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             03-27-2009          10:16 PM                                                                                                                           #1

                                                                                                                                          Join Date:          Jun 2008
                               Board Forum Blogger                                                                                        Location:         The land of
                               Administrator
                                                                                                                                                           Jubolympics
                                                                                                                                          Posts:                  1,680




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What to do if you feel like using cannabis
          When you are feeling bad and feel like you are about to crack, instead of caving in and using again, write down what you are
          feeling, then come and post it here, it will help to share what you are going through with others who are going through the
          same, it does work, that’s why groups like narcotics anonymous are so successful at helping people recover and I would always
          advise joining one of them, the only problem is that they are not available 24/7, we are, take advantage of our free service. We
          are all trying to quit and stay off marijuana, we are all with you. So whether is day 5 or year five since you last used, if you feel
          like you want to use again, come and tell us about it. Also why not make some replies and show some support to others, you
          may find helping others gives you far more back than you could ever imagine and helps keep you on the right track in return.

          Sharing your experience will not only help yourself, but it will help others too and on behalf of myself and everybody who uses
          this forum, I sincerely thank you for your contribution.




          Take care



          BFB

          If this forum has helped you please pay it forward and help Kiva. Help others help themselves!!! Peace and love!!!



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04-13-2009   11:10 AM                                                                                                               #2

                                                                                                                        Join Date:        Mar 2009
          needabreak
                                                                                                                        Location: the green isle of
          Senior Member
                                                                                                                         ireland-green cause of all
                                                                                                                             the feckin rain-thanks
                                                                                                                                            atlantic!
                                                                                                                        Posts:                  130


               cheers BFB!
          i'm in2 my third potless week-one nite last week i called to a mates house and th second i saw th smoke i was haven it-smoked
          a few joints-made a joint and smoked it wen i got home-aint smoked since-

          i cant say no-so i'm avoidn smokers for a bit-dont know how long-i'll just have to take it as it comes-other peoples' xperience
          definitly helps-

          cheers BFB-ur work's vital to help me stay stoppd-



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             05-05-2009   02:39 PM                                                                                                               #3

                                                                                                                        Join Date:        Mar 2009
          hippychick                                                                                                    Posts:                 114
          Senior Member




          Hey guys...its 3:20 am and I am wide awake...had one of those dreams, but this time its actually a positive thing. Had a bad
          nite last nite...just life and detoxing getting on top of me..I dreamed I caved...I was sitting in my bedroom (as I did) going thru
          the rituals and smoking myhead off....so real I could swear when I woke up I felt stoned! But the feeling I had when I woke
          up...just so disappointed in myself, for my kids..felt really heartsick...was an excellent reminder of how it would be if I really did
          relapse..if I let my circumstances and this damn pot addiction get the better of me..I wasn't thinking about pot when I went to
          sleep (finally!) but I guess my subconscious is still clinging to the old habits and escape techniques. Anyway, I just never want
          to feel that kind of disappointment in myself again, so it was an apt reminder. So guys, please keep fighting, cos I don't want
          any of u to feel that way about yourselves either...we'v all come so far..even those of you who are on your first nite are
          stronger than u were the day before cos it takes balls to acknowledge an addiction and even bigger ones to stop. At least this
          dream served a purpose and did not contain wierd and unreal images or situations...I hate those! It really brought home the
          fact that although life sux rite now, it would suck even more if I went back..that it doesn't suck as much as it did when I was a
          pothead and just too disconnected and pleasantly numb to realise it. Just wanted to share that with you all. Peace. Keep
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fighting!



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             05-07-2009   05:39 PM                                                                                                          #4

                                                                                                                       Join Date:     Mar 2009
          hippychick                                                                                                   Posts:              114
          Senior Member




          Hey guys,
          Another fitful, sleepless nite..had a nasty dream and was rite back at the last incident my ex assaulted me....his family standing
          around...so I came on here. I'v been looking at wierd al clips on you tube (something suggested to me by my cyber buddy) and
          it has worked wornders....laughed so much my tummy is sore! So I thought I'd just mention it and recommend the same thing to
          u guys...if wierd al isn't ur style, find something or somebody who is...tired but a lot more centred and have no urge to numb
          my brain with pot..so happy bout that, cos the excercises the counsellor taught me weren't effective tonight...it was all just
          too real..made me feel exactly like I did that nite...was just bombarded with scary images..but now I'm smiling...try it..it just
          mite work! Peace.



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             05-26-2009   04:20 PM                                                                                                          #5

                                                                                                                       Join Date:     Mar 2009
          hippychick
                                                                                                                       Posts:              114
          Senior Member


               What I did when I felt like using
          I just want you guys to know that if it wasn't for you all I would have caved last nite..the struggle with the ex mite be ova (or
          nearly ova) but the general stuggle of life goes on..I can't find a house, guys...they're either too small, too expensive, too
          shonky or too far away! I still can't figure out how to afford to move either. And the issues surrounding the ex haven't magically
          disappeared so last nite I was just being bombarded with a lot of freaky, yucky thoughts. I spilled my guts to my quitting buddy
          and then spent a great deal of time reading through the posts on the forum until I felt strong enough not to pick up the phone
          and call one of my stoner mates....thats the scary thing for me rite now..one phone call is all it wud take..never mind that I'v
          deleted all the numbers...I'm very conscious of that...I'm sure my pothead mates are just waiting to welcome me back into the
          fold...so guys, if any of you are at that stage where ur really fighting the urge and even tho u know u shouldn't go back to
          pot...the reasons are still clear for not going back, but life and ur brain makes u want to disregard it all, say "what the hell" and
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partake anyway....gain the strength u need to say no by coming here and either venting or just reading thru other peoples
          posts..both is my preference! Cos thanks to u guys I made it to 5 weeks and 1 day without having to start again....again!



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             06-05-2009   04:35 AM                                                                                                           #6

          Unregistered
          Guest


               Day 6
          Hello, I'm a mother of three and have been smoking for about.........well, awhile. I come from two parents that are most
          certainly addicted to pot, as well as my brother. I grew up with a mother that would either lock herself in her room for long
          periods of time, or ground me for inexplicable reasons. I realized as an adult that this was because she was smoking all the
          time. I am ashamed to admit that I have been doing the exact same thing to my children. I have a beautiful daughter, Gracie,
          who is 7 years old and one of the best people I have ever met. She is honest, sweet, fair, and astoundingly smart. My older
          son, Hunter, is 6. He is currently in therapy for emotional issues he is experiencing, I feel, from mine and my husband's lack
          of...........well, I'm not really sure exactly, but I know that I haven't given him the proper attention I should, not by a long shot.
          My infant son, Walt, is 8 months old, and I worry every day that he will be affected by my continuous smoking while pregnant. I
          am so, so, so ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to quit for him. I am a very selfish person, and pot has enabled me to turn
          a blind eye to all of my issues. I've had at least 7-8 jobs in the last five years, and none of them have lasted over 9 months.
          Almost all were lost or quit due to habitual absenteeism. My husband, who is not afflicted by an addiction to pot, has supported
          me continuously for the 6 1/2 years of our marriage. He is a wonderful father to our children and an inspiration for me. In July,
          he will have been sober for 2 years. He quit smoking cigarettes of his own accord 3 years ago. He is my rock, and who I use as
          a sort of "listening counselor". He listens while I talk, basically.

          I have tried to quit in the past, and have succeeded marginally here and there, only to fall back into the same trap over and
          over again. This past Saturday, while lying in bed, I made a promise to myself that I would stop eating meat and quit smoking
          pot. I'm not really sure what brought it on, but I know that I've had a desire to start taking care of my body for awhile now. I
          grew up with an average frame, and usually hovered around the 140 lb. mark, and I stand at 5'4". After having my older son, I
          started smoking on a regular basis, which turned into pretty much all day every day. I have added about sixty pounds to my
          body, which alternately disgusts me and terrifies me. I feel like my addiction has cost me so many things, and I just want to
          feel normal again. I want my children to have a normal mom, who has the energy during the day to take them places they want
          to go, and who has the willpower to get healthy. I worry that if I don't quit for good this time, eventually they will be
          teenagers, and start the cycle all over again. I don't want that for them. All I want is for them to be happy and healthy, and I
          know that an addiction to pot would hinder both of those things. I feel like I have the strength, this time, and I am so thankful
          for this forum, which has, right now, allowed me to think about all of these things, and to get my mind back where it belongs
          and off wanting to smoke.
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Reply With Quote


             06-05-2009   09:45 AM                                                                                                      #7

                                                                                                                    Join Date:     Jun 2009
          agent227                                                                                                  Posts:                2
          Junior Member




          The previous post is mine. I'm now registered. Thanks for the amazing support guys. I've been reading more posts, and it's just
          making me want to say clean even more.



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             06-05-2009   12:41 PM                                                                                                      #8

                                                                                                                    Join Date:     Jun 2009
          Night Nurse                                                                                               Posts:                2
          Junior Member


               Thank you
          Great, inspiring post! I also have 2 small kids, 6 and 8 years old. The thing that hurts me the most is when they look straight
          into your eyes, and they know. I know that they do. Maybe not what it is, but that something is different. I just got that look
          from them.

          Thank you for your post. All of you have given me hope.



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             06-05-2009   03:34 PM                                                                                                      #9

                                                                                                                    Join Date:    Mar 2009
          hippychick                                                                                                Posts:             114
          Senior Member


               From one mum to others

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Hi Agent 227 & Night Nurse,

          I know what u mean guys...I really do. All of it. I've got 4 precious daughters, and a grand daughter due in August. Sometimes
          the guilt of what I'v done....let myself become a slave to pot...is overwhelming. But loving your children as much as you do, and
          honestly acknowledging that it affects them...and using that, using them as ur motivation to stop smoking can be a very good
          thing. ..a positive thing. For me it was the only motivation that worked and kept me strong...and still does...cos like u guys my
          kids are my world, I love them dearly and cannot go back to the detatched, screwed up mum I was...they're too important to
          me. That desire and that refusal to take my focus off of them is the bottom line in why I am still straight, cos I really struggle
          sometimes with that urge to have a j when things are getting to me...when I'm really upset or angry(be prepared for that cos
          even if ur normally a peaceful, placid person...the anger throws you..it can get really intense) or overwhelmed by my life, or
          anything that used to automatically make me light up, really.

          But I can truthfully say that this forum has been the main thing that has helped maintain my focus...helped me to remember
          how important this is..and given me the support and encouragement I'v needed to keep myself fixated on my girls and my
          promise to not go back. I'v been going thru some pretty major stuff...still am...but I do not want to see the look in their eyes
          that u guys know so well again...I saw it all the time...and I despised myself for it....which made me hide those feelings by
          getting stoned. Its a vicious cycle...but the good news is that it can be broken. Its been 6 weeks and 4 days for me...and even
          though life has thrown some yucky stuff at me, I'm coping much better because I'm not smoking...I'm not drowning in despair
          and my mind is so much clearer...and the counselling has meant that I'm starting to heal and learn to deal with things
          better....and again, at those times when things are getting too much, this is where I come...these are the people that I talk
          to..and it has helped me every single time...they are amazing...so compassionate, understanding, supportive, encouraging and
          wise...and they're always here. I really encourage u to post as often as u need to, cos the difference it makes is incredible.

          Please try not to get bogged down by the guilt guys...I know its hard not to, but u have to keep in mind that u'v done good
          things for your children too...they know that u love them, and many parents do things that affect their kids....some never
          realise or acknowledge it...and u both have....thats the start of the change...thats the start of a better life for them and for
          you...and you should feel proud of that..proud that ur here and doing something about it. My parents have never smoked
          pot...never really drank, but they continually hurt myself and my girls because of how they are...their lack of support and
          critisism....when I was a child, nobody outside would ever have guessed what was going on...that my bro's and myself were
          feeling miserable and unloved and unacceptable...it was a nuclear family, and my dad was a pastor...my point is that smoking
          pot does not make u a bad person or a hopeless parent...and especially cos u want to do the best for your kids and you're
          actually working on changing the thing u'v recognised as something that hurts them, u should feel proud of that. I really hope
          that both of u can acknowledge the courage and strength it is taking you to even come to the decision to stop...its a really
          scary thing to face up to...even more so to start to change.

          But you don't have to be scared, I promise. Its a tough thing. It sux really badly at times, but the rewards are
          indescribable....the connection with your kids...the awareness and gratefullness of who they are...all the little things that u
          miss when ur enslaved to an addiction...its truly mind blowing. Its the best feeling guys...a bit like when you hold them as tiny
          babies...when ur looking at that tiny face and resolving to do the best that u possibly can for them...when ur discovering all the
          things that make them so unique and special to you....its not too late to do that again...
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So I really want to encourage you both...to tell u that I feel so much for u...to realise ur stuffing up your own life is one thing,
          but I know how awful that feeling is when u realise that its affected your precious children..BUT...everyone makes mistakes
          guys...everyone...and you're both obviously loving parents who want the very best for your kids...thats the important
          thing...thats the thing to really hold onto and remember...pot robs u of feeling like there's any good in u at all, but its not
          true..I know it feels that way, but its a big fat lie. So please remember the good in yourselves...please remember that there's
          so much more to u than being a pothead..and the longer you go without pot, the more things u'll recognise about yourself that
          u like...that ur proud of.

          And please come here and post whenever you need to..we all understand. Everyone here knows the struggle and a lot of us are
          parents and can totally understand those feelings of inadequacy and guilt...they're just awful. We're here when u need us,
          especially at the times when it all gets too much. Take care of yourselves and remember u can do this...we're here to help you
          with that...I'm proof of how much this forum can work..I will be grateful to these people for the rest of my life cos they'v helped
          me to take back my life and provide a much better life for my kids...the possibility of a much better future. That just means
          everything to me. Good luck to both of you...we're with u all the way. Peace.



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             06-06-2009   03:24 PM                                                                                                          #10

                                                                                                                        Join Date:      Jun 2009
          agent227                                                                                                      Posts:                 2
          Junior Member


               Snowballing
          Yesterday was a wonderful day for me. I met my friend in the downtown area of the big city near me for lunch, and we took a
          long walk afterward. After I left her, I went to the flea market my mother-in-law runs and browsed, even found my infant the
          cutest little baby chuck taylor black high tops. Had an awesome evening with the hubby, and fell asleep incredibly early
          because of my schedule being so whack from quitting. Today, however, is a different story. Yesterday, I hardly thought about
          smoking, and when I did, it was only to congratulate myself on what a great job I'm doing so far.

          Today, I have found myself craving it like crazy, and even thinking about how I might go about getting ahold of something. I
          was out in traffic today and could hardly contain my anger, and I yelled at my daughter today for chewing with her mouth
          open. As I mentioned in a previous post, my daughter is sweet as can be, and in no way deserved my misplaced anger. I am
          craving it so bad right now, and I feel like the only solution would be to take a nap for the rest of the day. I feel incredibly
          depressed, and anxious.

          Also, my family and I are going canoeing tomorrow, which I love, but it will be the first time I've ever gone with smoking one
          somewhere along the way. It just doesn't feel like it will be as enjoyable. I feel like I'll be thinking the whole time about how I
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would be having way more fun if I were high. I know that I'm not strong enough to be a casual smoker, that it's all or nothing
          for me, but even at this very moment, I'm trying to reconcile with myself that it would be okay just to smoke one tomorrow and
          that I could continue on with my abstinence afterward. That's just bull, and I know it. I'm just not feeling very strong right
          now. It's really, really, REALLY hard. Especially after my mother, even after I told her that I'm clean, lit one up right in front of
          me. She's a real nutcase, and I think it genuinely bothers her thinking about me being strong enough to quit. Well, I guess I'm
          going to go have a nap. I'll try to keep my chin up.



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  • 1. User Name Password Log in Help Register Remember Me? Home Forums Third World Loans Help Cure Diseases Free Rice Today's Posts FAQ Calendar Community Forum Actions Quick Links Donate Advanced Search Forum Marijuana Addiction Support What to do if you feel like using cannabis Cookie Policy This site uses cyour first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You do not need to register to post, however if you If this is ookies to store would like to: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the information on your computer. selectionmore Read below. Happy to accept? Results 1 to 10 of 92 Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 ... Last + Reply to Thread Thread: What to do if you feel like using cannabis Powered by Heart Internet Thread Tools Sponsored Links Roundup® Video www.Scotts.com/Roundup View Videos On How Roundup Can Help Kill Tough Weeds & Grasses. 0 03-27-2009 10:16 PM #1 Join Date: Jun 2008 Board Forum Blogger Location: The land of Administrator Jubolympics Posts: 1,680 open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 2. What to do if you feel like using cannabis When you are feeling bad and feel like you are about to crack, instead of caving in and using again, write down what you are feeling, then come and post it here, it will help to share what you are going through with others who are going through the same, it does work, that’s why groups like narcotics anonymous are so successful at helping people recover and I would always advise joining one of them, the only problem is that they are not available 24/7, we are, take advantage of our free service. We are all trying to quit and stay off marijuana, we are all with you. So whether is day 5 or year five since you last used, if you feel like you want to use again, come and tell us about it. Also why not make some replies and show some support to others, you may find helping others gives you far more back than you could ever imagine and helps keep you on the right track in return. Sharing your experience will not only help yourself, but it will help others too and on behalf of myself and everybody who uses this forum, I sincerely thank you for your contribution. Take care BFB If this forum has helped you please pay it forward and help Kiva. Help others help themselves!!! Peace and love!!! Reply With Quote open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 3. 04-13-2009 11:10 AM #2 Join Date: Mar 2009 needabreak Location: the green isle of Senior Member ireland-green cause of all the feckin rain-thanks atlantic! Posts: 130 cheers BFB! i'm in2 my third potless week-one nite last week i called to a mates house and th second i saw th smoke i was haven it-smoked a few joints-made a joint and smoked it wen i got home-aint smoked since- i cant say no-so i'm avoidn smokers for a bit-dont know how long-i'll just have to take it as it comes-other peoples' xperience definitly helps- cheers BFB-ur work's vital to help me stay stoppd- Reply With Quote 05-05-2009 02:39 PM #3 Join Date: Mar 2009 hippychick Posts: 114 Senior Member Hey guys...its 3:20 am and I am wide awake...had one of those dreams, but this time its actually a positive thing. Had a bad nite last nite...just life and detoxing getting on top of me..I dreamed I caved...I was sitting in my bedroom (as I did) going thru the rituals and smoking myhead off....so real I could swear when I woke up I felt stoned! But the feeling I had when I woke up...just so disappointed in myself, for my kids..felt really heartsick...was an excellent reminder of how it would be if I really did relapse..if I let my circumstances and this damn pot addiction get the better of me..I wasn't thinking about pot when I went to sleep (finally!) but I guess my subconscious is still clinging to the old habits and escape techniques. Anyway, I just never want to feel that kind of disappointment in myself again, so it was an apt reminder. So guys, please keep fighting, cos I don't want any of u to feel that way about yourselves either...we'v all come so far..even those of you who are on your first nite are stronger than u were the day before cos it takes balls to acknowledge an addiction and even bigger ones to stop. At least this dream served a purpose and did not contain wierd and unreal images or situations...I hate those! It really brought home the fact that although life sux rite now, it would suck even more if I went back..that it doesn't suck as much as it did when I was a pothead and just too disconnected and pleasantly numb to realise it. Just wanted to share that with you all. Peace. Keep open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 4. fighting! Reply With Quote 05-07-2009 05:39 PM #4 Join Date: Mar 2009 hippychick Posts: 114 Senior Member Hey guys, Another fitful, sleepless nite..had a nasty dream and was rite back at the last incident my ex assaulted me....his family standing around...so I came on here. I'v been looking at wierd al clips on you tube (something suggested to me by my cyber buddy) and it has worked wornders....laughed so much my tummy is sore! So I thought I'd just mention it and recommend the same thing to u guys...if wierd al isn't ur style, find something or somebody who is...tired but a lot more centred and have no urge to numb my brain with pot..so happy bout that, cos the excercises the counsellor taught me weren't effective tonight...it was all just too real..made me feel exactly like I did that nite...was just bombarded with scary images..but now I'm smiling...try it..it just mite work! Peace. Reply With Quote 05-26-2009 04:20 PM #5 Join Date: Mar 2009 hippychick Posts: 114 Senior Member What I did when I felt like using I just want you guys to know that if it wasn't for you all I would have caved last nite..the struggle with the ex mite be ova (or nearly ova) but the general stuggle of life goes on..I can't find a house, guys...they're either too small, too expensive, too shonky or too far away! I still can't figure out how to afford to move either. And the issues surrounding the ex haven't magically disappeared so last nite I was just being bombarded with a lot of freaky, yucky thoughts. I spilled my guts to my quitting buddy and then spent a great deal of time reading through the posts on the forum until I felt strong enough not to pick up the phone and call one of my stoner mates....thats the scary thing for me rite now..one phone call is all it wud take..never mind that I'v deleted all the numbers...I'm very conscious of that...I'm sure my pothead mates are just waiting to welcome me back into the fold...so guys, if any of you are at that stage where ur really fighting the urge and even tho u know u shouldn't go back to pot...the reasons are still clear for not going back, but life and ur brain makes u want to disregard it all, say "what the hell" and open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 5. partake anyway....gain the strength u need to say no by coming here and either venting or just reading thru other peoples posts..both is my preference! Cos thanks to u guys I made it to 5 weeks and 1 day without having to start again....again! Reply With Quote 06-05-2009 04:35 AM #6 Unregistered Guest Day 6 Hello, I'm a mother of three and have been smoking for about.........well, awhile. I come from two parents that are most certainly addicted to pot, as well as my brother. I grew up with a mother that would either lock herself in her room for long periods of time, or ground me for inexplicable reasons. I realized as an adult that this was because she was smoking all the time. I am ashamed to admit that I have been doing the exact same thing to my children. I have a beautiful daughter, Gracie, who is 7 years old and one of the best people I have ever met. She is honest, sweet, fair, and astoundingly smart. My older son, Hunter, is 6. He is currently in therapy for emotional issues he is experiencing, I feel, from mine and my husband's lack of...........well, I'm not really sure exactly, but I know that I haven't given him the proper attention I should, not by a long shot. My infant son, Walt, is 8 months old, and I worry every day that he will be affected by my continuous smoking while pregnant. I am so, so, so ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to quit for him. I am a very selfish person, and pot has enabled me to turn a blind eye to all of my issues. I've had at least 7-8 jobs in the last five years, and none of them have lasted over 9 months. Almost all were lost or quit due to habitual absenteeism. My husband, who is not afflicted by an addiction to pot, has supported me continuously for the 6 1/2 years of our marriage. He is a wonderful father to our children and an inspiration for me. In July, he will have been sober for 2 years. He quit smoking cigarettes of his own accord 3 years ago. He is my rock, and who I use as a sort of "listening counselor". He listens while I talk, basically. I have tried to quit in the past, and have succeeded marginally here and there, only to fall back into the same trap over and over again. This past Saturday, while lying in bed, I made a promise to myself that I would stop eating meat and quit smoking pot. I'm not really sure what brought it on, but I know that I've had a desire to start taking care of my body for awhile now. I grew up with an average frame, and usually hovered around the 140 lb. mark, and I stand at 5'4". After having my older son, I started smoking on a regular basis, which turned into pretty much all day every day. I have added about sixty pounds to my body, which alternately disgusts me and terrifies me. I feel like my addiction has cost me so many things, and I just want to feel normal again. I want my children to have a normal mom, who has the energy during the day to take them places they want to go, and who has the willpower to get healthy. I worry that if I don't quit for good this time, eventually they will be teenagers, and start the cycle all over again. I don't want that for them. All I want is for them to be happy and healthy, and I know that an addiction to pot would hinder both of those things. I feel like I have the strength, this time, and I am so thankful for this forum, which has, right now, allowed me to think about all of these things, and to get my mind back where it belongs and off wanting to smoke. open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 6. Reply With Quote 06-05-2009 09:45 AM #7 Join Date: Jun 2009 agent227 Posts: 2 Junior Member The previous post is mine. I'm now registered. Thanks for the amazing support guys. I've been reading more posts, and it's just making me want to say clean even more. Reply With Quote 06-05-2009 12:41 PM #8 Join Date: Jun 2009 Night Nurse Posts: 2 Junior Member Thank you Great, inspiring post! I also have 2 small kids, 6 and 8 years old. The thing that hurts me the most is when they look straight into your eyes, and they know. I know that they do. Maybe not what it is, but that something is different. I just got that look from them. Thank you for your post. All of you have given me hope. Reply With Quote 06-05-2009 03:34 PM #9 Join Date: Mar 2009 hippychick Posts: 114 Senior Member From one mum to others open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 7. Hi Agent 227 & Night Nurse, I know what u mean guys...I really do. All of it. I've got 4 precious daughters, and a grand daughter due in August. Sometimes the guilt of what I'v done....let myself become a slave to pot...is overwhelming. But loving your children as much as you do, and honestly acknowledging that it affects them...and using that, using them as ur motivation to stop smoking can be a very good thing. ..a positive thing. For me it was the only motivation that worked and kept me strong...and still does...cos like u guys my kids are my world, I love them dearly and cannot go back to the detatched, screwed up mum I was...they're too important to me. That desire and that refusal to take my focus off of them is the bottom line in why I am still straight, cos I really struggle sometimes with that urge to have a j when things are getting to me...when I'm really upset or angry(be prepared for that cos even if ur normally a peaceful, placid person...the anger throws you..it can get really intense) or overwhelmed by my life, or anything that used to automatically make me light up, really. But I can truthfully say that this forum has been the main thing that has helped maintain my focus...helped me to remember how important this is..and given me the support and encouragement I'v needed to keep myself fixated on my girls and my promise to not go back. I'v been going thru some pretty major stuff...still am...but I do not want to see the look in their eyes that u guys know so well again...I saw it all the time...and I despised myself for it....which made me hide those feelings by getting stoned. Its a vicious cycle...but the good news is that it can be broken. Its been 6 weeks and 4 days for me...and even though life has thrown some yucky stuff at me, I'm coping much better because I'm not smoking...I'm not drowning in despair and my mind is so much clearer...and the counselling has meant that I'm starting to heal and learn to deal with things better....and again, at those times when things are getting too much, this is where I come...these are the people that I talk to..and it has helped me every single time...they are amazing...so compassionate, understanding, supportive, encouraging and wise...and they're always here. I really encourage u to post as often as u need to, cos the difference it makes is incredible. Please try not to get bogged down by the guilt guys...I know its hard not to, but u have to keep in mind that u'v done good things for your children too...they know that u love them, and many parents do things that affect their kids....some never realise or acknowledge it...and u both have....thats the start of the change...thats the start of a better life for them and for you...and you should feel proud of that..proud that ur here and doing something about it. My parents have never smoked pot...never really drank, but they continually hurt myself and my girls because of how they are...their lack of support and critisism....when I was a child, nobody outside would ever have guessed what was going on...that my bro's and myself were feeling miserable and unloved and unacceptable...it was a nuclear family, and my dad was a pastor...my point is that smoking pot does not make u a bad person or a hopeless parent...and especially cos u want to do the best for your kids and you're actually working on changing the thing u'v recognised as something that hurts them, u should feel proud of that. I really hope that both of u can acknowledge the courage and strength it is taking you to even come to the decision to stop...its a really scary thing to face up to...even more so to start to change. But you don't have to be scared, I promise. Its a tough thing. It sux really badly at times, but the rewards are indescribable....the connection with your kids...the awareness and gratefullness of who they are...all the little things that u miss when ur enslaved to an addiction...its truly mind blowing. Its the best feeling guys...a bit like when you hold them as tiny babies...when ur looking at that tiny face and resolving to do the best that u possibly can for them...when ur discovering all the things that make them so unique and special to you....its not too late to do that again... open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 8. So I really want to encourage you both...to tell u that I feel so much for u...to realise ur stuffing up your own life is one thing, but I know how awful that feeling is when u realise that its affected your precious children..BUT...everyone makes mistakes guys...everyone...and you're both obviously loving parents who want the very best for your kids...thats the important thing...thats the thing to really hold onto and remember...pot robs u of feeling like there's any good in u at all, but its not true..I know it feels that way, but its a big fat lie. So please remember the good in yourselves...please remember that there's so much more to u than being a pothead..and the longer you go without pot, the more things u'll recognise about yourself that u like...that ur proud of. And please come here and post whenever you need to..we all understand. Everyone here knows the struggle and a lot of us are parents and can totally understand those feelings of inadequacy and guilt...they're just awful. We're here when u need us, especially at the times when it all gets too much. Take care of yourselves and remember u can do this...we're here to help you with that...I'm proof of how much this forum can work..I will be grateful to these people for the rest of my life cos they'v helped me to take back my life and provide a much better life for my kids...the possibility of a much better future. That just means everything to me. Good luck to both of you...we're with u all the way. Peace. Reply With Quote 06-06-2009 03:24 PM #10 Join Date: Jun 2009 agent227 Posts: 2 Junior Member Snowballing Yesterday was a wonderful day for me. I met my friend in the downtown area of the big city near me for lunch, and we took a long walk afterward. After I left her, I went to the flea market my mother-in-law runs and browsed, even found my infant the cutest little baby chuck taylor black high tops. Had an awesome evening with the hubby, and fell asleep incredibly early because of my schedule being so whack from quitting. Today, however, is a different story. Yesterday, I hardly thought about smoking, and when I did, it was only to congratulate myself on what a great job I'm doing so far. Today, I have found myself craving it like crazy, and even thinking about how I might go about getting ahold of something. I was out in traffic today and could hardly contain my anger, and I yelled at my daughter today for chewing with her mouth open. As I mentioned in a previous post, my daughter is sweet as can be, and in no way deserved my misplaced anger. I am craving it so bad right now, and I feel like the only solution would be to take a nap for the rest of the day. I feel incredibly depressed, and anxious. Also, my family and I are going canoeing tomorrow, which I love, but it will be the first time I've ever gone with smoking one somewhere along the way. It just doesn't feel like it will be as enjoyable. I feel like I'll be thinking the whole time about how I open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
  • 9. would be having way more fun if I were high. I know that I'm not strong enough to be a casual smoker, that it's all or nothing for me, but even at this very moment, I'm trying to reconcile with myself that it would be okay just to smoke one tomorrow and that I could continue on with my abstinence afterward. That's just bull, and I know it. I'm just not feeling very strong right now. It's really, really, REALLY hard. Especially after my mother, even after I told her that I'm clean, lit one up right in front of me. She's a real nutcase, and I think it genuinely bothers her thinking about me being strong enough to quit. Well, I guess I'm going to go have a nap. I'll try to keep my chin up. Reply With Quote Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Quit Marijuana with Cannitrol open in browser PRO version Are you a developer? Try out the HTML to PDF API pdfcrowd.com
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