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Fuck this Fucking Agile Bullshit

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Stakeholders are unhappy, customers are frustrated and the team is SICK of estimating (WTF do these numbers mean anyway?). If we don't confront the limitations of agile, the whole thing will break. In this presentation I want to share some of the insights our company has discovered to adapt agile to the realities of personalities, organizations and the universe at large.

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Fuck this Fucking Agile Bullshit

  1. 1. Jared Novack @jarednova “Fuckthisfucking
 AgileBullshit”
  2. 2. Jared Novack @jarednova Role Play Time!
  3. 3. WARNING: This is going to seem ridiculous
  4. 4. “Greatchoice!”
  5. 5. AGILE ARCHITECTS
  6. 6. Jared Novack @jarednova “As a museum visitor I want to see art so I can appreciate it.”
  7. 7. Jared Novack @jarednova
  8. 8. Jared Novack @jarednova
  9. 9. Jared Novack @jarednova Where’s the gift shop? Where’s the cafe? Where’s the rest of my art?
  10. 10. UserStorySolved!
  11. 11. Jared Novack @jarednova When’s it going to be done? What’s it going to look like? What’s it going to cost?
  12. 12. • Never •We’llsee • ALOT
  13. 13. Jared Novack @jarednova “Fuckthisfucking
 AgileBullshit” - Solomon R. Guggenheim
  14. 14. THAT’S AGILE!
  15. 15. Wait,whoareyou? PART I
  16. 16. Jared Novack @jarednova
  17. 17. Jared Novack @jarednova
  18. 18. Jared Novack @jarednova
  19. 19. Jared Novack @jarednova
  20. 20. Jared Novack @jarednova [School Children in Norway]
  21. 21. Jared Novack @jarednova [School Children in Norway]
  22. 22. Jared Novack @jarednova
  23. 23. Jared Novack @jarednova “Fuckthisfucking
 AgileBullshit” - My Wife
  24. 24. Backtotheworldof Softwareandsuch… Part II
  25. 25. Jared Novack @jarednova [School Children in Norway]
  26. 26. Jared Novack @jarednova
  27. 27. EMPATHIZE
  28. 28. Jared Novack @jarednova
  29. 29. Expectations Part IIV
  30. 30. Jared Novack @jarednova
  31. 31. Jared Novack @jarednova Who here likes advice from strangers?
  32. 32. Jared Novack @jarednova
  33. 33. Jared Novack @jarednova PEOPLE MEETING
  34. 34. Jared Novack @jarednova Sprint Review Grooming Backlog Standup Kaizen Retrospective Product Owner rum Master Pointing Burndown Sprint Planning Acceptance Criteria Definition of Done User Story Velocity Epic Estimatio Buffer imum Viable Product Iteration Planning Poker Team Thre mebox For Revie In Progress Accepted e Questions Abort Sprint nuous Integration Road Map
  35. 35. Jared Novack @jarednova [Pay for a Scrum Class]
  36. 36. Jared Novack @jarednova “Uncertaintyisthe
 sourceofallstress”
  37. 37. Jared Novack @jarednova Creative Concepts
  38. 38. Jared Novack @jarednova
  39. 39. Execution Part IV
  40. 40. Jared Novack @jarednova
  41. 41. Jared Novack @jarednova Promise What I can
  42. 42. Jared Novack @jarednova
  43. 43. Jared Novack @jarednova
  44. 44. Jared Novack @jarednova
  45. 45. Jared Novack @jarednova Complete the Sprint
  46. 46. Jared Novack @jarednova 105150
  47. 47. Jared Novack @jarednova
  48. 48. Jared Novack @jarednova
  49. 49. Jared Novack @jarednova Don’t expose technical details … that the PO can’t meaningfully understand
 or control
  50. 50. Jared Novack @jarednova NO
  51. 51. Jared Novack @jarednova
  52. 52. TheTeam Part VX
  53. 53. Jared Novack @jarednova
  54. 54. Jared Novack @jarednova
  55. 55. Jared Novack @jarednova “Fuckthisfucking
 AgileBullshit” - Designers & Engineers on Our Team
  56. 56. Jared Novack @jarednova
  57. 57. Jared Novack @jarednova Questions? Discussion
  58. 58. Jared Novack @jarednova Thank you!

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