MATURE
"Apartment Hunting"
Episode 001
Written by
Bryan Kett
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
EXT. CITY STREET - LATE MORNING
NEAL SHARPE(early 20s, khakis that are too short, hair
parted)...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:

2.

BRENT
Of course your confidence is going to
go up. Young man like yourself, li...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (2)
NEAL (CONT’D)
Yes, I think it’ll be a beneficial
learning experience for everyo...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (3)
BRENT (CONT’D)
Don’t you think this is something we
should have talked about?
N...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:
NEAL
It’s funny. I always wanted to lead a
classroom, but I kind of feel like I’m
d...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:

6.

David motions to three chairs in front of his desk. The three
guys sit.
BRENT
...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (2)
DAVID (CONT’D)
Any of you golf?
BRENT
I’ve been known to use the sticks in
my d...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (3)

8.

ZACH
It’s getting harder and harder to
sneak in and out of their basement
...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED: (4)

9.

David turns body towards his keyboard but doesn’t look at the
screen. He b...
Mature

"Apartment Hunting"
CONTINUED:
ZACH
I owe you my portion. I’m good for it.
I got investmentsThe three stop and loo...
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Mature, Episode 1: "Apartment Hunting"

  1. 1. MATURE "Apartment Hunting" Episode 001 Written by Bryan Kett
  2. 2. Mature "Apartment Hunting" EXT. CITY STREET - LATE MORNING NEAL SHARPE(early 20s, khakis that are too short, hair parted) stands underneath an awning of an office building while drinking a cup of coffee. BRENT BARBER (early 20s, business casual, chin held high) approaches while also holding a cup of coffee. BRENT Have you heard from Williams? Neal shakes his head. BRENT (CONT’D) They said they could see us in a few. Awesome. NEAL BRENT Things are going to change for us once we have our own place in the city. I can feel it inside of me. Yeah? NEAL BRENT Guaranteed. We’re gonna get more confidence. And when I roll into work, everyone will see that their intern has a little bounce in his step. NEAL Oh yeah! Big time. Bounce. BRENT Their intern is gonna have some swagger. I mean, I can do more than just get coffee. NEAL Thanks for the coffee, by the way. BRENT For sure. It’s what I do. And I do it well. NEAL And maybe with our new place, my confidence will go up, too. 1.
  3. 3. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: 2. BRENT Of course your confidence is going to go up. Young man like yourself, living in the big city on his own? NEAL I’m going to be a better teacher. Better lesson plans. I mean really touch the future. BRENT (enthusiastic) Without a doubt. NEAL Not be the bumbling new guy anymore. BRENT (enthusiastic) Sing it. NEAL Have my students stop telling me that my head is way too large for my body. BRENT (hesitant) Okay. They cheers their coffees. Neal’s phone rings and he answers it. NEAL (into phone) Hello, this is Mr. Sharpe. (beat) Yes, well your son was fairly impolite. Brent nods in encouragement. NEAL (CONT’D) (into phone) That’s true. It is my first year teaching. (beat) Maybe I could learn a lot from your son. Neal walks away. ZACH FISH (early 20s, a sad excuse for facial hair, stained T-shirt) approaches and stands next to Brent. Hesitantly, Brent holds his coffee closer. Neal returns, still talking on the phone.
  4. 4. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: (2) NEAL (CONT’D) Yes, I think it’ll be a beneficial learning experience for everyone, especially myself. No, thank you. Neal hangs up and turns to the two of them. NEAL (CONT’D) (meekly) Touching the future, one kid at a time. ZACH There was a teacher at my school who touched the future. And other stuff, too. Not good. NEAL Zach! What’s up, man? (to Brent) Brent, this is Zach. He’s gonna be our third. Sup? ZACH (to Brent) BRENT (hesitant) Good afternoon. Brent turns to Neal. BRENT (CONT’D) What happened to Williams? NEAL Williams bailed. But don’t worry. Zach is a friend from back home. Now we can all have confidence, right? Zach leans in between the two of them. ZACH Oh, I like the sound of that. Sup? Sup, confidence? BRENT Yeah. I got it. “Sup?” Neal, can we have a quick pow wow over here? They step aside. 3.
  5. 5. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: (3) BRENT (CONT’D) Don’t you think this is something we should have talked about? NEAL You said it yourself, apartments are tight. And if we don’t sign today, we’ll have to wait until next month. He’s a good guy, Brent. In the b.g., Zach runs by, trying to kick a pigeon. BRENT He can’t mess up this interview. NEAL Relax. We’re all adults here. ZACH Oh man, the pigeon touched my foot. The pigeon touched my foot. Zach runs by in the b.g. Brent glares at Neal. INT. APARTMENT LEASING OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER The three men stand in a common waiting area. Brent pulls Zach aside. BRENT So I don’t know how much Neal shared with you. ZACH He said you needed a third, and I was like, a third what? And he said a roommate, soBRENT Great. So here’s how this works. No other agencies have any unrented properties left this month. ZACH Oh, right on. BRENT And your good friend Neal here can’t keep teaching and commuting from the burbs any longer. Neal turns. 4.
  6. 6. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: NEAL It’s funny. I always wanted to lead a classroom, but I kind of feel like I’m dying inside. Neal laughs. NEAL (CONT’D) That’s kind of weird, right? I don’t know. Maybe that’s not weird. BRENT (to Zach) See? So when we get in there, let’s have some ground rules. Rule number oneZACH Lay it on me, Daddy-O. BRENT Rule number one is don’t ever say Daddy-O. Rule number two, let me do the talking. I know how these people are. A secretary calls out to them. SECRETARY He’ll see you now. The three begin to make their way to an office. ZACH What was rule one, again? INT. DAVID’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER The three enter a posh office. Behind the desk sits David (50s, white collar, country club). He is on the phone. DAVID I’ve got to run. I’ve got prospective tenants here. (beat) Because I’m a titan of industry, that’s why. He hangs up. DAVID (CONT’D) Gentlemen, please. 5.
  7. 7. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: 6. David motions to three chairs in front of his desk. The three guys sit. BRENT Thanks for agreeing to see us about the property on Wilson. We saw pictures online--it looks amazing. NEAL Really amazing. Big windows and hardwood floors? I’ve got allergies, so carpet, no bueno. ZACH I don’t get on the internet much, but I’m sure it was amazing. David pulls out a file. DAVID Right. Before we get to the paperwork, I always like to get to know a little about our applicants. Very informal. How do you three know each other? BRENT Neal and I know each other from college. Go White Lightning! They each do an awkward, lightning bolt-esque handshake. NEAL And this is my friend Zach from home. Zach stands up and reaches across the table to shake David’s hand. ZACH Hi, Zach, Zach Fish. Like the animal. The swimming animal. David looks puzzled. Brent jumps in and motions to a golf ball mounted in a trophy on David’s desk. ZACH (CONT’D) You a golfing man? DAVID Hole in one last spring at Maplebrook. David picks up the trophy. Brent and Neal ‘oooh’ and ‘aaah’
  8. 8. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: (2) DAVID (CONT’D) Any of you golf? BRENT I’ve been known to use the sticks in my day. Got a pretty low handicap. ZACH It’s called disabled, not handicapped. Everyone stares at him. David clears his throat. DAVID (hesitant) And what brings you to living in Chicago? Work? BRENT I’m interning at a firm, gonna take the boards soon. DAVID Wonderful! World needs more young leaders. NEAL And I’m a teacher. DAVID That’s terrific. And how is that? NEAL I like to think they teach me as much as I teach them. DAVID Well that’s a nice sentimentNEAL It’s terrifying. The language they use. Their laughter. ZACH And I’m moving to the city because I’ve got to get out of my parents’ house. DAVID I think we’ve all been there. David chuckles. Brent laughs heartily. 7.
  9. 9. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: (3) 8. ZACH It’s getting harder and harder to sneak in and out of their basement without them knowing I’m living there. (beat) I think my dad thinks it’s just raccoons for nowBRENT So, about that apartment? DAVID In a minute. David cautiously looks at Zach and doesn’t break eye contact. DAVID (CONT’D) Any pets, you guys? NEAL A wild animal? Living next to me? Like equals? That’s terrifying. BRENT I’ve got a fern, but that’s about it. It was a graduation present, something to spruce up my office one day as a big shot lawyer, as a future leader. DAVID And you? Zach? BRENT Zach here isn’t much of an animal lover, isn’t that right, Zach? ZACH Oh, I get along with pigeons. I’m sorry? DAVID ZACH So I guess I can’t really say whether I have pets or not. NEAL He’s joking. ZACH Definitely not joking.
  10. 10. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: (4) 9. David turns body towards his keyboard but doesn’t look at the screen. He begins typing. DAVID Ah, well would you look at that. Unfortunately, guys, that unit is no longer available. NEAL But you’re not even looking at the screen. DAVID I guess our postings online aren’t up to date. NEAL (defeated) Your monitor isn’t even turned on. I can see it. BRENT Look, we need to be in the city this month. Do you have anything available? David turns to Brent and opens his mouth to speak, but then sees Zach acting like the golf trophy is an electric guitar. Zach sheepishly sets the trophy down. DAVID It isn’t as nice as the unit you saw online, but we do have one three bedroom still available. You’d have to sign for it right now, thoughBRENT We’ll take it! The three smile at one another. INT. BOYS’ APARTMENT - MID AFTERNOON The three enter their new apartment. BRENT I’m sure all of their properties are nice, Neal. NEAL I’ve never put down a deposit that big on anything. I’ve never even put down a deposit before. First and last month’s rent?
  11. 11. Mature "Apartment Hunting" CONTINUED: ZACH I owe you my portion. I’m good for it. I got investmentsThe three stop and look around. The place is a total disaster. NEAL Um. Okay. Let’s think about this. BRENT No, no, no, no, no. ZACH Whoa, we got windows! Zach goes over and looks out the window. ZACH (CONT’D) (yelling out the window) I see you, bird. Zach runs outside. NEAL It’s going to be okay. It’s a fixer upper. Brent stands in shock. ZACH (O.S.) Oh man, it touched my foot again. Brent glares at Neal. END OF ACT 10.

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