Octavio Rettig, a surgeon and midwife, maintains a well considered argument. He is a Mexican doctor who investigates the therapeutic properties of bufotenin or 5-MeO-DMT. He came to Spain to give the substance to a group. I witnessed the ritual and spoke with him.

1. The Toad of Revelations
By Inma Muro
Translation: Jason Brett Serle
Before meeting him, one could expect a charlatan (the distrust
after so many pseudo-miraculous substances has made us skeptics
about everything encompassed under the broad umbrella of
"drugs"). But Octavio Rettig, a surgeon and midwife, maintains a
well considered argument. He is a Mexican doctor who
investigates the therapeutic properties of bufotenin or 5-MeO-
DMT. He came to Spain to give the substance to a group. I
witnessed the ritual and spoke with him. After the interview, he
asked timidly, "Are you going to take the medicine?" I knew in
that moment I would. The toad medicine is the subject of his
investigation, a substance extracted from the glands of an
indigenous species of the Sonoran Desert and one which he brings
to people all over the world for healing and initiatory purposes.
Dr. Octavio Rettig during the ritual in Tarifa next to a participant.

2. Photo: José Colón
This was my experience:
Stood still, facing the sun, the process begins with deep,
conscious breaths (as I have so often done in yoga). Then begins
the chanting, deep tribal sounds as he gently pats me on the back.
Octavio prepares the dried flakes from the toad in a glass pipe.
He brings it to my mouth as he repeats to me "breathe in, breathe
in". The effect is immediate. As the smoke reaches your lungs,
the soul escapes like the zoom of a camera, a centrifugal force
that seems to absorb you. All fades to black. Then comes a
barrage of faces, they come at you, staring at you. They are
people that you know, some of them forgotten. You lose
awareness of your body, the here, the now, the before, the past,
the distant, the old, everything is blended together. Something
abandons you. Something possesses you. I couldn’t say how
much time passed and I don’t know if it matters. Later I was told
that it had not been more than five minutes and that I seemed to
be immersed in a sweet sensation. I felt something shake me
violently although nothing was physically acted out. Others that
I’d seen in the trance writhed on the floor and cried out or brought
their hands to their heads.
It’s an initiatory journey, a trip to the primeval. Images piled one
upon the other with their own syntax. The mind rebels, wants to
control, wants to direct, as it always does, every day. The spirit
fights, fights until you let go and then all is still. I saw a channel,
a spiral with geometric figures at the end, in a brilliant, vivid blue.
I felt as if I was passing through it. Rebirth, some call it; the
opening of one’s eyes to a new, recovered and reinterpreted
world.

3. I looked for his face. Octavio. On seeing him I knew I was back.
He was waiting for me. I felt he’d looked after me, touched me,
sung to me, accompanied me and massaged my fears. He’d
understood me and I felt it (he himself smokes a little with each
person, "it helps me to vibrate on the same wavelength" he says).
He was waiting for me with a smile, his palms together over his
chest. I felt a deep gratitude towards him. I thanked him for the
ritual, for sharing with me what I had felt, for showing me, for
taking me there and for looking after me. I had a huge smile,
peace, understanding ... although I don’t quite know why, from
everything, or from nothing. There was a group hug as the girls
from the group all joined together. And I recognised one of them.
She had gone before me on the trip but now I saw her as if for the
first time. We had never spoken but I recognised her “from ages
past” as she put it; a mutual connection that comes from ... I don’t
quite know how to say it, but one that in any case, is there. The
feeling of tuning in to a stranger comes over you. You connect
with everyone, with the environment. Several days later, the
feeling continued.
On ‘returning’ I receive a group hug. Heartwarming. Photo: José
Colón.

4. It’s difficult to explain. Words just don’t do it justice or come off
sounding like hallucinogenic drug clichés. But this is no
recreational drug, it’s more of an initiation, an ancestral medicine,
as Dr. Octavio Rettig explained to me that morning. Later I
understood. Even though this Mexican doctor has been
investigating it for nine years, even though he’s given some 8000
doses to 5000 people and has taken it himself on numerous
occasions, he still finds it something difficult to communicate and
warns that it is not something he would recommend to everyone.
From the outside it may seem, as perhaps in this testimony, a
hackneyed homage to hallucinogenic drugs. It’s not a question of
defending or justifying it, nor of convincing anyone or pushing
them to try it. There are no certainties, only intuitions. Each
person knows. It’s not a recreational drug, in fact it’s actually
frightening. I saw people writhing, foaming at the mouth, with a
lost gaze and an abandoned will. I have seen, for what seemed
interminable moments, a contorted body that seemed to be face to
face with something terrible. Then came relaxation.
I also acknowledge that it’s brought me peace, an expanded
understanding as well as empathy and a sense of communion with
others. It’s been something far more than the taking of a drug. I
felt that I participated in an atavistic ritual, induced by the sun and
surroundings and the ancestral chants. As the days pass, one feels
peace, serenity and a delight whose source is unknown, like the
spontaneous smiles that come when you begin to fall in love.
You see things differently, like when you look at those three
dimensional posters that were so popular a few years ago, which
at first glance look flat but after a while, by gazing beyond them,
you perceive depth and volume. Once learnt, one can effortlessly
see in them a third dimension. Dr. Rettig asserts that this way of
seeing everything remains with time and uses the simile of the
Matrix movie to try to explain the process of becoming aware of
another reality.

5. As time passes, the joy whose source is unknown is established
within. There is a great deal of hypocrisy surrounding drugs;
alcohol has more devastating effects than a substance that comes
from an endangered toad of the Sonoran Desert but it is socially
sanctioned. I’ve seen people vomit after drinking too much and
even lose consciousness. No one is shocked but concerned
counsel will rain down on you if you begin to speak of an
experience that they don’t know how to classify. It’s not for
everyone; it most certainly isn’t without having a knowledgeable
guide and I wouldn’t encourage anyone to catch a toad in a jar (as
I’ve read in an internet forum, written by a Mexican in the Sonora
desert who was asking for advice as to how to obtain the
hallucinogenic substance). But there is something in this
experience worth sharing and within it an ancient wisdom that
escapes being defined as “just another high”.
The toad medicine is a substance extracted from the glands of a
species only found in the Sonora Desert of Mexico. It’s a
peculiar animal that leaves its hideout for two months of the year
and it is during this time that the liquid is extracted and later dried
in the sun. It is not otherwise manipulated and the extraction does
no harm to the animal.
Dr. Rettig has created the OTAC Foundation (the name that the
Seri Indians give the toad and one that curiously coincides with
the first four letters of his name, an auspicious sign) to protect the
Bufo Alvarius. It is a non-profit organisation that finances
investigations into the nature of the substance. This shaman, a
term he doesn’t much favour, because he says, he has no healing
powers, travels the world to share in this ritual that has been
known to rid people of addictions as well as helping others
through its revelatory experience.
He says that the toad medicine saved his life on two occasions.
“Firstly it helped me to beat my addiction to crack; secondly,
when I was stung by a poisonous spider to which there was no
antidote - only my own immune system could fight it. I was not

6. getting better, I was in such pain that I couldn’t sleep properly
and I dreamt that they had to amputate my limb. Having kept the
toad medicine for two years, I took it again hoping for some rest.
The next day I had improved by eighty percent. The doctors who
were treating me began to take an interest in the substance and
asked permission from the health authorities to begin a
documented investigation”, he says. His studies have led him to
conclude that all substances cannot be encompassed under the
single denomination of “drugs”. “There is a lot of confusion and
people think that medicine is the same thing as poison; that
peyote is the same as heroin and it’s not. This misunderstanding
leads people to poison themselves and causes serious public
health problems all around the world”, maintains Dr. Rettig.
Many Thanks to Jason Brett Serle for the translation.

7. getting better, I was in such pain that I couldn’t sleep properly
and I dreamt that they had to amputate my limb. Having kept the
toad medicine for two years, I took it again hoping for some rest.
The next day I had improved by eighty percent. The doctors who
were treating me began to take an interest in the substance and
asked permission from the health authorities to begin a
documented investigation”, he says. His studies have led him to
conclude that all substances cannot be encompassed under the
single denomination of “drugs”. “There is a lot of confusion and
people think that medicine is the same thing as poison; that
peyote is the same as heroin and it’s not. This misunderstanding
leads people to poison themselves and causes serious public
health problems all around the world”, maintains Dr. Rettig.
Many Thanks to Jason Brett Serle for the translation.