1. Keith Schemel
Obituary
Keith Andrew Schemel, 75, of Miami, Florida, passed away on Wednesday, 25 April
2068, after a gladiator match with a lion at the local zoo. He was born and raised in Lacey, New
Jersey, and received a college degree from Marshall University in 2017. Keith had a very
eventful life, which included cycling across the European and Asian continents, as well as
climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa, and discovering both Malaysian Airline 370, and the lost
city of Atlantis while snorkeling off the coast of Hawaii. Keith became a multi-billionaire by the
time he was 30, and moved to Miami, where he lived at his 5,000 acre property built on the
ocean, and protected by warrior dolphins which he trained. He is survived by his seven wives,
and twenty-five children, and seventy grandchildren. Funeral arrangements will be held at
midnight, Saturday, 28 April, off the coast of Miami, where he will be tied to fireworks and
ejected into the sky.