A group of friends are enjoying drinks from a crystal skull full of tequila that Bart won on a Spanish language TV show. Moe, their bartender, joins them and drinks from the skull for the first time. After getting drunk, Moe and the others embarrass themselves in public. The next day, Moe has a hangover and realizes bartenders share customers' private conversations, much to the group's dismay.

1. 1
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,849
Welcome back, sir.
2
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:25,325
Oh, Artemis,
3
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,327
you wouldn't believe
what my customers
4
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,762
unloaded on me tonight.
5
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,265
Crappy marriages, crappy jobs,
6
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,767
crappy sports teams.
7
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,502
My ears are killin' me.
8
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,738
That's why the Confidential
is here,
9
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,106
to share your burden.
10
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,574
Just give me the usual, huh?
11
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,810
As if we served anything else.
12
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:50,817
To the Confidential,
13
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,288
the one bar where they listen
to the listeners.

2. 14
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:59,026
Come on. We got to get a seat
in the front row.
15
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:02,429
If anything flies off the stage,
I want to be in the Stain Zone.
16
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:04,898
I'm sorry, Krusty,
but there's no way
17
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,968
we can seat this audience until
we round up all the escaped,
18
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,070
you‐know‐whats.
19
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,709
Tough luck, kids.
The show's canceled.
20
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,746
I'm going down to the deli
to drown my sorrows in tongue.
21
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,752
What about this upside‐down
exclamation mark show?
22
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,522
Upside down is funny.
23
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,302
Desde Downtown Springfield,
24
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:35,262
es ¡Noches con Abejorrito!
25
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,864

3. ¡Y ahora El Hombre Abejorro!
26
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,104
¡No se duerman,
o les voy a picar!
27
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,008
Milhouse, you know Spanish.
What did he say?
28
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,177
Oh, it's a cultural thing.
29
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,480
You wouldn't get it. Estúpido.
30
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:57,117
Y luego, había un escorpión
en mis pantalones.
31
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:59,720
Pantalones.
32
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,991
¡Una visita de mi primito!
33
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,361
Eso significa
que es tiempo de jugar...
34
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,964
¡No... Te... 'splotes!
35
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,233
Presentado por la Monja Humilde,
36
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,268
la horchata más divina.
37
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,639
Hermanas,
traigame unos concursantes.

4. 38
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,310
¡Ay, caramba!
39
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,981
It's a game. They fill
your mouth with horchata,
40
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,584
and if you don't laugh,
you win a prize!
41
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:36,256
¡O, Bebito Abuelito!
42
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:43,263
¿Cuáles son las vacas
más perezosas?
43
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,999
¡Las vacaciones!
44
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,605
¡Nuestro ganador!
45
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,743
Pick your prize!
46
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:11,958
Grandpa Baby, this is the
easiest choice I've ever made.
47
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,761
Look what I won
on Spanish Krusty!
48
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:17,798
Oh, my God.
49
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,833
That is not
just any crystal skull.

5. 50
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,301
It's Calavera Gritando!
51
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,236
That tequila's so authentic
52
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,971
that it inspired George Clooney
53
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,941
to make his own
semi‐authentic tequila.
54
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,843
Wait, my skull is full of booze?
55
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,978
That's why it has a screw cap.
56
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,356
Bart, you've got
to give it to me.
57
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,415
I've always wanted to drink
something fancy enough
58
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,984
to come in a bottle
that doesn't look like a bottle.
59
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,120
Nah. I think I'm gonna save it.
60
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,254
For high school.
61
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,355
Come on. Gimme that!
62

6. 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,257
Bart won that skull
full of tequila.
63
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,760
He can do
whatever he wants with it,
64
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,395
except drink the tequila.
65
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,597
Sorry, Homer. Game, set, skull.
66
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,980
Coming up now,
we got a special dedication
67
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,482
to Homer S. from his son Bart.
68
00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:14,387
I like how there are no lyrics
to upset me.
69
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,960
<i>Tequila</i>
70
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,667
Isn't that your dad?
71
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,469
No.
72
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,611
I may not speak Spanish,
73
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:42,415
but I know when an imaginary
talking skull is mocking me.
74
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:04,270

7. Gentlemen,
I give you Calavera Gritando!
75
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,774
Whoa, a crystal skull.
76
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,376
Like from my least favorite
Indiana Jones movie
77
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:13,046
and most favorite
Shia LaBeouf movie.
78
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,014
Okay, this booze is so classy,
79
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:16,416
I'm finally breaking out
80
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,252
my commemorative Iran
hostage crisis shot glasses.
81
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,988
Look at these guys.
82
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,790
Now, those were hostages.
83
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:30,130
Hey, Moe, why don't you pour
yourself one for a change?
84
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:32,398
Me? Nah, nah, that's okay.
85
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,335
The pouring
is enough of a thrill.
86
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,971

8. Come on. You're
always on that side of the bar.
87
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,507
At least come over here
and take a load off.
88
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:43,610
Well, maybe it
wouldn't hurt none.
89
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,013
So this is sittin'.
90
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,015
You know, Moe, all these years,
91
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,316
we've never seen you drink.
92
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,684
Well, you know, a bartender
93
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,391
ain't supposed to drink
with his regulars.
94
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,721
It's frowned upon.
95
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:55,622
By whom?
96
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,357
Not some secret society
97
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,325
that I go to every night
after closing time,
98
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,760
if that's what you're thinking.

9. 99
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:03,363
Look, I'm just the schlub
that pours the booze.
100
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,497
That's all.
101
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:07,133
Moe, you're not just
our bartender.
102
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,402
You're our friend.
103
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,371
Friend? You mean that?
104
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:14,807
Well, maybe it's just
my relaxed butt cheeks talking,
105
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,509
but down the hatch!
106
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,114
I haven't had anything
this expensive in my mouth
107
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,949
since my dad's gun.
108
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,885
Yeah. Go, Moe.
109
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,253
- Go, Moe.
- Now you got it.
110
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:41,134
I think you're pretty cool too,
skull.

10. 111
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,542
Oh, my head.
112
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,778
Oh, what a hangover.
113
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,050
Ah, that's actually
a little better.
114
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:00,787
Oh, no.
115
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:04,324
Oh, no! Last night's
all coming back to me.
116
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,742
Let's go show the world
how much fun it is
117
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,812
when drunk guys do stuff
in public!
118
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,547
Baba‐boo!
119
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,202
Excuse me, could you move?
120
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:52,505
My husband and I would like
to sit on this bench
121
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,975
and comment on how the elephant
seals are living the life.
122
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,678
It's the only joke

11. in our entire marriage.
123
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:02,915
Oh, that's not what I hear.
The real joke is that you two
124
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,484
haven't pushed
the ole twin beds together
125
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,353
since before the election.
126
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,955
Of Obama.
127
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,156
To the Senate!
128
00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,960
How'd you know
about their sexless marriage?
129
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:17,330
Oh, Mrs. Lovejoy blabbed
about it to her bartender,
130
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,631
who then told me.
131
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,733
Hey, wait,
you bartenders tell each other
132
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,636
the stuff we say
in drunken confidence?
133
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,237
Oh, we sure do.
134
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:26,739

12. Look what else I know.
135
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:30,776
You file your taxes
as one person.
136
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,480
You sell all your pets
each time you go on vacation.
137
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,182
Hey, you're two‐timing us
138
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:38,851
by also being the mayor
of another town.
139
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,921
I swear,
Greenview means nothing to me.
140
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,990
Hey, I love hot goss
as much as the next guy,
141
00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,858
but maybe
you shouldn't be spilling
142
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,060
- people's secrets.
- Secrets.
143
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,263
You mean like you not asking
anyone out on a date in years
144
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:54,734
because you're ashamed
of your wet spaghetti arms?
145
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,069
What woman

13. could feel held by these?
146
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,903
Or how you keep yammering about
your million‐dollar invention?
147
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:03,609
File the patent already,
you coward.
148
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,344
Or how 'bout Barney over here?
149
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:09,015
Always going on about
how much you love your mother,
150
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,484
but you haven't visited her
in years.
151
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,552
She still thinks
I work at Autozone.
152
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:18,691
I can't tell her they fired me
for huffing floormat cleaner!
153
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:24,830
Moe, you've officially gone
from fun drunk to mean drunk.
154
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,499
You judging me?
155
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,367
You're the one who said
you're so scared
156
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:30,503
of being a lousy father
and husband

14. 157
00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:32,004
that you hide out at the bar
158
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,974
instead of going home
and actually tryin'.
159
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,713
You're worse than a mean drunk.
160
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,848
You're an honest drunk!
161
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,251
No! You guys are the drunks.
162
00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:48,120
I am just wasted.
163
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,989
Baba‐boo.
164
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,125
Okay, Moe.
165
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:55,928
You did what no bartender
ever should've done.
166
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:59,265
But maybe, just maybe,
they won't find out.
167
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,736
The Confidential.
168
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:04,904
They found out.
169
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,672

15. All right there, Kristof.
170
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:09,241
Time for me to answer
for my sins.
171
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,510
Lead the way.
172
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,146
Frickin' Kristof.
173
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,683
Yeah, so, I...
I got your rat.
174
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,386
Look, I know I screwed up,
but that...
175
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,066
Since time immemorial,
176
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,959
bartenders have been
the cornerstone of civilization,
177
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:29,428
an eternal guild of listeners.
178
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,097
And so a paradox...
179
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:34,100
for to whom could bartenders
confide their secrets?
180
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,969
Thus was born the Confidential,
181
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:41,006
a hidden society of those

16. who listen to the listeners.
182
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,710
But this institution
will crumble to dust
183
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:47,046
if we do not obey
its first and only law...
184
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:50,316
A bartender keeps his secrets!
185
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:53,519
Look, Artemis, I know
I shouldn't have got wasted
186
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,321
and blabbed the unblabbable.
187
00:10:55,387 --> 00:10:59,358
It's just, for once, I wanted
to have a drink with my friends.
188
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,327
A bartender has no friends!
189
00:11:01,393 --> 00:11:04,530
Mr. Szyslak, your tab is closed.
190
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,931
Surrender your key, sir.
191
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,134
Well, them's the rules, I guess.
192
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,969
It was nice being part
of a place
193
00:11:10,035 --> 00:11:13,205
that was bigger than me

17. and also super weird.
194
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:14,540
What the...
195
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,943
The penalty for your offense is
far greater than mere expulsion.
196
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:21,280
Your friends,
your regulars are to be...
197
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,748
cut off.
198
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,719
Cut off?! No.
No, that's too horrible.
199
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,621
You can't do that to them!
200
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,923
You did this to them.
201
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,259
They have
until the clock strikes...
202
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,828
happy hour.
203
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:39,165
Tick, tock, Mr. Szyslak.
Tick, tock.
204
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,267
Guys, you're all in danger!
You...
205
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,436

18. Oh, sorry. I've never been
in your office before.
206
00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:45,871
Any office, for that matter.
207
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:48,507
Yeesh. Now I get why
you all drink so much.
208
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,054
You've got a lot of nerve
coming here,
209
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,311
after what you said last night.
210
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,480
I know, I know,
but this is serious, okay?
211
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,448
Some very scary people are mad
212
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,517
for all that drunken blabbing
I did,
213
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,786
so you're being... cut off!
214
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,989
So what? You already lost us
as customers.
215
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,325
No, no, you don't get it.
Cut off.
216
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,793
There isn't much time,
217

19. 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,795
but I'm gonna keep
being cagey about it.
218
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,697
Oh, wait a minute.
Where's Barney?
219
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,332
Barney doesn't work here.
220
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,100
Really?
Seems like he would.
221
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,503
Yeah, that would lead
to some good stories, all right.
222
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,605
Hurry, call him. Call him!
223
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,807
Fine.
224
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:26,278
Well, if it isn't
the meanest drunk in town.
225
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,347
Barn, it's happy hour.
226
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,916
You got to lock your doors
and windows right away!
227
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,953
During the best time of day
for ocean breezes?
228
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,730
- Look out for the dapper gentleman!
- No dice.

20. 229
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,490
Damn vampire bats!
230
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,758
What the hell was that?
231
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,894
He's been injected
with Antibooze...
232
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:45,898
a drug that makes it
so he can never drink again.
233
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,167
Antibooze?
That stuff isn't real.
234
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,569
Oh, it's real, and
the side effects are horrible,
235
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,104
unthinkable!
236
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:54,506
It starts with
a skull‐splitting headache.
237
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,715
Then you got
your firehose sweating.
238
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,118
Rhinoceros pox.
239
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:10,122
And finally, hurricane vomiting.
240
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,532
He's been cut off.

21. 241
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,401
And now they're coming for you.
242
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:26,272
If they catch ya, you can
never touch alcohol again.
243
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,706
No! No!
244
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:30,342
Wait. What about rum cakes
and other boozy desserts?
245
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:31,877
Never again.
246
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:34,179
No!
247
00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:55,267
Run faster. Every bartender in
town is coming after youse guys.
248
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,804
All because I couldn't
keep my drunken trap shut!
249
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:03,075
Well, how many bartenders
could there be in Springfield?
250
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:07,079
How many people in this town are
miserable at work and at home?
251
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,948
Oh, my God.
252
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,002
You guys, get out of here!

22. 253
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,705
I'll hold 'em off... with this.
254
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,921
He's like a ninja
with that crotch rag.
255
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,256
That disgusting towel is a blur!
256
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,470
This is no way to live.
257
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,538
Hunted.
Hunted like dinosaurs.
258
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,607
What are we supposed to do now?
259
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,209
If you ever want to drink again,
260
00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:12,678
all you can do is get
on the next bus out of town
261
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,213
and never stop running.
262
00:15:14,279 --> 00:15:15,948
Sounds like a plan.
263
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:27,826
Those poor bastards.
264
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,962
I must keen for them.
265
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,534

23. Forget it, Homer.
266
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,903
They're non‐drinkers now.
267
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,740
Marge, pack what you need
and choose one kid.
268
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,442
We're leaving
Springfield forever.
269
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,444
That's ridiculous, Homie.
270
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,312
Look who dropped by for dinner.
271
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,747
Hello, Homer.
272
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,749
Dad, Dr. Hibbert was just
telling us
273
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,885
how he worked his way
through medical school.
274
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:55,854
I think you'd be interested
to hear how I did it.
275
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:58,824
- I would?
- Bartending.
276
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,034
Who wants mushroom caps?
277
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,204

24. I'm so sorry, Homer.
278
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,074
And Midge, your husband
can never drink again,
279
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,242
and it's all because of me.
280
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,349
Good morning, family.
281
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,621
You sure I can't make you
some oatmeal with blueberries?
282
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:32,057
Not today, honey.
I promised to pick up coffee
283
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:35,094
for everyone on my team
to celebrate our record numbers.
284
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,864
You are so much more of a
go‐getter since your promotion.
285
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,500
I love this new, sober you.
286
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,670
And I love any version of you.
287
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:48,507
Get a room!
288
00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:51,476
Bart, I haven't forgotten about
your skateboard competition.
289
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:53,011

25. And don't worry, Lisa.
290
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,546
It'll be over in plenty of time
291
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:57,416
for me to be front
and center at your recital.
292
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,689
Well, off to the salt mines.
293
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:11,062
Well, this is a coincidence.
294
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:14,533
I haven't seen you guys
since, you know.
295
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,636
Geez, it would've had
to have been the syringings?
296
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:21,106
Yeah, finally got in shape.
Not drinking all day every day
297
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,442
really freed up a lot of time
for me to work out.
298
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:27,279
And as soon as I filed my
patent, my start‐up got funded.
299
00:17:27,345 --> 00:17:30,849
Soon, everyone in America
will have their own personal
300
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:33,084
body‐hair‐shaving mini robot.
301

26. 00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:34,719
That's you?
302
00:17:34,786 --> 00:17:36,721
I love my Groomba!
303
00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:40,859
And I got my job back
at Autozone,
304
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,861
so I could finally face my ma.
305
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:46,832
He holds the big arrow
that says Autozone.
306
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,000
Yeah, I guess
we're all doing pretty well.
307
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,635
You know who I heard ain't?
308
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,704
A certain bartender.
309
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,739
You won't believe
how low he's sunk.
310
00:17:54,806 --> 00:17:57,008
It would be nice
to laugh at someone
311
00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:59,978
living their lowest moment.
312
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:06,317
I asked for the ham
in my omelet to be diced.
313

27. 00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:08,319
This ham is clearly cubed.
314
00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:11,156
Yes, ma'am.
Right away, ma'am.
315
00:18:11,222 --> 00:18:13,158
You flipped my omelet too high
in the air,
316
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:15,193
and it got cold on the descent.
317
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,263
My mistake, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
318
00:18:21,299 --> 00:18:24,702
I wanted to see him low,
but not eggs‐on‐demand low.
319
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:28,706
I bet he doesn't even have
a shotgun under that bar.
320
00:18:29,841 --> 00:18:32,777
Get out of here.
You can't see me like this.
321
00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:37,415
Slingin' eggs in a well‐lit,
non‐dank environment.
322
00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:45,290
I can't believe I'm saying this.
323
00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:47,058
We're all saying it.
324
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,060
Even though
we can never drink again,

28. 325
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,297
we still want you
as our bartender.
326
00:18:52,363 --> 00:18:54,299
You... You mean it?
327
00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:55,967
- Yeah.
- We do.
328
00:18:56,034 --> 00:19:00,939
From now on, you can spray
your own pans, America!
329
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,281
There you go, fellas.
Bottoms up.
330
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,251
To Moe, our friend.
331
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,787
Nah, nah, guys.
I'm something better.
332
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,322
Your bartender.
333
00:19:17,388 --> 00:19:19,424
Who knew
you could drink water in a bar?
334
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:21,426
It's still watered down.
335
00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:23,761
Good one, Moe.
336
00:19:27,031 --> 00:19:29,701
Well, I have never seen

29. such a perfect distillation
337
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,502
of the human spirit.
338
00:19:31,569 --> 00:19:34,873
A cocktail of humility
and self‐sacrifice
339
00:19:34,939 --> 00:19:37,108
with a dash of un‐bitters.
340
00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:40,778
Whoa, Artemis.
What are you doing here?
341
00:19:40,845 --> 00:19:44,115
Such loyalty to a bartender
deserves a reward.
342
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,751
The antidote to Antibooze.
343
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,655
Now, think carefully, chaps.
344
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:55,360
Once injected, you will lose
all the benefits of sobriety.
345
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,401
Go away, Ma.
346
00:20:08,239 --> 00:20:10,775
I'm sorry. I can't go back.
347
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:14,045
Sobriety has made me the man
I never thought I'd be.
348
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,648
Now I'm going home to my family.

30. 349
00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:54,352
Hey, Bart, isn't that
your stupid crystal skull?
350
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,654
Wasn't stupid.
It was my best friend.