The Marriage of Product and Engineering

The Marriage of
Product and
Engineering
1
By Jacqueline Sanders-Blackman
copyright 2023 @ techexpressoconsulting.com

Mom and Dad Are Fighting
And Being Caught In the Middle
(Or) The Kids Are Fighting;
Mom and Dad Don’t Know How to Fix It
copyright 2023 @ techexpressoconsulting.com 2

Product, Engineering and Wholly Matrimony
“I [name], take you [partner’s name], for my lawful
wife/husband/coworker/boss/colleague, to have and to hold (accountable)
from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and health, until termination do us part.”

What Causes A Marriage to Breakdown? (Family Feud)

1. Financial Problems
For the most part, it is the lack of open communication
about money problems that jeopardizes a marriage
more than the financial problems alone. Everyone has
financial issues concerning bills, debts, spending and
budgets. How a couple deals with those issues can
make or break a relationship.

2. Communications Problems
If a couple has communication problems prior to
marriage, those problems are likely to get worse after
tying the knot. It is important that both partners are able
to discuss every aspect of married life openly and on a
regular basis. A marriage without two-way
communication will not last long.

3. Family Problems
Family relationships with children, parents, in-laws,
siblings and step-children are all sources of marital
problems. Raising children increases stress in the
home and can cause minor differences of opinion to
become major rifts in a relationship. Discretion is the
better part of valor when it comes to family and
marriage.

4. Friend Problems
Close personal friends of either spouse do not always
make the transition to friends of the marriage. Some
relationships with friends can be toxic to the marriage if
they insert themselves between spouses. A good friend
will enhance a married couple’s relationship. People
who try to break a marriage apart are not quality
friends.

5. Addiction Problems
Drug, alcohol and gambling abuse are all forms of
addiction that are very detrimental to a marriage. Even
without the presence of physical or verbal abuse, the
behavior of an addicted spouse can make normal
married life impossible. Addictions are also a common
source of money problems in a marriage as well.

6. Abuse Problems
Abuse of any kind is never acceptable in a marriage.
Physical and verbal abuse are all too often the causes
of a marital break-down. Sexual abuse and emotional
abuse also fall into this category. One partner’s desire
to degrade their spouse in an ongoing pattern of abuse
will surely cause a marriage to fail in time.

7. Personality Problems
There are many kinds of personality traits that can
make a couple incompatible and unable to reach
agreement in matters concerning sex, intellect and
emotion. Partners that have compulsive needs to
please or belittle can make honest communication
impossible. Negative personality traits make a
long-term relationship unbearable and divorce a real
possibility.

8. Expectation Problems
The ability to adapt to changes in married life often
depends on having realistic expectations about a
spouse and the marriage relationship itself. It is
common for disillusionment to set in when romantic or
other unrealistic expectations are not met. Over time,
unmet expectations can generate enough
dissatisfaction to make meaningful compromise
impossible.

9. Time Problems
Work and home schedules are not always compatible.
Time spent apart and time spent together are equally
important for maintaining a good married relationship.
When time is used in a balanced way, it results in
opportunities for growth and harmony. A lot of time
spent alone without a corresponding period of quality
time spent together puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

Healthy Marriage

1. Intentionality
Intentionality is a major component of strong marriages.
Every couple has pain points, O’Hora says. Successful couples are
aware of them and strive to work through them. Intentionality
means identifying a pain point in your marriage and thinking about
how you can improve it by having a goal that you’re always working
toward together. This goal, or bull’s eye, could be anything from
increased intimacy and more thoughtful conversations to more date
nights.
“If you don’t have a bull’s eye, you don’t know if you’re hitting the
mark,” O’Hora says. “You have no clue if your marriage is going
where it should or wants to go.”

2. Empathy
Empathy is the ability to relate to how someone else is feeling—to be able to put
yourself in their shoes. It’s crucial for any marriage to survive, as it’s an essential part of
truly understanding another person.
O’Hora says one common misconception about empathy is that you need to have
experienced something in order to relate to someone else. For example, one partner
might feel like they can relate to their spouse who got laid off because it happened to
them years ago. But shared experience isn’t a necessary component of empathy—a
partner should be able to empathize with their spouse regardless of whether they’ve
gone through the same experience.
“It’s not really about a shared experience or a similarly lived experience, it’s more about
being able to understand what your partner is communicating emotionally,” O’Hora
says.

3. Forgiveness
Cheri McDonald, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist based in Westlake Village,
California, says forgiveness is crucial for any successful marriage.
Marriage is a journey filled with unknowns, and each partner is bound to make
mistakes. “Uncertainty is the constant,” McDonald says. “Allowing for a learning curve
and keeping your expectations in check is necessary.”
Gita Zarnegar, Ph.D., a psychoanalyst based in Los Angeles, agrees. “One of the best
gifts in any relationship is the ability to overlook your spouse’s mistakes or their
ordinary transgressions,” she says. “If you can’t bypass your spouse’s flaws, you will
end up swelling with negative feelings and resentments, which can lead to long-term
damage.”

4. Integrity
This one’s simple.
“Be what—and who—you say you are,” McDonald says. “This is
the foundation needed to build successful relationships, and it’s the
cornerstone of a marriage. This foundation is built over time by
each action and every word.”

5. Intimacy
Emotional, physical, psychological—intimacy in every form is vital in order for a
partnership to thrive.
On an emotional and psychological level, this means feeling comfortable openly
expressing your feelings, as well as stimulating your partner through deep
conversation, McDonald says.
On a sexual level, it means not just making time for sex, but also feeling
connected and understood. “I have a lot of couples who come in where sex is their
primary concern,” O’Hora says. “And in their minds, it’s pretty simple: just have
more sex. But most of the time, a barrier in sex actually connects more with an
emotional need not being met.”

6. Shared Values
McDonald says it’s important for couples to identify and live out
their core values—things like optimism, loyalty and honestly.
Couples with shared values are likely quite successful in their
partnership.
“Values act as stakes in the ground to hold you steady during the
storm,” McDonald says. “Review the values your relationship
stands for, and remember the purpose of your union—especially
during challenges. The storm will pass if you hold on.”

7. Connection
Connecting with your spouse on a regular basis is crucial for
developing intimacy. Zarnegar advises couples to ditch technology
for a set period of time (such as one hour each night) in order to
foster deeper connection.
“Unplugging from social media, work and the computer will provide
you with an opportunity to be present and genuinely connect with
your partner,” she says. “

8. Openness
In successful partnerships, burgeoning problems aren’t seen as shameful secrets
that need to be swept under the rug, but rather as opportunities for growth.
“Maybe like 1 in 100 is a super simple marriage that just flows,” O’Hora says. The
rest—the vast majority of marriages—will likely succeed if both partners are open
to change and willing to put in the work necessary to overcome problems.
O’Hora recommends couples consult a therapist when they first notice “yellow”
flags in their marriage—problems that are concerning, but haven’t reached the
point of full-blown conflict or contempt. “There’s quite a bit of research that says
couples on average wait six months while they’re in the thick of their conflict,” she
says. “You don’t want to wait until conflict is extreme.”

Being There for Each Other
When You Are Faced With A Challenge Times
23

Thank You!

25
jsb@technologyexpresso.consulting
855-484-6837
linkedin.com/in/jacqueline007
@Jacqueline007
Stay in Touch
www.quora.com/proﬁle/Jacqueline-Sanders-Blackman
25

Appendix

Answer Key to Family Feud Slide
1. Money
2. Children
3. Pets
4. Household
5. Cheating
6. Lack of communication
7. Arguing over Chores
8. Weight Gain
9. Unrealistic Expectations/Lack of Equality/Not Prepared for Marriage
10. Emotional Abuse

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