase and they can be disastrous.
Prepare yourself with reliable and latest information through the right sources.
You may not have done anything to call this situation upon yourself. But now
that it is here, you need to be unemotional and “professional” about it. Get the
right resources, brace yourself and fight for your rights – because while others
can support you, it is you yourself, who would have to do the fighting. And if
you don’t know how to get or find the “right resources” then stick with us. We,
the members of the Samadhaan.com team, were in your shoes at one point of
time – and we went through the pain, the mistakes, the rude shocks etc., and
that had us create Samadhaan.com – we find, select and present the right
resources for you – so that you have someone to help you navigate this legal,
emotional, social and financial labyrinth.

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Mistakes Men Make When Faced With Divorce - Free Report

  • 1. Samadhaan.com 3 Mistakes Men Make When Faced With Divorce
  • 2. Samadhaan.com Page 1 Terms of Use All rights reserved. No part of this report may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, faxing, emailing, or posting on social media or websites - without written permission from Samadhaan.com. Disclaimer While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for error, omissions or contrary interpretations of the subject matter contained herein. The reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Samadhaan.com assumes no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any reader of these materials. Any perceived slights of specific people or situations are fictitious or hypothetical.
  • 3. Samadhaan.com Page 2 ● ● ● Do you want to get over with your difficult times? ● ● ● Do you want to see your parents and children happy? ● ● ● Do you want to start life afresh as soon as possible? ● ● ● If you answered yes, this report is for you. ● ● ●
  • 4. Samadhaan.com Page 3 Contents You Are Not Alone! .......................................................................................................................................4 1. You still haven’t made up your mind.....................................................................................................8 a) Confused efforts for reconciliation ..................................................................................................9 b) Trying to be a good son .................................................................................................................10 c) Expecting loyalty from wife..........................................................................................................11 d) Explaining too much on social media...........................................................................................11 2. Not being well prepared. ........................................................................................................................13 a) Not remembering the details.........................................................................................................13 b) Hiring an incompetent lawyer ......................................................................................................14 c) Not having enough legal information...........................................................................................14 d) Unaware of financial planning for divorce...................................................................................15 e) Not having enough evidence .........................................................................................................16 3. Unaware of changed dynamics. ............................................................................................................17 a) Unaware of women issues..............................................................................................................17 b) Expecting your wife to still have feelings.....................................................................................18 c) Underestimating the influence of her new friends .......................................................................19 d) Expecting her to follow the “right” path.....................................................................................19 Recommendation ......................................................................................................................................21
  • 5. Samadhaan.com Page 4 You Are Not Alone! One of the toughest parts in a relationship is a break-up. A lot of emotional baggage from the “just-over relationship” to lug around until life gives an opportunity to heal oneself. Memories and future plans – all converge together to create the feeling of extreme loss leading to depression. But what happens when the relationship is more than just a verbal commitment limited to the couple; when there are parents, children, friends, assets and legal paperwork involved? What happens when two people who vowed to be soulmates through the sacred bond of marriage decide to part? Divorce – the bitter-sweet ending of many marriages! Now-a-days, the bitterness is not just emotional but also legal - two warring parties in the battlefield of family court for a decree of divorce. The divorce rates in India are going higher with every passing year, with stats from the North-east leading the charts. Remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
  • 6. Samadhaan.com Page 5 But You Are A Man! For men in India, it’s only tougher – you have been projected as the “bad guy” by state agencies, women empowerment cells, social workers, and the wife’s family; and yet you are not supposed to cry. Instead, you are supposed to show yourself as the indomitable tough guy who has no emotions. Many people don't realise that divorce is tougher on men than women. Recent study from the Journal of Men's Health states that divorced men are more prone to heart disease, high blood pressure and strokes than married men. Marriage gives men a sense of direction and identity. When they lose that connection with their spouse and children, they are lost. They have no idea where to go and talk about their loss because society has instilled in them “you don’t grieve, you don’t cry, you are tough”. They have to continue taking on their responsibilities, playing their role in their profession, family and society. In India, the family pressure continues: “are you going to cry about your wife or take care of your ageing parents and unmarried siblings?” How society conveniently forgets that men are human too! The world is ranting about maternal instincts but rarely does anyone talk about paternal instincts. What makes us feel that men are not emotional about their children? And, that alienating a father from his children won’t have adverse effects on the child as well as the father? Does a man not want to be a father, does he not want to provide for his child? Does a father not mourn the loss of child? Regardless of what we think or the empathy that society and government lacks, the reality is that you must fight this battle. The government along with legal and social agencies are gradually coming to a realisation in India that they need to worry about men and their emotional and psychological health during marital crisis, or else they would lose them forever. While the government gets their act together and starts thinking about the well-being of men in our society, we have to start focusing on how we can make our divorce process Divorce is difficult, but hey, you are a man!
  • 7. Samadhaan.com Page 6 peaceful, healthy and beneficial for us. The first step to achieving that is making sure we know - what we want out of our divorce, and our life in general. What is your most precious asset: personal well-being, parents, children, property, career, reputation, or anything else? Once you have nailed that down, the rest of the process will become a lot easier, and less painful. After all, you too deserve happiness, marital bliss and the love of your children. You have worked hard to provide for yourself and your family. You invested your precious time, your emotions and your social image in building a home and a family. Why should you be made to suffer? Why should you and your parents lose this battle? Samadhaan.com can help you. In fact, that is the reason we exist. We want to be of use to anyone who wants to win their divorce battle. Before we go further, a quick note on what is Samadhaan.com. Samadhaan.com enables and empowers people to find effective solutions to their legal-marital conflicts and divorce cases. We strive to bring to you reliable, authentic and up-to-date information on legal-matrimonial matters. We offer valuable information through our website, e-guides, webinars and live events. We invite you to sign up for our weekly info-mails and announcements to stay updated about legal-matrimonial rulings and judgements in India.
  • 8. Samadhaan.com Page 7 How will this report benefit you? It’s an accepted fact that divorce laws in India are primarily gender-biased, or rather women-friendly, which makes it difficult for men to protect themselves from false allegations and misuse of law. Most people are not aware of the laws and penal code as much as they need to. This leads to wrongful arrests, allegations, unnecessary harassment and finally – losing the legal battle. Do you know how many men lose their cases just because of their lack of understanding of the law, and not knowing how to prepare for divorce? Do you know so many men have nowhere to go to talk about their troubles? They have no Men Commission Office, or any other office where they could walk in and seek help. If you are thinking or have already filed a divorce case, we want you to win your legal case. In order to win the case, you must not make any mistake that will ruin your chances of a win. This report will tell you what not to do, so you can get a step closer to victory. More precisely, this report will tell you:  What is it that you, amid all the chaos, unpleasantness, professional demands, family or social pressures, will not do.?  How will you not get consumed into controversies and nitty-gritties of the past, but rather claim the happiness that awaits you.  How will you not increase your financial burden during the process?  How will you strengthen yourself and your dependents? How will you ensure you know everything you need to know? Wherever men lose the case despite them being honest, ethical or correct on their stand, it is primarily because of mistakes they made when they were filing for divorce - in the beginning phase or anytime during the process. What kind of mistakes? Read this report to know more. We are convinced that this document will be extremely helpful in revealing to you your blind spots, and to help convert your weaknesses into your strengths. You deserve to be happy and this report will bring you a step closer to happiness!
  • 9. Samadhaan.com Page 8 Mistake # 1 You still haven’t made up your mind. Are you still riding on dilemma- to divorce or not to divorce? It is totally understandable because the decision to file a divorce or to respond to a petition is not easy. Regardless of the jokes that go around, men are happier when they are married or in a steady relationship. Many studies done in the area of health and marriage have concluded that men seem to enjoy better mental and physical well-being directly as a result of their happy family life – with wife and children. When wife initiates divorce, it not only shatters the response mechanism of the husband but also his future planning. Other than an impact on general health, divorce can also affect the work-related physical capabilities of men. And, for all these years, everyone thought – men don’t feel the pain a woman feels.
  • 10. Samadhaan.com Page 9 How does marital conflict or divorce impact a man and his actions? The most basic effect among all men is change in lifestyle - not only does their sleeping, eating and socialising gets disturbed but there is an increase in suicidal thoughts and dependency on alcohol or smoking. Since we still continue to live in joint families in India, we receive a lot of support from immediate family. However, marital conflicts and changes in family life can have a devastating effect. Such conflicts can cloud our judgment and can make us indecisive. If you are still not sure of your feelings, the confusion will show up in your intentions and actions. Let us see some mistakes that men commit as a result of this trauma. a) Confused efforts for reconciliation Most men tend to continue thinking that separation is temporary, and they will be re-united with their wife and children. What causes this thinking? For centuries, man has been positioned as the head of the household or the main decision-maker. It provides him natural confidence to lead his family and give them direction at all times. When a separation – physical or emotional, happens, his natural instinct is to take on the leadership and resolve matters. When that doesn’t happen, he gives in to wife’s demand to go back to her parents’ home hoping that things will come back to normal once they give each other a cooling-off space. While the husband continues to lull in this “hopeful, semi-passive, go-on-with- life phase, the wife is probably making other plans. These days, unless the husband himself is initiating divorce, he or his family tend to make more attempts to reconcile than the wife or her family. While it is a very good gesture to make efforts to reunite and continue with the marriage, if wife is not on the same page, your efforts for reconciliation might come across to them as emotional weakness, fear of legal action, or social pressure. It is important to have a clear mind when making such attempts – what is it that you want in the long term?
  • 11. Samadhaan.com Page 10 b) Trying to be a good son Ever since “women empowerment” has been in effect, the social pressures on men have been increasing manifold. Especially in India, where a man is expected to be a good son, study and earn well; marry a progressive, beautiful, well-educated and gainfully employed woman and then be able to out-earn her; and finally get the wife to respect his parents and follow family traditions. If a man fails to “control” his wife, he apparently “loses face” in family or peers. Why so? Why are men succumbing to social pressures of marrying according to parents’ will, ensuring the wife remains “dutiful”, and if she doesn’t - then he must admit that he is not a good son or a good husband? Either ways, he is doomed. This pressure only continues to build more once she leaves home and threatens divorce. The poor husband is flooded with advice from all over: “You must bring her back; what will the society say; we don’t want a divorce in our family; you will be behind bars under some false case if you don’t reconcile with her; and so on.” While it helps to have family and friends support and guide you but it doesn’t help when they coerce you to make the wrong decision. Only you would know what the right thing to do is, and if you don’t have a clear vision of what you want in life, you will end up making the wrong choice – to reconcile or not to reconcile. The most powerful way to deal with family’s pressure and managing their over- expectations from you is to stand firm on your decisions. But for that, you need to have right information and preparation. When you sign up for our updates and access our library of resources and case studies, you will gain confidence in your (and your family’s) ability to go through this difficult time. At Samadhaan.com, we bring to you the information and understanding of divorce from a multi-dimensional perspective so that - not just you, but even your family can be confident about your decision.
  • 12. Samadhaan.com Page 11 c) Expecting loyalty from wife This one should be a no-brainer but for many men, they continue to expect the same loyalty from their wife that existed when they were newly married, in love or even while still together. It is understandable that a marriage is a very intimate bond built upon love, trust and total commitment to each other. But, the day the wife leaves her husband’s home and snaps all channels of communication, one must recognize the signs. - Has she left because she was genuinely angry with you and she will come back? Or, she left because she does not want you back in her life? - Are her parents trying to contact you? - Has there been any attempt of mediation from her side? Has she shown any sympathy towards you or your family? - Does she let you or your family meet with the children? If your answer to the above has been in negative, then you are definitely making a huge mistake by expecting continued loyalty from your wife. You must find out more about her stand regarding your relationship and divorce, as well as be prepared for the worst. As you will read further in this report, if your wife isn`t feeling the same level of respect for the marital relationship, she could easily be misguided into taking the wrong steps. What works is being smart about the new dynamics and be aware of the signs early on. We recommend you to sign up for free weekly alerts where we will share with you mental exercises that train men to get clarity and focus to deal with new realities around them. d)Explaining too much on social media Are you a social media addict? It is normal for people to want to stay connected with their friends on social media when going through divorce. Very few remember that it is “hazardous” to tweet or post in an almost depressive state or after a few drinks when your chances of posting abusive or abrasive messages are much higher than otherwise. Many secrets that are
  • 13. Samadhaan.com Page 12 best left covered could be out in the open. And, once your thoughts are on any social platforms, there’s not much you can do about it, even if you deactivate your account or delete the posted item. What are some of the harmful effects of an objectionable social media message? - It has already been read by your friends, family or colleagues - It could have been passed on to your estranged spouse - It could have been recorded: printed on paper or digital screenshots. - It could reveal some aspect of your personality or situation that could be used against you in legal proceedings, or in your career. Similarly, regardless of how angry or hurt you might be, using verbal or written abuse on the phone, in an email or a letter, is another mistake many men tend to make. They continue to think they can be upset with their wife, express it candidly, and it will all be forgiven and forgotten. Not when you are that close to a divorce process. Also, it can be used to create a negative and more hostile image to your children which is even worst. You will only lose your supporters in the long run. Do not make the mistake of ranting on any public platform without guidance from a relationship counsellor or best, your lawyer. The phenomenon of sharing indiscriminate or “potentially-damaging” information on social media happens because you might feel isolated in this turmoil, and because you might believe that this poor fortune has landed upon you exclusively. Instead, when you learn, share with others and update yourself – you will not only find out which of your impulsive actions can bite you in the future, but you will also feel less compelled to act on your impulses. Food For Thought: This is a very crucial phase of your life. A relationship devoid of trust offers little room for forgiveness and adjustments. It is time to be practical, intelligent and prudent about the choices you make. Any small mistake can have dire consequences. Know the difference between what you want and your wife expects; plan and act accordingly.
  • 14. Samadhaan.com Page 13 Mistake # 2 Not being well prepared. Divorce is tough. Since it is emotionally demanding, a lot of men tend to suffer from depression or anxiety which they are unwilling to accept or discuss openly, or be treated for. This results in certain new attributes to their lifestyle like procrastination, laziness, sloppiness, paranoia and anger. And, one of the worst impacts of such attributes is – lack of preparation for divorce. This is not to say that you are still in love with your wife, and not ready to get divorced. But that you are not well-prepared to meet the divorce requirements head-on. Divorce isn’t a one-sided affair unless you are ready to let your partner manage the proceedings as they would like. If you are not filing a no-fault divorce, there will be a lot of hard-work going into starting, fighting with, and winning a divorce case. What happens when you are not well-prepared? a)Not remembering the details Why are you headed for a divorce? What factors led to this crisis and finally the big decision? Did you try resolving the issues? Yes, you did. Then, provide the proofs. Oh, you can’t. So, how do you expect us to believe your story? Most men are not thinking that far ahead in the game. They know in their hearts that they are not wrong but they have not gathered enough evidence to defend themselves. The worst is when depression takes over and one loses the very strength and optimism that is the foundation for victory. Men don’t think about the nitty-gritties of arguments and fights. They don’t think that a fight could lead them into a tough legal battle for divorce. Simple documents like restaurant bills, photos and gift receipts or writing a journal, or even holding on to sms or whatsapp messages – men do not tend to think about keeping those safe. Many times, after an argument is over, or anger mellowed down, one
  • 15. Samadhaan.com Page 14 erases text conversations on phone. These are important pieces of evidence that can work in your favour during a trial. You can find ideas and tips on Samadhaan.com where we post information on details that matter in the court. b)Hiring an incompetent lawyer Do you know how many times people change their lawyer during the course of their divorce case, even though it is a costly affair? Most couples are still contemplating on their past issues, their present misery and the uncertainty of their future, when they realize that it’s time to hire a lawyer. While some people might have hesitance in meeting with a lawyer when they are still unsure of their next step regarding their marital dispute, it is a good idea to start researching. You can find out from friends, family, colleagues or even online about good advocates in your area who practice family law. Waiting to hire a lawyer until the last moment can cost you a lot in the long run – like being stuck with the wrong lawyer, or changing lawyers in the middle of the proceedings. c) Not having enough legal information To hire a lawyer is one thing, but to know how the police system and court works is another. The divorce procedures are so complicated when it is a contested one that it’s not in your favour to leave everything on an advocate and simply show up at court dates. Lawyers are usually working on a number of cases simultaneously and another case might take priority over yours. If you are not aware about the process to be followed, you might be missing on the opportunities to make it a smoother ride for yourself. The reason you hire a lawyer is because they know about the intricacies of the law and they are qualified to represent you, and assist you with the paperwork. But, remember – no one knows your case and your situation more than you do. You have to play an active role – question the process, give your inputs at every step, check with the lawyer and their staff on updates, loopholes, change of tactics, and so forth.
  • 16. Samadhaan.com Page 15 If you fail to participate actively in your case, you increase your chances of losing at some point. How to define your role in the case? We bring the most updated, precise and effective information on legal matters through our webinars. It is your opportunity to listen to experts from all over the country and ask your questions. Register for Webinars with us. d)Unaware of financial planning for divorce If you are going through an amicable divorce, and there’s no issue about money between you both, half the battle is won. But if you are defending your case or cases, or YOU have initiated the divorce that is NOT a “mutual consent” divorce, you can expect quite a lot of money to be spent. How? Most men don’t think of the money they will be spending during divorce. First - as fee paid out to lawyers and court through the years; Second - the interim maintenance and other expenses you might be asked to shell out to your estranged partner; Third - time and efforts wasted on court procedures rather than invest in your career. Men fail to estimate the amount of financial loss divorce could mean to them, and as such do not plan for it. Financial crisis can also have repercussions on mental and physical health. A good idea is to prepare a rough estimate of legal costs involved in your divorce case. And, remember – it will only be a rough estimate because you don’t know how the case will move. You should also make an estimate of what you owe your spouse and how you will be paying it to her. Interim maintenance, permanent alimony, or division of money and assets – all should be taken into account. Through our webinars, we will be bringing financial experts to discuss this and answer your questions. We will also bring to your attention the most overlooked aspect of the financial cost of legal battles – and what is the worth of the battle as compared to your life overall. This is your opportunity to educate yourself by Signing Up for Samadhaan.com Webinars.
  • 17. Samadhaan.com Page 16 e)Not having enough evidence Decisions in courts are made on the basis of facts, arguments and evidence presented by both parties. Not everyone thinks about gathering evidence when it is easily available. In fact, most of the time once doesn’t even think that seriously about divorce. When arguments develop into a fight, rarely does one start working towards the legalities of a separation. In fact, most families like to lie low, keeping it all hushed-up to protect their reputation, career, and the relationship itself. And in many cases, it does work. People are able to resolve their differences over a period of time and the thought of using recording devices or detectives seems too intrusive and abrasive for a relationship as sacred and important as a marriage. Other than personal hesitation, there are legal guidelines on personal privacy related to wife and family members that must be followed or else the husband could land in jail for infringing on their privacy. The ongoing internal thoughts about matters such as gathering evidence are extremely confusing and troublesome – and not to mention the whole set of knowledge about what equipment to use for gathering evidences, what is useful in courts later and what is not. We, at Samadhaan.com, are very glad to be around to help you learn about what works and what does not. We have learned many of these mistakes from painful personal experiences and are glad that with our support, you won’t have to go through the painful process. Food for thought: If you don’t use the resources available to you, someone else will. Whether it’s emotional baggage, financial restraints, or our mindset, lack of preparation for divorce makes you more gullible. When you get into a legal battle you can no longer afford to be naïve, immature, unprepared – not for your own sake and certainly not for your family’s sake. Whether it’s by your choice or it is being forced upon you – once you are involved in a legal battle – you need to fight – and you need the most effective knowledge and resources for that. Which is why you need to sign up for the information updates of Samadhaan.com – we have said this again and again throughout this report – because really – there is no alternative if you want to win.
  • 18. Samadhaan.com Page 17 Mistake # 3 Unaware of changed dynamics. Have you come to terms with the new reality – the emotional divorce? This new reality includes understanding and accepting that you and your spouse are not a couple anymore; you both are not a team anymore; you both are not even friends anymore. It is a harsh reality, and the sooner you accept it, the easier it will be for you to steer yourself out of misery and emotional bankruptcy. Marriage brings with it security, trust, identity and intimacy. That’s what unites a couple together. To expect that bond to be broken overnight is not easy. In fact, study says that couples go through varying and differing levels of moving-on with the new fact of life – separation. While you may still be in the grieving – searching and yearning phase, your spouse might perhaps be on the way to recovering from the shock of divorce, and reorganizing her life further. Gone are the days when women were sitting and sulking at their parents’ home, hoping for their return and reunion with their husband. Nowadays, women are educated and independent. They develop their support system pretty quickly, seek legal advice, and streamline their finances much faster than their counterparts. Men don’t always visualize how fast their spouse’s social life, social circle and the group of well-wishers are evolving. Let’s do a quick assessment of potential new developments in your estranged spouse’s life, which if ignored or undermined, could be a huge mistake. a) Unaware of women issues When a woman leaves her matrimonial home to go back and live with her parents or even live alone, her level of insecurity shoots up. You may wonder what kind of insecurities these are. It can range anywhere from: “How will I manage without a stable income? Who will take care of me when my parents are no
  • 19. Samadhaan.com Page 18 more? How long will my brother support me?” If she is living alone, then the worries are related to finance, loneliness and emotional disturbance other than fighting a divorce case and getting maintenance, etc. These insecurities will lead her into a whole new realm of emotions. She could develop aggression and desire for revenge. Many women stop their children from meeting their father, just out of a revengeful attitude. This phase of your estranged wife is very important for your divorce case. Either you would have to manage communication with her or her family so well that the damage can be controlled, or you have to prepare your case so well that the damage done during this phase can be mitigated. We talk about this and other such problems in our webinars and you should sign up. b) Expecting your wife to still have feelings With increased responsibilities, fear of the uncertain future and a bitterness of the past, your estranged spouse could be undergoing a big upheaval in her emotional life. She is probably being advised to be practical, to move-on, and even to teach him a lesson. Lack of communication and a hostile environment (if your in-laws are unsupportive of your reunion or filing a no-fault divorce) will only add on to negative emotions. If you both haven’t been in touch for over six months it is time you ask yourself whether she still has any feelings or even compassion for you. What is she thinking? Is she really thinking to teach you a lesson for whatever reason? If the answer is yes, then she will be more prone to distort or exaggerate facts at her convenience, in order to fulfill her agenda. Whether she will teach a lesson or learn one (or in fact will waste a large amount of time under the false impression) - is another area of discussion all together. But, by considering her emotionally-disturbed state, you can make a list of possible actions she might take against you: fake allegations or FIRs of 498A, marital rape, dowry case, etc., or exaggerating issues to seek divorce and claim a fat maintenance.
  • 20. Samadhaan.com Page 19 c)Underestimating the influence of her new friends When your marital life gets disturbed, it is normal for couples to seek support outside – friend, family or colleagues. And, as they start receiving sympathy, they open up more to strangers - talking freely about their marital issues in an attempt to get the heaviness off their chest. That is the time when their circle of influence starts expanding. As they meet new people and get to share their problems with them, they have new influencers in their decision-making process. It could be extended family, friends, neighbours, colleagues or even their lawyer. As time goes by, this new set of influencers become their best friends and in this process the marital bond weakens and almost disappears. If you are not aware of this new reality that might be developing around your wife, you can prepare yourself for a big shock in the paperwork for divorce. These new influences are what prepare “soon-to-be ex-wives” to take extreme actions, make unrealistic demands, and even register fake cases against their husbands (including their entire khandaan). It has been noted that four most influential people at such times around your spouse are: mother, father, lawyer, or a “partner”. With the new trends in place, a woman starts dating pretty soon after separation and while her divorce is still in process. Again, we would emphasize the importance of preparation. Prepare for this situation as well. While your lawyer can be helpful in recommending steps to safeguard your position – socially as well as legally, you should also read more, interact and seek advice from experts who can guide you through these issues. d) Expecting her to follow the “right” path Are you expecting your wife to play fairly, behave well, be ethical and do the right thing? It is highly unlikely and its best for you to assume the worst. We don’t get married thinking we are going to break-up one day, divide our assets or fight over our children. But, the circumstances in a post-separation scenario force a new reality, especially the legal one. As soon as your estranged wife walks out of your home or into the lawyer’s office, your entire life history,
  • 21. Samadhaan.com Page 20 strengths and weaknesses, and property and professional information is out there. At that moment, it isn’t the wife making decisions, but in all probability – her lawyer is brain-washing her with techniques to make her present and future secure through your money and assets. In some cases, the lawyers will even motivate the wife to make false allegations like dowry or domestic violence upon the husband. It is important that you understand that if you and your wife have no communication for more than six months and she has already seen a lawyer, the chances are that she is being advised to exaggerate facts, make false allegations and bring in false evidence against you or anyone in your family and friends, to gain an upper hand in the case. Food For Thought: Once the emotions dry-up between the couple, it isn’t too difficult for the lawyer or another third party to motivate the wife to make fake allegations. Many lawyers have been found to provoke estranged wives to file false cases, and upon winning a settlement amount, pay commission to the lawyer. This trend has led to a steep rise in suicides among married men in India. Do not make the mistake of undermining the role of wife’s lawyer in your case, and don’t think your wife hasn’t changed or “evolved further” from how you knew her. Dowry-related FIRs Emotions of Revenge
  • 22. Samadhaan.com Page 21 Recommendation Now that you have read through this entire document, you know where men tend to make mistakes in preparing themselves mentally, emotionally or legally for a divorce. How can you apply the learning from this report to your personal situation? We recommend that you make a list of all the things which you think could go wrong if you make any of the mistakes mentioned here. This report could be the guiding document for your divorce process if you decide so. Conclusion No one is perfect and as such, we are all bound to make mistakes. But, the more we know what not to do, the better for us. Also, some mistakes are difficult to erase and they can be disastrous. Prepare yourself with reliable and latest information through the right sources. You may not have done anything to call this situation upon yourself. But now that it is here, you need to be unemotional and “professional” about it. Get the right resources, brace yourself and fight for your rights – because while others can support you, it is you yourself, who would have to do the fighting. And if you don’t know how to get or find the “right resources” then stick with us. We, the members of the Samadhaan.com team, were in your shoes at one point of time – and we went through the pain, the mistakes, the rude shocks etc., and that had us create Samadhaan.com – we find, select and present the right resources for you – so that you have someone to help you navigate this legal, emotional, social and financial labyrinth.