Barhoppers Feature Film Scripts

Barhoppers
A Buddy Comedy by:
Jacob Lovett
137 Reade St
774-454-8599

1
INT. OFFICE - DAY***.
VIC sits at his desk with his head low, buried in paperwork.
He goes through a myriad of tasks, filling out digital
forms, sifting through his drawer for his favorite pen, so
on and so forth.
He neatly arranges the pencil holder on his desk as if it
means something and looks around the room at his coworkers,
sneering at their disorganization.
PARISH in the neighboring cubical is hanging out with his
shirt untucked and his sleeves casually rolled, having a
loud, robust conversation with a client.
Vic shakes his head in dismay.
MARY walks by with a coffee and places it on Parish's desk.
He gives her the thumbs up while he carries on his obnoxious
conversation.
ANDREW leans in close to Victor who still stares on with
anger.
ANDREW
Can you believe that? Parish has
the Boss bringing him coffee. Guess
if hes bringing in clients like
Dulcalex, anyone can be the boss
around here.
Vic burps in anxiety while looking on the scene.
He pops a tum.
Vic tries to force himself to get back to work.
Andrew leans away.
EXT. PARK - DAY1.
JOEY patrols the city park in the middle of the day.
He observes families taking their usual walks, couples
strolling or lounging out on the grass and attractive woman
going for jogs.
One WOMAN in particular crosses his path, catching his eye.
She passes right in front of him in SLOW-MOTION, Baywatch
style, and his jaw drops.
He tips his hat to her and grins brightly to which she

2
completely ignores.
He goes from cheery to embarassed and quickly tries to avert
his attention when a boy hits a man in the head with a
frisbee just behind him.
JOEY
Hey! Hey kid!
He chases after the kid off screen.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY2.
WARREN sits by himself at a coffee shop. He works on a
script on his computer.
Occasionally, he glances up at the people walking around,
especially the cute girls.
He watches one girl as she goes from the coffee counter all
the way until she exits the shop.
His face goes to dissapointment as she exits.
He types away, trying to figure out what he wants his script
to be about.
ON SCREEN IN SCREENWRITING FORMAT: TITLE - EPIC ALIEN SPACE
ADVENTURE SCRIPT.
Below he types: ....WITH WHAT MONEY????
And with that he slams closed the computer and shoves it in
his bag.
He goes to the coffee counter and gets himself a latte. When
he turns around, he sees someones taking off with his
backpack.
WHIP PAN FROM HIS SEAT TO THE THEID RUNNING OUT WITH HIS
BAG.
Warren bolts out of the restaurant, dropping his latte,
splattering all over the floor.
BARISTA
Hey, you gotta pay for that!
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY3.
Warren chases the THEIF down the street, close on his tail.
The theif looks behind him, slyly grinning as he turns a
corner.

3
Warren calls out after him.
WARREN
Hey, that guy stole my bag!
Just as the thief turns the corner he grins with
satisfaction, only to be clotheslined by an arm in the neck.
The theif squirms on the ground in pain and Warren turns the
corner to find Joey in the process of handcuffing him.
WARREN
Joey? Joey from college, that you?
Joey looks up to see a disheveled Warren, panting from the
chase.
JOEY
Oh hey Warren, I should've known it
was you. You were always getting
yourself into trouble and I always
got to be the one to pick up the
pieces.
He continues handcuffing and scuffling with the thief.
Joey reaches his hand out and gives Warren dabs.
THEIF
(confused)
Wait, you guys know each other?!
Joey shoves his head down into the ground.
JOEY
Shut up!
THIEF
Police brutality!
A group of bystanders pass by.
BYSTANDER (O.S.)
Shut up!
Joey lifts the theif to his feet.
JOEY
So I'm gonna go bring this guy in,
then I'll be getting off shortly
after. How about you and I meet up
and get a drink. For old times
sake?

4
Warren thinks hard about it.
WARREN
Yeah. Yeah you know what. Lets do
it! Would be good to catch up.
JOEY
Ok great. I'll hit you up. You
still have the same number from
college?
WARREN
Yeah, yeah same number.
JOEY
Great I'll let you know where to
be.
Joey begins to push the theif away.
THIEF
Yo man, can I come?
JOEY
Shut up!
Joey shoves the theif off screen.
INT. BAR - EVENING4.
Warren enters a bar and looks around. The place isn't too
crowded and he easily spots Joey sitting at the back of the
bar, snacking on some fries.
Joey waves down Warren and he heads over.
Warren takes a seat.
WARREN
Dude, whats up buddy? How you been
man?
JOEY
Pretty good, pretty good. How about
yourself? Other than getting your
shit stolen and all that.
He takes another big bite of fries.
WARREN
To which I owe you a great debt.
Beers on me.

5
JOEY
Just doing my duty to society and
the world at large.
He flexes his muscles as the waitress comes over.
He coughs and lowers his muscles.
WAITRESS
What are we drinking?
Warren looks over the menu.
WARREN
Lets see I'll do the Ironclad IPA.
JOEY
I'll do uh lets see. Gimme
something strong.
WAITRESS
Like a vodka, or maybe a whiskey
or...
JOEY
You know what? Surprise me.
He smiles a bright, toothy smile.
The waitress walks off, irritated.
WARREN
(sarcastically)
Living on the edge, I like it.
JOEY
Yeah. Try to live each moment like
its my last.
(beat)
So whats been going on with you?
Still working freelance?
WARREN
Yeah I'm...in between freelance
gigs right now. Hey you wouldn't
know anyone hiring would you?
JOEY
Nah buddy you know how it is in the
force, super close knit. Our
interactions are limited to drug
dealers and drunk people. You want
one of them to hire you?

6
WARREN
Damn.
JOEY
That bad huh?
WARREN
You think these advertising firms
could use me but I guess my
portfolio is a little weak at the
moment. I knew I shouldn't have
taken those pornhub graphic design
jobs, those things pay good but
don't get you far along the lines
of building a usable portfolio.
JOEY
You mean like those ads on the side
of the page that show how you can
make you dick bigger?
INT. JOEY'S ROOM - FLASHBACK - NIGHT5.
Joey is in his room, laying on his bed.
OTS OF JOEY clicking through porn sites. One of the ads pops
up on the side of the screen, revealing a short animation
promoting penis enlargement. An animated penis expands and
contracts.
OTS of Joey as he inquisitively clicks on it.
END FLASHBACK.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. BAR - EVENING - CONTINUED6.
JOEY
Yeah those things are total scams.
Joey scratches his crotch underneath the table.
WARREN
Anyway, when I'm not trying to get
a job, I'm working on a script
right now. Something I might want
to try to make into a movie someday
I don't know.
JOEY
With what money?

7
WARREN
Ugh. I know.
JOEY
Maybe you can get a grant or
something depending on what its
about.
WARREN
I'm not sure many respectable
organizations would help fund an
epic scifi adventure flick.
JOEY
Oh yeah? Whats the story?
WARREN
Oh you know, its a guy...you know
battling with an...existential
uh...he's a very strong...theres
this being that uh...emerges from
uh...
JOEY
You got nothing.
WARREN
Nothing. Its hard to focus man.
He lowers his head to try to be discreet.
WARREN
I try to sit down and write at the
coffee shop down the street from my
house but always get so fucking
distracted by all the hot girls
that come in there you know?
Joey leans in to get on his page.
JOEY
Oh yeah, believe me I know. Theres
some girls on my route dude, they
have got to be models or something,
going for their morning runs.
Warren eyes the waitress as she fills their drinks at the
bar, checking her out. Joey looks over his shoulder and
stares at the waitress too. He turns back to Warren.

8
JOEY
I almost missed a man drowning the
other day because of it.
He shakes his head in shame.
WARREN
Its a problem dude. We want
everything to do with them and they
don't want a thing to do with us.
What has happened our society huh?
JOEY
Men have gone soft, women too
strong. It is a sickness my friend.
Theres no way for men to break the
ice when with one look they break
you, you know?
WARREN
Yeah...or we just have no game.
JOEY
Speak for yourself bro I got plenty
of game.
WARREN
Oh yeah? Show me.
Warren gestures toward the waitress, on her way back over
with their drinks.
WAITRESS
Here you go guys.
She sets them down.
JOEY
Thank you miss.
Joey not-so-discretely places his cops badge on the table.
JOEY
Ehem.
He taps the badge.
The waitress simply smiles, pretending to be impressed.

9
JOEY
Yeah, its important to take a load
off when you're out in the field
all day. Got to recharge with from
all the crime-fighting, you know.
He stretches extravagantly and gives Warren an
over-confident look.
Warren is not impressed.
WAITRESS
I see. Are you both officers?
WARREN
I-
JOey cuts him off. Joey leans in.
JOEY
No, just me.
He turns to her agressively.
WARREN
Yeah, just him.
WAITRESS
Well, thank you for you service,
officer.
JOEY
Ah you know it all comes with-
The waitress quickly walks off, ending the conversation.
Warren bursts out laughing.
WARREN
Pfft dude. I've got way more game
than that.
JOEY
Yeah right. I'd like to see you
try.
WARREN
(still laughing)
I can't, you scared her off!

10
JOEY
(under his breath)
Pfft I ain't got time for that
shit.
Joey takes a sip from his cocktail. He looks at it,
disgusted. He sets it down discreetly.
WARREN
Shes cute but, I don't know. She's
not really my type.
JOEY
Type? What do you mean by type?
WARREN
You know, type. I have a very
specific type that I jive with. I
can't just hit on any girl its got
to be the right girl.
JOEY
What's that even mean bro? If shes
hot shes hot. Pfft this shit about
a type.
WARREN
No no no everyones got a type of
person with whom they connect with
most.
JOEY
The fuck you talking about connect
with most? I just want to
connect...
(hands bumping together
suggestively)
Period.
WARREN
Well thats your agenda.
Warren takes a sip of his beer.
JOEY
Yeah, well. Yeah. It is. Say man
why don't we make tonight the
night, huh? The night to finally
break through. To make that special
connection you want so desparately?

11
WARREN
I don't know man. I'm not really in
my most confident state. Feel a
little chunky...
He looks down at his gut.
WARREN
It used to seem so much easier, you
know, when we were in school?
JOEY
Yeah, you're definitely right about
that.
Warren's energy intensifies.
WARREN
Like all the parties, you know the
drinking, the dancing. Girls were
just throwing themselves at whoever
the hell they met. Now you gotta
like have a high-paying job and
responsibilities and all that, you
know?
JOEY
You either gotta be rich, or look
like you're rich or be related to
someone who's rich.
WARREN
Dude, you know who used to be
really good at picking up girls?
Vic Thompson.
Joey laughs, remembering Vic.
JOEY
Oh yeah, that fucking guy was an
animal! He'd hook up with a
different girl every Saturday. I
remember this one chick, um um
Sandra...or was it Christy?
WARREN
Yeah I dont know.
JOEY
She was from Venezuela or
something. God dang she was
gorgeous.

12
WARREN
Yeah I remember her.
They both remember at the same time:
WARREN AND JOEY
Dat ass doh!!!
WARREN
Oh man, Vic was a sick bastard. I
wonder what hes been doing.
JOEY
Well I know he works in an
advertising company here in town.
Does sales and all that. Oh, maybe
you guys could talk about him
putting a word in for a job in
their design department! Maybe he
could get you a job.
WARREN
Yeah thats not a bad idea!
JOEY
Yeah. He works for a marketing
agency with some really big
clients. Lets call him up, see what
he up to.
WARREN
Yeah, you know. Lets do it!
Joey picks up the the phone to call up Vic.
JOEY
(whispering, excited)
This is our night brother. We're
gonna stay out all night! You don't
have anywhere to be tomorrow,
right?
WARREN
Well I-
JOEY
Ok, thought so.
He turns away from Warren awaiting Vic's answer.

13
WARREN
(to himself)
Yeah. Our night.
Warren sips his beer shutting up.
Joey pulls his phone out and dials up Vic.
CUT TO:
INT. SUBWAY - EVENING - CONTINUOUS7.
Vic stands in the subway, awaiting his train.
He's dressed for work, a suit and tie, carrying a briefcase.
He maintains the same, dull expression from when he was at
the office, irritated from his coworker, Parish.
He stands tall above the others on the platform. They scurry
around him like ants.
His phone rings and he takes it out.
CONVERSATION CUTS BACK AND FORTH FROM JOEY AT BAR AND VIC IN
SUBWAY.
VIC
Hello?
JOEY
Hey Vic, Vic Owens?
VIC
Yes?
JOEY
Its me its Joey.
VIC
(no change in expression)
Uh, yes?
JOEY
Hey yeah um, so what are you doing
tonight?
VIC
Going home.
JOEY
Well dude uh, Warren and I, you
remember Warren too, right?

14
No response.
JOEY
We're hanging out and were
remensicing a little. Wondered if
maybe you'd be interested in coming
out for some drinks, you know for
old times sake.
VIC
Yeah I don't know I've got a big
meeting Monday and I need to get my
full 23 and a half cumulative hours
of sleep before Monday comes
around.
JOEY
Ok, yeah thats weird well we're at
Johnny's on 6th if you change your
mind.
Vic boards the subway train.
VIC
Johnny's on what?
The phone signal begins to get lost as he boards.
JOEY
(speech staticky)
Johnny's on 6th.
VIC
5th?
JOEY
6th!
The call is lost.
Vic sits in the subway car.
VIC
(at the top of his lungs)
What?!
The other passengers look at him, startled or annoyed.
He looks down at his phone, signal lost due to the train
leaving the platfrom.
He looks at it pissed.

15
BACK TO:
INT. BAR - EVENING8.
Joey looks at his phone. Call lost.
WARREN
He not coming out?
JOEY
I don't know.
(still looking at phone)
Yeah um probably not.
He puts his phone away.
WARREN
Well then fuck you too buddy.
Warren swirls his beer around in his glass.
JOEY
So um what happeqned to that
Felicia girl you were seeing. Still
talk to her?
WARREN
Nah man it was a pretty rough
falling out. We don't talk anymore.
Warren drinks a big gulp, distracting himself.
JOEY
Really? Damn she was fine. Like way
out of your league fine.
Warren simply nods in agreement.
JOEY
I guess that makes sense why you're
not together anymore.
Warren continues to nod, despite things getting a bit
hurtful.
JOEY
Shes probably out having sex with a
bunch of guys, guys that are like
way better looking than you, with
abs and shit.
He looks down below the table.

16
JOEY
Yeah you really do need to go to
the gym brother.
WARREN
Ok ok I get your point.
JOEY
Thats alright buddy, can't slay
them all. So what do you say buddy,
want to see where tonight takes us?
Take your mind off old flings and
start up something new? Something
firey?
WARREN
Oh man. To be honest I don't know
if I'm ready.
JOEY
You're never gonna be ready. Jsut
got to start.
Warren agrees, hesistantly.
JOEY
Your night my man.
He jabs Warren with his finger. Warren winces.
JOEY
But we're never gonna get anything
going here, this place is dead.
Lets hit up another bar.
Joey waves down the waitress for the check.
WARREN
Alright well let me finish my beer
first.
JOEY
Theres this really cool spot up the
street I want to go check out
called Bombers, you heard of it?
WARREN
Yeah I've heard of it.
JOEY
Alright well hurry up man we got
things to do, places to be, women
to meet.

17
WARREN
Alright, alright. Gee who knew
getting robbed would lead to such a
night of adventure.
JOEY
God works in mysterious ways.
Warren chugs his beer. Joey sips his cautiously, grimacing
from the taste.
INT. SUBWAY - EVENING9.
Vic continues riding in the subway.
He looks around him and observes with the same passive,
disapproving glare we've come to know him by.
Vic looks down at his watch. 8:37.
He starts to get anxious and burps, pops a tums, and chews
intensely with deep breaths.
The subway car stops.
He looks at the sign on the platform wall. It reads: 6th
Ave.
His eyes dart around anxiously.
WILL
Ah hell.
As the doors are about to shut he runs out, pushing the
doors open.
He shoves his way through the turnstyle and exits the
platform.
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT10.
Warren and Joey are exiting the bar about to head to their
next destination.
Joey goes on about another adventure.
JOEY
He stole the lady's purse and bam!
Next thing he knew he was
unconscious on the sidewalk. Guess
I don't know my own strength.

18
WARREN
You just go around linebacker
tackling everyone?
JOEY
Yeah I guess- hey is that?
From across the street, a tall, lumbering figure heaves
heavy breaths as it crosses the street.
Joey squints to get a better look.
Almost at a sprint, Vic trudges over in some hidden rage.
JOEY
Vic? Vic that you, buddy?
VIC
Hey yeah. Its me.
Vic catches up with them, sweating and heaving. His jacket
is slung over his shoulder.
VIC
Whats up guys?
JOEY
Not much man its good to see you!
Joey goes in close for a hug. Instead, Vic allows a
handshake, to which Joey tries to pull in for a hug.
They settle on a shake and pat. Vic pats Joey's head due to
his height.
WARREN
Hey whats up man, been a while?
Warren doesn't even try. He gives him a quick hand shake.
VIC
So, booze right? We're getting
booze?
JOEY
Yeah buddy, we're heading over to
Bombers. Need to take a load off,
huh? Corporate life got you down?
They head off screen, Joey grappling for some brotherly
hugs, excited. Vic battles him off ith each advance.
EXT. BOMBERS - NIGHT11.

19
The group works there way over to a bar on the corner of the
street. A few people linger outside, already beligerant. A
sign of things to come.
They step inside.
INT. BOMBERS - NIGHT12.
Joey is the first inside. He looks around, rubs his hands
together in excitement and heads toward the bar.
Vic looks around displeased, most likely judging the crowd.
VIC
Animals.
Warren walks in with relative confidence, eying the room
curiously.
Joey arrives at the bar.
JOEY
Something strong for me and my
boys.
VIC
Yes a whiskey. Something to knock
my socks off.
JOEY
Thats what I'm talking about. Me
too! What about you Warren?
Joey throws his arms over the shoulders of Warren and Vic in
a display of comraderie.
Vic shrugs it off then Warren also delicately lifts the arm
away.
WARREN
Lets get a few more in us before
the lovefest huh? I'll do a whiskey
too.
Joey pays for the drinks.
JOEY
This time, on me.
VIC
Gee, thanks.
CUT TO:

20
INT. BOMBERS - MOMENTS LATER13.
The three grab their drinks in hand.
SLOW-MO PAN of them confidently spinning around, sipping
their drinks and eyeing the game at hand.
Each of the guys eyes a different girl.
1. A girl with a group of friends in the corner, drink in
hand and a loose hanging delicate dress on.
CLOSE ON JOEY:
JOEY (V.O.)
Well she looks harmless.
2. A girl by the bar surrounded by men, clearly a catch. She
knows how to dispel advances while still keeping men's
interest.
WARREN (V.O.)
Well she looks like she'll tear my
soul into a thousand pieces. I
think I'm in love.
3. A girl in the center of the room dances wildly.
CLOSE ON VIC'S FACE, DETERMINED.
Vic slams his drink down on the counter and stares straight
on with a look of intesity.
He whips off his jacket and throws it at Warren who holds
it, pulled from his trance. Warren places it on the
barstool.
VIC
Watch me.
Joey's face lights up with admiration.
Vic runs out to the center of the dance floor and starts
dancing with vigor. His lanky form makes him look like a
rooster doing a mating dance. The girl doesn't pull away. In
fact, she is intrigued and inches her way closer.
Vic looks to Joey and Warren, nodding his head with
confidence.
JOEY
This guy is a stallion!
Warren looks on with astonishment.

21
JOEY
Alright buddy its our turn. Get
your pimp hat on.
WARREN
Pimp hat?
JOEY
I'm going in.
Joey works his way toward GINNY. A tough looking girl toward
the side of the bar, a couple other tough looking girls
beside her.
Joey steps right up to her and attempts a smooth approach.
JOEY
You seem like a woman of mystery.
She is clearly not impressed by his come-on but humors him.
GINNY
Better to be mysterious than
obvious.
She gives him a look up and down.
JOEY
So whats a woman of your calibur
doing in a place like this?
GINNY
My calibur? So I'm a mysterious,
high-calibur woman? What are you
gonna say next that I should run
for office?
JOEY
You could be the first female
president. Picture it: Madam
President...Oh, I didn't get your
name.
He gestures out to give it to him.
GINNY.
Ginny.
JOEY
Joey.
He reaches out his hand.

22
Warren watches at the bar Vic killing it. He leans in close
to the girl, she reciprocates his movements. Warren takes a
few more sips of his drink and looks around, eyeing the
heartbreaker down the other end of the bar. Like his
friends, he decides to make a move.
He slides his way down the bar up around the outskirts of
the guys she is surrounded by. A few of them just stand
there, waiting for their chance to talk. Others try to
engage conversation with her. One of them is going on and
she just listens with a seductive yet dismissive expression.
DUDE 1
It was a french film about a
Cockatoo named Jean Bautiste. They
sent it oversees to be a spy and it
would repeat the enemy's secrets
back when he returned. It was
really culturally significant
work...
The girl simply stares on, awaiting the next suitor that
throws himself at her. Warren tries his card by
interjecting.
WARREN
You know that guy doesn't even make
movies anymore. He decided it was
all useless anyway, the politics,
the message he created was greatly
misconstrued by the public and he
vowed never to make another movie
because of it.
DUDE 1
Oh you know about movies? Tell me
about movies. Who's your favorite
director?
WARREN
Spielburg.
DUDE 1
Pfft. Speilberg. He's such a
sellout. You know he was just the
pawn of the studios, doing whatever
the studio execs told him. He
wasn't even a real auteur. What
about Scorsese, Coppola, now those
guys were artists.

23
WARREN
They were great, sure. But the only
reason Speilburg got to that point
was because he was the best.
Coppola and Scorsese those guys
wished they could have been where
Speilburg was, in those seats,
making those kind of deals. Hell
Coppola was a ticking time bomb.
His company sank and he went
bankrupt, he could barely fund his
own movies and had to resort to
begging after it was finished. Now
Spielburg, the money just kept
flowing and flowing and he was able
to keep making movies. If you ask
me if you can make art on that
scale and keep a dollar in your
pocket, I think you've won.
The guy is shut down and doesn't know how to respond.
DUDE 1
Yeah. Sure. I guess.
He steps to the side, backing down.
Warren approaches the girl, standing just to the side of
her.
WARREN
Hey, how are you?
She doesn't look at him, stares off into the distance,
testing him.
WARREN
Are you alright? Something wrong?
She peaks at him from the corner of her eye.
LUCY
I'm good. Thanks.
WARREN
Alright, I'm sorry if I bothered
you.
Warren wasn't going to give up that easily. He decided to
use his trump card. After a beat he simply walks away to the
other side of the bar.
He stands to the side of the dancers, Vic still wildy going

24
at it now appearing to Salsa with the girl from earlier.
WARREN (V.O.)
And...
He looks across the bar and the girl, still being bombarded
by a group of men loses grip on her tough demeanor and looks
in his direction.
WARREN (V.O.)
Bingo.
She walks toward him.
LUCY
You just gonna walk away like that?
WARREN
Like what?
LUCY
You have to try to buy me a drink
first.
WARREN
Why would I want to do that?
LUCY
Because you wouldn't have come over
there if you hadn't planned to.
WARREN
I had no plans. Just wanted to make
friends is all.
LUCY
Nobody just wants to make friends
at a bar.
WARREN
Well maybe I'm the exception.
Lucy looks him up and down.
LUCY
Maybe you are. Lucy.
She reaches her arm out to him.
WARREN
Warren.
They shake hands.

25
Vic is still deep in dance with CINDY.
Right now they are experimenting with disco moves. Vic does
the typical peace signs over the eyes move. She bounces a
bit more rhytmically but he keeps up in his own tempestuous
way.
CINDY
You're a good dancer.
VIC
I know.
CINDY
I like the way your body speaks.
Vic gets really close to her. Almost too close.
VIC
(whispers)
I know.
Cindy is entranced by this and grabs him around the neck
intensely.
Back to Joey, he is fully immersed in an intense discussion,
working his "magic."
JOEY
I'm a magician, I'm an alchemist.
GINNY
Sure you are. And what kind of
magic do you make?
JOEY
I can rid someone of their
reservations, show them how to bask
in the moment. Reveal to them that
which they do not know of their
hidden self.
His hand is clenched in a passionate fist, bringing the
drama.
CINDY
Sure you can. Ladies, lets dance.
Cindy leads her friends to the dance floor to go dance.
Joey isn't sure if this is an invite but decides to take
action. He hovers around the women, dancing just around
them. They dance in a tight knit group, and he tries to work

26
his way in multiple times, to no avail.
He simply hovers around dancing by himself.
Back to Warren and Lucy, they are chatting in the corner.
LUCY
That one there, dancing by himself?
WARREN
Well I think he thinks he dancing
with those girls.
LUCY
No game.
WARREN
Nope.
LUCY
And the tall one, hes yours too?
WARREN
Vic, yeah. Well I haven't seen him
in a couple years and he hasn't
said 8 words to me yet since we've
been out but yeah. Hes a friend.
LUCY
Stallion.
Warren looks at her a bit insecure.
WARREN
You could say that.
LUCY
So what do you do?
Another insecure look. He swallows his drink hard.
WARREN
Currently?
LUCY
No yesterday. Yeah, currently.
WARREN
I freelance.
LUCY
For...

27
WARREN
Well I'm in between gigs right now.
There isn't a big demand for...my
skills at the moment.
LUCY
What are your skills?
WARREN
I'm a designer. I make graphics
swoosh. Make ugly shit look good
you know.
LUCY
Oh yeah thats cool! I actually know
a guy who does that too, works with
some big companies.
WARREN
Oh yeah? Hey they wouldn't be
hiring at all would they?
LUCY
You know I think they might, I'll
ask him for you.
WARREN
Oh man that would be really sick,
thank you so much!
Lucy begins to grab for her phone.
LUCY
Whats your numb-
WARREN
What the-
Warren looks across the room to see Vic gasping for air. The
girl he was dancing with is strangling him with his tie.
CINDY
Oh yeah, stallion! Let me ride you
into the sunset! Onward till dawn!
She is trying to jump on his back and ride him like a horse.
Instead she pulls at his necktie causing his head to flail
back and forth.
WARREN
Oh shit I should probably-

28
GINNY
You better back the fuck up!
JOEY
Hey I was just trying to-
Warren's gaze darts to Joey about to be pepper sprayed by
the girl he was trying to dance with.
GINNY
Back the fuck up.
JOEY
Ok ok!
Ginny forces him back until he bumps into Vic.
Vic turns to him gasping for air.
WARREN
Oh shit, I should probably.
Lucy looks on, bewildered.
WARREN
It- it was really nice meeting you.
Warren darts away leaving Lucy literally hanging with her
phone out ready to take down his number.
Warren grabs his friends and pulls them away from the crowd.
He pulls them out of the shit show and escorts them outside.
EXT. BOMBERS - NIGHT
Warren pulls Joey and Vic from the chaos, voices still
shouting from the inside.
JOEY
Holy shit! That chick she
threatened to use pepper spray on
me!
Vic rubs his neck, sore from the unwarrented riding.
VIC
That level of kinky was uncalled
for. But I find myself strangely
compelled...
He begins to make a step towards the door. Warren grabs him.

29
WARREN
No no. Guys. What the fuck?
JOEY
What? What do you mean what the
fuck?
VIC
(under his breath)
Whatchu mean? I'm a stallion. We
can't all be...
WARREN
You guys just caused a fricken
scene in there.
JOEY
Yeah, a crime scene. You see what
those girls were trying to do?
WARREN
And it wasn't the slightest bit
warranted?
JOEY
(hesitant)
Nah.
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK - MOMENTS EARLIER14.
INT. BAR - NIGHT15.
Joey is grinding up on the group of girls.
FRIEND 1
Hey buddy. Stop she doesn't want to
dance with you.
JOEY
What? Sure she does.
FRIEND 1
No seriously, fuck off.
JOEY
Hey look.
Joey whips out his badge and forces himself into middle of
group.

30
JOEY
See. I can basically do whatever I
want, you know?
GINNY
You've got to be fucking kidding
me.
FRIEND 2
Are you on duty?
JOEY
Well no, but-
FRIEND 1
Then fuck off.
They all turn their backs to him one more time.
Joey forces his way back in.
JOEY
Want to see my gun?
Ginny whips out her pepper spray.
FREEZE FRAME of Joey putting his hands up like a criminal.
CUT BACK TO:
JOEY
I could have them arrested for
trying to assault an officer.
WARREN
Are you kidding me?! You guys
screwed up my chance with one of
the hottest chicks I've ever seen.
And she liked me!
VIC
What? What girl? Who are you
talking about? Why wasn't she
talking to me?
JOEY
Bro you're blowing this way out of
proprotion-

31
WARREN
What are you talking about!? You
were the one who brought me out
here. That was my type dude. My
type.
VIC
Whats this about a fucking type?
Warren turns to get in his face.
WARREN
And you! Just coming out here,
barely saying shit, growling at
everything. Whats your deal huh?
Somebody poop in your pops this
morning?
JOEY
(whispering)
The phrase is: piss in your
cheerios.
WARREN
(twisting back)
I don't care what the phrase is! I
want to know what his deal is!
Vic stares into the distance. CLOSE ON Vic as he tells us
his tale. A single tear falls down his lifeless face.
VIC
Its amazing how quick it all just
falls apart.
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK - HOTEL LOBBY - DAY17.
VIC
I was supposed to have a meeting
with my biggest client, Dulcalex,
one of the biggest pharmaceutical
companies on the east coast.
Vic walks through the lobby of a fancy hotel.
VIC
We had arranged to meet in the
conference room of the hotel they
were staying at, and I had arrived
on schedule at exactly 2pm. On the
dot.

32
Vic looks at his watch. 2pm. On the dot.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY18.
Vic makes his way to the conference room only to find it is
completely empty. His face reveals his confusion.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY19.
He heads back down the lobby hallway and makes a phone call.
No answer.
Vic heads over to the concierge at the front desk.
VIC
Excuse me, I am supposed to be
meeting with Dulcalex
representatives in the conference
room today. Did the reservation get
cancelled?
CONCIERGE
Oh no sir, it got moved to the
suite.
VIC
There must be a mistake, they
didn't notify me. Its my client and
a very big deal. Could you please
tell me where they are?
CONCIERGE
One moment sir. Let me give them a
call.
VIC
Okay, thank you.
Vic looks around, worried.
At the far end of the lobby. He sees a big bottle of
champagne being wheeled through the lobby.
This interests Vic and he leans out to take a closer look.
It disappears around the corner.
The concierge still attempts to make the call.
Vic, impatient, begins to walk in the direction of where the
champagne was being taken.

33
CONCIERGE
(calling out to Vic)
Sir, there was no answer. Sir?
Vic takes off around the corner and see the champagne being
wheeled down the hallway.
Vic hurries down to catch up.
The champagne cart is wheeled into a room. Where cheering
and laughing is heard.
Vic steps up to the room where his face drops with absolute
dread.
SLOW DOLLY PUSH OUT from Vic staring hopelessly into the
room. Suit jackets are revealed, strewn about the room. The
big bottle of champagne is heard being popped off screen.
The giggling of strippers and the laughing of business men
is for Vic worse than hell.
CLOSE ON PARISH, Vic's coworkers who looks over to Vic in
slowmotion, amongst the partying crowd. He simply raises his
glass in Vic's direction.
ECU OF VIC standing in hallway.
CUT BACK TO:
Warren relaxes a little after hearing the story.
VIC
Parish. He took it all away from
me. I've got nothing. I'm
nothing...
JOEY
Ah come on Vic, you're not nothing.
You're a stallion. Your moves were
so hot on that dance floor.
VIC
Its all a sham. An absolute sham.
Sure I can move like a god but what
all does that do if I lost my
number 1 client. I was bringing in
really big dollars. They were about
to sign a year plan that would make
me the highest selling exec in the
company.

34
Vic punches a wall.
VIC
And he took it all away from me!
WARREN
Sorry man I uh had no idea.
VIC
Its ok. Its not for you to know.
Its for me to carry deep within
myself until there is no form for
it to take but that of pure and
utter revenge.
They all stand there for a beat.
VIC
Oh snap. Hey I left my jacket in
there. I'll be right back.
Joey and Warren give each other a look.
Vic runs inside.
WARREN
Well that changed pace quickly.
JOEY
This guys a nut.
Warren steps up to the door where he peaks inside and sees
Vic grabbing his jacket.
He looks around and spots Lucy in the crowd, again
surrounded by guys.
Warren has a sad look on his face and step back.
Lucy from inside, glances over and sees Warren, sadness on
her face as well but Warren doesn't see it.
Vic jumps back outside.
VIC
Alright, where to next fellas?
JOEY
You still want to go out? After all
that? Man I'm ready to call it.

35
WARREN
You? Of all people? You have been
the driving force of all this. How
you gonna let a little pepper spray
deter you? You fight crime on a
daily basis.
JOEY
Well, kinda.
WARREN
What do you mean?
JOEY
I mean I only kinda fight crime.
WARREN
What like catching bad guys in the
streets and the subway isn't
fighting crime? You don't give
yourself enough credit man.
JOEY
Those were (cough) isolated
incidents.
WARREN
What? What do you mean, you caught
those guys red-handed.
JOEY
I mean, thats not my usual day to
day.
VIC
Gosh just tell him you're a goddam
meter maid.
WARREN
Pfft what? No you're not I saw you
tackle that guy in broad daylight.
You're a regular hero.
JOEY
Well...
FLASHBACK - COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Warren is up ordering his latte.
WARREN
One latte please.

36
In the background is a theif, grabbing the bag.
The flash is completely disrupted by Joey's voice.
JOEY
And can we cut it with the
flashbacks already?
Vic is on his phone, barely involved.
VIC
It is getting a bit excessive.
JOEY
It was a plant.
WARREN
A what?
JOEY
It was a plant. I planted the guy
there to steal your bag so you'd
come out with us tonight.
WARREN
What the hell are you talking
about?
JOEY
Look I knew you'd never come unless
I gave you a reason to. You know,
think I was cool and want to
experience what its like to be
adventurous.
WARREN
There is literally 10,000 better
ways of getting me to come out.
JOEY
Well it was the best idea at the
time.
Vic waves down an uber that pulls up beside them on the
street.
VIC
And he's a meter maid, not a real
cop.

37
JOEY
I am a real cop you asshole.
VIC
Not to me you're not.
Vic hops in the car.
WARREN
Let me get this straight. You
thought the only way to get me to
come out tonight would be to stage
someone stealing my bag and you're
a meter maid.
JOEY
We check for all types of traffic
violations, really its a very
important job.
WARREN
And the theif, what was he a friend
of yours?
JOEY
Yeah thats Kane, he'll be out later
tonight.
CUT TO:
INT. COFFEE - DAY22.
The thief is in the process of stealing Warren's bag, inside
the coffee shop. Warren is visible ordering his coffee in
the background. Right before he grabs it he looks directly
into frame and waves.
KANE
Hey.
CUT BACK TO:
WARREN
Can we stop with the flashbacks!
Vic sits in the Uber impatiently.
VIC
Can you guys hop in? We can talk
about this on the way.

38
WARREN
The way, the way to where? You guys
been planning this? Whats going on?
JOEY
Come on.
Joey hops in the uber.
WARREN
This night just keeps getting more
and more fucked up.
He hops inside.
INT. UBER - NIGHT24.
The three sit in the backseat of the uber and it pulls off.
WARREN
I demand an explanation.
JOEY
Face it dude we've all hit rock
bottom.
WARREN
What?!
JOEY
Vic with his tanking career.
VIC
Well I wouldn't call it tanking.
JOEY
Me with my meter-maidness.
And you with your well,
meaninglessness.
WARREN
I'm writing a script.
JOEY
Sure you are bud.
Joey pats Warren on the shoulder.

39
JOEY
Point is we're all in the same
boat. We have nothing about
ourselves we can look at and say:
gee, I'm in my late 20s, I'm really
making it for myself. Look out
world! No, none of that.
WARREN
And you...
He points to Vic.
WARREN
You were in on this?
VIC
Only partially. Joey hit me up on
facebook if I wanted to come out
and chill. I said what the hell.
(beat)
It wasn't nearly as fucked up and
weird as what he did to you. I'm
really not sure why he did that.
JOEY
It doesn't matter now. The point is
we're out.
WARREN
Where the hell are we going now?
VIC
River Rats. Edgiest bar in town.
He shoots them a glance.
VIC
With the edgiest chicks in town.
WARREN
What? Why would we want to go
there?
VIC
These girls man, they'll tear your
head off.

40
WARREN
How is that appealing? I was having
a good time in there with Lucy.
Before you guys screwed that up for
me. I don't know, I think I want to
go home.
JOEY
What are you talking about? Dude, I
know shit didn't really work out at
that last bar but this is New York
City. There are hundreds if not
thousands of girls just begging to
be hit on. All for the taking!
He grabs him by the neck and shakes him.
JOEY
This is your night!
WARREN
Yeah man I don't know.
VIC
Come on I'll buy you a drink.
The uber stops and Vic gets out.
Joey looks intensely at Warren.
JOEY
Your night man.
Joey hops out of the car.
Warren takes a moment to himself. Takes a deep breath.
UBER DRIVER
Hey. Get out of my car, will you?
This yanks Warren from his trance.
WARREN
Oh yeah. Sorry.
Warren hops out of the car.
POV shot following him out with Vic and Joey standing
admiring the busy sidewalk of the club.
VIC
Lets go.

41
JOEY
You coming Warren?
WARREN
Do I have a choice?
VIC
(to himself, cryptically)
Theres always a choice.
JOEY
Huh? Yeah no come on.
INT. RIVER RATS - NIGHT24A.
The three head inside. This is a much busier, much bouncier
crowd. Lots of dancing going on. Blue, low lights illiminate
the bar and waves of people moving in and around the bar.
Warren, Joey and Vic push their way in. They have to yell to
talk to eachother.
VIC
I'll get our drinks. You guys find
a crows nest.
WARREN
A crows nest? Whats that?
JOEY
He means a lookout spot. Ideally
somewhere high, where we can eye
the game.
WARREN
Ah.
Vic works his way to the bar, pushing his way through the
crowd of people. He moves methodically, weaving his way
through. One girl in particular is in his path, dancing. He
grabs her hand and dances with her, spinning her to move her
out of his way.
He makes it to the bar. The bartender is dealing with other
customers. He simply hangs there and waits.
From across the bar he sees someone of interest: Parish.
His face goes from pleasant to angry.
Parish seems to be having a very robust conversation as
usual. He hangs out with a couple guys in suits.

42
Warren and Joey found a relatively quiet space above the
action.
JOEY
Sorry about misleading you man. I
just know how it is. You get in a
funk, you get depressed, going out
is the last thing on your mind.
WARREN
I don't know man. I'm not against
it. I just feel like since Felicia
and I fell apart, there hasn't been
a big reason for me to do much
besides work on my career. Some
good thats doing me.
JOEY
Well maybe theres someone here who
can get you a job. Someone with
money. How about that guy he looks
rich.
WARREN
We go from trying to hit on women
to trying to smooze with drunkards?
Nah I'm all set brother.
JOEY
What are you talking about? This
night isn't just about getting with
girls. God knows you screwed that
up. This is simply a night of
opportunity.
WARREN
Opportunity eh?
Warren is still at the bar trying to get a drink. He keeps
waving down the bartender but he keeps ignoring him.
VIC
Whats a guy to do to get a damn
drink around here?!
Parish spots him from across the way.
Vic nervously shuffles where he stands.
Parish approaches.
PARISH
Vic, hey buddy hows it going?

43
VIC
Parish.
PARISH
Oh, trying to get a drink?
Parish waves down the bartender.
He notices him right away.
BARTENDER
What'll you be having?
Parish gestures to Vic.
Vic smells of defeat.
VIC
Whiskey. Rocks.
BARTENDER
Whiskey on the rocks ok.
The bartender steps away.
PARISH
So Vic, what brings you out? I
never see you anywhere but the
office. You're always working.
VIC
Thought I'd come out to wind down.
Vic fumes where he stands.
PARISH
Thats good, good, glad to hear it.
VIC
Those your friends?
PARISH
You could say that. Anchorage
Villas the largest and most
profitable retirement home company
in the western hemisphere.
Vic stares on with dread in his eyes.
PARISH
The shorter one, thats Paul
Erickson. He's the primary
shareholder of the whole company.

44
VIC
You don't say?
PARISH
The bigger one is his brother
Daryn. He's not as bright but owns
nearly as much. 43 percent.
The bartender brings over his drink.
Vic puts his hand up to the bartender, downs the whisky, and
then signals another.
PARISH
They signed a huge deal with us to
be featured for 10 years straight.
The longest running ad commitment
to ever be made on the spot.
Vic is dead inside.
VIC
So what are you all out
celebrating. Buddy broskis and all
that.
PARISH
You could say that. I'm dating his
daughter.
VIC
You're what?
PARISH
Well I knew there was only way I
could get in good with the company
and that was from the inside out.
VIC
My God what wouldn't you do to make
a sale?
PARISH
I wouldn't fuck a horse! Just about
it though.
VIC
(under his breath)
So you'd fuck a goat?
He pats Vic on the back as he laughs. Vic stares at it with
firey eyes. Parish doesn't catch this.

45
PARISH
Anyway buddy I'm gonna go back to
the boys. I'll catch you later. Oh
and sorry that Dulcalex sale fell
through for you.
He begins to walk off.
PARISH
Those guys were animals!
He laughs as he walks back to his friends.
The bartender comes back to Vic with his drink.
Again Vic stops him. He holds up 3 fingers as he throws it
back.
BARTENDER
You want three more?
Vic shows him by putting up each finger at a time.
The bartender walks off.
BARTENDER
Ok.
Warren and Joey are still in their spot, looking over the
crowd.
JOEY
How about that guy, he looks like
hes got some money.
WARREN
He looks like he spends it all on
ice cream and hamburgers.
JOEY
Could woo him by taking him out to
eat.
WARREN
What do I look like a piggy bank?
JOEY
Ok ok lets keep looking.
Vic works his way through the crowd. He is having trouble
standing upright.
POV OF VIC'S DISTORTED VIEW working his way through the
crowd.

46
He finally makes it to them.
WARREN
Hey buddy what took you so long.
VIC
(slurred speech)
Parish is here. The guy who stole
my deal. I could kill him. I could
kill him. Wheres your gun?
JOEY
Oh buddy I don't have it on me.
VIC
You're a piece of shit.
JOEY
Geeze buddy. Where is he where is
he?
Vic points across to the Parish having an animated
conversation with the suited men. Parish is making a
thrusting gesture with his tongue out.
VIC
He's talking about fucking the
guy's daughter right in front of
him and he likes it!
JOEY
Master.
WARREN
You guys have fun with that one but
I'm gonna sit this one out.
Joey and Vic head into the crowd, Vic's arm slung over
Joey's shoulder.
JOEY
Come on buddy.
Warren hangs out by himself for a while, looking over the
crowd. He looks across the bar at the many different groups
of people, the different looks people have and the different
vibes they are putting out. None of it appeals to him.
He decides to take a seat and sip on his drink by himself.
Shortly after, a beautiful mixed girl approaches him.

47
BRIANNA
Hey can I sit?
WARREN
Of course.
Warren recomposes his slump posture.
BRIANNA
Thanks.
They sit together there for a beat. Warren sips from his
drink.
BRIANNA
What brings you out here?
WARREN
A meter maid and a clinically
insane salesman, you?
BRIANNA
What?
WARREN
Nothing, just trying to take a load
off.
BRIANNA
Oh yeah, work got you down?
WARREN
No. I'm unemployed.
BRIANNA
Oh damn, really?
WARREN
Yeah, in between jobs. Kind of sort
of looking. Not really.
BRIANNA
Oh thats hard, I'm sorry to hear
that.
WARREN
Yeah me too. Look I'm gonna be
frank with you I'm not interested
in hooking it up or anything so you
might as well go find someone else
if thats what you're after.

48
BRIANNA
Oh no, I'm here with somebody
actually.
WARREN
Oh really? Who?
Brianna points across the way at Parish, right beside whom
lingers Vic and Joey, clearly plotting something.
Warren looks closely at the sight, not sure what is about to
happen.
From across the way, we can see Joey work his way into
Parish and his group of friends and pull out his badge. Up
close, the scene gets nasty.
JOEY
Sir I'm gonna need you to come with
me.
PARISH
Excuse me? I didn't do anything
wrong!
JOEY
Sir I saw you doing drugs in the
bathroom now please come with me
before we cause a scene.
Joey grabs for his arm and Parish resists.
PARISH
Get your hand off me I did nothing
wrong!
Brianna is alarmed by the sight and stands up.
BRIANNA
Oh my gosh, Parish!
Brianna rushes over.
JOEY
Stop resisting!
BRIANNA
What is the meaning of this?
PAUL
This officer claims Parish was
doing drugs in the bathroom.

49
PARISH
(still struggling)
I swear I didn't!
Vic stands behind them smushing tums in his hands. He shoves
it in Parish's pocket during the scuffle.
JOEY
Oh yeah? Then explain this!
He shoves his hand into Parish's pocket and pulls out a
handful of powder, throwing it everywhere.
PARISH
What the Hell-
Vic stands behind the scene pretending to be shocked.
JOEY
You're coming with me.
He begins to escort him out.
PAUL
I can't believe it. He was such a
nice guy!
BRIANNA
Hmm...
Brianna looks around suspiciously.
She looks up to see Warren looking down intensely at the
scene.
He falls back when she spots him.
Vic pretends to not know whats going on.
Brianna stomps up to where Warren is seated, The Ericksons
are dumbfounded.
BRIANNA
You with those guys?
WARREN
I don't know what you're talking
about.
BRIANNA
The guy that carried off my
boyfriend and the lanky weird one
over there.

50
She points to Vic. He waves gracefully from the crowd.
BRIANNA
The meter maid and the salesman. So
that guy isn't a real cop?
WARREN
Oh hes a real cop.
BRIANNA
Where is he taking Parish?
WARREN
I don't know. Downtown.
BRIANNA
You better start talking rugrat.
Vic comes over for damage control.
VIC
Woah woah whats going on here?
BRIANNA
You know exactly whats going on!
You and your buddy carted my
boyfriend off for something he did
not do.
VIC
Who Parish? Oh he definitely had
his coming.
BRIANNA
What do you mean?
VIC
Are you aware of all of the
strippers and booze this guy paid
for on company dollars just to
steal my client? Hm?!
BRIANNA
So this is all your fault! I'm
going to tell my father. He'll know
what to do.
VIC
Go! He's probably just as much of a
crook!
Brianna heads back over to her father and uncle.

51
VIC
Oh we probably screwed this up
again didn't we?
EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT25.
Joey pushes Parish down the sidewalk in handcuffs.
PARISH
Where are you taking me?
JOEY
Downtown buddy don't you know
anything about anything?
PARISH
What is this all about. You and I
both know you didn't see me doing
drugs. What is thie about?
Joey stops him abruptly.
JOEY
You want to know what this is
about? I'll tell you what this is
about. This is about little pretty
rich boys like you who think
everything in life belongs to them.
They can take what they want, fuck
what they want, steal whatever
clients they want!
PARISH
(genuinely confused)
What?
INT. RIVER RATS - NIGHT26.
Warren simply sits in his seat, throwing back his drink. He
is doing his best to not let this affect him anymore.
Down below Brianna is talking animatedly to her uncle and
father.
Vic stands nervously over the scene.
VIC
We should probably get out of here.
WARREN
I'm with you on that one.
Warren and Vic try to make a break for it.

52
Brianna and the Ericksons corner them, push them back into
the seats.
PAUL
And who are you two?
WARREN
(anxious)
Uh nobody. We're nobody. Just a
couple of nobodys.
PAUL
I can see that. Was that your buddy
who just ran off with Parish?
Vic and Warren look at each other, not sure of how to
answer.
Daryn is a big, lumbering figure. Clearly the tougher of the
two brothers, albeit a little dimmer.
DARYN
We're not gonna ask you a second
time.
VIC
Yeah, yeah it was our buddy. Our
friend. Our chap.
WARREN
Dude!
PAUL
And who are you guys?
BRIANNA
A saleman and just some unemployed
bum.
WARREN
Excuse me?
VIC
The term is account executive.
PAUL
Who you work for?
Vic takes a moment to respond.

53
VIC
Same company as Parish. He actually
works in the cubical beside me.
Cubical-mates. Cube-buds.
PAUL
You guys friends?
Vic's eyes turn firey, his passion emerges from his hidden
depths.
VIC
I hate Parish with every cell in my
body, every mitochondria, every
molecule and atom and quark that
composes me all the way to hell.
Thats how much I hate Parish.
DARYN
You too huh?
WARREN
Wait, what?
PAUL
Yeah the guys a piece of shit.
We're only doing business with him
cause he gave us the cheapest deal
in the market. Basically gave it to
us. Man, that guy would do anything
make a sale!
DARYN
Probably even fuck a horse!
The two belt out laughing. Brianna isn't as jovial.
Warren looks at Brianna.
WARREN
But isn't he your boyfriend?
VIC
Yeah don't you like screw him and
all that?
BRIANNA
Oh please, did he tell you that?
VIC
I I just figured. Hes a hotshot.

54
PAUL
Hotshot? Pfft. We haven't even
signed the deal yet. We were trying
to get him drunk to get him to go
even lower on the cost. Until you
guys screwed that up.
DARYN
Wait, didn't you say you work for
the same company?
VIC
I do.
Daryn gestures to Vic.
PAUL
Son. Do you want to make a deal?
Vic pulls out his breifcase and sets it on his lap.
VIC
Sure thing. I'll just make a few
modifications...
Vic makes a few changes to some paperwork he happened to
have in his breifcase.
VIC
How much did he say he'd offer you
and for how long?
PAUL
200,000 dollars, digital ads, tv
spots, signage, 8 live event
campaigns, something about having
our name on every pair of dentures.
DARYN
Really digs in to our target
demographic of senior citizens.
VIC
I can get you on every pair of
adult diapers sold from here to
Washington D.C.
Brianna walks out.
Warren watches as she exits.
Vic and the Ericksons are making a deal, Vic handing them
papers which they sign.

55
Warren follows after Brianna.
Joey continues to push Parish down the street.
They have been walking for quite a while.
PARISH
Hey man, can we at least take an
Uber or something. I can't keep
walking around with these cuffs on,
its embarassing.
Joey just continues to push him along.
JOEY
Shut up.
PARISH
Can I ask you a personal question?
What do you have to gain from this
huh? You trying to impress your
buddies?
The tone gets a bit serious.
JOEY
I don't need to impress anybody.
Just doing my job. My civil duty-
PARISH
Cut the horse shit.
JOEY
(to himself)
There is a big horse theme going on
tonight.
PARISH
I saw you in there with your friend
looking over the crowd. Whats his
name?
JOEY
Warren.
PARISH
And Vic, he was with you too wasn't
he?
JOEY
I don't know what you mean.

56
PARISH
I guess it serves me right. I stole
that contract right out from
underneath him. His way of getting
back at me. I knew the strippers
were too much.
JOEY
Yeah well it doesn't matter now.
You're done for kiddo. Capoot. You
can enjoy the next few decades in a
jail cell.
Parish just somberly continues forward.
Joey has a change of conscious.
JOEY
Hey man. How about we forget about
this whole thing huh?
Joey uncuffs him.
PARISH
(sniffles back tears)
What are you doing?
JOEY
The nights still young. How about
you and I go get a beer?
He puts his hand on his shoulder.
PARISH
Yeah?
JOEY
Come on.
He leads him off.
EXT. RIVER RATS - NIGHT28.
Warren chases after Brianna.
WARREN
Hey, hey!
Brianna keeps walking, not interested in having a
conversation.
WARREN
Hey wait up. Please.

57
BRIANNA
I thought you weren't interested in
chasing girls tonight.
WARREN
Listen. Sorry for whatever that was
back there. I don't support what
they were doing.
BRIANNA
I'm glad my dad found the deal he
was looking for but Parish isn't
that bad of a guy and he didn't
deserve to be carted off like that.
WARREN
Yeah I wasn't a part of that. Vic
and Joey they've got, well, they've
got some issues they need to take
care of.
BRIANNA
Thats pretty clear. And it looks
like you do too.
She continues to walk off.
WARREN
(calling out to her)
Hey you you want to get a drink?
Somewhere um quiet?
Brianna turns around, looks him up and down.
INT. PIANO BAR - NIGHT29.
This is a calmer environment. Classy piano music and a
singer makes for a serene environment. The crowd is more
relaxed as well with high end cocktails in hands of the well
dressed guests.
DOLLY PUSH IN on Parish and Joey talking.
JOEY
So you sleep with all your client's
daughters or is that a new thing?
He sips his classy cocktail.

58
PARISH
Any that I find to be a hard sell.
These guys were trying to give me a
run. Had to play hardball. Brianna,
she was easy pickings. All I had to
do was give her the look and she
was head over heels.
JOEY
What what look. Does it work on
most girls?
PARISH
This look.
He points to his face. Does a seductive look.
JOEY
Damn thats good.
PARISH
Hasn't failed me yet.
JOEY
Could you...could you teach me the
look?
PARISH
Sorry buddy its either you got it
or you don't. Not something I can
teach.
JOEY
Come on. I can do it. Show me how.
PARISH
Alright. First thing you gotta do
is. The eyebrow.
He points to his eyebrow.
PARISH
Lift it high as you can. Make them
see you're interested.
JOEY
Ok.
He tries it out, struggling at first.
PARISH
But never make eye contact. Always
3 quarter view. See?

59
JOEY
Damn thats good.
Joey observes his look.
JOEY
Alright let me try.
Joey attempts the look.
PARISH
Close but not quite. Here check it
out.
Parish walks up to the conrner of the bar to order a drink.
A couple of girls are in the corner.
He does the face and both of the girls stare at him.
Slowly, he looks over in their direction, raises the eyebrow
again.
JOEY
(to himself)
Master.
EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT30.
Warren and Brianna walk side by side.
WARREN
Vic? Hes a cool guy. A little high
strung.
BRIANNA
A little? I'm pretty sure I saw
satan rise out of him when he
started talking about Parish.
WARREN
Yeah he really hates that guy. Hey
what makes a girl like you
interested in a guy like that?
BRIANNA
I don't know. Bad judge of
character I guess. He really hired
a bunch of strippers to steal one
of Vic's clients?
WARREN
Yup. Nabbed them right out from
underneath his nose.

60
BRIANNA
Damn.
They walk a litt furhter until they stop at a fancy looking
bar.
WARREN
Want to go inside for a cocktail?
BRIANNA
Sure.
INT. PIANO BAR - NIGHT31.
Brianna and Warren step inside the bar. The place is very
rowdy, with the source of the energy coming from the
opposite end of the bar where we spot Parish and Joey
sitting in a booth with 4 girls around them. They each have
a girl on their lap.
Joey and Parish are telling the girls stories.
JOEY
And the theif ran off with his bag,
no one knew what to do. I heard him
screaming and so I tackled the guy
in board daylight.
PARISH
(backing him up)
Truly it was very heroic.
Both of them have the poses on their faces the entire time
they are chatting with these girls.
Warren and Brianna stop dead in their tracks.
WARREN
You have got to be kidding me.
Brianna runs right up to Parish.
BRIANNA
Parish!
PARISH
(from underneath a girl)
Oh hey babe! What a coincidence!
Parish pushes one of the girls off his lap.
WARREN
Joey, what the hell man?

61
JOEY
Well, turns out me and Parish have
a lot in common!
WARREN
Like what?
PARISH
Well we both have a desperate need
to feel accepted.
JOEY
And have exhaustively low
self-esteem which leads us to
overcompensate in other ways.
He lifts and eyebrow to one of the girls. She swoons.
BRIANNA
Parish. You couldn't call or
message me to let me know you're
ok? You're sitting here with that
stupiod expression on your face.
You look like a dumb frat boy.
PARISH
(discreetly)
Honey, I did what I had to do to
get out of getting arrested. You
know me, do what I have to do to
make the sale.
BRIANNA
Like hooking up with me to get
closer to my father's business? you
make me sick.
Brianna storms away.
JOEY
Well you can't win 'em all.
PARISH
Unless you're me. Then you can win
'em all. Excuse me ladies.
Parish pushes one of the girls off his lap.
PARISH
Baby, wait up!
Brianna goes and sits by the bar. Parish goes to console
her. Warren leans in closer to Joey.

62
WARREN
Was this your big plan? Stage an
arrest then take the guy out for
drinks? You just left us there man.
JOEY
He's not that bad of a guy. Showed
me a new thing.
He does the pose.
WARREN
Will you knock that shit off? Thats
not how your face looks. Thats not
how it looks ladies.
Joey's expression changes. The girls fall away.
Joey is disappointed.
JOEY
Hey man, why you trying to steal my
thunder? I'm just having some luck
with the girls and you're trying to
jack that up.
WARREN
I'm not jacking it up. They don't
even really like you. Is that what
you're going for?
JOEY
I'll go for anything bruh.
WARREN
Don't you want a girl that likes
you for you.
JOEY
Could honestly care less about it.
WARREN
Oh well, sorry about that.
JOEY
What about you?
Warren remains silent. Glances over to where Parish and
Brianna are having a conversation.
JOEY
Oh you like her huh? Well tough
luck buddy. Parish is a master.

63
WARREN
Whats this about a master? A
stallion, a goddam sorcerer,
magician, buddha, yoda, sensei?!
The goddam Pope of picking up
chicks?! Its all bullshit man!
These girls-- they aren't looking
for a real thing. They want someone
to cluck cluck, show they're
colorful feathers around them, and
have guys beat each other up around
them to make 'em feel special and
the moment theres noone around to
make a spectacle for, they'll throw
you in a ditch and let ants eat
you.
JOEY
Oh no that would be bad voodoo.
WARREN
Come on man. Cut the shit. Real
quality girls are hard to come by.
They hide in the hardest places to
reach, and take work to acquire. I
don't know. Maybe we're going about
it all wrong.
JOEY
Maybe you're right. But I just want
to get laid and you just screwed
that up.
WARREN
Well consider it payback for
ruining it for me earlier.
The two sit there confused and defeated.
JOEY
So what do you say. Want to call it
a night? Or are you trying to get
another drink or...
WARREN
I don't know man. I think I just
want to try to end the night on a
positive, with my limbs attached.
Joey looks over to Parish and Brianna.
Parish hugs Brianna, apparently having made up.

64
JOEY
I guess they made up.
WARREN
That was quick.
Brianna looks at Warren as her and Parish walk out together.
JOEY
Well there goes another one. Sorry
buddy.
WARREN
Its alright. At this point, I think
I'm content dying a hermit. Away
from bars and clubs. Nothing but
the mountains and a warm fire to
keep me company.
JOEY
Alright well. You ready to call it?
I don't know what else to do. We've
just about covered it.
WARREN
I don't think I'm ready to call it
just yet. How about we go and grab
some food.
JOEY
I know just the place.
Vic is walking down the street with the two Ericksons. They
are all very Jovial. The Ericksons both have their suit
jackets off, slung around their shoulders. Vic himself has a
pep in his step. Swinging his suitcase happily.
They, walk drunkenly together, arms on each other's
shoulders, Vic in the middle.
PAUL
Who knew we cold get such a deal,
you're really good at what you do
kid.
VIC
All in a day's work.
DARYN
Hey. Parish promised us strippers.
Can you get us strippers?

65
VIC
I'll see what I can pull together.
PAUL & DARYN
Hey! Alright.
They high five.
VIC
You savages hungry? My treat.
PAUL
I could eat.
DARYN
I'm starving.
The three turn the corner to a midnight diner.
Daryn gestures as he holds the door open.
Vic and Paul stumble in.
INT. DINER - NIGHT33.
Joey and Warren sit together in a booth toward the middle of
the diner. Warren sips on coffee and Joey eats french fries,
feeling a little hungover.
Joey spots Vic and the Ericksons walk through the door. He
is shocked.
JOEY
Hey Warren, its Vic!
WARREN
What?
He turns around toe see Vic and the Ericksons stumbling
through the door. Having a jovial conversation.
JOEY
And hes with those guys Parish was
talking to.
Vic and the Ericksons walk through to find a table. Vic
spots Joey and Warren.
VIC
Oh hey guys! Where you been?
JOEY
(suspiciously)
Around...what are they doing here?

66
VIC
Oh the Ericksons? Oh yeah. You know
how Parish done me dirty by
stealing my contract at the hotel.
JOEY
Yeah?
VIC
Well I done him dirty by stealing
his contract at a bar. We're even.
The Ericksons come over to the table.
PAUL
Oh hey boys. Good to see you again.
WARREN
(feigns a smile)
Yeah, you too.
Vic signals everyone to sit. Warren sticks his head down.
VIC
Lets sit lets sit. Friends.
He gestures to Joey and Warren.
VIC
Meet new friends.
He gestures to the Ericksons.
PAUL
Wild night huh fellas?
The waiter comes over.
WAITER
Can I get you fellas something to
drink?
DARYN
I'll do a coffee.
PAUL
Coffee.
VIC
Ehem. Coffee.
WAITER
Ok, 3 coffees, I'll be right back.

67
WARREN
Actually I'm ready to or-
The waiter heads off before Warren can get his attention.
PAUL
So boys. Crazy night huh?
The guys knod in agreement.
WARREN
Crazy night.
PARISH (O.S.)
Well its about to get crazier.
They all look up to see Parish and Brianna standing over
them.
PAUL
Oh hey Parish. Hey little lady.
BRIANNA
Hey dad.
PARISH
So you made friends, huh?
Vic grabs Paul and Daryn in close.
VIC
Best of friends.
Daryn brushes him off.
PARISH
So I get dragged off for something
I didn't do and in an instant I am
replaced is that how it is?
WARREN
Yeah thats how it is buddy now will
you beat it?
PARISH
Paul. Daryn?
He looks around the table with pleading eyes.
PARISH
Joey?
Joey lifts an eyebrow, 3rd quarter view then turns to Parish
and gives him a nod.

68
JOEY
You're the jedi master.
Warren shakes his head.
PARISH
I see how it is. Just gonna get
flushed down the toilet while this
wannabe takes my deal.
Vic sits there with his arms crossed.
VIC
Hey can I get some of your fries?
He burps and pops a tum in his mouth while reaching out for
a fry.
BRIANNA
Parish, just drop it. Lets just eat
some breakfast, we don't need to
deal with this.
PARISH
I need to deal with it, this is my
deal!
Daryn stands up.
DARYN
I'll tell you what your deal is.
You're a self-righteous, greedy
little punk. And if you think
you're gonna muscle us into giving
you back our contract you got
another thing coming.
PARISH
But Brianna, I'm dating your
daughter!
PAUL
And you think you're the first punk
my daughters dated? Shes been
through a bunch of you jerks and if
you think that was doing you any
favors you got another thing
coming.
PARISH
Well I guess this whole things just
been one big waste of time, hasn't
it!

69
He shoves Brianna at the table.
BRIANNA
Are you kidding me?!
Warren stands up, coming to her rescue.
Paul signals for him to sit down. Daryn is already on it. He
gets closer to Parish, standing over him with his large
physique. Parish gulps.
DARYN
How about we sit down. Have a cup
of coffee. And settle this thing
real condial-like.
Parish gulps where he stands.
The waiter comes by.
WAITER
(to Parish)
Anything to drink?
PARISH
(softly)
A coffee. Lots of sugar.
Brianna takes a seat.
Parish pulls over a chair.
The group all sit together in the midnight diner, having a
moment of calm in the otherwise chaotic evening.
Brianna looks at Parish spitefully.
He keeps his head down, defeated, Daryn with his eye on him.
Joey tells Vic and Warren about the face thing Parish showed
him. Warren stares out the window, uninvolved.
Vic keeps eating Joey's fries while Joey tells the story,
aware that he is distracted.
Paul calls the waiter over.
SLOW DOLLY ZOOM OUT on the unexpected gathering.
FADE TO BLACK
CUT TO:
INT. DINER - LATER34.

70
The group is getting ready to leave. CLOSE ON PAUL'S HAND as
he throws cash down on the table, getting up. Daryn and
Parish are already walking off. Parish has his head down in
defeat.
PAUL
Its on me. You fellas have a good
night. Vic, we'll talk tomorrow.
He points his fingers in a gun-shape, making a clicking
sound. Vic reciprocates, 6 empty plates in front of him and
half of the food on his face. Paul exits.
Brianna stays by the table as Paul, Parish and Daryn walk
out.
She looks to Warren.
BRIANNA
Sorry Warren. It never would've
worked out between us. You're just
too nice of a guy.
Warren waves at her. She leaves.
JOEY
Back to three. The holy trinity of
players.
WARREN
Do we look like players? I call
tonight a bust.
VIC
Not for me it wasn't. Sorry boys.
JOEY
Well at least we can consider this
a learning experience. Don't offer
to show girls your gun.
WARREN
Don't chase girls who like bad
guys.
VIC
Don't be a loser who sucks with
women wait thats you guys my game
still sharp.
A beat. They all sit there for a moment of reflection.

71
WARREN
Alright well you guys ready to call
it.
VIC
Yup.
JOEY
Man all I wanted was for one chick.
To meet one chick and hit it off,
you know?
WARREN
I hear you buddy.
They all get up and head to the door.
Joey goes up to the register to pay with the cash.
At the register is a CASHIER, an attractive black girl. She
looks at him with doughy eyes.
JOEY
Hello. Um we're just trying to pay
our tab.
He hands her the cash.
She takes it gracefully.
We slow, melodic movements she opens the cash register and
marks his receipt.
She hands it back to him.
JOEY
Thanks.
She stops him with her voice.
CASHIER
I like the way your eyes sparkle.
Joey is smitten.
JOEY
(uncertain)
Thank you.
His face lights up as he follows the other guys out.
EXT. DINER - NIGHT35.
Vic and Warren are already standing outside.

72
Joey comes outside.
WARREN
Ready?
JOEY
Hey you guys go ahead. I'm gonna go
back inside real quick.
He gestures to the cute cashier girl with a bright smile on
his face.
JOEY
She likes the way my eyes sparkle!
He turns to head inside.
Warren and Vic watch as Joey goes in and begins to chat with
the girl. It seems to click naturally. They both are all
smiles.
Vic and Warren stand with their hands in their pockets.
WARREN
Alright. Which way you headed?
Warren isn't very high spirited. Vic is back to his stoic
self.
The two head down the street.
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT - LATER36.
Vic and Warren stand by the subway entrance.
WARREN
Alright man well I'll catch you
later.
Vic is about to head into the subway when Warren catches him
with one last thing.
WARREN
Hey wait. You don't think the
Ericksons could use me for some
design work do you? You just got
that big deal could you put a word
in for me.
VIC
I could try man but I can't promise
you anything.

73
WARREN
Alright buddy well I appreciate it.
Vic begins to walk down the steps.
Warren begins to walk off.
Vic checks his jacket pocket and realizes he has something
in his pocket. Quickly he turns around and runs back up the
steps.
VIC
Hey Warren!
WARREN
(turning around)
Yeah?
VIC
Um, I've got something for you.
Vic walks up to Warren and hands him something. CLOSE ON
PAPER in Warren's hand.
IT READS: LUCY - 774-454-8599
Warren's eyes light up.
WARREN
What is this?
VIC
That girl you met at Bombers. She
wanted me to give it to you.
INT. BOMBERS- NIGHT - FLASHBACK - EARLIER37.
Vic is grabbing his jacket from the chair he was sitting
back and begins to walk out.
Lucy, with guys still clamboring around her, grabs Vic and
hands him the piece of paper with her number on it.
LUCY
Give this to Warren for me?
Vic is half drunk and half paying attention.
VIC
Sure.
He takes it and heads back down the stairs into the subway.
Warren takes it and smiles to himself gradually.

74
INT. BUS - NIGHT38.
Warren is on the bus, looking out into the city lights,
illuminating the darkness.
He looks at the number in his hand.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT39.
Vic enters his apartment. A kitty cat meows at him and
brushes against his leg as he enters. Vic pets him as he
stumbles in.
VIC
Hey buddy.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT40.
Vic and THE CASHIER blast through the door, making out.
CAMERA PAN
TRANSITION TO:
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING41.
Warren lays in his bed. His alarm goes off. He wakes up.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER42.
Warren puts on a dresshirt.
INSERT of Warren colming his hair.
INT. AGENCY HALLWAY - DAY43.
CLOSE ON WARREN'S DRESS SHOES clopping through hallways as
he walks.
INT. AGENCY OFFICE - DAY44.
DOLLY PAN of Warren sitting in interview.
INTERVIEWER
We just don't need another designer
right now. Now if you could code
or...
Warren simply shakes his head.
INT. BUS - DAY45.
Warren on his way back from his interview, rides a bus.
Still in his interview clothes, bummed.

75
He digs into his pocket. He pulls the slip with Lucy's
number out, half crumpled showing a passing of time.
INT. APARTMENT - MORNING46.
Warren wakes up, mirroring the previous scene. His phone
lights up, awaking him.
He looks at it.
It reads: Balance Low. Balance fell below...
CLOSE ON Warren's worried face.
EXT. PARK - DAY47.
Joey is on his normal route. The usual attractive woman
passes him. He carries with him an air of confidence. He
tips his hat to her. She smiles back.
He smiles as she passes off screen.
A kid throws a frisbee headed directly toward his head.
He catches it it one hand, no even looking and gracefully
spins around and throws it back to the back to the kid.
The kid is astonished.
INT. OFFICE - DAY48.
Vic is having a busy and productive day. Andrew sits beside
him, carrying paperwork over. Vic is on the phone, intense.
ANDREW
Theres two more contracts coming
in. They want to double their air
time with us.
Vic glances over, still on the phone.
VIC
(super confident)
Triple the price.
Andrew nods and walks to his cubical with the paperwork.
Vic continues to sift through paperwork, phone to his ear.
CLOSE ON coffee placed just to the side of Vic.
Vic looks up. Its Parish.
He looks defeated but not spiteful. This is more of an

76
apology than anything else.
Vic simply nods.
Parish walks off. Meekly.
Vic continues to wait for his call to go through. He takes a
sip of the coffee, burps and then pops a tums.
The call finally goes through.
VIC
Yeah, Paul? Hey I wanted to have a
word with you about our marketing
campaign.
INT. PAUL'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS49.
Paul sits in his office on the line with Vic. He is busy as
well, a stack of paperwork high on his desk.
PAUL
Vicky, we need to a new logo. One
that screams, "Anchorage Villas,"
thats the place to be. A beautiful,
restful, sanctuary to spend the
rest fo my day. One that my kids
want to come visit me at and will
spend lots of money to keep them
there. What we've got right now is
too corporate. We need to rebrand!
VIC
Yes thats exactly what I wanted to
talk to you about.
PAUL
Got any ideas?
We close in on Vic.
VIC
Let me tell you about Warren.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY50.
Warren sleeps, more disheveled than ever.
His phone gets an alert, waking him. He grabs for it.
ON THE PHONE READS A TEXT: You're in.
THEN ANOTHER TEXT: $2,000 up front.

77
AND ANOTHER: Welcome to the team.
Warren picks it up and looks at it. He is overwhelmed with
elation.
He gets up and looks in the mirror. He smiles.
He turns to walk out of the room, then stops. He turns back
and goes to his nightstand back toward his bed and opens the
drawer.
He pulls out the slip of paper and looks at it with
determination.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY51.
Warren is back at his regular coffee shop.
He sits working on his script. He puts the final touches on
it and looks at it with satisfaction. He looks up and spots
someone beautiful walk in. She passes by off screen.
OTS of Warren staring at beautiful girl from behind as she
orders a latte.
MYSTERY GIRL
A latte please.
Warren looks on with excitement.
She turns around after having received her latte and shes
stares directly at Warren with a bright, beautiful smile.
Its Lucy.
Warren smiles back at her and we bask in a beautiful moment
of reunion.
SLOW DOLLY IN ON WARREN'S COMPUTER. ON SCREEN IT READS:
Barhoppers, A Film by Warren Taylor. The words are scrambled
and instead the text reads: A Film by Jacob Lovett.
He closes the computer, bringing down with it the title
sequence.
ROLL CREDITS

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