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03-27-2009 10:16 PM #1
Join Date: Jun 2008
Board Forum Blogger Location: The land of
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Jubolympics
Posts: 1,680
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2. What to do if you feel like using cannabis
When you are feeling bad and feel like you are about to crack, instead of caving in and using again, write down what you are
feeling, then come and post it here, it will help to share what you are going through with others who are going through the
same, it does work, that’s why groups like narcotics anonymous are so successful at helping people recover and I would always
advise joining one of them, the only problem is that they are not available 24/7, we are, take advantage of our free service. We
are all trying to quit and stay off marijuana, we are all with you. So whether is day 5 or year five since you last used, if you feel
like you want to use again, come and tell us about it. Also why not make some replies and show some support to others, you
may find helping others gives you far more back than you could ever imagine and helps keep you on the right track in return.
Sharing your experience will not only help yourself, but it will help others too and on behalf of myself and everybody who uses
this forum, I sincerely thank you for your contribution.
Take care
BFB
If this forum has helped you please pay it forward and help Kiva. Help others help themselves!!! Peace and love!!!
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3. 04-13-2009 11:10 AM #2
Join Date: Mar 2009
needabreak
Location: the green isle of
Senior Member
ireland-green cause of all
the feckin rain-thanks
atlantic!
Posts: 130
cheers BFB!
i'm in2 my third potless week-one nite last week i called to a mates house and th second i saw th smoke i was haven it-smoked
a few joints-made a joint and smoked it wen i got home-aint smoked since-
i cant say no-so i'm avoidn smokers for a bit-dont know how long-i'll just have to take it as it comes-other peoples' xperience
definitly helps-
cheers BFB-ur work's vital to help me stay stoppd-
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05-05-2009 02:39 PM #3
Join Date: Mar 2009
hippychick Posts: 114
Senior Member
Hey guys...its 3:20 am and I am wide awake...had one of those dreams, but this time its actually a positive thing. Had a bad
nite last nite...just life and detoxing getting on top of me..I dreamed I caved...I was sitting in my bedroom (as I did) going thru
the rituals and smoking myhead off....so real I could swear when I woke up I felt stoned! But the feeling I had when I woke
up...just so disappointed in myself, for my kids..felt really heartsick...was an excellent reminder of how it would be if I really did
relapse..if I let my circumstances and this damn pot addiction get the better of me..I wasn't thinking about pot when I went to
sleep (finally!) but I guess my subconscious is still clinging to the old habits and escape techniques. Anyway, I just never want
to feel that kind of disappointment in myself again, so it was an apt reminder. So guys, please keep fighting, cos I don't want
any of u to feel that way about yourselves either...we'v all come so far..even those of you who are on your first nite are
stronger than u were the day before cos it takes balls to acknowledge an addiction and even bigger ones to stop. At least this
dream served a purpose and did not contain wierd and unreal images or situations...I hate those! It really brought home the
fact that although life sux rite now, it would suck even more if I went back..that it doesn't suck as much as it did when I was a
pothead and just too disconnected and pleasantly numb to realise it. Just wanted to share that with you all. Peace. Keep
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4. fighting!
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05-07-2009 05:39 PM #4
Join Date: Mar 2009
hippychick Posts: 114
Senior Member
Hey guys,
Another fitful, sleepless nite..had a nasty dream and was rite back at the last incident my ex assaulted me....his family standing
around...so I came on here. I'v been looking at wierd al clips on you tube (something suggested to me by my cyber buddy) and
it has worked wornders....laughed so much my tummy is sore! So I thought I'd just mention it and recommend the same thing to
u guys...if wierd al isn't ur style, find something or somebody who is...tired but a lot more centred and have no urge to numb
my brain with pot..so happy bout that, cos the excercises the counsellor taught me weren't effective tonight...it was all just
too real..made me feel exactly like I did that nite...was just bombarded with scary images..but now I'm smiling...try it..it just
mite work! Peace.
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05-26-2009 04:20 PM #5
Join Date: Mar 2009
hippychick
Posts: 114
Senior Member
What I did when I felt like using
I just want you guys to know that if it wasn't for you all I would have caved last nite..the struggle with the ex mite be ova (or
nearly ova) but the general stuggle of life goes on..I can't find a house, guys...they're either too small, too expensive, too
shonky or too far away! I still can't figure out how to afford to move either. And the issues surrounding the ex haven't magically
disappeared so last nite I was just being bombarded with a lot of freaky, yucky thoughts. I spilled my guts to my quitting buddy
and then spent a great deal of time reading through the posts on the forum until I felt strong enough not to pick up the phone
and call one of my stoner mates....thats the scary thing for me rite now..one phone call is all it wud take..never mind that I'v
deleted all the numbers...I'm very conscious of that...I'm sure my pothead mates are just waiting to welcome me back into the
fold...so guys, if any of you are at that stage where ur really fighting the urge and even tho u know u shouldn't go back to
pot...the reasons are still clear for not going back, but life and ur brain makes u want to disregard it all, say "what the hell" and
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5. partake anyway....gain the strength u need to say no by coming here and either venting or just reading thru other peoples
posts..both is my preference! Cos thanks to u guys I made it to 5 weeks and 1 day without having to start again....again!
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06-05-2009 04:35 AM #6
Unregistered
Guest
Day 6
Hello, I'm a mother of three and have been smoking for about.........well, awhile. I come from two parents that are most
certainly addicted to pot, as well as my brother. I grew up with a mother that would either lock herself in her room for long
periods of time, or ground me for inexplicable reasons. I realized as an adult that this was because she was smoking all the
time. I am ashamed to admit that I have been doing the exact same thing to my children. I have a beautiful daughter, Gracie,
who is 7 years old and one of the best people I have ever met. She is honest, sweet, fair, and astoundingly smart. My older
son, Hunter, is 6. He is currently in therapy for emotional issues he is experiencing, I feel, from mine and my husband's lack
of...........well, I'm not really sure exactly, but I know that I haven't given him the proper attention I should, not by a long shot.
My infant son, Walt, is 8 months old, and I worry every day that he will be affected by my continuous smoking while pregnant. I
am so, so, so ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to quit for him. I am a very selfish person, and pot has enabled me to turn
a blind eye to all of my issues. I've had at least 7-8 jobs in the last five years, and none of them have lasted over 9 months.
Almost all were lost or quit due to habitual absenteeism. My husband, who is not afflicted by an addiction to pot, has supported
me continuously for the 6 1/2 years of our marriage. He is a wonderful father to our children and an inspiration for me. In July,
he will have been sober for 2 years. He quit smoking cigarettes of his own accord 3 years ago. He is my rock, and who I use as
a sort of "listening counselor". He listens while I talk, basically.
I have tried to quit in the past, and have succeeded marginally here and there, only to fall back into the same trap over and
over again. This past Saturday, while lying in bed, I made a promise to myself that I would stop eating meat and quit smoking
pot. I'm not really sure what brought it on, but I know that I've had a desire to start taking care of my body for awhile now. I
grew up with an average frame, and usually hovered around the 140 lb. mark, and I stand at 5'4". After having my older son, I
started smoking on a regular basis, which turned into pretty much all day every day. I have added about sixty pounds to my
body, which alternately disgusts me and terrifies me. I feel like my addiction has cost me so many things, and I just want to
feel normal again. I want my children to have a normal mom, who has the energy during the day to take them places they want
to go, and who has the willpower to get healthy. I worry that if I don't quit for good this time, eventually they will be
teenagers, and start the cycle all over again. I don't want that for them. All I want is for them to be happy and healthy, and I
know that an addiction to pot would hinder both of those things. I feel like I have the strength, this time, and I am so thankful
for this forum, which has, right now, allowed me to think about all of these things, and to get my mind back where it belongs
and off wanting to smoke.
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06-05-2009 09:45 AM #7
Join Date: Jun 2009
agent227 Posts: 2
Junior Member
The previous post is mine. I'm now registered. Thanks for the amazing support guys. I've been reading more posts, and it's just
making me want to say clean even more.
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06-05-2009 12:41 PM #8
Join Date: Jun 2009
Night Nurse Posts: 2
Junior Member
Thank you
Great, inspiring post! I also have 2 small kids, 6 and 8 years old. The thing that hurts me the most is when they look straight
into your eyes, and they know. I know that they do. Maybe not what it is, but that something is different. I just got that look
from them.
Thank you for your post. All of you have given me hope.
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06-05-2009 03:34 PM #9
Join Date: Mar 2009
hippychick Posts: 114
Senior Member
From one mum to others
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7. Hi Agent 227 & Night Nurse,
I know what u mean guys...I really do. All of it. I've got 4 precious daughters, and a grand daughter due in August. Sometimes
the guilt of what I'v done....let myself become a slave to pot...is overwhelming. But loving your children as much as you do, and
honestly acknowledging that it affects them...and using that, using them as ur motivation to stop smoking can be a very good
thing. ..a positive thing. For me it was the only motivation that worked and kept me strong...and still does...cos like u guys my
kids are my world, I love them dearly and cannot go back to the detatched, screwed up mum I was...they're too important to
me. That desire and that refusal to take my focus off of them is the bottom line in why I am still straight, cos I really struggle
sometimes with that urge to have a j when things are getting to me...when I'm really upset or angry(be prepared for that cos
even if ur normally a peaceful, placid person...the anger throws you..it can get really intense) or overwhelmed by my life, or
anything that used to automatically make me light up, really.
But I can truthfully say that this forum has been the main thing that has helped maintain my focus...helped me to remember
how important this is..and given me the support and encouragement I'v needed to keep myself fixated on my girls and my
promise to not go back. I'v been going thru some pretty major stuff...still am...but I do not want to see the look in their eyes
that u guys know so well again...I saw it all the time...and I despised myself for it....which made me hide those feelings by
getting stoned. Its a vicious cycle...but the good news is that it can be broken. Its been 6 weeks and 4 days for me...and even
though life has thrown some yucky stuff at me, I'm coping much better because I'm not smoking...I'm not drowning in despair
and my mind is so much clearer...and the counselling has meant that I'm starting to heal and learn to deal with things
better....and again, at those times when things are getting too much, this is where I come...these are the people that I talk
to..and it has helped me every single time...they are amazing...so compassionate, understanding, supportive, encouraging and
wise...and they're always here. I really encourage u to post as often as u need to, cos the difference it makes is incredible.
Please try not to get bogged down by the guilt guys...I know its hard not to, but u have to keep in mind that u'v done good
things for your children too...they know that u love them, and many parents do things that affect their kids....some never
realise or acknowledge it...and u both have....thats the start of the change...thats the start of a better life for them and for
you...and you should feel proud of that..proud that ur here and doing something about it. My parents have never smoked
pot...never really drank, but they continually hurt myself and my girls because of how they are...their lack of support and
critisism....when I was a child, nobody outside would ever have guessed what was going on...that my bro's and myself were
feeling miserable and unloved and unacceptable...it was a nuclear family, and my dad was a pastor...my point is that smoking
pot does not make u a bad person or a hopeless parent...and especially cos u want to do the best for your kids and you're
actually working on changing the thing u'v recognised as something that hurts them, u should feel proud of that. I really hope
that both of u can acknowledge the courage and strength it is taking you to even come to the decision to stop...its a really
scary thing to face up to...even more so to start to change.
But you don't have to be scared, I promise. Its a tough thing. It sux really badly at times, but the rewards are
indescribable....the connection with your kids...the awareness and gratefullness of who they are...all the little things that u
miss when ur enslaved to an addiction...its truly mind blowing. Its the best feeling guys...a bit like when you hold them as tiny
babies...when ur looking at that tiny face and resolving to do the best that u possibly can for them...when ur discovering all the
things that make them so unique and special to you....its not too late to do that again...
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8. So I really want to encourage you both...to tell u that I feel so much for u...to realise ur stuffing up your own life is one thing,
but I know how awful that feeling is when u realise that its affected your precious children..BUT...everyone makes mistakes
guys...everyone...and you're both obviously loving parents who want the very best for your kids...thats the important
thing...thats the thing to really hold onto and remember...pot robs u of feeling like there's any good in u at all, but its not
true..I know it feels that way, but its a big fat lie. So please remember the good in yourselves...please remember that there's
so much more to u than being a pothead..and the longer you go without pot, the more things u'll recognise about yourself that
u like...that ur proud of.
And please come here and post whenever you need to..we all understand. Everyone here knows the struggle and a lot of us are
parents and can totally understand those feelings of inadequacy and guilt...they're just awful. We're here when u need us,
especially at the times when it all gets too much. Take care of yourselves and remember u can do this...we're here to help you
with that...I'm proof of how much this forum can work..I will be grateful to these people for the rest of my life cos they'v helped
me to take back my life and provide a much better life for my kids...the possibility of a much better future. That just means
everything to me. Good luck to both of you...we're with u all the way. Peace.
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06-06-2009 03:24 PM #10
Join Date: Jun 2009
agent227 Posts: 2
Junior Member
Snowballing
Yesterday was a wonderful day for me. I met my friend in the downtown area of the big city near me for lunch, and we took a
long walk afterward. After I left her, I went to the flea market my mother-in-law runs and browsed, even found my infant the
cutest little baby chuck taylor black high tops. Had an awesome evening with the hubby, and fell asleep incredibly early
because of my schedule being so whack from quitting. Today, however, is a different story. Yesterday, I hardly thought about
smoking, and when I did, it was only to congratulate myself on what a great job I'm doing so far.
Today, I have found myself craving it like crazy, and even thinking about how I might go about getting ahold of something. I
was out in traffic today and could hardly contain my anger, and I yelled at my daughter today for chewing with her mouth
open. As I mentioned in a previous post, my daughter is sweet as can be, and in no way deserved my misplaced anger. I am
craving it so bad right now, and I feel like the only solution would be to take a nap for the rest of the day. I feel incredibly
depressed, and anxious.
Also, my family and I are going canoeing tomorrow, which I love, but it will be the first time I've ever gone with smoking one
somewhere along the way. It just doesn't feel like it will be as enjoyable. I feel like I'll be thinking the whole time about how I
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9. would be having way more fun if I were high. I know that I'm not strong enough to be a casual smoker, that it's all or nothing
for me, but even at this very moment, I'm trying to reconcile with myself that it would be okay just to smoke one tomorrow and
that I could continue on with my abstinence afterward. That's just bull, and I know it. I'm just not feeling very strong right
now. It's really, really, REALLY hard. Especially after my mother, even after I told her that I'm clean, lit one up right in front of
me. She's a real nutcase, and I think it genuinely bothers her thinking about me being strong enough to quit. Well, I guess I'm
going to go have a nap. I'll try to keep my chin up.
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