Discussion Guide

SEX AND THE CHU RCH (FROM HTTP://WWW.U MC-GBCS.ORG, NOV 17, 2010) 1
A discussion guide on sexual ethics for the
21st
Century
Originally published and edited by Linda Butler, The
United Methodist General Board of Church and Society
Collected by Audrey Krumbach for distribution by the
Reconciling Ministries Network

In this collection you will find nineteen articles about many complex questions surrounding
human sexuality in the twenty-first century. Each article is followed by questions for discussion,
and most include resources for further education or research.
Inclusion in this collection indicates no endorsement by the collectors or distributors; views and
opinions stated in articles are those only of the author.
We hope you find this collection useful and interesting!
Table of Contents:
Introduction 3
February 23, 2009 – Pastors Not Trained 5
March 2, 2009 – Theology of Sexuality 7
April 6, 2009 – Talking to Young People 12
May 4, 2009 – Teaching Abstinence in a World Awash with Sex 17
June 1, 2009 – Gender Discrimination and Violence, HIV/AIDS 21
July 6, 2009 – Myths of Marital Infidelity 25
August 3, 2009 – Safe Haven for Strippers 28
August 31, 2009 – Adolescent Sexuality 31
October 5, 2009 – The Mass Media's Influence 34
November 3, 2009 – Black Women’s Sexuality and Spirituality 37
December 7, 2009 – Clergy Living with HIV 41
January 6, 2010 – You're Never Too Old 45
February 5, 2010 – Ending Heterosexism 47
March 5, 2010 ‘Bachelorette’ Alum Talks about True Love – 51
April 7, 2010 – Reproductive rights: A Matter of Social Justice 53
May 4, 2010 – Faith Matters: Young People, Sexuality and Religion 57
June 7, 2010 – An Ordained Single Woman and The Discipline 61
July 9, 2010 – Pornography and Sexual Addiction 65
August 6, 2010 – An ART-full Discussion on Childbirth 69

Introduction
WASHINGTON,D.C. — The United Methodist General Board of Church & Society (GBCS) will present a
series of articles that address critical aspects of human sexuality. The series, “Sex and the Church,” will run in
GBCS’s electronic newsletter, Faith in Action. It will begin March 2, 2009 with “The Theology of Sexuality.”
Bishop Deborah Kiesey, GBCS board of directors president, and Jim Winkler, the social justice agency's
chief executive, issued a joint statement announcing the monthly series.
It is important for us and the Church to address this issue and its impact on all of us.
“We see it almost every day in the news in one way or another: HIV & AIDS; rising divorce rates brought on
by marital infidelity; teen pregnancy; homosexuality and homophobia. The topic is sexuality,” they say in their
statement. “It is important for us and the Church to address this issue and its impact on all of us.”
They said “Sex and the Church” will provide theological, educational, scientific and sociological sustenance
along with specific questions for dialogue and discernment.
Kiesey and Winkler point out that the United Methodist Social Principles describe human sexuality as
“God’s good gift to all persons.” “Yet we also know that on this the Church has often remained silent or been too
polarized,” they declare. “So GBCS has recruited some outstanding resource people to share their expertise on a
number of key topics within the framework of human sexuality.”
Dr. TraciWest, professor of Ethics and African American Studies at Drew University Theological School,
Madison, N.J.,wrote the series lead-off article, “The Theology of Sexuality.” West leads sexual ethics seminars
and participated in a sexuality study that found seminaries in the United States are not adequately preparing future
clergy to deal with sexuality issues despite ongoing debates within their denominations about issues such as
homosexuality.
“Sexuality has to do with the way in which our bodies, our spirit and our mind respond to other people and to
the way we understand our bodies as sensual,” West said.
Some of the other scheduled articles in the series include “Teaching Abstinence in a World Awash with
Sex,” “The Myths of Sex: Sex, HIV and Gender,” “Cheaters Think They Prosper:Myths about Marital
Infidelity,” “Politics of Sex,” “What Every 21st Century Parent Needs to Know,” “Surviving Rape,” “A Black
Woman's Guide to Sex and Spirituality,” “Clergy Living with AIDS and the Role of the Church,” and “Young
People Speak out About Sex!”
Mike Ratliff, director of the United Methodist Division on Ministries with Young People, and James Richie,
author of United Methodist material on sexuality, are collaborating on the April article, “Sexuality in the Church
— Best Practices.”
Other contributors to the series include Dr. Pauline Muchina, UNAIDS; the Rev. Debra Haffner,director of
Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing; and the Rev. Steven Baines of the Religious Coalition
for Reproductive Choice.
Linda Bales, director of the Louise and Hugh Moore Population Project at GBCS, is coordinating “Sex and
the Church.”
It is an intrinsic part of our personhood and should be treated as sacred.
Kiesey and Winkler point out that sexuality plays a pivotal role in everyday lives. “It is an intrinsic part of
our personhood and should be treated as sacred,” they say. “We are excited about this series because it will help
provide needed education to our children and ourselves. We anticipate it may restore relationships, create new
healthy ones and perhaps move people to act.”
At the very least, they say “Sex and the Church” can generate dialogue for United Methodists as they try to
honor the sacredness of this important part of living.
“We invite you to read each article and encourage others to do the same,” their statement says. “And as
always we welcome and appreciate your comments.”

Faith in Action appears on GBCS’s website, www.umc-gbcs.org. Information on how to obtain a free
subscription to the newsletter, which provides a roundup of education, advocacy, analysis and commentary on
social justice issues, is available on the website.
Women’s Concerns
Through the Louise & Hugh Moore Population Project, the United Methodist General Board of Church & Society
addresses issues specifically having an impact on women. Key issues of the project are HIV/AIDS,domestic
violence, family planning and reproductive health, and human trafficking.
The Louise & Hugh Moore Population Project works collaboratively with other agencies and/or organizations on
issues that affect women. Its partners include United Methodist Women, United Methodist General Commission
on the Status and Role of Women, Women's Edge Coalition, Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice,
Religious Advocates Working Group, and International Family Planning Coalition.
More information about the project and GBCS’s activities is available at http://www.umc-
gbcs.org/site/apps/nl/content3.asp?c=frLJK2PKLqF&b=3631781&ct=3961269
Women’s and Children’s Action Network
Linda Bales, director of the Louise and Hugh Moore Population Project, supervises an “Action Network” that
provides legislative updates, educational resources and identifies opportunities to act on issues. She sends action
alerts periodically through e-mail on such topics as domestic violence, population growth, women’s, health,
human trafficking, child marriage and child labor.
Joining the Women’s and Children’s Action Network is free:go to umpower.org or click on My GBCS on the
General Board of Church & Society Web site, www.umc-gbcs.org. You can also contact Donna Brandyberry,
(202) 488-5641.
Linda Bales can be reached at (202) 488-5649.

February 23, 2009 – Pastors Not Trained
Linda Green
(UMNS) — A new study concludes that seminaries in the United States are not adequately preparing future
clergy to deal with sexuality issues, despite ongoing debates about sexuality within their denominations.
The study, “Sex and the Seminary: Preparing Ministers for Sexual Health and Justice,” reports that sexuality
courses are largely absent from most seminary curricula and degree requirements.
Schools must do more to prepare their graduates so they can better minister to their congregants about sexual
issues.
At most institutions, students can graduate without studying sexual ethics or taking a single sexuality-based
course, says the Jan. 8 composite released from the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing of
Westport, Conn., and Union Theological Seminary in New York.
The study says that U.S. theological education schools must do more to prepare their graduates so they can
better minister to their congregants about sexual issues.
“Sexuality has to do with the way in which our bodies, our spirit and our mind respond to other people and to
the way we understand our bodies as sensual,” said the Rev. TraciWest, professor of Christian Ethics and African
American Studies at United Methodist-related Drew Theological School, Madison, N.J. West leads sexual ethics
seminars and participated in the sexuality study.
Sexuality is about more than homosexuality, which has been debated within The United Methodist Church
for decades,West said. “The range of issues is so broad in the ways in which sexuality touches our lives,” she
explained.
Such issues include but are not limited to sexual reproduction, sexual relations in marriage, breast cancer,
abuse and violence, marital counseling, sexual dysfunction, teen sexual development, family planning issues and
pornography.
“The nature of sexuality is vulnerability and is a tremendous part of who we are,” West said.
The United Methodist Church recognizes sexuality as “God’s gift to all persons” and calls everyone “to
responsible stewardship of this sacred gift.” The church affirms that all people are “individuals of sacred worth,
created in the image of God.”
‘Urgent need’ for training
Church and community members rely on clergy for guidance and counseling when questions about sexuality
arise and they perceive clergy, regardless of training, as capable of responding, the study says. It states,though,
that the reality of seminary education does not square with people’s perceptions.
Five United Methodist-related theological schools participated in the study.
“Sex and the Seminary” is based on surveys from 36 seminaries and rabbinical schools representing a range
of Christian, Jewish and Unitarian Universalist traditions. Each institution was evaluated on criteria for a sexually
healthy and responsible seminary.
Five United Methodist-related theological schools participated in the study: Candler, Claremont, Drew,
Garrett and United. Candler, Claremont and Drew are listed among the 10 leading institutions on sexuality issues.
The study cites them as being sexually healthy and responsible. These seminaries have a free-standing center,
program or institute that deals directly with sexuality-related issues.
In general, seminaries are not providing future clergy and religious leaders with sufficient opportunities for
study, self-assessment,and ministerial formation in sexuality, according to the report.

“With so many congregations embroiled in controversy over sexual-orientation issues, or struggling to
address teenage sexuality, or concerned about sexual abuse,there is an urgent need for ordained clergy who
understand the connections between religion and sexuality," said the Rev. Debra Haffner,lead conductor of the
study and director of the Religious Institute.
“Seminaries must do more to prepare students to minister to their congregants and be effective advocates for
sexual health and justice,” Haffner said.
Debates prompted study
The timing of the report is right because of the ongoing discussions in many Protestant denominations about
homosexuality, which prompted the study, according to West.
“A lot of those conversations have been extremely destructive, and there is a broader awareness that there are
a lot of myths and misinformation about sexuality and sexual identity,” West said. “There are a lot of fears,
insecurities, and there needs to be places where pastors who are expected to respond to questions from members
of the congregation can have opportunity to think about ‘What is my theology as it relates to sexuality?’”
The study describes sexuality as a sacred part of life.
The study describes sexuality as a sacred part of life. The report says clergy and other religious professionals
have a unique opportunity and responsibility to guide congregations and communities through any number of
sexuality-related concerns.
“Clergy need to know how to ground their responses in a way that responds to how God is calling us to be,”
West said, emphasizing that pastors need to know how to respond to a woman who confides about breast cancer,a
girl or boy who discloses his or her sexual identity, or someone who is a victim of domestic violence.
There is a need for people to have a positive and healthy understanding that “sexuality is a gift from God,”
West said. She pointed out that many seminaries fail to prepare clergy with the necessary training to address the
issue because “there is so much fear about sexuality among Christians.”
The fear that sexuality “is innately sinful” leads to the “failure to understand that sexuality is part of who we
are as human persons and that God created sexuality as something good,” West declared.
Seminary standards suggested
Seminaries have a responsibility to equip ministers with the theological, biblical and ethical framework to
respond to difficult issues that are part of the everyday life of people in the community, according to West. She
said, “It is almost as if sexuality is being discussed everywhere but in the church.”
 The survey found that:
 More than 90% of the seminaries surveyed do not require full-semester, sexuality-based courses for
graduation.
 Two-thirds of the seminaries do not offer a course in sexuality issues for religious professionals.
 Seminaries offer three times as many courses in women's and feminist studies as they do in same-sex
studies or other sexuality-related issues.
 Sexuality-based courses are taught by senior professors or adjunct faculty, not by upcoming faculty
seeking tenured positions.
Most U.S. denominations do not require ministerial candidates to demonstrate any academic knowledge or
competency in sexual health and education issues beyond those pertaining to the prevention of sexual harassment,
according to the study’s findings.
The study recommends that the Assn. of Theological Schools, the accrediting body for U.S. seminaries,
integrate sexuality education into its standards for ministerial formation. The study urges seminaries to strengthen
their curricular offerings and inclusion policies, invest in faculty development and continuing education, and

pursue collaboration with other institutions and advocacy groups to expand educational opportunities for
seminarians regarding sexuality issues.
“This is a fantastic idea,” West said. “It would be such a gift to people who are so vulnerable and who rely
upon religious resources,counselors and pastors in crises situations related to sexuality.”
Editor’s note: This article was written by Linda Green, a Nashville-based United Methodist NewsService writer

March 2, 2009 – Theology of Sexuality
Rev. Dr. Traci West
Too often when Christians mention “theology” and “sexuality” in the same sentence someone is trying to
assert moral superiority over someone else. Some of us run away at any mention of a discussion combining
“theology” and “sexuality.” This is because we are accustomed to it becoming a self-serving slug-fest, usually
with the Bible wielded as a weapon.
But it should be a delightful, faith-filled experience when we talk about theology (reflecting on Christian
faith in God) together with sexuality (a precious gift of God). Too often, though, it is not a delightful experience.
Gay, lesbian or transgendered persons brace themselves for how their identities and families will be referred
to as “an issue” up for debate. And then the issue will be reduced to only one thing: sex.
Those whose bodies are differently abled prepare to be ignored or pitied. Those who have contracted
HIV/AIDS get ready for the almost inevitable ignorant or cruel references to them.
Depending on how we were brought up, a theology of sexuality can also be an embarrassing subject for some
to discuss openly. Because human sexuality always involves vulnerability, a respectfulattitude and a right to
privacy should be non-negotiable.
Privacy vs. secrecy
Privacy is important, but not secrecy. The all too common secret use of sexuality by Christians and others for
harm makes it imperative to talk openly about how our theology connects to our understanding of sexuality.
Secrecy enables child pornography sold via the Internet, sexual misconduct by pastors with members of their
congregations, or husbands sexually coercing their wives within heterosexual marriages.
Some Christians silently wish for a church context where they can ask personal questions.
Moreover, some Christians silently wish for a church context where they can ask personal questions about a
range of concerns:
 infertility;
 self-image and penile dysfunction or breast mastectomy;
 sexual, sensual needs as a single, elderly adult;
 how to talk to our children about masturbation or menstruation;
 the difference between flirting and sexual harassment; and
 how to talk theologically about the relationship between gender and sexuality and God without
reinforcing social biases.
It should not be too much to hope for a space in the church where such concerns could be openly addressed
as part of a broader understanding of Christian theology and human spirituality.
We need a common understanding of what sexuality is. In the gospel of Luke, for instance, when the
“woman of the city who was a sinner” kisses Jesus’ feet,anoints them with oil, and wipes them with her hair
(Luke 7:37-50), does that gesture have anything to do with sexuality? Or when Paul exhorts the Corinthians to
“greet one another with a holy kiss” (1Corinthians 16:20), what is he saying about sexuality, about spirituality, or
about how they can or cannot be combined?
Yes,sexuality has to do with our genitals, hormones and chromosomes, but it should not be mistakenly
understood as merely physiological. Sexuality incorporates both individual physical acts and self-expression.
God’s gift of sexuality
God’s wondrous creation of human sexuality should never be reduced simply to a sex act or a particular
sexual practice. To suggest that you can practice sexuality or not like flipping a light switch on or off is a

blasphemous negation of God’s creativity, of how sexuality is woven into the fabric of the human mind, body and
spirit.
To suggest that you can practice sexuality or not like flipping a light switch on or off is a blasphemous
negation of God’s creativity.
God’s gift of sexuality is experienced through:
 our sensory perceptions — taste,touch, smell, sight, hearing;
 our emotional life — wants, needs, fears,shame,joys, wonder;
 our spirituality — prayers of thanksgiving, mind/body/spirit meditation, acknowledgement of being
God’s precious creation;
 our affect — sensual/emotional presence impacts others when we enter the room;
 our minds — ability to imagine, fantasize, delay and interrupt sensory responses; and
 our physicality — our body's shape, texture, hairiness, stamina, flexibility, capacities, movement.
Furthermore, sexuality should not be understood as merely an individualistic quality. It includes the inherent
social dimensions of vulnerability and accountability to others. A person may be in an intimate, covenantal
relationship with another person, or single and celibate. You may be taking a solitary, luxurious, sensual bath, or
talking to your doctor about a sexual reproduction issue. In both our being and our doing, sexuality is a continuing
part of our emotional, spiritual, social and bodily “practice.” It is an inherent part of our God-created, shared
humanity.
Ethical dimensions
Exploring theology about the trinitarian nature of God can be a creative way to remind ourselves of the
meaning of human sexuality and its ethical dimensions. As Christians we believe that God created the incredibly
diverse beings we are. This, of course, includes human sexuality. It reminds us to humbly marvel at God’s
handiwork in the diversity of human creation and to treat each other with respect and equal regard.
The incarnation of Jesus … reminds us of the preciousness of our own bodies to God.
The incarnation of Jesus,at once fully divine and fully human flesh and blood, reminds us of the
preciousness of our own bodies to God. It should also remind us to always treat our own bodies and other
people’s as equally endowed with precious, sacred worth.
The Holy Spirit is God with us at all times. It reminds us that God’s loving presence never abandons us,
always supports our wholeness, no matter whether in joyful sexual pleasure or cruel sexual victimization. This
loving witness of the Holy Spirit models solidarity for us to emulate by supporting one another.
Studying the Bible provides another way to engage in a wonderfully rich theological reflection on sexuality. I
do not mean using the Bible as a sword to slay other Christians through singular interpretations of selected
passages about sexuality. Let us remember that all our understandings of scripture are interpretations. They are
based on many, many translations of the Bible over centuries of evolving scholarship.
Studying and seeking
Our theology of sexuality should be informed by studying the entire canon of scripture and seeking God’s
revelation. To accomplish this, we need to examine the wide variety of passages that mention sexuality.
Passages we study might include:
 1 Kings 11:3 — the sexual/marital arrangements of King Solomon who had 700 wives and 300
concubines;
 1 Corinthians 7 —Paul’s preference for Christians to remain virgins and unmarried in order to freely
focus on pleasing God;
 Song of Solomon 4:1-5 — its sensualpoetry that describes the beauty of a woman’s lips, neck, breasts;
 Deuteronomy 22:23-24 — the law requiring that a betrothed urban dwelling virgin, who is raped, be
stoned to death for failing to cry out for help, as well as stoning her rapist for violating what belonged to
another man;

 Romans 1:24-28 — Paul’s discussion of idolatry and the giving up of natural passions for unnatural
ones;
 Matthew19:11-12 — Jesus’ teaching about eunuchs;
 Hosea 2:2-3 — sexual/marital metaphors for God’s relationship to Israelin the prophets, such as God’s
violent punishment of stripping “her naked” and killing her because of her “whoring” ways;
 Revelation 17:15 — the apocalypse imagery of the whore who is made naked, has her flesh devoured,
and is then burned with fire;
 Luke 1:7-18 — fertility problems of Elizabeth and Zechariah;
 Leviticus 12:2,5 — uncleanness of women who have just given birth, of women who are menstruating,
and of menstrual blood; and
 John 8: 1-11 — Jesus stopping the stoning of a woman accused of adultery.
Studying with a diverse group of Christians and using differing translations and commentaries about
scripture passages such as these can add vitality to the development of a Christian theology of sexuality.
Commonly mentioned theme
Sin is among the most commonly mentioned themes in theological discussions of sexuality. Painful historical
and current examples such as racist Christian opposition to interracial sex and marriage should certainly not be
forgotten. We can learn from them. Only two years ago I met an interracial, heterosexual couple upset over the
lack of support from the bride’s devoutly Christian family. Her white family declared it was “unnatural” for her to
marry a black man.
Sinfulness that involves sexuality can be a serious temptation.
Sinfulness that involves sexuality can be a serious temptation. This is mainly because sexuality involves such
a vulnerable, intimate aspect of our humanity. Unfortunately, some too often see vulnerability as an opportunity to
exploit and abuse, to gain advantage or power over another.
Fortunately, God’s grace is always available. It reconnects us to God, enabling us to recognize the precious,
equal sacred worth of people we have sinfully cast aside, and to have the courage to make restitution.
Theology is an ongoing, evolving project for Christians. It needs room to grow and develop. It requires
nurturing with thoughtful engagement with others and lots of prayer.
Questions for Discussion
1. What five ground rules would help a group of Christians with differing perspectives,including disagreements,
respectfully work together on how to articulate a theology of sexuality?
2. In your opinion, is sexuality a good gift of God? Why or why not? What evidence for it do you find in
scripture and theology?
3. How do the biblical passages mentioned in this article about sexuality fit with broader theological ideas
consistently found in scripture that you think are essential to Christian faith?
4. What communities and groups do you think are usually left out or marginalized that should be included in a
discussion of the church’s theology of sexuality? How could/should their voices be included?
Resources
 Steve Clapp, The Gift of Sexuality: Empowerment for Religious Teens
 Miguel De La Torre, A Lily Among the Thorns: Imagining a New Christian Sexuality
 Andrew Weaver,John D. Preston,and Charlene Hosenfeld, Counseling on Sexual Issues:A Handbook
for Pastors and Other Helping Professionals
 Mark D. Jordan, The Ethics of Sex

 Karen P. Oliveto, Kelly D. Turney and Traci C. West,Holy Conversations: Talking About
Homosexuality: A Congregational Resource
 Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing: www.religiousinstitute.org
 Faith Trust Institute: www.faithtrustinstitute.org
 CLGS: www.clgs.org
 TransFaith On-line: www.transfaithonline.org/
Editor’s note:
Dr. TraciWest is professor of Ethics and African American Studies at Drew University Theological School in
Madison, N.J. She is an ordained United Methodist clergyperson in the New York Conference.

April 6, 2009 – Talking to Young People
Rev. Michael Ratliff and Rev. Dr. James H. Ritchie Jr.,
There is no way to effectively be in ministry with young people without addressing the topic of human
sexuality. Accomplishing such an effective ministry, though, has become increasingly complicated as the church
has engaged in ever-more contentious debates about human sexuality while the culture surrounding it extols the
physical pleasures of sex. Further complicating matters is the mindset among far too many that sex is a taboo
subject.
The Rev. Mike Ratliff, associate generalsecretary of the United Methodist General Board of Discipleship’s
Division on Ministries with Young People, and the Rev. Dr. James Ritchie Jr., who developed the denomination’s
Created by God sexuality education resources for fifth and sixth graders and their parents, discussed the church’s
predicament.
Ratliff said his greatest challenge has been to get people, individually and corporately, to accept the fact that
they must be prepared to openly engage every topic related to healthy and destructive expressions of sexuality.
“We must be prepared to facilitate the exploration of a faith perspective on any topic, not just those with which
we are comfortable,” said Ratliff, who has been in ministry with youths and young adults for more than 25 years.
The silence within the church shrouding human sexuality issues tacitly teaches that the subject should not be
broached. This silence even takes form that obfuscates candor. “We are good at talking about sexuality without
really talking about it,” Ratliff declared.
Lines of communication
More than anything else, lines of communication need to be opened, according to Ritchie, a clergy member
of The United Methodist Church’s Western Pennsylvania Conference who has led more than 1,800 preteens
through the Created by God curriculum. “We need to provide vocabulary and experiences that will encourage
dialogue, and allow space for persons to wrestle individually and in groups with their own understandings and
applications of scripture, tradition, experience and reason,” he said.
We need to provide vocabulary and experiences that will encourage dialogue.
“Because there is not agreement within The United Methodist Church on issues such as sexual orientation
and abortion, the denomination has elected not to attempt to produce the resources that are needed,” Ritchie said.
Ratliff seemed to agree that the discord, particularly on sexual identity and abortion, has thwarted the ability
to produce up-to-date materials. “Our most current sexuality curriculum for youths is a dozen years old,” he said.
“I know because I helped write it.”
Ratliff said he is passionate about young people experiencing a faith that is about their whole life. “We
cannot help them discover who God created them to be without engaging them in relation to this precious gift of
our creation,” he said. “If we believe that God created us, and we know that we were created as sexualbeings,
then obviously God believes that our sexuality is an integral part of who we are as expressed in God’s good
creation.”
Theologicalconversation
“If God is at the center of our sexuality,” pointed out Ritchie, “then our conversation will necessarily be a
theological conversation. We cannot talk in a holistic way about spirituality if we have not come to terms with the
bodies that house those spirits.”
On a cultural level, Ratliff emphasized that the church cannot prove its adequacy if it is not exploring the
topic of human sexuality with its constituents, and speaking out in the culture at large. He said the church must
provide resources to help parents guide their children into an understanding of this powerful life-long gift from
God.

“Whatever we do must create an openness and approachability for adults in the lives of young people for
exploration of the topic,” Ratliff explained. “It must also provide support for living through challenges of this
significant, sometimes overwhelming, force in young people’s lives.”
Sexual expression has become a preferred avenue for living out a lack of intimacy, and for quenching a thirst
for power, according to Ratliff.
Intimacy not addressed
Ritchie said the church has not talked about nor encouraged intimacy nearly enough. “As a result, our young
persons are growing up believing that intercourse and intimacy are one and the same,” he said. “The culture’s
voice is simply louder than ours as the church.
The culture’s voice is simply louder than ours as the church.
Ritchie warned that if the church does not teach about the blessings of intimacy, the profound need for
human-to-human connection will continue to draw people into physically pleasant, but emotionally and spiritually
shallow bondings.
Not addressing the topic of human sexuality has created a significant gap in the ability to integrate full
humanity with an understanding of who we are as spiritual beings, Ratliff contends. He sees an opportunity to
shift from viewing sexuality as an adolescent’s problem to be fixed, to understanding it as it was intended: a
powerful life-long gift from God to be experienced within meaningful, committed relationships.
“We wring our hands, condemn the sexualizing of our entire culture, and do nothing to help children and
families learn to contend with this evil,” declared Ritchie, who is under extension ministry appointment to Ritchie
Faith Span Ministries, Monroeville, Pa. He bemoaned the number of congregations, annual conferences and
denominational agencies that choose to ignore the United Methodist “Social Principles,” which state all children
have a right to full sex education. The Social Principles also call parents and the church to provide that education,
he added.
Several conferences used to have “wonderfully comprehensive” programs for recruiting, training and
deploying leaders for sexuality education events, according to Ritchie. “These programs have not just died down,”
he said. “They have died out.”
Ritchie said liability issues have come to the forefront, causing the denomination to become hesitant to
certify leaders. He said funding has dried up, and conference education personnel have been reduced or
eliminated. Also, persons involved as leaders became burned out because they were so few in numbers, according
to him.
At the same time, the culture at large has been battering the church with messages that portray sex as a
pleasure to be pursued with abandon. Ratliff said he recently read the results of a research project that says first
graders are being sexually exploited in the way they dress and think. “Instead of playing dress-up wearing mom
and dad’s clothes,” he said, “they are dressing in clothes that emphasize our sexuality and exploit this good gift
from God. Obviously those clothes are bought by parents.”
Sexuality education needed
Ratliff said this is just one example that illustrates the need for effective sexuality education ministry for all
ages. “In a time when children are becoming involved in sexual activity at an increasingly early age, when 50% of
the new cases of HIV are in young people under the age of 25, when sexually transmitted disease infections are
rising in older adult living centers,” he stated,“there is undoubtedly a need for sexuality education with a faith
foundation to be happening throughout the age spectrum.”
There is undoubtedly a need for sexuality education with a faith foundation to be happening throughout the
age spectrum.
Awareness of the church’s predicament has been raised by young people themselves. At the first Global
Young People’s Convocation in Johannesburg, South Africa,in 2006, participants from several different cultural
backgrounds proposed legislation to produce sexuality materials for adults. Ratliff said the proposal was made so

young people could have access to “significant adults prepared to have serious conversation” about human
sexuality issues.
For more than a decade,Ritchie has been saving questions that both kids and parents have placed in the
question box during Created by God events. He said he has gathered thousands of questions.
Some of the most frequently asked: What is sex? Where do babies come from? Why is it so important to
learn about people’s bodies? Why do girls have to know about boys’ bodies and boys need to know about girls’
bodies? What does having a period mean? What is puberty? Why does hair grow in private places? What is
masturbation and is it okay? When can I have sex? Why should I wait until I’m married to have sex? What
happens during sexual intercourse? Where do babies come from? Why can’t men have babies? What are
condoms? When is the right time to start dating? What is oral sex? How do you know when you’re in love? What
is a homosexual? Why are some people homosexual?
Ritchie said his initial involvement in human sexuality education followed his being assigned to work as a
children’s curriculum editor at The United Methodist Publishing House. “I have seen lives transformed,” he said.
“Lines of communication have been opened or strengthened between parents and children.” He said boys and
girls walk away with a new appreciation and respect for the other gender.
“Safety level increases as these young persons better understand themselves,” Ritchie said, “and as a result,
feel more confident, becoming the kind of kids who are less vulnerable to predators and the lies foisted upon them
by media stereotypes. These events serve as an immunization where the health of a few has an impact on the
many.”
’Posterchurch’
Due West, a large United Methodist Church in Marietta, Ga., has become one of Ritchie’s “poster churches.”
He said Created by God has become as much a part of the rhythm of church life as is Advent, Lent and
confirmation. Due West UMC offered the program for the eighth year in January.
He does not know of a comprehensive, churchwide approach to the topic.
“Kyle Moore, director of children’s ministries, is passionate about the program,” Ritchie said. Moore has
cultivated a cadre of adults who serve as small group leaders year after year,taking time off only when they have
their own children going through the program. Among her recruits as small group leaders are the church lay
leader, chair of the trustees and chair of the finance committee.
“Many of these people, as well as the parents of eligible children, don’t wait for an announcement as to when
the event will be held,” Ritchie said. “They come to Kyle months in advance to make sure their calendars are
clear. This is a church of true believers who are ready and willing to invest the time and effort required to ensure
the success of the program.”
Due West UMC may be the exception that proves the rule, though. Ratliff said most churches he could
identify are doing a piecemeal approach. “Some have a yearly or every-other-year seminar, retreat or weekend for
youths,” he explained. “Others integrate the topic into ongoing programming. The struggles continue to be with
leadership, resources,and permission to address the topic.”
Ratliff said he does not know of a comprehensive, churchwide approach to the topic. “It would be great to
hear about those,” he added.
Ritchie said he has taught in churches representative of a broad spectrum of theologies. “We convey what we
know to be true,” he said, “and then use that knowledge to speak together of our interpretations, experiences and
rationales. We do this in an intimate setting, one where openness, trust, respect and compassion prevail.”
Parents come with great apprehension to the first session of the Created by God study, according to Ritchie.
He said by the end of the event their anxieties have measurably decreased because they are equipped and willing
to engage their children and each other in conversation. “That says to me that adults need arenas where they are
safe to confess their lack of knowledge and understanding to deal with the cultural and religious constraints that
have set them up for feeling lost,” he said. “They need to be able to struggle together with their own sexuality and
that of their children.”

Congregationsneedresources
Because this must be an ongoing conversation, congregations need resources that will enable that dialogue.
Ritchie said that resources are needed to help parents and younger children initiate conversation, for when the
changes of puberty approach, for parents and their teen-aged children when hormones seem to be taking over their
lives, for young persons who reach the age when all too many of their peers are having sexual relationships, for
young adults who remain sexual even if not married, and for those who need guidance in building a sexual
relationship that is founded first and foremost on intimacy.
The church is not ready/willing to take this topic on.
“Because we are sexualfrom conception to committal, we need resources that will assist adults of all ages
and stages to connect their sexuality and their spirituality,” Ritchie said.
To do this most effectively, Ritchie suggested cooperation is needed among the General Board of Higher
Education & Ministry, General Board of Church & Society, General Commission on Health & Welfare
Ministries, Council of Bishops and the United Methodist Publishing House,as well as that of academics,
researchers and professionals in the area of human sexuality education.
Ratliff said he has severalconcerns about being able to accomplish an effective ministry. He said he is
concerned that:
 the church is not ready/willing to take this topic on in a comprehensive way that fosters openness in the
midst of disagreement about what is biblical, what is Christian and what is reasonable;
 we are communicating to congregations this is not a topic we are willing to struggle with on a deeper-
than-surface level. that those who are attempting to address the topic are doing so without the benefit of
comprehensive training and resources;
 our reluctance has already relegated the church to a place of insignificance in this arena; and
 we move forward with a comprehensive, theologically sound, age-inclusive approach to this topic in the
church.
In order to reinvigorate interest, Ritchie said we need to start with intimacy, “not as a euphemism for sexual
intercourse as distorted by our culture, but as deep relationship,” an intimate relationship with God and with one
another. He said that intimate relationship with God and neighbor is, according to Jesus,what it means to have
eternal life.
All persons can say “Yes!” to this, Ritchie asserts:persons of all ages,all theological/biblical perspectives,
all marital statuses,and all sexual orientations.
Ratliff finds hope in the hearts of those leaders of young people who are committed to doing something
meaningful in this area as a part of their ministry. “They are looking for resources and training that will prepare
them to address the topic from a biblical perspective,” he said, “that relates issues of faith and sexuality to the real
world where their young people live every day.”
Persons with the gifts, graces,training and experience to serve as leaders grow weary in doing battle with
those who believe that silence is the only acceptable approach to human sexuality, according to Ritchie. “Those of
us who remain in this ministry are simply stretched too thin and worry about who will pick up the banner when
we are no longer able to carry it,” he said. “At a time when we need to provide thorough training for leading
human sexuality events, there is no one in a position of authority within the denomination to champion this
cause.”
Editor’s note:
Information about resources,including the updating of “Created by God,” is contained in the article, “'Created by
God' to be revised.” The article also includes severalactivities and questions that may be helpful in stimulating
discussions on human sexuality issues. http://www.umc-
gbcs.org/site/apps/nlnet/content.aspx?c=frLJK2PKLqF&b=5074551&ct=6874451

The Rev.Michael Ratliff is the Associate GeneralSecretary of the Division on Ministries with Young People at
the United Methodist General Board of Discipleship. He has more than 25 years experience in youth and young
adult ministry at the local church level. He has taught courses at Iliff School of Theology and the Perkins School
of Youth Ministry. An author and workshop leader, Ratliff’s writings include Sacred Challenge, Sacred Bridges,
and articles in severalChristian periodicals. He has also developed curriculum for “Faith and Sexuality,” “Let’s
Be Real,” “Confirmation Times” and “Combo’s.”
The Rev.Dr. James H. Ritchie Jr.,a clergy member of the Western Pennsylvania Conference of The United
Methodist Church, is under extension ministry appointment to Ritchie Faith Span Ministries, which provides
leadership, resources,consultation and training in the area of multigenerational ministries. He has served as a
minister of Christian education and pastor in local churches. From 1987-1994 he was an editor of children’s
curriculum at The United Methodist Publishing House in Nashville, editing vacation Bible school, music and
human sexuality resources for children, and resources for parents and pastors. He developed the “Created by God”
sexuality education resources for fifth and sixth graders and their parents (Abingdon). He regularly teaches this
study and trains leaders across the country.
Ritchie is the author of Always in Rehearsal: The Practice of Worship and the Presence of Children (Discipleship
Resources). His music has appeared in curriculum, choral and worship resources,including The United Methodist
Book of Worship, The United Methodist Hymnal Music Supplement,The Faith We Sing, and Sing the Faith. He
composed much of the music found in vacation Bible schools such as “Peter Rock: A Drama of Faith,” “Beneath
the Storytelling Tree,” “Turnabout Paul,” and “Club Can-Do: Kids Called to Care.

May 4, 2009 – Teaching Abstinence in a World
Awash with Sex
Rev. Steven Baines
It seems everyone wants to talk about abstinence. Inevitably, though, there is rarely agreement on what it
means.
Whenever I conduct teen sexuality education, I distribute to parents a list of human sexual behaviors. I ask
the parents how they would describe it if their child were to remain abstinent. I ask them to put a check mark by
behaviors that fit that description and an X by those that do not.
The results are astonishing. Rarely is there more than 50% to 60% agreement on what truly defines
abstinence. If sexually mature adults can’t define the term, how on earth do we expect our teens to do so?
As a Christian clergyman, I wholly embrace that God created us as sexual beings with the sacred intent of
mutual love and intimacy. I also agree that the only sure way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and
unintended pregnancies is abstinence from intercourse.
I don’t doubt that most parents would like their children to remain abstinent. But I also know that it is our
moral imperative to provide for the spiritual, emotional and physical well being of our young people.
HIV/AIDS,teenage pregnancy, STDs,high suicide rates among gay and lesbian teens, and date rape are
disturbing realities. As people of faith charged with caring for the least in society, we cannot allow pop culture,
the media and our children’s peers to be the major sources of information about sexuality. Nor can we rely on
silence, unrealistic rules and pat answers.
If sexually mature adults can’t define the term, how on earth do we expect our teens to do so?
For over ten years, the U.S. federalgovernment has poured more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only
programs. These programs have been medically and scientifically studied and repeatedly shown to be ineffective.
The programs neither delay teen sexual activity nor reduce pregnancy rates or STDs. Program guidelines
explicitly prohibit any discussion of contraceptives, except for failure rates.
The Kaiser Family Foundation reported in its 2005 U.S. Teen Sexual Activity study that, despite the federal
government’s abstinence-only programs:
 Each year, there are 750,000 teen pregnancies, 82% of which are unintended;
 31% of young women become pregnant at least once before the age of 20; and
 Each year, 9 million teens and young adults acquire an STD.
A world awashwith sex
When was the last time you heard a rip-roaring sermon by your pastor from the “Song of Solomon” on a
Sunday morning, much less heard anyone utter the word “sex” in a Christian education class? Growing up in the
Southern Baptist Church, I can sum up my sexuality education in one sentence,“Sex is dirty, save it for someone
you love.”
Sex is dirty, save it for someone you love.
The church might be suffering from a severe case of sexphobia, but our society certainly is not! According to
the A.C. Nielsen Co., the television is on nearly seven hours each day in an average U.S. home. If you couple this
with the Kaiser Family Foundation finding that 70% of all television shows include sexual content, we have a lot
of young children being exposed to sex before they enter kindergarten.
Not so long ago, television shows had married couples in separate beds. Now,shows like Gossip Girls have
teens “hooking up.” Only loser kids are not “getting any.” I could fill this entire essay on the sexual perils our
young people face on the Internet. Advertisers and media mavens know sex sells.

To quote new, single, teenage-mother Bristol Palin: “But I think abstinence is, like, like, the – I don't know
how to put it – like, the main – everyone should be abstinent or whatever – but it's not realistic at all … Because
[sex’s] more and more accepted now."
How did you learn about sex?
Last year, the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (RCRC) put out a request : "Tell us your story:
How did you learn about sex?"We received well over 400 responses from individuals, ages 17 through 94,
around the United States. Their replies offer thoughtful reflections and often intimate, sometimes painful,
glimpses into personal lives. Quite a few said they learned about sex "the hard way" from being abused as a child.
 If I had known what sex was,I would have understood what was happening to me when I was molested
by a male relative beginning at age 8. – Stephanie,45
 My uncle molested me at 12. If someone had shared the facts with me sooner, it may not have happened
the way it did. – Tom, 50
 My father molested me. The earliest I remember was at age 6 or 7. – Helen, 76+
 Raped at 17 and found out the hard way! – Thelma, 79
 Tragically, we also found that what you learn or don't learn as a young person can have life-long
repercussions. Abstinence-only programs intentionally leave out important health information.
 I wish I'd learned what intercourse was and how easy it is to get pregnant. – Joyce, 79
 I wish I'd learned about STDs and the way in which they can be transmitted. I was under the impression
that oral sex was safe,since you couldn't get pregnant from it. – Abigail, 26
 The good girl/bad girl images prevalent when I was young only served to instill a great deal of fear in
me, which negatively impacted on my marriage for years. – Jean, 57
Sex and poverty
Former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders addressed RCRC’s annualNational Black Religious Summit on
Sexuality. She succinctly described the linkage between sex and poverty.
"Our problem with sexuality has contributed more to the poverty in the black community than anything else
in our society,” said Dr. Elders. “A pregnant teenager who does not finish high school or marry has an 80%
likelihood of being poor.”
In 2006 the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancies reported more details about the
generational impact of teen pregnancy:
 Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school;
 Sons of teen mothers are 13% more likely to end up in prison; and
 Teen daughters are 22% more likely to become teen mothers themselves.
It is the poor and communities of color that suffer from illogical, ineffective public policy. A low-income
woman is four times as likely to have an unintended pregnancy and five times as likely to have an unintended
birth as her higher-income counterpart.
Sacred texts across many faith traditions, including Hebrew and Christian, tell the faithful they will be
judged on how they treat the poor, the marginalized and the oppressed. The prophet Ezekiel, for example,
proclaims in Chapter 16, verse 49: “This was the guilt of your sister Sodom; she and her daughters had pride,
excess of food, and prosperous ease,but did not aid the poor and needy.” Neither clergy nor laity can continue to
simply bury our heads in the sand and hope these tragic lives will disappear.
People of faith engagedin the world
Recently, the Responsible Education About Life (REAL) Act was reintroduced in the U.S. Congress. The
REAL Act would establish the first dedicated federalfunding stream for comprehensive sex education. It is
important to note that comprehensive sex education not only stresses the value of abstinence, but also provides
medically accurate information on forms of birth control crucial to health and safety.

Major faith traditions representing millions of Americans support comprehensive sexuality education. In
keeping with the U.S.’s Constitutional guarantee of freedom of religion, they oppose civil laws that would impose
specific religious views about sexuality education.
These faith communities take seriously their duty to instill a set of religious, moral values that will help guide
young people to responsible, ethical life choices. They believe it is the role of government to ensure that the
nation's youths receive facts,unblemished by ideology, that will protect them from disease and unintended
pregnancy.
The United Methodist Church in its Social Principles declares:
The Church should support the family in providing age-appropriate education regarding sexuality to children,
youths and adults. (¶161F “Human Sexuality,” 2008 Book of Discipline)
All children have the right to quality education, including full sex education appropriate to their stage of
development that utilizes the best educational techniques and insights. Christian parents and guardians and the
Church have the responsibility to ensure that children receive sex education consistent with Christian morality,
including faithfulness in marriage and abstinence in singleness. (¶162C “Rights of Children,” 2008 Book of
Discipline)
The answer to the nation's high rate of unintended pregnancies and pandemic of sexually transmitted diseases
cannot rest with houses of worship and non-profit organizations alone. While communities of faith must play a
vital role in teaching values and ethical decision-making, public schools must be part of the solution.
Vows of abstinence break more easily than latex condoms.
We are morally compelled to empower our young people so they are equipped with the tools necessary to
face the environment in which we live. As Dr. Elders so succinctly stated, "Vows of abstinence break more easily
than latex condoms."
It is the role of government to ensure that the nation's youths receive the facts,unblemished by parochial
beliefs, that will protect them from disease and unintended pregnancy. I am sure we can agree that we want all our
young people to be safe.
When I hear the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:13-14 chiding the disciples for forbidding the little children to
come to him, I see the faces of so many youths from my congregations past and present. My faith and love of
Christ compel me to do all humanly possible to promote their spiritual, emotional and physical growth and safety.
I hope all young people would remain abstinent, but my years in the ministry have seen this hope thwarted
repeatedly.
I therefore implore you to join me and millions of faithful believers across this country and:
Oppose any funding for abstinence-only programs; and
Support the Responsible Education about Life (REAL) Act.
1. If there is not 100% universal agreement on the definition of abstinence, what foundational principles and
values can religious leaders instill in today's teens?
2. Opponents of comprehensive sex education say that talking about proper birth control methods is tantamount
to providing a license for promiscuity. Critics contend that line of reasoning is like saying "because I carry an
umbrella it is going to rain." Given the complexities of sex education in our communities, what theological
and spiritual issues arise in the context of this discussion?
3. A recent report from the Centers for Disease Control found that 1 in 20 people in Washington, D.C., is living
with HIV/AIDS,a rate that far exceeds the pandemic in some African countries. Do religious leaders and
people of faith have a moral obligation to not only stress abstinence, but also provide all the medically
accurate information necessary to curb this pandemic?
4. How can faith communities create sacred spacesto have open, honest discussion of human sexuality and the
responsibilities of sexual behavior?

Editor’s note:
The Rev. Steven Baines is Director of Interfaith Outreach at the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice.
Steven Baines RCRC brings the power of religious communities to ensure reproductive choice through education
and advocacy. Its member organizations are religiously and theologically diverse, but are unified in a commitment
to preserve reproductive choice as a basic part of religious liberty. The United Methodist General Board of
Church & Society and the Women’s Division of the General Board of Global Ministries are founding members of
RCRC.
Before coming to RCRC, Baines served eight years in the same capacity at People for the American Way. He has
also served as executive directors for Equal Partners in Faith, a national interfaith organization committed to
fighting racism, sexism and homophobia, and AFFIRM Youth, a social service organization in Upstate South
Carolina.
Baines has served as both senior pastor and associate in Southern Baptist churches in North and South Carolina.
He graduated from Furman University in Greenville, S.C.,with a degree in religious studies and later attended
Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, N.C. Now affiliated with the Christian Church
(Disciples of Christ), he serves as the Chair of Elders at the denomination’s national cathedral, National City
Christian Church. Baines is a national spokesperson on issues of faith and politics and has been featured on
CNN,CSPAN,Court TV and numerous syndicated radio programs.

June 1, 2009 – Gender Discrimination and
Violence, HIV/AIDS
PaulineMuchina
Talking about human sexuality is taboo in many places of worship. Although sex is a significant part of the
human experience,many pastors are ill-equipped to speak about it with understanding, with accurate information
and without shame. For the most part, they speak about sex as if even mentioning it is a sin.
Regrettably, this often leads to misguided counseling on issues related to sex. It makes a difficult situation
more challenging and, in some cases,places people at risk.
Many faith-based traditions teach that sex is for procreation only. Rarely, if ever,do they preach about
human sexuality as a gift from God, as part of our nature, and meant to be treasured and enjoyed (Genesis 1:27-
2:25).
Discussions about human sexuality remain taboo in far too many schools, homes and religious institutions
despite the fact that unprotected sex is the main mode of transmission of HIV virus, which is still killing millions.
There has been some movement among faith communities to support condom use among married couples, but this
is as far as it goes.
Although sex is a major source of conflict in marriage, few pastors know how to counsel couples about it. In
addition, many faith-based traditions condemn sex outside marriage. They shun conversation about sex among
unmarried people out of a proclaimed fear that discussing sex will only promote it. Recently, I read about a
congregation in Florida that openly discusses sex in church. This gives me hope that the situation can change.
Gender inequality and violence
Many faith groups similarly are silent about gender inequality and gender-based violence. These human
rights issues are too closely related to sex apparently. And, if these religions do speak about gender issues, they
tend to perpetuate inequality, promote male authority and rigid roles that exacerbate subjugation of women and
gender-based violence.
Many faith groups similarly are silent about gender inequality and gender-based violence.
Gender discrimination and violence have placed women and girls at the center of the global AIDS epidemic.
Studies show that violence heightens the risk of women and girls to HIV. And conversely, HIV-positive females
are at higher risk of violence. In the nine most heavily HIV-affected countries in Africa,females comprise 61% of
infected adults and nearly 75% of infected young people. In some countries, young females can be four to six
times more likely to be HIV-infected than young men.
Failure to teach and speak openly about human sexuality and to condemn gender inequality and violence
undermines an institution’s ability to respond adequately to the HIV epidemic. Where does your faith tradition
stand on the issue of the vulnerability of women and girls? What is being done to free women and girls from the
shackles of inequality, sexual violence and trafficking? What is being said and taught about human sexuality?
During the past 27 years of the HIV epidemic, many religious groups have done significant work in
supporting people living with HIV and their families. In developing countries lacking adequate health-care
infrastructure, faith groups have become the primary health-care providers.
Institutions of faith
Worldwide, institutions of faith occupy a unique place in the lives of billions of people. Religious institutions
have an extraordinary ability to reach individuals and communities with information and provide access to
essential services. Many faith-based institutions are already active in these efforts,but as is true for us all, so
much more can and must be done.
Institutions of faith occupy a unique place in the lives of billions.

As the severity of the AIDS pandemic has become clear, though, it has become more urgent to address its
main drivers: gender inequality, gender-based violence, and the frank discussion and teaching of human sexuality.
Current ethical and theological approaches in many faith traditions are inadequate and misguided in their ability
to address these fundamental drivers.
In sub-Saharan Africa, the region that is my home, millions of women and girls are becoming infected with
HIV because gender inequality prevents them from accessing adequate information. Gender inequality also denies
them equal access to commodities and necessary services.
Most important, girls and women are denied the right to choose when, with whom, and under what
circumstances they will engage in sex.
Gender discrimination in education denies females the opportunity to make choices that help prevent HIV
infection. And in many countries, girls who do make it to school find the environment fraught with sexual
violence and rape. This includes some church-run schools.
Common cross-generational sexual relationships render young women especially vulnerable to HIV
infection. These relationships include early marriage and transactional sex. Some involve rape and sexual
coercion. In all these situations, girls have little or no ability to avoid sex or negotiate safe sex.
The church is silent
These topics are not discussed in church. And many religious traditions do not seem to be outraged by child
marriage or sexual violence. Even when some of this sexual violence has in fact been perpetrated by clergy.
These topics are not discussed in church.
Few youths in our churches have even a functional knowledge of human sexuality. All they hear, and thus
know, is that sex outside marriage is sinful. Meanwhile, their bodily desires push them to satisfy sexual urges.
Unfortunately, many religious traditions consider it inappropriate and even sinful to educate youths about
sex, masturbation and condoms. Some contend that the only appropriate approach for youths is to abstain or delay
sexual activity until marriage.
Trends associated with new HIV infections revealthat marriage is not a safe haven. In sub-Saharan Africa,
the rate of HIV infection among married couples is alarming. Many stories of married women in Africa do not fit
the stereotypes of high HIV risk: sex workers,people with multiple partners, men who have sex with men, or
users of intravenous drugs.
Religious, cultural traditions
Many cultures and religious teachings strongly give the message that a woman has no control over her body.
Thus, male family members can sell a woman into marriage through dowry, bride price and widow inheritance.
Men can demand sex from their wives any time. Some even impose female genital mutilation. This lack of power
renders a woman vulnerable not only to unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases but also to HIV
infection.
Many cultures and religious teachings strongly give the message that a woman has no control over her body.
Many of the beliefs behind gender discrimination and violence originate from religious and cultural
traditions, teachings and practices founded on misinterpretation of scriptures. For example, man is the head of the
house and women should obey their husbands (Ephesians 5:23-24). Many men feel justified in demanding respect
and exerting domination. Many women feelcompelled to obey and accept such domination. Sexist values or
patriarchal teachings and practices make gender-based violence inevitable, which exacerbates the spread of HIV.
Some religions teach that Eve was the first to sin, and that she tempted Adam. They teach that women are
inferior and therefore cannot be decision makers or ordained. These negative images of women are pervasive in
many faith traditions. Cultural traditions enable discrimination against women as well and render them vulnerable
to violence and HIV infection.

What needs to happen?
Religious institutions are morally obligated to keep people alive. Saving lives from preventable deaths
caused by violence and HIV should supersede preaching against use of condoms, sex education and gender
equality.[1] In our global society, it is time that faith communities refute the traditional fear and shame associated
with talking about sex. They should strive to educate their members honestly and truthfully about sex and about
how to protect themselves. Faith-based communities need to reexamine their priorities.
Religious institutions are morally obligated to keep people alive.
Reducing the spread of HIV will require a fundamental, radical shift from the patriarchal mindset inherent in
many religious traditions to an egalitarian, gender-sensitive society. Communities need to change the cultural and
religious beliefs that support the subjugation of women. Thus, churches need to discard any theologies that expose
women and girls to discrimination, violence and HIV.
The need is urgent to promote HIV-prevention programs that empower women to be decision makers in their
own lives. Identifying risk factors and emphasizing safe sex practices cannot halt the spread of HIV if women's
ability to make decisions is compromised through religious and cultural socialization and political powerlessness.
Furthermore, it is time that faith groups acknowledge sexuality as an elemental part of natural, healthy
human development. The silence and taboos associated with sex compel many people, young and old, to explore
their sexuality secretly and engage in unprotected sex.
Ignoring God’s wisdom
Ignoring these God-given bodily functions seems to question God's wisdom in creation. As history has
proved, shunning the discussion about human sexuality does not save people from HIV; instead, it simply
exacerbates the pandemic.
Ignoring these God-given bodily functions seems to question God's wisdom in creation.
The reality that many people are sexually active only underscores the importance of preventing the spread of
HIV through responsible behavior. Providing people with the ability to protect themselves and others is a Godlier
and more life-saving endeavor than condemning them for sin and adding to their harm.
Extensive research demonstrates that severalcountries have reduced the rate of HIV infection through
education programs. These programs focus on prevention, appropriate sex education, use of condoms, delayed
intercourse and a reduction in the number of sexual partners.
Religious communities have been at the forefront of teaching faithfulness in marriage and abstinence to
prevent HIV. These strategies have worked in some cases,but they do not provide a comprehensive HIV-
prevention methodology.
From a theological standpoint, faith-based institutions would do better to develop and commit to a paradigm
shift in their understanding of human sexuality. They should revisit teachings that have served as barriers in the
AIDS response. These include condemnation of masturbation, use of condoms, and promotion of gender
inequality.
In the African context, perhaps it would be useful to revisit a custom that enabled youths to practice a form
of love that allowed fondling and masturbation (ngwiko) without sexual penetration before marriage. Former
president of Kenya Jomo Kenyatta states in his book Facing Mount Kenya that this practice taught young men
and women how to be responsible adults while at the same time allowed them to satisfy their sexual feelings.
Sensual dances, such as muoboko, also permitted innocent expressions of human sexuality within the confines of
social gatherings. By undergoing this teaching, many Gikuyu youths were able to postpone sex until after
marriage.
Full panoply of initiatives
Churches have a rich and full panoply of initiatives from which to choose the values they teach their
members: values that place respect and equality at the center of the human experience. They can promote age-

appropriate sex education and discussions in our houses of worship; promote a human rights approach to HIV
prevention, treatment, care and support; seek to engage men and boys from the pulpit, men’s meetings, Sunday
schools, couples counseling, confirmation and baptism classes,and one-on-one spiritual direction.
Churches have a rich and full panoply of initiatives.
They can also promote peer education: men talking to other men about sex, attitudes and behavior towards
women. Male religious leaders could serve as role models to affect these positive changes. How many of them are
truly disgusted about the suffering of women and girls that stems from gender-based violence? In my
denomination, bishops are more appalled by homosexuality — which has yet to kill any African women — than
the gender-based violence sending African women to mass graves both prematurely and unnecessarily.
Religious organizations can also financially support ministries that are trying to put a stop to HIV/AIDS in
our world. One such example is the United Methodist Global AIDS Fund, which represents the commitment of
every member of the denomination to put a stop to HIV/AIDS in our world.
Religious groups have a wide reach in communities around the world. Their leaders are supposed to be role
models that influence people. This gives churches a unique and great opportunity to help people achieve abundant
life in Christ. They could become agents of change in a world burdened by AIDS, gender discrimination and
sexual violence. This could happen through helping people live a holistic life that pays attention to the physical,
psychological and spiritual realms of their lives.
Human sexuality and gender equality are part and parcelof that holistic life. Jesus came so that we may have
abundant life (John 10:10).
Questions for discussion
1. In view of the rapid spread of HIV throughout sub-Saharan Africa, would it be sacrilegious to suggest that we
support other forms of sexual exploration, such as sex toys to satisfy one's sexual urges rather than
participating in casualor unprotected sex?
2. Given the role of gender-based discrimination and violence in the spread of HIV,should churches seek to
reinterpret scriptural texts that seem to perpetuate the subjugation of women?
3. What are the positive teachings of Christ and the scriptures that could overturn the negative, oppressive role
of the church?
4. How can the church use its power to save life rather than assert authority?
5. How can the church reconcile its commitment to sustaining life with its teachings that may not be life-giving,
for example, women submit yourselves to men?
Editor’s note:
Pauline Muchina comes from the Rift Valley Province in Kenya, where her family still resides. She has a broad
range of experience with advocacy groups promoting HIV/AIDS awareness and women’s issues. She has worked
with UNAIDS,the Global Health Council, Population Services International, the AIDS Resource Center and
World Council of Churches.
Muchina is a member of the Circle of Concerned African Women Theologians, and has served on severalboards,
including the Global AIDS Alliance. She holds a Masters in Divinity from Yale University Divinity School and a
Ph.D. from the Union Theological Seminary in New York.

July 6, 2009 – Myths of Marital Infidelity
Anonymous
Of all the ways humans make a mess out of sexuality, marital infidelity is probably the most pervasive.
Church members and even pastors can be counted among those who cheat. I speak with knowledge on this
because I was one of them.
Having experienced the agony that accompanies cheating as well as hope-filled recovery,I speak from my
own experience as a former pastor with an urgent sense of concern.
Dissatisfaction
Most marriages and civil unions begin with commitment and high hopes. Many of these end up being
difficult to maintain. The honeymoon ends, ordinariness sets in, often accompanied by disillusionment and
dissatisfaction.
Unfortunately, many couples do not practice enough relationship maintenance to keep their partnership out
of trouble. When dissatisfaction takes hold and no effort is made to address issues or repair damage, the
relationship moves into crisis.
Dissatisfaction inevitably leads to neediness in the unfulfilled partner. Dissatisfaction can be due to financial,
work or health stresses,or simply from not spending enough time together. The neediness can be exacerbated by a
diminishment of sexual relations or feelings of intimacy.
If the neediness is not addressed,the needful partner can become extremely vulnerable to marital infidelity.
Divorce may result, but sometimes it is not even considered because of children or religious conviction, stigma or
pride.
Point of no return
Years ago I found myself in this very situation. I was a pastor whose family appeared to model the epitome
of health. I had fallen out of love, though, and was unfulfilled in my marriage. Even so, I did not express my
dissatisfaction out of fear that I would wound my wife and risk destroying our “happy family.”
Years ago I found myself in this very situation.
I was not miserable. I had much joy in my life. But I was dissatisfied, needy and vulnerable.
Pastors are especially at risk of getting involved in an affair if they are vulnerable because they often counsel
with people about spiritual, interpersonal, and even sexual needs and problems. Pastors find themselves in
intimate situations at work when there may be little or no intimacy at home. Perhaps,then, it is not surprising to
see an alarming incidence of clergy acting out sexually with parishioners who turn to them for strength, comfort
and assistance.
This is not a new phenomenon. Twelve years ago, in a Newsweek magazine article, “Sex Morality and the
Protestant Minister,” Kenneth Woodward estimated that as high as 30% of Protestant clergy are unfaithful in their
marriages.
Many who cheat are not sexual predators or womanizers. Rather,they are those who put aside their moral
compass and commitment to live ethical, wholesome lives. In many cases it is not because they set out to find
someone else. It just happens.
Many who cheat are not sexual predators or womanizers.
Whether through an energizing chance encounter or with someone familiar, the vulnerable person discovers
joy in the presence of another. Often it begins innocently. Even when no sexual attraction exists initially, the
enjoyment of time with someone other than one’s partner is often a formula for disaster.

A point of no return inevitably arrives in any such relationship. The emotional connection with someone
besides your partner moves seemingly beyond your ability to rein it in. I hope that anyone nearing this point of no
return will refrain from taking that final step from what might have seemed like a harmless relationship or
flirtation into a full-blown affair. The consequences of failing to stop before it gets out of hand can be devastating.
Rationalization
Virtually all cheating occurs as a result of people’s amazing capacity to rationalize. Those on the verge of
infidelity and those actively cheating give themselves messages to justify behaviors that work contrary to their
long-standing value systems:
Virtually all cheating occurs as a result of people’s amazing capacity to rationalize.
 “I’m not being satisfied at home, so I have a right to seek what I need elsewhere.”
 “This won’t get out of control if I just give her a warm hug.”
 “While I obviously need to stay married, this new person is the one I truly love.”
 “If we’re carefuland discreet, we won’t get caught. No one but us will ever know.”
I rehearsed those hundreds of times, and many others like them. Being a pastor, I even found myself
including God in my rationalizations: “Surely God intends me to have some genuine intimacy in my life. God’s
love can be shown to me through this relationship.”
I did my best to convince myself that what I was doing was okay. I deserved it. I needed it. But these were all
myths. I tried to convince myself that cheaters do prosper in the sense that life is better because of this other
relationship.
Recklessness
People caught up in marital infidelity and rationalizing become delusional, addictive and reckless. Like with
any addictive behavior, cheaters follow a feeling, going after something they perceive is desperately missing in
their life.
Cheating produces its own kind of high.
Cheating produces its own kind of high. The illicit nature of the affair intensifies the high. If a person has
been starved for sexual intimacy, finding a way to meet that need is highly intoxicating. It distorts all sense of
reality about the behavior’s consequences.
Having convinced themselves they won’t get caught, cheaters allow the affair to become the center of their
existence. Even if an affair ends, the person often remains dissatisfied, needy and vulnerable. Multiple affairs
happen because people fail to address the issues that caused the behavior. Thus, subsequent affairs are more
readily justified. The cheater’s life is out of control.
The cost
The primary delusion of most cheaters is if they don’t get caught, no harm’s done. Setting aside their moral
compasses severely wounds them internally, though. They are in need of therapy, prayer and restraint.
I seriously considered at one point that because I had ruined my life anyway by my poor choices, I might as
well just forget about redeeming it and go with what felt good. Such thoughts led me to consider throwing away
any remaining self-respect and integrity I had.
Those who enter extramarital affairs step onto a battleground.
Whether consciously or subconsciously, those who enter extramarital affairs step onto a battleground. They
must spend enormous amounts of emotional energy battling their internally triggered guilt and shame.
Rationalizing begins because of this. The mind races frequently between scenarios that range from fantasizing an
idyllic life with your new beloved, to imagining how the fallout would play out were you to get caught.
Pastors or church officials who cheat must also defend against their own internal charges of hypocrisy. I
continued to serve others as a pastor, and played the roles of good father and husband. I felt tainted and ugly at

some level all the time, though. A time came where I could no longer look at my reflection in the mirror. Life as I
had always assumed it would play out seemed forever changed. My situation seemed hopeless.
Thank God, it was not.
Recovery
Just as it is a myth that cheating does no harm, it is also inaccurate to assume all hope is lost if you are caught
up in infidelity. The unhealthy behaviors can be stopped. The problems contributing to the infidelity can be
addressed therapeutically, even if it means accepting that your marriage has failed and must be ended.
The unhealthy behaviors can be stopped.
Rather than shying away from this subject matter, faith-based communities need to address it. How
refreshing it would be if congregations provided resources to help couples look at relationship issues and improve
communication skills. Congregations who candidly face the subject of marital infidelity without fear,shame or
prudishness could provide resources for those ensnared by the internal ravages of illicit affairs.
Facing this particular demon takes courage. Just starting to honestly deal with the shame was gut-wrenching
for me. Watching those whom I’d hurt suffer was painful beyond measure.
Yet beginning to tell the truth after so many lies was prescriptive beyond measure. Work with my therapist
was essential. My times of spiritual focusing were invaluable. Reclaiming my integrity became the source of my
hope.
If you are trapped in the morass of infidelity, my story is testament that recovery is possible. One’s moral
compass can be restored. In the end I, as well as all those I love, grew stronger by my refusal to continue living a
lie.
The truth is: Cheaters never prosper, especially if they’re not caught. But those who face their demons and
reclaim their principles will find growth, renewal and reward.
Questions for discussion
1. Because no relationship or partner is ever perfect,how can someone distinguish between normal irritations in
a relationship from something(s) that signal the possibility of serious dissatisfaction?
2. Why do you think partners who recognize they have become needy in a relationship sometimes drift toward
infidelity rather than address the need within the relationship?
3. Can you identify similarities between those who are drawn into substance abuse and those who are drawn into
infidelity? What are some common factors that could be identified as danger or early warning signals?
4. Why do you think rationalizing works so easily when someone is considering or participating in infidelity?
5. What if any responsibility do you think you might have to get involved with a family member or friend who is
having or considering an affair? Is there any justification or hope for moving that person in a healthier
direction or is it none of your business?
6. What if any role do you think the church should have in discouraging infidelity and supporting all those
affected by it? What could a local congregation do to minister in this area?
Editor’s note:
This article is written anonymously to protect the persons involved. The writer served as an ordained pastor in a
mainline denomination for 28 years. He has left the pastorate and now works in the secular arena. He has chosen
to share his story and insights as an act of love and compassion. We appreciate his willingness to do so

August 3, 2009 – Safe Haven for Strippers
Rev. Sharon Amos
Ever driven past a strip club and turned your head so you won’t have to think about the people who work
there? Or felt disgust for the workers and patrons?
For years I drove down North Dixie Drive in Dayton, Ohio, and pretended the strip clubs there didn’t matter
to me. Then one Sunday, a strip-club dancer walked into our church. That was a miracle in itself because,as you
can no doubt imagine, sex workers do not usually come to church. They feelso ashamed and out of place that
they refuse to even try.
When I approached the woman and introduced myself, “Angie” turned out to be quite open about her
lifestyle. Angie shared that she had been in jail at one time, and that she attended her first church service in jail.
She said it felt so good to hear someone read the Bible and pray.
The morning she visited our congregation, Angie said she had driven up and down our street praying for God
to show her where to go to church.
I met with Angie for several months. As she told me about her life, I realized she harbored similar hopes to
my own. She wanted to know that God loved her and heard her prayers. She wanted to marry, have a family, have
friends, and have a fulfilling job. But for the grace of God go I.
Angie told me that sex-industry women need a mother. The women, usually estranged from their families,
have lost the respect and support most of us take for granted.
Sitting in cars and praying
For severalmonths two other women and I sat in our cars and prayed in the strip-club parking lots. We
wanted to be sure God was leading us to begin a ministry there. Quite honestly, such a ministry was a “risk-taking
outreach” that frightened me. I didn’t know if people would support us or think we were out of our minds.
Oasis House, Dayton, Ohio, ministers to women involved in sexually oriented businesses, such as the strip
clubs that surround it.
After those months of praying, we had to start this ministry or I would never be at peace with God otherwise.
We opened the doors of Oasis House in May 2006. I now believe God sent Angie to our church so we could see
the potential of loving and serving these women on the fringes of society.
The first thing we did as a new ministry, even before opening Oasis House, was to take Christmas gift bags
to the women in the clubs. We continue to do so, preparing gift bags of toiletries, journals, pens, candles, nail
polish and girlie things. We deliver gifts four or five times a year.
We go all out with large, beautiful bags of gifts at Christmas. We host an annual children’s Christmas party,
too. While the children are partying with Santa, each mother chooses Christmas morning gifts for her children.
The gift bags and children’s gifts are supplied by Dayton-area church women’s groups.
100 people weekly
Most contact with the women occurs during our Wednesday evening outreach. Two teams go into five clubs
with homemade food prepared by local churches. The teams also carry in lots of love. We spend one to one-and-
a-half hours in each club developing relationships with dancers and staff. We describe how the services Oasis
House offers can benefit them.
It serves as an oasis where women can talk, receive Christian counseling.
We minister to approximately 100 people weekly. We take “Get to Know You” forms and prayer cards,
which we ask the women to fill out. Then we follow through with phone calls and schedule appointments.

Oasis House occupies a rented building among the sexually oriented businesses. It serves as an oasis where
women can talk, receive Christian counseling, participate in GED (General Educational Development) tutoring,
computer training and self-empowerment classes. They can also get help with personal issues such as substance
abuse.
Our services are virtually unlimited in their scope. When the need arises we locate furniture and food from
our local churches. We also direct the women to agencies that provide free medical and dental care. We have even
helped some women obtain formal documentation such as birth certificates.
Foodimportant to ministry
Food is an important part of our ministry. At Thanksgiving we have a caterer prepare a dinner with all the
trimmings. Everyone in the clubs is served. It is a time when the music stops, the lights come up, people sit
together eating. There is a hush that speaks of family, friends and peace. For a few minutes, each person
experiences God’s goodness.
We have helped women set up businesses.
Oasis House is an Ohio Benefit Bank Network Representative. As such, we assist the women in establishing
eligibility of state benefits, such as food stamps, home energy assistance,tax assistance and child-care subsidies.
We have helped women set up businesses by providing them with cards,flyers and resumes. Two women have
graduated from our local college earning Associate Degrees.
Not surprisingly, most women in the sex industry need a GED, a high-school equivalency diploma. They also
need to know that someone loves them and believes that they can fulfill their dreams. We are “Women Helping
Women.” That means unconditional love and support.
These women have been used and abused long enough. We know from statistics that 80% of sex workers
have been abused as children. They don’t need to hear that they should change their lives or that they are sinning.
They have had negative input their whole life: They have been beaten up and beaten down. They need
encouragement and hope.
Body of Christ ministry
Nine different denominations support Oasis House. We are a body of Christ ministry, and I am sure that
pleases the Lord. We are inspired constantly at the compassion shown by women in our churches for these sex-
industry women, who typically are disenfranchised and forgotten.
We are inspired constantly at the compassion shown by women in our churches for these sex-industry
women.
Oasis House volunteers also minister at the Montgomery County Jail. As trained chaplains, we visit women
arrested for solicitation. We want to build long-term relationships through continuance of care with the
expectation that this will reduce recidivism. We arrange for Crisis Care for problem assessment. As is often
necessary,we initiate a plan of recovery by connecting a woman to drug rehabilitation.
Our dream is to have a residential facility for women after drug rehabilitation. In that facility, they can
continue their recovery,receive services and job training.
We are now partners with the city of Dayton, which has organized a Prostitution Intervention Collaboration
(PIC). The collaboration includes the police department, judicial system and various city social service agencies.
PIC’s purpose is to provide services for prostitutes who have been arrested and released, then a short time later
arrested again: the revolving-door syndrome.
Oasis House has been invited to participate as PIC’s faith-based representative. We have been designated as
the lead agency to proceed with establishing that residential facility, I mentioned earlier.

A learning experience
It has been amazing to watch God open doors for Oasis House. We just followed God’s leading and blindly
took our first steps. It has been quite a learning experience. We had to learn about a whole new culture. That
culture involves generational dancing and prostitution, drug use,lack of education and living day-to-day.
Some women have been raised in the sex-industry culture.
Some women have been raised in the sex-industry culture. They think they have no other options. I have met
young girls who told me their mothers brought them into a club to audition. Angie told me her mother was a
dancer and met her father in a club. Angie remembers as a child falling asleep late at night in the corner of the
club.
Now, after Oasis House’s three years on the strip, club managers send women with drug issues to us. We
have presented our ministry as an employee-benefit program. By presenting our services as such, some club
managers have become willing to let us take problems off their hands.
The church must go to the people that need Jesus. We can’t stay behind closed doors and hope they will
come to us. Jesus commanded us to “Go.” That is exactly what will build the Kingdom of God, providing an oasis
for the least and lost among us.
1. When you read this article what biblical story comes to mind?
2. When you drive by a strip club or porno shop, what are your reactions? Do you think these are Christ-like?
3. I invited a dancer to church who replied: “I can’t come to church. I am living in sin.” How would you respond
to that?
4. Is the “sex industry” a victimless industry? Some people say: “Well it is the oldest profession, and it will
never be stamped out. The women agree to it and the men like it, so who is it hurting?” What do you think?
5. Do you know someone or a population group shunned by society? How do we as Christians address that?
6. One dancer said: “Why are you, church women, coming in here? Church women hate us.” What does that say
about the church? How would you respond?
7. Listen to “Does Anybody Hear Her” by Casting Crowns. Discuss your reaction to it.
Editor’s note:
The Rev. Sharon Amos is Executive Director of the Oasis House Ministry and pastor of Higher Ground United
Methodist Church, both in Dayton, Ohio. Amos received her Bachelor of Arts in Social Work from Wright State
University and her Masters of Divinity Degree from United Theological Seminary. For four years,she developed
and conducted programs at Parkside Homes, an inner-city housing project that ministered to women and children.
More information is available by contacting Sharon Amos at samos@oasisforwomen.org.

August 31, 2009 – Adolescent Sexuality
Rev. Debra Haffner
Parents and religious leaders have a responsibility to help adolescents and young adults achieve moral,
spiritual and sexual health. Many religious traditions, including United Methodist, have promoted a sexual ethic
that is summarized as “chastity in singleness, fidelity in marriage.” Few, however, have created comprehensive
sexuality education programs for children and teenagers,or programs designed to help parents educate their
children according to their values.
I believe that adults have a responsibility to help adolescents understand their evolving sexuality and to help
them make responsible and healthy sexual choices, now and in their future. Churches can play a vital role in
helping parents influence their adolescents’ behaviors and decisions.
Premarital chastity is an ethic based in ancient biology and social mores. At the time the Bible was written,
people were married shortly after they reached puberty. They died soon after their own children reached
adulthood. The average life expectancy for women was only 25; many died in childbirth.
Even at the turn of the 20th century, the goal of premarital chastity was reasonable: The average age of
puberty was 17; the average age of marriage followed closely at 18. A year of “sexual unemployment” was not
difficult to achieve.
Today, in stark contrast, young people reach puberty at an average age of 12 to 14; the average age of
marriage is 25 to 27. Religious objections and a billion dollar federalabstinence-only-until-marriage program
notwithstanding, biology today has trumped convention. For at least the past 40 years,nearly 90% of people have
first intercourse before their wedding night.
Alarm about teen sexnot new
But it’s important to remember that concern, even alarm over teens’ sexual behavior is not new. In the 1950s,
parents worried about the influence of Elvis Presley and Little Richard shaking their hips on national television.
Our parents worried about rock music and the influence of the sexual revolution.
In fact,the greatest increase in the proportion of teens having sex was between 1971 and 1979, when many
of today’s parents were teenagers. It may surprise readers that there has been a steady decline in the percentage of
teens having sexual intercourse for the past 15 years.
Parenting style can make a big difference in teenagers’ sexualdecisions.
Parenting style can make a big difference in teenagers’ sexualdecisions. In homes where parents talk to their
teens about their sexuality values and have regular discussions about sexuality, their children are more likely to
delay having sexual intercourse.
Here are some tips for parents:
1. Start educating about sexuality early.
It’s critical for parents to talk to their children and teens about sexuality, including contraception and the use
of condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases before they’re confronted with these situations—which may
be sooner than you think. My first book, From Diapers to Dating:A Parent’sGuide to Raising Sexually Healthy
Children,advises parents on sexual development at each stage of childhood and how to communicate age-
appropriate information and values. It could provide the framework for a parenting education program.
2. Communicate values.
Not surprisingly, how parents address sexuality issues and how they communicate their values about
sexuality to their children make a difference. A study of more than 12,000 teenagers from around the United
States found that in homes where parents give their preteen and teenage children clear messages that indicate they

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