This document discusses effective discipline strategies for parenting teens. It argues that physical punishment is psychologically damaging and teaches teens that violence is acceptable. Instead, discipline should involve clear rules that are consistently and respectfully enforced through logical consequences. Effective discipline is also balanced with warmth and respect. The goals are to teach responsibility while maintaining a healthy relationship between parent and teen.

1. Parenting Teens- Effective Discipline K. Scott (MBBS,MPH),CHILD RESILIENCY PROGRAMME DIRECTORHOPE COUNSELING AND WELLNESS CENTER,www.childresiliency.org

2. IntroductionMany parents use physical punishment such as slapping or beating to discipline their teen when they misbehave. This type of abuse has long term psychological effects on our adolescents. It teaches them that violence is an acceptable way of making others do something and that it is acceptable to hit someone who is smaller or weaker when angry. Violent discipline damages the relationship between parent and teen.

3. AuthoritarianHas low self esteemExhibits lack of self respectIs withdrawn from relationshipsRefuses to communicateEngages in disruptive behaviour to gain attentionEngages in illegal and dangerous activitiesHas difficulty following rules or obeying authority

4. INTRODUCTIONEqually damaging are parents who give teens few or no boundaries and allow them to have his or own way by having temper tantrums or by playing one adult against another.They have no concept of the reality that there are consequences to every action. This teen is greedy, self centered and generally unpleasant to be around.

5. Permissive ParentsManipulates parentsDevelops insecurity because of lack of parental firmnessExpects others to accept whatever he or she doesThrows temper tantrumsAssociates softness with weaknessBehaves harshly in search of some kind of balance

6. NeglectfulIs rebelliousFeels insecure and worthlessPerforms poorly in schoolActs uncontrollably or behaves inappropriatelyIs irresponsible as an adultDisregards rules, laws, and boundariesEngages in disruptive behaviourOften becomes a neglectful parent

7. ObjectivesExplain the difference between punishment and discipline.Establish guidelines for discipline. Many parents believe that physical punishment is the best way to handle children. They believe that children must be made to feel bad if they are going to ‘learn their lesson.’ Discipline, on the other hand, is the best tool for parents to use if they want to achieve positive, long-term parenting success.

8. Disciplined Children make a Disciplined SocietyWhy is discipline important in a society ?

9. WHY IS DISCIPLINE IMPORTANT? For road safety Increased productivity Upholding the law Keeping order

10. Consequences Of Physical Punishment Does physical punishment teach unhealthy lessons?Is physical violence an acceptable way to resolve conflicts and get revenge?Do our adolescents learn from the way we behave?Do you say to yourself, “I spank or hit, but I am not abusive?”

11. What are some of the ways that physical punishment affects adolescents negatively?

12. PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT AFFECTS TEEN NEGATIVELY!It can teach an adolescent that pain equals loveIt teaches them that violence is acceptable behaviorIt humiliates them, causing low self-esteemIt teaches them not to work unless someone is beating them.It can make them afraid of communicating with people

13. Ineffective discipline using physical punishment causes 4 R’s1. Resentment “This is unfair.”2. Revenge “I’ll get even later.”3. Retreat “I’ll just stay by myself” or “I’ll hide and do it” 4. Rebellion “I’ll do it anyway, just to prove who is in control.”

14. The Four Effective R’sFor Discipline to be effective, it must meet all of the following guidelines:1. Revealed ahead of time, whenever possible and why.“You need to be home by 11pm or you will not go to the movies on Saturday.”Make sure your adolescent understands why he or she is being disciplined.

15. The 4 R’s2. Related logically to the behavior.Discipline the behavior at hand, and not something that happened in the past. i.e. act as soon as possible, so that your adolescent will associate the misbehavior with the consequence.

16. The 4 R’s3. Reasonable in extent and/or timeThe degree and length of discipline should fit the ‘crime.’Tell your adolescent how long the consequences will last (eg. how long is the punishment).

17. The 4 R’s4.Respectful to both parents and adolescentsBe firm and fair; do not insult or humiliate children.This is sometimes difficult when you are angry, but it is worth the effort. You will be setting a good example for your adolescent to follow.Tell your adolescent that you love him or her unconditionally. Whenever you want a positive behavior to be repeated, use encouragement and praise.

18. BALANCED PARENTParent who sets boundaries, has clearly defined rules which are consistently enforced and one who shows a lot of warmth and acceptance.It is a combination of being respectful and firm. Helps solve problems in a way that makes both parents and teen happy. It teaches responsibility and clearly conveys a parent’s limits and expectations for acceptable behaviour

19. BALANCED PARENT Before we discipline, parents should ask themselves, “What will this discipline teach my adolescent?” We should not discipline out of anger, or out of a desire to control our children.The word ‘discipline’ comes from the Greek word ‘disciple.’ Disciples follow a leader who guides them. The parent’s role in discipline, therefore, is that of teacher and leader – not controller.

20. What do we get for all our efforts? A teen who :Has a healthy sense of self respect and self worthIs secure and stableObeys rules and authorityPerforms well in schoolHandles pressure wellCommunicates well with othersIs fair and objectiveRaises his or her own children to be balanced parents

21. GET SUPPORT! TAKE TIME OUT!Sometimes we as parents need also to be “discipled”. “ Put on your oxygen mask before attending to your child”“ I can do all things through Him who gives me strength”“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”