1. Emily Moore Approx 952 words
#4950
Feature Article
11/20/13
Navigating Singleness in a Relationship Obsessed World
Newberg, OR- She sits on the empty beach looking out over the water, breathes in the
ocean air, watches as the waves crash along the shore. It’s Fall Retreat, the annual event where a
hundred or more George Fox students head up to Twin Rocks for the weekend to spend time on
the surf, relax, and reflect on God.
Elise Porter, junior psychology major, sits reading a book for her Life of Christ class,
occasionally looking out over the endless water, reflecting. The cold air makes her shiver, and as
she heads back to the camp she thinks of what was promised of the retreat. S’mores, naps, and
sessions on saving money… But even though she’s been having a good time, she can’t help but
feel somewhat cheated. One last thing was promised that certainly seems an unlikely possibility.
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2. “Sleep, star gaze, soccer, frisbee, meet your future spouse,” the email read.
Elise just has to chuckle at the idea, especially considering the ten to one female to male
ratio at retreat. More accurately it’s: “men meet your future spouse, women may the odds be ever
in your favor.”
Taking out her phone she snaps a photo of herself sitting alone in the dining hall. She
slips in a small bit of text to complete it. “Haven’t met husband yet. Want refund.”
Back at George Fox her roommate, Liz O’Donnell, pauses in typing up a philosophy
paper and picks up the phone to look at the snapchat she’s received. With a chuckle she shakes
her head before taking a screenshot to save it in her memory forever. Her other roommate
Chelsea Fryer wanders in, and Liz shows off the shot. Both share a laugh at Elise’s disappointed
face.
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3. But these single girls understand the reality all too well. In a culture surrounded by
people in relationships, hoping for ring by spring, or just pinning on their wedding boards on
Pinterest, all three of them feel a little left out of the picture in their singleness.
The idea of marriage and relationships is a significant part of George Fox. And
sometimes that causes those who are single to feel confused. “I do feel out of place sometimes
when I find out five people in my class are actually married” Liz says with a shrug. She’s never
dated before, but she definitely has an opinion when it comes to relationships.
When asked why she thinks so many people are interested in getting married in college
she says, “A serious relationship is something that signifies adulthood to us. As we journey
through college, we are searching for ways to build our autonomy and present ourselves in the
adult world as a fully realized adult human.”
Chelsea Fryer, a psychology major who aspires to be a police officer, has to think a while
before answering. Unlike her roommates, Liz and Elise, she has had several relationships and has
even seriously discussed marriage before.
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4. “George Fox is just like the rest of society in pressuring people into couplehood and
marriage, perhaps even more so,” Chelsea says, brown eyes gazing at the wall. “Though I
personally haven't felt too many pressures from the George Fox community, the general
atmosphere does seem to encourage coupling.”
It’s definitely a challenge sometimes, even to these supportive roommates. Though all
three are extremely confident young women, they admit there are challenges in being single.
“There are some things about a romantic relationship that I crave,” Elise says. “Having
never been in a relationship, I do find myself asking ‘why?’ ‘Is there something wrong with me?’
‘Why am I not attractive to men?’ Those questions can be unsettling.”
When asked the worst thing about being single, Liz responds, “worrying that I will miss
my chance now and that I will never be able to find someone.”
Even Chelsea has to say that the messages surrounding singleness can be hard. “For those
of us who are single, the message of single equals bad can make us feel like there is something
wrong with us,” Chelsea explains, “make us focus more on our singlehood more than other
important aspects of our life, or cause us to make bad relationship decisions.”
But there are good things about singleness as well. As the three enjoy some homemade
baked goods and watch a film together, they admit there is something very wonderful about that
period without men in their lives.
“The best thing about being single is having a lot of freedom. I can stay at friend's houses
till two am without having to answer to a spouse. I also like the fact that I can hang out one-on-
one with platonic friends of the opposite sex without any potential conflict,” Elise admits.
The reality is that singleness is a fruitful and life-changing time. And many people forget
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5. that in the rush of trying to get married to somehow feel fulfilled.
As Liz reflects on things she offers one last thought. “I have never really thought that I
needed a boyfriend for any reason… other than in a fit of emotion after leaving a rom com alone.
I don't feel incomplete or missing something, I am full” she says with a small smile.
The three sit together, laughing through a movie, poking fun, making jokes. They munch
on homemade cookies, snuggle under blankets on the couch, and simply enjoy some free time.
“I wish I could tell people that it's not miserable being single,” Elise says. “I'm far from
miserable. I'm glad I didn't date in high school, or even freshman year of college. I've gotten to
foster an identity all my own without taking the views or opinions of a significant other into
consideration, and I wouldn't change that for the world.”
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