5. What’s wrong with this?
“This amazing, prestigious and
sophisticated product is a quantum leap
forward and performance is a greater
order of magnitude, and will decimate the
competition. The enormity of this
tremendous advance indicates our
commitment to servicing our customers
in a forensically sound manner.”
6. Novell/IBM 2001…
IBM WebSphere Advanced Edition 3.5 for NetWare,
the newest version of the application deployment
platform for Novell Net services software such as
OnDemand, iChain, Novell Portal Services and
eGuide, is now available for NetWare 5.1. With IBM
WebSphere for NetWare, customers can simply and
securely Web-enable existing business processes
using a combination of Novell Net services software
deployed as Java-based applications on WebSphere.
This transformation to eBusiness is accelerated
through the identity, customization and personalization
management power of Novell's Novell eDirectory.
7. Novell / IBM 2001 by the
numbers…
Words per Sentence
Sentences per paragraph
Passive Sentences
Flesch-Kincaid Grade
27 words
3
33%
20.4
8. Novell 2013…that’s better
Novell supports thousands of
organizations around the globe,
delivering software that makes the
workplace more productive, secure and
manageable. Focusing on today's social,
mobile and multi-platform world, we help
you stay competitive, minimize costs, and
get more value from the software you
already own.
9. What’s wrong?
Frankenquote:
“Nortel has established a legacy in
innovation and will continue to push the
envelope in delivering faster and more
efficient wireless capabilities with industry
leaders like QUALCOMM,” said Jean-Luc
Jezouin, vice-president, GSM/UMTS product
line management, Nortel.
10. Better…
“Nortel’s legacy is innovation. We push
the envelope, delivering speed to a
wireless world with industry leaders like
QUALCOMM,” said Jean-Luc Jezouin,
vice-president, Nortel.
11. Do this to communicate
complex concepts…
Be brief…eliminate words.
1st sentence & paragraph work
Tell a story
Everyday words & phrases
Understate rather than hype
Read the media outlet content
12. Do this…
Eliminate jargon & acronyms
Kill buzzwords (ie. solution; leverage)
Zero passive language
Google-friendly headline (75 char.)
Spell/grammar checker/readability
Link to detail & techie stuff on website
13. Content Marketing…more
than press releases
Penguin, Panda, Hummingbird
Blog
Case study,
White paper,
Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn,
Video, infographic
???
16. st
better…1
This is
paragraph covers it
SALT LAKE CITY—xxx xxx, 2013—SpotterRF today
announced the integration of its M600C compact
surveillance radar by XXX in 20 of its Alaska oil field
sites. XXX and video security integrator, xxx SpotterRF
radar to provide mobile, rapidly deployable, and low
cost situational awareness to oil field crews working in
rural settings where crews are vulnerable to wildlife
encroachment. Past polar bear attacks on crew
members created the need for a solution. The hyperaccurate SpotterRF radar allows workers to proactively
respond to approaching bears. This enables bear
relocation and protection for bears and humans.