The document provides summaries of four Republican candidates for the 2012 election - Herman Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and current President Barack Obama - and their positions on green issues and environmental policy. All candidates express little genuine commitment to addressing climate change and environmental protection, with Cain promoting an economic plan at the expense of the environment, Romney distancing himself from the issue, Perry proposing to power executions with coal, and Obama prioritizing other issues over environmental concerns despite past support for green policies.

1. Green Movement
2012 Candidate Review

2. Green Movement
2012 Candidate Review
Name: Herman “15 minutes of fame” Cain
Credentials: Hand-tossed pizza expert
Deep-dish pizza expert (certification pending)
Always willing to give you a ride home
Green Vision Statement: “My green vision is the 9-9-9 plan:
• 9 new government subsidies,
• 9 new ways to jam the taxpayer, and
• 9 new Congressional investigations
9-9-9!!! It’s so simple.”
Not printed on recycled material; do not want to offend Republican base

3. Green Movement
2012 Candidate Review
Name: Mitt “I’ve got the other Green” Romney
Credentials: • Governor of Massachusetts (lots of greenies there)
• CEO of Bain Capital
• Green isn’t my strong suit, but at least we’re not
talking Religion!
Green Vision Statement: “My hope is to survive this issue and to move
on to things that I actually care about.”
Not printed on recycled material; do not want to offend Republican base

4. Green Movement
2012 Candidate Review
Name: Rick “And you thought W was dumb” Perry
Credentials: • Governor of the Republic of Texas
• Not a Mormon
• 3rd Alternate on Abilene Junior High Debate Team
Green Vision Statement: “If elected, I pledge to transition all
executions to clean coal power by 2020.”
Not printed on recycled material; do not want to offend Republican base

5. Green Movement
2012 Candidate Review
Name: Barack “Don’t call me Hussein” Obama
Credentials: • President of the United States
• Used to care about green issues
• Have I told you my Osama Bin Laden story?
Green Vision Statement: “What do tree-huggers and Occupy Wall
Street have in common?
They’re going to vote for me no matter what,
so I may as well score some more points
elsewhere. DRILL BABY DRILL!”
Printed on paper confiscated from wealthy people

6. Green Movement
2012 Candidate Review
Did you ever dream that we would miss these guys?
“Sure, I won the Nobel Prize for regurgitating
other people’s ideas. But seriously, Barack won
it for what you thought he might do someday.
I sure hope you’ve learned your lesson!”
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it
hemispheric in nature because it is a product
that we can find in our neighborhoods."
-- Actual quote from December 20th, 2000