1. I will neverbe awardedMotherof the Year.In fact, I’mpositive Iwouldn’tevengetMotherof the Hour.
Most days,the bestI couldhope forisMother whoMade It Through the Day WithoutLosingHerMind.
WhenI envisionedbecomingamother,Ineveranticipatedhow hard,dirty, andheart-breakingitwould
be.My husbandandI sharedfouryearsof marriage before we startedtalkingaboutchildren.Atthe
time all I couldthinkaboutwashow wonderful itwouldbe tohave thislittleblankslate thatIcould
introduce tothe world,moldingandshapingandnurturingit,allowingittogrow intothe personGod
createditto be.
ThenI had kids.
The realityof raisingchildrenisthe antonymof myvisions.Kidsare notbornblankslates.Godfillsthem
up withtheirownpersonalities.They’ve gottheirquirks,theirownlikesanddislikes,andtheirownstyle
of communicating.
Forgetthe floweryimagesof introducingthe worldtoaneager,attentive little creature whohangson
my everyword.Instead,Ifeel asthough I’ve beengivenbarbariansthat Ihave to tame before it’stime
to release themintothe world.
I love mykids.I’ve gottwoof the most intelligent,beautiful,creative,andhumorousdaughtersGod
evermade.I’ve alsogottwo of the most stubborn,illogical, andunreasonablehumansonthe planet.
There are daysI stepback, attemptingtocheckmy angeror tears (orboth),andwonderwhyI ever
thoughtI coulddo this.
There are moments Ilookat my kidsandfeel utterlyunqualifiedtobe theirmother. Idon’tunderstand
whotheyare or whoGod expectsme to be forthem.I feel asif I’ve beenhandedaprojectthat I don’t
possessthe toolstocomplete.
There are manynights that I go to bedwithone simple prayer:Please Lord,maytheyknow how muchI
love them. Don’tletmyinadequaciesscrew themup.
I’ve acceptedthatI am the disciplinarian.I’ve beenreassuredthattobe a parent,I can’talwaysbe a
friend. Iknowthat sometimesIwill be dislikedformakingrulesanddecisionsthattheydon’t
understand.Those thingsIcan handle.Those thingsIembrace.
What breaksmy heartare the momentswhenIlose mytemper orblow thingsoutof proportion,
hurtingfeelingsandbruisingsouls,whenpatience orakindwordwouldhave workedbetter.It’s the
daysthat I’m stressedoutbyotherthingsandI lash outat mykids that I know I’ve droppedthe ball.
I can’t take those momentsorthose feelingsorthose wordsback.I can’t undothe damage to theirlittle
heartsor change a message Inevermeant toconvey.
I’mokay withneverbeingMomof the Year. Some womenare bornwitha giftforparentingand
motherhood. Iwasnot. It doesn’tcome naturallytome.I’ve gotto digdeepto findthe womanwilling
to serve andsacrifice forthe sake of herkids.
However,there are timeswhenthe onlyawardIdeserve isWorstMom of a Lifetime. Iwill neverbe
okaywiththat.

2. That’s whyI’mgrateful foreachnewday God givesme.Everymorningismychance fora freshstart.It’s
my chance to kissmy daughter’s faces,hugthemsotightit hurts,and try again.Evenbetter,andmore
gratifying,is theirwillingnesstogive me a freshstart.Theydon’tholdgrudges.Theyeagerlyaccept
those kissesandhugs,readytotry again justas much as me.
That’s all the rewardI need.