Reasons to get back with an ex or not

1. Reasons To Get Back With An Ex - Or Not
Single life can make an ex seem pretty good. But is getting back together the best choice? It's over: not
only is your relationship in the rearview mirror, your breakup is settling into the dust, too.
And yet here you are, thinking about your ex and wondering if you gave up too quickly. Asking
yourself if it's too late to make the relationship work.
I get it. I've been there. Once upon a time — way before marriage with "The Hubs" and my brief foray
as an #ImposterMom to my niece I was in the throes of my big breakup, and it was messy.
I was 30, watching all of my friends settle down with amazing men and having adorable babies. And
there I was, single and broken-hearted. Again.
If I had a reality series, they would have called it Loser at Love.
Things are different for me now. I never made it onto Loser at Love, but every day I talk to men and
women around the world about all things love-related through my live online relationship advice TV
show, GAME OVER: Street Smart Love Advice.
Several times a week, someone inevitably asks whether or not they should get back together with their
ex. I'll be honest: My standard response is a big, fat no.
But here's the deal: my hell, no may be your hell, yeah. And if that's the case, I want to arm you with
the best advice so you can figure out exactly why you want to get back together with your ex, and how,
if you're careful, it could actually turn out to be one of the best decisions you ever make.
Here are four legitimate reasons you should consider rekindling that flame — but not after careful
consideration.
1. Because This Time It Could Really Work: Everything that didn't work in your relationship before, be
it cheating, opposing values, dishonesty, lack of respect, different life goals, money woes, political
leanings, religion, children or a pantheon of other factors should be considered.
If you give it one more shot with your ex, those relationship obstacles might magically disappear and
you two could make a go of the "happily ever after" thing once and for all.
But you'll probably have to work on them. If you find yourself saying "maybe — just maybe — things
will be different this time," you're not alone. Smart, successful, amazing individuals just like you tell

2. themselves this all the time to reconnect with their ex. My question to you is this: Is your ex saying the
same thing?
Are you in agreement about what things need to change in the relationship before you give it another
go? (Because some things should definitely change). If the answer's yes, Game ON. If the answer's I
don't know or no, Game OVER.
2. Because You've Worked On Improving Yourself: In the wrong relationship, we don't tend to work
on ourselves — there's no time! Instead, you spend your days riding the rollercoaster of emotional
drama or stuck in the rock-bottom of mediocrity.
There's freedom there: you don't have to take responsibility for yourself or your life. You don't have to
follow your dreams or evolve into the amazing human being you know deep down you're meant to
become.
That's the beauty of going back to your ex: None of that tricky, elusive and painful personal growth.
But what if (and I'm just playing devil's advocate here) what if you did decide to grow?
What if you gave yourself permission to become your best self? Would your ex be capable of
celebrating, supporting, and nurturing that version of you? Would he have grown as well?
Think about it this way: in the wrong relationship, you don't get to be who you know you're meant to
become.
In the right one, you are seen, celebrated, loved, accepted and supported for becoming just that. So
right about now, are you saying Game ON or Game OVER to giving your ex another go?
3. Because Your Ex Might Actually Be Someone Special Instead Of So-So: I get it. Being single can
sometimes suck.
Especially as you watch all of your girlfriends settle down, get married, and live a life that feels out of
reach.
But guess what's even worse than being temporarily alone? Being lonely in a relationship with the
wrong person forever.
Sure, you can make the case that settling for a mediocre relationship means you're sure to reach all
those life milestones: marriage, baby and "now what."

3. But I've gotta tell you: Those milestones are only meaningful with the right person. I've said it before
and I'll say it again: had I married and had a child with any other man I'd dated or been in a relationship
with prior to meeting The Hubs, I would either be divorced or in jail for murder. So how do you feel?
Is your ex truly someone special? Is your ex a Game ON or a Game OVER?
4. Because Big Risks Can Pay Off: The disappointment that accompanies the demise of a relationship
can be paralyzing. It's not just that you loved your ex and the life you had together; it's that the version
of "happily ever after" you constructed in your head and heart is forever gone, and you're forced to
mourn the loss alone.
This, by far, is the most compelling reason women want to get back together with their ex. And while I
think there's nothing more exciting than for an individual to walk away from the wrong relationship
(whether they got dumped or did the dumping) so they can ready themselves for the right one, I get that
the risk of believing someone better is out there may feel far too, well, risky.
If you've truly taken the time to search around and consider other options but still feel that your ex is
the one, you might have something there.
By Prof Wamba
www.lostlovespell.co.za