What is divorce coaching, and how can it help you?

1. DIVORCE AND SEPARATION
Divorce is one of the most
stressful events that a
person can experience.
Some classify it as a
trauma second only to the
death of one's spouse or
child.
Sometimes, we the lawyers
are part of the problem,
rather than part of the
solution.
ELLEN S.
ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

2. WHAT IS COACHING?
The International Coach Federation defines coaching as
“partnering with another person in a thought-provoking
and creative process that inspires them to maximize their
personal and professional potential.”
Divorce coaching adds
another layer to that
process. The coach
provides a thinking partner
for getting through the
business of divorce.
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

3. IS COACHING
COUNSELING?
Coaching can help people to see where they
came from, and to figure out where they want
to be, and how they want to get there.
Coaching is goal-oriented, a process
intended to reach a solution.
It is not therapy. Although it is about positive
growth and change, it is not about diagnosis
or treatment.
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

4. Is coaching like the
attorney-client relationship?
The coach can help the client to reach
his or her own
decision,
not only about
desired outcomes,
but also about the desired process.
The divorce coach has no pre-set commitment to the use of the
court system, or obtaining a written agreement, to resolve the
client’s situation.
The client may still be living with the spouse, or may be picking
up the pieces after the legal proceedings are already over.
The coach has a much more diverse toolbox than the attorney.
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

5. Is coaching like mediation?
Although coaching has some features in common with
mediation (especially “transformative mediation”),
coaching is not mediation. In individual coaching, there
is one coach and one client. The coach is not
a neutral third party like a mediator.
What does coaching have
in common with mediation,
especially transformative
mediation? In coaching,
the coach does not decide
what the outcome should
be. As in mediation, the
coach is about the process,
and is not invested in
producing a specific result.
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

6. Is divorce coaching like
collaborative law?
Collaborative law involves two lawyers, each representing
a client, but working toward a settlement outside the court
system. All four sit down together in a series of meetings.
The goal is to empower the clients to achieve a settlement
of their own creation, which meets their needs, without
requiring court intervention.
In the coaching
relationship, one client
meets with one coach.
This can occur before,
during, or after any legal
proceedings, including the
collaborative process.
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

7. Coaches try not to push for
a particular solution. This
is one way the role differs
from that of an attorney,
who may advise, "XYZ is
the best solution for you."
The coach will turn back to
the client and say, "How do
you think this will work out
for you?"
The coach guides the
process towards an end
that is as comfortable and
as low-pain as possible,
with the understanding that
all decisions are up to the
client.
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach

8. DIVORCE COACHING
RESOURCES
www.certifieddivorcecoach
.com
“Divorce: Overcome the
Overwhelm”
Pegotty Cooper &
Randall R. Cooper
ELLEN S. ROSS
Attorney in New
York State
and
Divorce Coach