2. • This information is being provided for your educational
benefit. The information is publically available (some of
the information is derived from the Bible).
• Your participation is entirely & always voluntary.
• This workshop is NOT therapy or treatment & is not
intended as a replacement for such.
• No one will force you to speak, but all are encouraged to
participate.
• Everyone’s point-of-view counts – we all want & need to
hear your thoughts.
• Let’s show respect by:
– Listening to other’s opinions.
– Being non-judgmental.
– Putting our hands up to speak.
– If we hear something private, let’s keep it private.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 2
Some Ground Rules
3. Self-Image & Its Components
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 3
Self-Image
Self-Respect (Dignity)
Self-Esteem
Courage & Confidence
Accolades &
Acceptance from
others (incl. God)
Body Confidence
Pride
Feelings of Significance
Self-satisfaction needs
Self-Identification
4. What happens if self-image is out-
of-balance?
What happens if our self-image is
not truthful?
What happens if a component of
self-image is artificially
suppressed?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 4
5. • 5388 youths are arrested
• 4210 teens get a sexually transmitted disease (STD)
• 3610 teens are assaulted; 80 are raped
• 2861 drop out of school
• 1377 teen girls become mothers; 1106 get an abortion
• 1000 begin drinking; 500 begin using drugs; 420 get
arrested for drug use
• 6 teens commit suicide
• 3 factors lead to these facts: lack of fatherly
leadership (& other family support), lack of TRUTH,
& poor self-image
Every Day… (In North America)
(Similar statistics for Europe)
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 5
6. • Suicide is a major cause of death in the US
• 30,000 people commit suicide & 650,000 people are seen in
emergency departments after they have attempted suicide,
annually.
• Suicide rate for men (17.6/100,000) is 4X that for women
(4.3/100,000) (2003 data).
• US veterans & police are 2-3X more at risk of suicide than
the general population; 18 commit suicide each day.
• An active duty military or veteran person commits suicide
every day in San Diego, CA alone (> casualties in armed
combat)
• Healthy & truthful self-image helps forestall thoughts of
suicide.
• If you are having thoughts of suicide (or ever in the future),
please seek help immediately!
Suicide Facts
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 6
7. • There are dozens of types of depression
– Physiological
– Emotional
– Spiritual
• 1 in 10 people in the US have a significant depressive
episode requiring treatment each year
• Women are 2-4 times as likely as men to suffer depression
• About 1 in 5 cases of depression become chronic
• Depression is a major contributing factor in suicide
• Most (maybe all) chronic depression cases are multi-
dimensional (combinations of types)
• Depression undermines self-image; poor self-image
increases susceptibility to depression.
• Most forms of depression require developing a more
positive & truthful self-image.
Depression
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 7
Succumbing to
depression
undermines
self-image
Poor self-image
susceptibility to
depression
8. • Lack of job performance (at a basic level)
• Inability to find and hold a job
• Inability to form close, loving relationships
• Shame & depression when loss of job occurs
• Tendency toward suicide when shame or depression
occurs
• Data estimates for rates of occurrence range from 6.4 to
18.2 per 100,000; rates are highest among veterans &
unemployed.
• Often associated with substance abuse issues
• Often triggered by spiritual trauma or moral injury.
• Always accompanied by poor self respect & low self-
esteem
Psycho-emotional Disabilities
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 8
9. • Frankly, the other effects of poor self-image
are too numerous to provide here; however
they do impact:
– Our relationships with others
– Our performance of everyday tasks
– Our ability to sleep and be at peace with ourselves
– Our life contentment, fulfillment, & general
satisfaction.
Other Effects
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 9
10. • To provide understanding about
issues that impact our self-image
• To help you develop skills for
truthful self-image (self-respect &
self-esteem) God’s way.
What Is This Workshop All About?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 10
11. • Over 70% of girls avoid certain activities because
they feel badly about their looks. This impacts
their behavior. For example:
– 25% will not go to a social event, party, or club
– 20% will not give an opinion
– 16% will not go to school unless forced to
– 15% will not go to a doctor
• 92% of girls say they want to change at least 1 aspect of
their physical appearance – weight is the #1 factor they
want to change
• 25% of college-aged women have an eating disorder
• 40-50% of women are on a diet at any point in time;
over 90% diet at some time during the year.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 11
Girl Facts
Source: ‘Beyond Stereotypes’; Dove Global Study 2005
Barbie
12. • Looking at video gaming magazines makes boys want
to get more muscles.
• Physical appearance is as important to boys as it is to
girls of the same age.
– Look of strength, success, prosperity, in control
– (Source: University of Illinois Study, Professor Kirsten
Harrison, 181 boys, average age 8.8)
• 1 in 5 boys are willing to take steroids to build body
mass even if they are medically harmful and illegal.
– 7% of 12th grade males have taken steroids (illegally)
– (Survey by the Association of Student Athletes, 2008)
• 85% of teen boys rate respect from peers (both sexes)
to be more important than approval of parents
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 12
Boy Facts
Ken,
Barbie’s
guy
13. • Cultural icons (sports figures, movie stars, etc.)
• Magazine advertisements
• TV programs & advertisements; Movies
• Examples in admired adults (especially parents)
• Casual comments from parents & siblings
• Toys and amusements
• Comments from peers (often influenced
by the above)
• i.e. – The culture and home.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 13
Poor Self Image Influences –
Unrealistic expectations from:
GI Joe doll
14. • Widely portrayed in the media.
• Actresses:
– Less than 50% of the body fat of normal healthy women. (Source: British
Medical Association, 2000)
– Thinness is further accentuated by video & photo editing (already thin
models are made to look even thinner than they are)
– In 1930, models & actresses reflected average women in height &
weight
• In 2007, average woman in USA is 162 cm & 64 kg; the average model is 180
cm (11% taller) & 53 kg (17% lighter)
• The media even accentuate these already great differences
• Actors are portrayed to be more muscular/stronger, braver, more
culturally influential, more successful, etc. than the average male,
even when portraying an average male.
• In advertising, men are made more muscular & “chiseled” through
photo editing.
• Current technology allows dynamic automatic blemish removal so
that actors & actresses can avoid excessive make-up & still look
beautiful in high definition TV & videos.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 14
Models & Actors/Actresses
15. 1. Understanding what constitutes truthful self-
esteem, self-respect, self-identification, & how
this is related to self-image
2. Understanding what affects our self-image
– Learn to reject false sources of self-image ideals
3. Improving our self-image skills.
– Learn to re-interpret false inputs with Graceful
truth.
4. Seeking to see ourselves as God sees us (i.e.,
develop a true self-image).
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 15
How Do We Will Develop Truthful
Self-Image
16. 8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 16
What does truthful self-respect mean?
What does truthful self-esteem mean?
What does truthful self-ID mean?
17. • Knowing & liking yourself
• Proud to be you
• Confident in yourself
• Being happy to be you
• Accepting yourself
• Holding your head up high about the way you are.
• Feeling your life is important & purposeful
• Looking at yourself the way God looks at you.
• Appreciating how God has made you unique.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 17
Answers Include:
18. • Hands up if you think you were born with a
certain amount of self-respect.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 18
Were You Born With Self-Respect?
Were You Born With Self-Esteem?
• Hands up if you think you were born with a
certain amount of self-esteem.
19. • Self-respect, self-esteem, & self-identification
develop during childhood.
• Most cultures diminish our true self-respect or
encourage false pride & false expectations of self-
image. Most cultures diminish our true self-
esteem through false ideals & enforced
conformity to societies standards
• Cultural influences emphasize your physical
attributes; God emphasizes your character.
• Self-image becomes more difficult to change as
we become older – but it is never too late.
• All of us can learn how to strengthen it and turn
negative self-respect into positive self-image.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 19
Research Shows:
20. • Objective: to understand what builds self-respect
& self-esteem by identifying the things that that
make us feel good.
– We can support ourselves when times are hard
• Instructions: think about what makes you feel
good about yourself & builds your self-image.
– Be as specific as possible
– Think about specific activities, places, times of day,
past-times, and people.
– Place them as ‘bricks’ under YOU (add more bricks as
needed)
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 20
Activity 1.1 – Self-Image Supports
22. • Did you know?
– Laughter is scientifically proven to make you feel
good. (The Bible contains many commandments;
among the most frequent are, “be glad” “be joyful”
and “rejoice (in the Lord) always”)
– Sports may give you a different and more positive
feeling about your body
• Why do you think this is so?
– Activities at which you excel make you feel good
– Applause makes you feel good
• Are all of the things that make you feel good
always good for you? – discuss this.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 22
Self-Image Supports
23. 1. We are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27). This
means we are:
– Spiritual beings, not merely physical
– Our True (& most important) image is spiritual – we are
intended by God to reflect His character in our lives; i.e., we
are to be true, truthful, faithful, trustworthy, good, perfect,
moral, beautiful, and fulfilling of His good purposes.
– God formed our physical being in our uniqueness according to
His good purposes in our mother’s womb.
2. The image of God has been corrupted in us by sin, but God
sent His Son, Jesus to redeem us from sin.
3. Our culture is not redeemed from sin, so many cultural
influences are not true. Culture emphasizes conformity.
God emphasizes individuality and love for each other.
4. Seeing ourselves as God sees us gives us a good self-
image. God loves us as individuals.
True & Good Self-Image Supports
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 23
24. • Laughter is good when founded in spiritual joy
• Sports may be good because:
– Sports help to develop a healthy body
– Give you activities in which you can succeed & excel
– Winning at any cost is bad
• Excelling in a sport (or any other activity, such as
success in your career) can cause you to loose your
image in the activity
• Applause for truthful meritorious achievement is good
– Seeking the approval of men can be spiritually dangerous.
• The approval of men is temporary & may reflect sinful purposes
• Seeking the approval of men will corrupt your character. (See John
12:42-43)
– Seek first the approval of God; God will give you approval
in the eyes of men. (See Proverbs 3:3-4.)
Good & Bad Self-Image Supports
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 24
25. • Objective: to explore how media imagery can make us
feel.
• Instructions: In pairs, look at pictures you have brought
in to illustrate people who show “real beauty.” Imagine
that you really do look like one of these people. How does
that make you feel? Circle 3 words describing how
would feel and underline 3 words that you would not
feel.
• Able Beautiful Caring Funny Happy
Loved Natural Proud Serious Smart
Strong Successful Unusual Witty
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 25
Activity 2.1 – How Would You Feel?
26. • The Oscar-winning actress would to seem to
have it all, what with a successful career and
Brad Pitt by her side. (Engaged 8-2012)
• But she has said, “I struggle with low self-
esteem all the time. I think everybody does. I
have so much wrong with me, its
unbelievable.” (March 2008)
• Why might she feel this way?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 26
Angelina Jolie – Perfection?
27. • There are 3.5+ billion women in the world who do not
look like supermodels.
• There are 8 who do.
• What kinds of companies benefit from making us feel
our bodies are imperfect?
– Gyms
– Diet industry (US spends $40 Billion on dietary products)
– Tobacco industry (up to 70% of women smokers do so in
order to lose weight; more than 25% will die of a smoking-
related disease)
– Plastic surgeons
– Cosmetics (make-up), skincare, hair-care, perfume, etc.
companies
– Drug dealers – 70% of addicts started because of poor self-
image (of their body – women) or low self-respect (men).
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 27
Media Impacts
28. • Some people hope surgery will fix something that
does not feel right inside.
– Unfortunately, most continue feel unhappy after
surgery; many feel less happy.
• The plastic surgery industry is booming around
the world
– In 2007, the USA spent over $13 Billion on 11.7
million cosmetic surgeries and procedures like Botox.
Over 91% are performed on women. (Source: American
Society for Aesthetic and Plastic Surgery)
• It is easy to feel tempted to get plastic surgery.
What kinds of problems can it really solve?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 28
Plastic Surgery – Who Gains?
29. • Objective: to explore why
images may be manipulated
by the media.
• Spot the differences – Kate
Winslet, star of the movie
“Titanic”
• Which images (1-6) are real
& which are manipulated?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 29
Exploring Media Imagery
1 2 3 4
5 6
30. • Objective: to understand the reality behind
media imagery
• Instruction: Watch the film. What do you find
most surprising?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 30
Fabricating Beauty Film
31. • Cindy Crawford, one of the world’s top models
commented, “Even I don’t wake up looking
like Cindy Crawford.”
• “The media greatly distorts who I am”
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 31
Even Models Don’t Look Like Models
Oct 2009
32. • Objective: to explore how toys may shape our
thoughts on body shape
• Consider Barbie, Ken, & GI Joe – dolls from Mattel.
• Barbie’s waist is the same diameter as her head
• Her neck is twice as long as normal for a human
• Her legs are 50% longer than her arms; for a normal
human, they are 20% longer
• Ken’s body is 7 times more muscular than average
males. Only professional body builders are as
muscular; GI Joe has larger biceps than any body
builder in history.
• Are these just fun inspiring dolls or are they
distorting children’s view of the body? Why do you
think Ken, GI Joe, & Barbie are made this way?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 32
Activity 2.4 – Playing With Beauty
33. • See yourself as God sees you – it’s the only true you
– You are His uniquely blessed creation
– God is truth – His view of you is truthful
– You deserve to be loved & respected as God does
• God has a unique special purpose for your life that is
part of fulfilling His divine plan.
• Identify & cherish your God-given traits
– Your unique personality, talents, gifts, passions, etc.
– The things that give you joy & Godly pleasures
– How you like to love & receive love
– How you like to give & receive forgiveness
– The things that make you righteously angry
– The deeds of generosity or compassion you enjoy doing
– The behavioral traits that others enjoy in you
Building a True Self-Image
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 33
34. • Identify messages you get from others that are
inconsistent with your God-given traits
• Write reminders of the truthful things in your life
• Deny the lies from the culture & from others
• Cite Bible passages wherever you can to remind
you of God’s viewpoint
• Remember: your character is what is most
beautiful in you. Build Godly character attributes
– Good behavior
– Good deeds
– Truthful speech cloaked in love, respect, & grace
Building a True Self-Image (2)
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 34
35. • Objective: to appreciate how spoken words can negatively
or positively affect our self respect
1. How do these statements make you feel?
a. Your mother says, “You’re not going out like that!”
b. Your dad says, “Act your age.”
c. Your brother says about your new friend, “Everyone says he
is a loser.”
d. A teacher says, “I expect more from someone your age”
e. Your friend says, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I
could never live with you.”
f. Someone teases you by saying, “You’re fat” or “You’re
skinny”
2. What was the person trying to say?
3. How could they have been rephrased more respectfully?
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 35
Activity 3.1 – The Power of Words
36. 1.TRUTHFUL (not even “a little white lie”)
2.PROVABLE (i.e., by the testimony of 2 or 3 witnesses,
not based on gossip or hearsay, but with good
motivations)
3.REDEMPTIVE (stated with words of grace and with a
redemptive (saving, reconciling, delivering) purpose; a
redemptive purpose may include a constructive
criticism, especially when calling one to account for
ungodly behavior.)
4.EDIFYING (stated with the positive purpose of
“stimulating each other to love and good deeds,
encouraging each other in the LORD” and informing of
the truth)
Biblical (Godly) Communications
are:
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 36
37. • You are right to expect that those who are close to you in relationships
should accept you as you are.
– People who love you want you to be healthy
– But some who love you want you to be “better” – meaning more conformed
to cultural expectations (they are trying to change you)
– Not everybody who loves you expresses themselves with grace & respect –
be careful not to misinterpret what people are saying or to read too much
meaning into what they say
– Not everybody who is in close relationship with you loves you
• They may be too busy loving themselves
• They may be too spiritually injured to express love
• They may not have the capacity to love.
• It hurts when our expectations are not met
• If none of us had sin natures, there wouldn’t be a problem – but all of us
do.
• The only relationship we have that will always be true, loving,
accepting, & graceful is the one you can have with God in Jesus Christ.
• Listen carefully to the Word of God
Impact Relationships
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 37
38. • Objective: to practice building the self-image of
others
• Instructions:
– Pair off. (you don’t need to know the other person)
– Complete these unfinished sentences for your partner.
(You may cite their character, appearance, behavior,
interests, etc. as long as you are truthful & respectful)
• One of the things I like about you is…
• A really individual thing about you is…
– When directed, swap sheets & read what your partner
has written. Look them in the eyes & thank them.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 38
Activity 3.2 – Unfinished Sentences
39. • Objective: to commit to action to build our
body confidence
• “I, <name>, promise this day, <date> to make
a difference in my life and in the lives of
others by: <cite an action you want to do
which will improve your self-image and that of
others>. I will ask <name of a trusted friend>
to help me do this.”
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 39
Activity 3.3 – From Today I Promise
40. • Lord, thank You for life and the special purpose
You have for me in Your world. Please help me to
see myself in truth. Help me to change what You
want me to change. Help me to appreciate how
You have made me. Please help me to praise You
and honor You in my behavior toward others.
• Lord God, thank You for loving even me.
• Lord, I can’t. You can. You take control. Thank
you Lord.
Some Useful Prayers
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 40
41. • During this workshop, you have worked in small
groups and with partners. Pick one of the people
you have worked with as a prayer partner.
• Take turns praying for each other.
– To be able to remember and apply what we have
learned
– To see ourselves as God sees us.
– To help others develop a good self-image.
– To heal from the false beliefs we have had about
ourselves.
(Optional Activity) Prayer for Your
Partner
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 41
42. • Have fun with the way you look but don’t let it
rule your life.
• Think how others hear what you say.
• Practicing being confident will help you reach
your goals.
• Get to know & love God better through Bible
study & prayer. Seek to use the Bible as a mirror
into your heart. Seek to obey Biblical principles.
• Seeing yourself as God sees you is best
• Building your relationship with God will help
you with all of the other issues in this
summary.
8/9/2012 Theology & Self-Image 42
Summary
Editor's Notes
The issue of self respect (and the lack thereof among people committing suicide) has always been one of importance, especially among men. Self-esteem issues have been cited as primary issues behind poor performance in school, low economic status, poor job performance, and a host of psychological disorders. Low self-esteem is a particular problem among women.
Research shows that poor self-image is a rising issue among young people world-wide, and is especially driven by false expectations driven by advertising in media. In women, this affects self-esteem and body image. In men, this affects self-esteem and self respect. A lack of self-esteem has been coupled to sexual exploitation, eating disorders, and poor body image. A lack of self respect (especially in men) has been shown to be a major factor in spousal abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse, and other violent behavior, including suicide. Almost all forms of inappropriate self-image negatively impacts relationships.
Data cited in this workshop comes from:
J Epidemiol Community Health. 2007 July; 61(7): 619–624.
doi: 10.1136/jech.2006.054346
PMCID: PMC2465754
Suicide among male veterans: a prospective population‐based study
Mark S Kaplan, Nathalie Huguet, Bentson H McFarland, and Jason T Newsom
We do want this to be interactive. We want to show love and respect for each other throughout the process so that all of us have a positive learning experience.
We hope that your experience will be fun.
We hope that the information shared will be memorable for you.
(In a larger group, we may not have time to hear from each person, but we do want to get as many of you actively participating as possible. There will be some small group interactions later where everybody will be participating.)
Self-image has a number of components as seen in this slide. All of the components overlap each other to some extent, which also means that they interact with each other. The dictionary definitions for these terms also tend to overlap, so in many contexts, they are synonymous. But nearly all of them also have a domain unique in themselves. The exception is Acceptance by others which contributes to both self respect and self esteem.
Self-respect and self-esteem have, and should always have a large domain of intersection; what affects one will probably also affect the other in a similar way. Nevertheless, they are distinct and play separate roles in how the personality is displayed in a person’s behavior. Self-respect probably is more important in the male psyche while self-esteem is probably more important to the female psyche. Studies have not been conducted in these areas, but there are strong indications from the Bible that these components interact differently in men and women.
God’s design and intent is that we live with inner harmony and peace. If a person has an unhealthy self-image, any of these domains can get out of balance with the others, either over-inflated or depressed or suppressed. This can cause the individual to behave ‘abnormally’ and display any number of emotional and psychological issues, disorders, syndromes, etc. The components must be balanced in order for a person to manifest peace with themselves. A person who has consistently balanced self-image components will behave with integrity and strength of personality.
Most people do NOT have these components in proper balance because of sin. Probably the biggest areas of difficulty in the average, high-functioning person is an over-inflated pride and excessive self-satisfaction needs (= lusts).
Lets consider each of these conditions. [instructor/leader take notes of answers]
How do you think a person’s behavior might be affected if they are trying to suppress their pride or hide their needs for relational satisfaction?
1. They won’t get their needs met, so they might become depressed, frustrated, or angry. 2. People may see through them and consider them hypocritical, so they might feel judged by others and react defensively or over-react in anger. 3. They may project their feelings into how they perceive others and misinterpret what others do and say, leading to disputes or refusing to deal with certain people.
How do you think a person might act who thinks they are overweight (even if they are average)?
1. They will probably diet and go to unhealthy extremes to lose weight. 2. They will be dissatisfied with themselves. 3. They may be depressed or ashamed and be afraid to relate with others publically.
How might a person’s behavior be affected if they don’t think their life is important?
1. They may become very depressed and ultimately suicidal. 2. They may engage in extreme behaviors just for the thrill. 3. They may become addicted to substances that help them NOT feel useless.
(write down some of the suggestions from the participants)
The following slides show some statistics that are taken from nationwide, even global, studies.
First, we will look at the scope of the problem in our society.
When corrected for population size, the statistics for Europe and Russia are slightly worse than for North America.
Studies of root causes for these statistics reveal many factors. The scientific evidence is disputed because of the problems of biases injected while interpreting the data. However, there are 3 major factors that are not in dispute and which are common to every study:
lack of fatherly leadership in the development of their children (because of divorce, absenteeism in the home, or drunkenness),
lack of truth being taught in the culture, especially in schools, about moral conduct and the consequences of immoral conduct and how we should judge each other’s appearance, and
poor self-image and the components of self-respect, self-esteem and body image.
As we will see. this last factor pervades our cultures in many ways. However, it is also one which can be repaired.
Boys and girls are both greatly impacted, but the sexes react differently when they have self-image issues. In many cultures, both sexes engage in pre-marital sex. Boys tend to be “famous” among their peers while girls tend to be shamed. Boys having self-image issues tend to become abusive against girls in general. Girls having self-image issues tend to seek the approval of others, making them susceptible to exploitation.
(Note: Unwed teenage girls who become pregnant are at least 12 times more likely to commit suicide than girls of the same age from all other causes.)
Among older men, the characteristics of poor self-image are often magnified, and behaviors which may have been manifested as a teen are carried into marriages and family or work relationships, amplifying divorce rates and the absenteeism of fathers and potentially adversely affecting their employment.
Older women also carry teen behaviors into their later lives.
Poor self-image in adult women may magnify tendencies toward depression, being sexually exploited, being abused and taking personal blame for it, and providing a poor role model for her daughters. Often she will form relationships with men who will also provide a poor role model for her sons.
The suicide rate among teenagers is significantly higher than for adults. Low self-esteem and fears of failure as a person, lack of purpose in life, failure to achieve goals perceived as being essential (such as entrance into a particular school program or acceptance by peers) are all major factors.
(Note: Unwed teenage girls who become pregnant are at least 12 times more likely to commit suicide than girls of the same age from all other causes.)
(Note: Teem boys who are rejected and isolated by their peers are 7 times more likely to commit suicide or be violent against others or to become psychotic.
If an adult male suffers a trauma (especially spiritual or moral trauma), it often leads to decreased ability to function in society. If this is tied to marital problems or divorce, loss of employment, or inability to function up to self-expected levels in relationships, the man is 2 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population. Military veterans are particularly at risk.
Studies have shown that depression, post-traumatic stress, shame, and the other issues just mentioned are all major contributing factors to suicide and attempted suicide. Men, and especially those with military experience, are far more likely to succeed in a suicide attempt than women. Tendencies toward suicide are often coupled with substance abuse. Studies have shown that substance abuse numbs the negative feelings pent up inside a person but also brings about hopelessness. A hopeful outlook on life is important for resilience against thoughts of suicide.
All of these factors are related directly to and influenced by self-image and self respect.
If you are having (or ever do have in the future) thoughts of suicide, we hope you will immediately seek professional help immediately.
You are God’s special creation, and HE values you. We value you as well and want you to succeed at the good purposes that God has for you in your life. We may not be able to change the entire world, but we can make a difference in the place God has put us.
There are many different types of each form of depression.
Physiological depression can be caused by things like lack of sleep, diseases, hormonal changes, and chronic emotional or spiritual conditions which cause shifts in brain chemistry.
Emotional depression can brought on by things like significant personal losses (loved ones, jobs, etc.), significant personal failures, & low self-esteem
Spiritual depression is often brought on by suffering spiritual (or moral) trauma, which is usually coupled with significant questions about God’s role and their personal relationship with God. Spiritual depression may also be triggered through a spiritual attack from evil forces. Spiritual depression is also often accompanied by feelings of abandonment by God and loved ones; this can cause us to desire to disconnect from the caring people who are in the best ones to help us through a crisis.
When we become depressed, the depression has a tendency to erode our truthful and positive self-image. If we have a poor self-image (for whatever reason), it makes us more susceptible to depression.
Many therapies for depression have found that raising self-esteem helps to overcome the depression. However, most of these approaches do not recognize the spiritual aspects of self-image nor depression, so the therapies often fail unless there is some other therapeutic approach that is addressing the underlying causes of the depression.
It is very possible to be physically depressed while being spiritually elated at the same time. This can make you feel emotionally torn, but also helps you overcome the depression more rapidly.
Psycho-emotional disabilities are a broad range of conditions where the sufferer has lost significant abilities to function normally in everyday life issues, especially the ability to work and to form/maintain healthy relationships with others. One of the conditions under this broad category is Post Traumatic Stress (Disorder – PTSD), which is frequently found in active duty military and veterans.
Different people studying this area include/exclude various psychological conditions, resulting in a wide range of diagnoses and statistics gathered. There is, however, good consensus that poor self-respect and low self-esteem are tightly coupled to these disorders.
There are a number of theories among mental health researchers about the causal factors of these disabilities. Only recently, professionals involved with treatments have confessed that there is a significant spiritual component in (most of) the observed cases. They surmise that the triggers leading to the disability are spiritual or moral injuries that have gone untreated and leading to the mental health condition they are trying to treat. Some successful clinicians have been able to provide spiritual counsel as a significant component of treatment.
These disabilities are always accompanied by poor self-respect and low self-esteem, in other words, poor self-image. Since this correspondence is always present, it suggests that spiritual healing leading to a healthy self-image will restore the sufferer to normal function, at least in most cases.
All of these disabilities are disabling because those who are suffering are so emotionally drained that they lack strength to work at normal capacity (for themselves). The emotional draining is from an overwhelming emotion or combination of emotions such as –
Anger
Anxiety
Chronic depression
Fear
Frustration
Futility of life
Hate & unforgiveness
Shame
These emotions alone (or in combination) can sap a person of energy. There are probably more emotions that can be so overwhelming that they bring a person to a halt.
Probably every one of us has been impacted by effects of poor or untruthful self-image at one time or another. Most of the time, we muddle through life until we are able to resolve our self-image issues one way or another so that we can move on. However, do we always find a truthful resolution? – probably not.
When we build up too much false elements in our self-image, we become dysfunctional in our relationships with others and will tend to act in ways that will alienate us from healthy relationships and draw us into unhealthy relationships that will subject us to abuse and isolate us from the healing we need.
God has provided a way for us to have a correctly formed self-image. If we have a true self-image, we will be enabled to develop truthful self-respect which will equip us to better handle adversity. Similarly, we will have truthful self-esteem, not thinking too highly of ourselves but also realizing that we are valued and loved by God and others. I we have a good self-image, we will avoid many of the awful statistics found in our societies. We will also be more successful in marriage and more effective at raising our children to have a healthy self-image.
How many of us women feel badly about ourselves because we feel we are overweight? (raise hands)
How many of us women feel we need help to look good in the eyes of men?
How many of us women can identify with one or more of these behavioral issues that are based on how we feel about our looks?
How many of us women struggle (or have struggled) with the need to be accepted by others?
It is not unusual for every one of us women to feel negatively impacted by our looks.
Many of the concerns about appearance are rooted (directly or indirectly) in desires to be able to marry well. If the desire is not directly in the thoughts of the girl to be desired by boys, there are still very many cultural issues that determine marriageable attributes which are about physical appearance. Parents are impacted, often subconsciously, and pass the issues on.
Boys are greatly impacted by the culture and have self-image problems. They grow seeking to be approved of by girls.
Strength and athletic ability are two areas where boys seek to improve themselves in the eyes of others. Some are willing to go to dangerous extremes in order to gain an advantage over others. It is known that the use and abuse of illegal steroids for body building is growing. The death rates due to steroid use is rising among teen boys; however, the statistics are hard to get because many deaths are not investigated sufficiently to find the cause or contributing causes.
As many as 2/5 of boys who have body image problems feel the necessity to behave like adult men and adopt adult behaviors like drinking, smoking, and sexual activity in order to be more accepted by peers. If they act on these feelings, they will compromise their personal integrity, which in the innocence of youth is a gift of God.
Boys also need to seem be in control. Sadly, this leads to bullying, abusiveness, and sadistic behaviors in extreme cases, especially when the boy has a poor self-image. Nearly 90% of psychopaths in prison for their crimes against humanity admitted that they had severe self-image problems while growing up.
How many of these factors have influenced you? I know that I have been influenced in the past by several of these.
(Leaders: If there is time in your workshop agenda, you can spend 10 minutes to discuss in small groups how these different influences impacted each person.)
In our lifetimes, the people we have looked up to as the “standards of handsomeness or beauty” in our culture have become increasingly unreal. As we will see, these differences between the average woman (or man) and the models has been made even greater by distortions created by the media. New technologies have made these distortions easier and more prevalent. The past 20 years have been especially bad. Those under 25 years of age are greatly impacted.
(Note: much more data is available about actresses and female models than about actors and male models. Actress portrayals have generally emphasized physical appearance issues while actor portrayals have tended to emphasize behavioral issues. Behavioral issues are much harder to characterize in population statistics.)
Movie roles frequently portray the stars engaged in unhealthy and immoral behaviors.
For instance, for at least 2 decades beyond the time that cigarette smoking was associated with lung cancer and other serious health risks, star roles continued to be represented as smokers.
Sexual relations outside of marriage are commonplace in movie and TV roles.
Multiple studies have demonstrated that iconic roles in movies, TV, and videos (even video games) are strongly influential in adult attitudes and 8-20 times more influential in teens and preteens.
So I hope that you can appreciate that there are problems in our society because of poor self-image. This is what we will do to take steps to correct these problems.
To understand what is truthful, it is necessary to expose the sources of the lies that impact us.
What does “truthful self-respect” mean to you? (ask for a showing of hands and obtain several inputs)
What does “truthful self-esteem” mean to you? (ask for a showing of hands and obtain several inputs)
From the inputs you received, hopefully all of these points will be covered. Hopefully, people will have considered the prior diagram of the components of self-image and thought about themselves.
The last points about seeing ourselves as God sees us are particularly important. They are key to understanding a true self-image.
Similarly, recognizing God’s purpose for our lives provides true worth and purpose…other sources of these feelings are not nearly as valid and are potentially a source of harm rather than good.
Remember, a false self-image will distort the balance between the components of self-image and cause dysfunction in our lives. Good self-esteem is important, but excessive or out-of-perspective pride is harmful. False self-respect prevents us from seeing character flaws which should be dealt with in order to have more excellent relationships with other people.
(Answers are on the next slide)
These are where we derive self-respect and self-esteem.
One of the key issues is that God looks at our character first. Our character impacts how we treat others. God wants us to always behave in love towards others – even our enemies.
If people always behaved in love toward each other in our culture, most of us would never have problems of poor self-image. However, every one of us has a sin nature, and sin pervades our culture. We need a strong input of God’s view of us, usually provided through the love of our parents and Godly friends, to strengthen us against the assault that the society makes on us.
(Jesus never had a self-image problem.)
(read the above) participants may have a blank page or copies of the next slide to write on. Have them record on the paper the things that make them feel good about themselves (and the things that make them feel badly on the other side if they happen to think of any).
Spend about 10 minutes filling in your bricks.
What things identify you as being you?
What kinds of things serve as a positive foundation in your life?
Why do these things make us feel good about ourselves?
Most of these things are indeed good for us. However, some things make us feel good by merely building up our human pride. Pride is very deceitful and spiritually harmful. It is better to respond to positive inputs with joy than with pride. In this way, we can remain humble and able to grow in positive spiritual ways.
We also need to be thankful to God when we feel good. We want to recognize God’s work in bringing all good things into our lives. We do not want to think that we are better than other people, but we are good because God has given us special and unique talents and abilities that have allowed us to excel. We need to give thanks and praise to Him as a result.
There is more discussion on this in 2 slides from now.
Read each point but allow discussion on each one. Ensure that each participant has understanding.
Frankly, our society gives us so many false inputs, we need an abundant and constant input of true inputs. This is best achieved through a personal relationship with your Creator, God, facilitated through faith in the Redeemer He supplied, His Son, Jesus, the Christ.
Spiritual joy is from God when we are walking in relationship with Him through our daily lives. Laughter founded in joy is an expression of delight in life and never against another person.
Activities in which we excel allow us to feel good in our accomplishments. Ideally, any achievement we have is something in which we give thanks to God. God has given us the talents we have and enabled us to grow those abilities to excel in them above others. We need to give Him glory when others glorify us because of our achievements.
If we fail to give God glory in our hearts, applause and accolades will build our pride and harm our relationship with God.
You can write the words you choose on the back of the paper you used in the prior exercise.
These words can have a positive meaning to some people and a negative meaning to others.
Compare your words with someone sitting near you.
(In large groups, we provide pictures from magazines rather than having everybody bring some.)
Why does Ms. Jolie feel this way?
Perhaps because she is always subjected to hours with make-up artists, people working on her hair, people doing things to her to make her look better for the roles she plays. She realizes that she is not REAL in the role she is assuming, and it carries over into the rest of her life.
(Pitt & Joie are highly celebrated stars together since 2005. He has been voted “most handsome or desirable celebrity across multiple years.)
Our media try to make us feel that we MUST HAVE all the products and services they are selling. They profit from all of OUR spending. If advertising did not work, there would be no impact.
There are large industries built upon needing you to feel bad about yourself. Their advertising promotes poor self-image and the necessity of their products and services.
The plastic surgeons make big profits. Usually, a person who has one plastic surgery wants many more to fix flaws they perceive in themselves.
Plastic surgery can be really good to repair the effects of a bad accident or disease. It is not bad to get surgery to repair a cleft palate or some other abnormality that affects adversely a person’s ability to live a normal life.
However, plastic surgery to improve what God has given you simply to look better in the eyes of others always leaves spiritual scars.
All 6 images are of Kate Winslet. Which images are the REAL Kate? Only 2 and 3 are real, although taken at different times. #1 is a real image except she had to wear special foundation garments to look thinner on the movie set of Titanic and her hair was colored for the role. Images 4, 5, and 6 are from magazines and have been touched up significantly.
Insert films we want to illustrate the principles HERE.
Why does she say this?
Because her modeling career depends upon a lot of make-up, hair preparation, and photo manipulation in addition to her excellent natural physical appearance.
Discuss impact of toys and the images they portray on the children who play with them.
Are the self-images realistic?
(The company was probably trying to exemplify the “highest standards of the culture”. Unfortunately these standards emphasize physical traits that are unrealistic for 99% of all people.)
Studies show that there is a great impact on the self-image of children, especially when the messages from their parents are reinforcing the negative self-image issues. (i.e., too fat, too weak, etc.)
Are True self-image values being supported by the culture and society or by the peers of our children? – NO.
It emphasizes the importance for parents to assist their children in developing a true self-image and avoiding the traps of a false image.
It is also critically important for the CHURCH, the family of God, to support building a true self-image as well.
We all need to know that God accepts and loves us in our uniqueness. Yes, we all have flaws, but God values the real US as we are and is willing to help us change the things that should be changed.
EXERCISE to be repeated periodically in the future.
You can keep a diary or a journal of things you have heard or seen that impacted (positively or negatively) your self-image.
It is also helpful to read and study the Bible and record passages that seem to really speak to you. Write down these passages.
Good character is more important than good looks in the eyes of others:
Which is more beautiful? – a girl who is “drop dead gorgeous” (i.e., stunningly beautiful in form) but who has grossly profane speech, is totally self-centered (disregarding you in every way), rude and crude in manners, steals, tells lies about other people (even you), doesn’t care about your feelings, gossips, etc., or – a girl who is common in appearance but who is attentive to you and your needs, shows respect, tells the truth in love, who seeks to understand you and your interests, who seeks to do good things, who shows compassion, and wants to be with you?
Which is more handsome? – a guy who is built like “Mr. Universe” but who is physically and emotionally abusive, self-centered and prideful (and disregarding your feelings), steals, lies, is unfaithful to his word, seeks to get everybody else to do his work for him, blames everyone else for his problems, is constantly saying hateful things about others, etc., or – a guy who is “Mr. Average” (or maybe a little “nerdy”) who is loving and respectful towards others, truthful, kind, considerate, gentle, yet concerned about justice for others, takes responsibility for his own actions, admits mistakes but seeks wisdom in order to make good decisions?
Biblical communications are to be:
TRUTHFUL (not even “a little white lie”)
PROVABLE (i.e., by the testimony of 2 or 3 witnesses, not based on gossip or hearsay, but with good motivations)
REDEMPTIVE (stated with words of grace and with a redemptive (saving, reconciling, delivering) purpose; a redemptive purpose may include a constructive criticism, especially when calling one to account for ungodly behavior.)
EDIFYING (stated with the positive purpose of “stimulating each other to love and good deeds, encouraging each other in the LORD” and informing of the truth)
Most of the communications we get from the world are not phrased in the way that God wants us to communicate. Look at some of these phrases, assume that the person saying them has good will toward you and think about what they are intending to say. Now, rephrase the statement to conform to God’s way of communicating.
It requires each of us to have a degree of spiritual maturity to adopt attitudes that put our relationships in proper perspective. A loving relationship expresses care for the good health of your whole being: physical, emotional, and spiritual.
It is unrealistic to expect children to have this maturity, so adults (parents and mature adults in the Church) can have a big impact in helping those who lack maturity to put on the proper perspectives. Obviously, the most important way that we impact our children is through the models we provide in our own lives: How do we respond to others? How do we respond to troubles or adversity? How do we respond to the culture? How do we express our expectations of children? What kind of character do we model or exhibit? Is our own behavior and self-image one that provides a strong positive impact in our relationships with others? (If not, what do we need to do to improve?)
When our expectations are not met, it can be traumatic, especially if we feel rejected, disrespected, shamed, or betrayed. If these things happen, it is good for us to seek those who can help us understand our hurts. We need to gracefully understand any beliefs we have that may be in error (unrealistic expectations) and also how to forgive those who have harmed us. (We forgive for our own sake, not their benefit.)
Ultimately, the real healing we need in our self-image and in the hurts we incur through our relationships is brought to us through a strong personal relationship with God.
Allocate about 20 minutes to this activity. Use about 8 minutes for #1 to communicate to #2, then 8 minutes for #2 to #1. Spen about 4 minutes to debrief the exercise, asking what they have learned.
From what you have learned, focus on one thing that you most want to change about yourself to improve your self-image. Identify a true and trustworthy friend to help you do this.
Be prepared to be a help to somebody else as well.
Your personal relationship with God is the most important relationship you have. Building your relationship with Him.
