Spam decided to take a tour of the South Coast. So he decided on Bognor Regis, the spiritual home of traditional English holidays and the Gunwharf Tower, Portsmouth - which looks a bit like the really expensive hotel in Dubai. Except the lifts work in Dubai.
Spam is let loose on Bognor beach… “Crikey old boy, it’s chuffing freezing here! And where’s the sand?”
The cold has affected Spam and he suddenly drops into the American vernacular… “ And what the fuck is that? A noddy train? Jeez.”
And this is a traditional English seaside holiday camp. “ Looks like prison. What’s the town like?”
“ What the hell is this? Have you people not heard of being sued for being scared shitless by flaking, old shop dummies sat in the street for little reason?”
Yes, that really is a man in a fully covered wheelchair car thing INSIDE a coffee shop
“ But I think I’m too scared to ask anyone. They all look a bit... well, you know. Not quite ‘there’.”
Scared of Bognor, Spam heads West to Gunwharf Quays, Portsmouth