1. 9
The Problem With
Change Is Us
By Laurel A. Kashinn
Change is constant. From cellular
degradation to the weather to our solar
system hurtling through space at 70,000
kilometers per hour—nothing stays the
same.
The problem is us and change. Do we
fight or accept it? Can we create or steer
it? How do we break bad habits, instill
good ones, and find happiness and peace
for our families?
Correct orientation is prerequisite. To
cross oceans, sails must be oriented
properly to catch the wind. To germinate,
seeds must be planted in the right soil at
the right depth with the right light,
warmth, and rain. To return, Apollo 13
astronauts had to calculate position, speed
and time their thrust and trajectory
perfectly. We don’t want to set sail in a
thunderstorm. We wouldn’t plant a
vegetable garden in autumn.
A powerful orientation towards change
is embodied in a famous prayer by
Richard Niebuhr, proven to help lift lives
out of the deepest, darkest pits of
addiction and despair:
“God, grant me serenity to
accept the things I cannot
change, courage to change
the things I can, and the
wisdom to know the
difference.”
HUMILITY
Calling upon a higher power creates a
powerful orientation: humility.
“I have three precious things to which I
hold fast and prize,” Lao Tzu said. “The
first is gentleness; the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from
putting myself before others. Be gentle
and you can be bold; be frugal and you
can be liberal; avoid putting yourself
before others and you can become a leader
among men.”
SERENITY to accept things
I cannot change
Begin within to find serenity: be calm,
peaceful and untroubled even when seeing
something disturbing.
“If we work to correct ourselves and
look more intently towards our ‘inner’
activity rather than our external, giving
precedence to divine help,” Elder Paisios
said, “we can in turn be of greater and
more positive help to others. We will also
achieve an inner serenity that will quietly
help the souls of the people we come
across because spiritual serenity reflects
the virtue of the soul and transforms
souls.”
ACCEPT what cannot be changed
The world tempts us to believe we have
control over many things which in truth
we do not. It seems we can control other
people, animals, children, nature, culture,
or events outside ourselves. It seems
strong people control weaker people. But
in truth, almost all control is an illusion.
What he have, Steven Covey said, is
circles of influence. Most people waste
energy on much bigger circles of concern.
Take the most helpless being
imaginable: a baby. Ask the baby’s
parents. Do mom or dad actually control
when the baby sleeps or wakes? Do they
control when she rolls over, smiles, pees
in her diaper, or cries? Yes, they can affect
her. But control is another matter.
In truth the only thing we have genuine
control over is ourselves, our inner state
of mind, what we think, say, and do. Our
biggest hurdle: our habits dominate us.
“All our life so far as it has definite
form,” William James said, “is but a mass
of habits – practical, emotional, and
intellectual–systematically organized for
our wealth or woe, and bearing us
irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever
the latter may be.”
In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg
explores the science of habit with hopeful
conclusions. People can and The small
habits make big differences.
In The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy
describes three friends. One decides he’s
happy as is and makes no changes. The
second chooses to install a new flat-screen
TV and bar in his home, and starts
enjoying a cocktail and rich meal once a
week. The third friend makes a small
change, cutting 125 calories per day and
walking after dinner. All were small
changes, but after 31 months: Friend 1
stayed the same, friend 2 gained 30
pounds, friend 3 lost 30 pounds. Duhigg
concludes there are thousands of formulas
for changing habits, sharing a common
strategy:
Cue --> Routine --> Reward (Repeat)
To change habits:
1) Identify the routine. What happens
when? 2) Identify the true reward. You
might salivate for a treat, but the real
reward may be emotional or social.
Alleviating loneliness? Distraction from
painful thoughts? 3) Identify the cue: what
triggers the routine? 4) Make a plan. What
will you do differently? What will the new
reward be? Then practice.
COURAGE to change what I can
In The Miracle Morning, Hal Elrod
breaks habit formation into three phases:
the first 10 days are Unbearable, the
second 10 days are Uncomfortable, the
last 10 days are Unstoppable. Most give
up during the Unbearable days. Courage is
needed to change habits.
WISDOM to know the difference
WISDOM is the final key to enjoying
continual changes in life. May there be
wisdom in abundance!
∆
Laurel A. Kashinn is a certified ghostwriter.
resume ghostwriter and public speaker who
helps people navigate change in their lives
through the written word. She can be found at
www.WriteStuffResources.com.
The Inner Voice Magazine, March, 2015 http://TheInnerVoiceMagazine.com