On the Road to my destiny-book

MANUSCRIPT-
On The Road
To
My
Destiny
By
Fitzroy Wilson

“I forgive you for hating me so much”

CONTENT
1- On The Road to My Destiny
2- The PoetMasturbates
3- You wantto minusme
4- Last Orders
5- I Got People TalkinginMyHead
6- Balladof a cocaine smuggler
7- Moonshine Love
8- DemKill Bogle
9- KidnappersCarnival
10- GarrisonCommunity
11- Insane Love
12- Love It
13- An Anthemof Hope
14- In Pursuitof Love
15- Lead me not intoTemptation
16- WinterWilderness
17-
18- Gone Fishing
19- Black motherinPain
20- In Persuitof Paradise
21- The FallenApple
22- If All Men Didit SittingDown
23-
24- The FamilyRitual
25- WindowShopping

On The Road To My Destiny
My Enemy wants to bury me
On The Road to my destiny
Man A boil
Man a boil
In A inner Turmoil
Man A toil
Man a Toil
with a bigbad mind
Right on time likenasty chime
Right on time likea cruel Crime
Mindbitter like lemon Sourlike lime
Man A play
Man A play
Goddevine
trying to strife my life witha big sharpKnife
Man role is To dig Man hole
To dig a hole
To dig pothole
On the roadto my destiny
My Enemy try to bury me
1
Man sohollow
Man startswallow

In A innercityof self pity
Man Start Follow
Mind That wallow
In a innercityof self pity
Mind inA mire
Mind of a liar
Like driving car withoutfronttyre
Man tooShallow tolighthisownfire
Man toohollow Toseekhisowndesire
Man grow wild like a loveless child
Who hates the meek
Who hates the mild
Man A boil
Man a boil
In A inner Turmoil
Man A toil
Man a Toil
with a bigbad mind
Man A play
Man A play
Goddevine

Trying to strife my lifewith a bigsharp knife
Man role isTo dig Man hole
To dig a hole
To dig pothole
2
Man not tookeen
To live hisowndream
Man Too proud
MIND ina cloud
Too proud to be humble
To see hisimpendingtumble
Man Too proud
Mind ina Cloud
To see that ultimate stumble
To see when life startsto crumble
In Reality
Your life startsto crumble whenyourmentality
Decievesyou to believe
that youare too strongto stumble

Man A boil
Man a boil
In A inner Turmoil
Man A toil
Man a Toil
with a bigbad mind
Man A play
Man A play
Goddevine
trying to strife my life with a bigsharp knife
Man role isTo dig Man hole
To dig a hole
To dig pothole
4
Man isA mindlike aloadedgun
A mindthat meltlike butterinasun
A mindthat Points just forfun
A loadedgunat myhead

Man isa mind that boilsbloodRed
Mind on mission tosteal myvision
Mind on a mission of soliddelusion
A mindToo SpirituallyUnstable toenable
Man youare unable toenable your owncapability
For fear isa foolish man’s liability
For your liability isfailuretoimprove yourownability
So youare not able tosit at the top table
So blame is the game youplayalone inyour head
ConsistentlyInyourhead
You wantme dead
Man A boil
Man a boil
In A inner Turmoil
Man A toil
Man a Toil
with a bigbad mind
Mind bitter like lemonSour like lime
Man A play
Man A play
Goddevine
Trying to strife my lifewith a bigsharp knife

Man role is To dig Man-hole
To dig a hole
To dig pothole
5
You A try to limbo
Limbo
Limbolimbolike me
But you limboisa desructive tempo
A raging Rambo eatingarotten mango
Like a colourlessrainbow
Where your glorious gain islike adirtystain
Your shame that feeds like aninsectonmypain
Yesterday was the onlytime yousmile sunshine
Whenmy tearsturn rain
Cause
Your minddeceive yourhearttobelieve
That
My destructionisyoursalvation
That I am to be blame foryourshame
That it istrue
That whenGod blessme
God forgot to blessyou

The Poet Masturbate
The poethears voices
Voiceswithoutwordslikebirdswithoutwings
The poetembraceswords
For he is lonely
The poethas no playmate toembrace
So he playswithwords
Masturbatingliterary
To literarymasturbate islike havinganintenseconversation
Withone’sself inthe dark
To the soundof distantapplause
Whenthe poetis lonely
He embrace’shimself like new loversentwinedinbodyandmind
For he is a loverof words

Words that he will verballyejaculate
Words that are dreamsof passion
Andwhenhisdreamsare nomore inblackand white
But are inlive andlivingcolour
Theybecomesvirtual visionsof silentseduction
then
The poetsmasturbates
Andpoetryclimax
A gushinginnermostcrecendocaughtonCCTV
You wanna minus me?
When you bite my skin like ticks
Attackerattackme at yourown risk
For I havegotyouraddress
And you gonna getstress
So when you mess withme and put meto the test
You betterbe prepareto messwith yourbest
For beawarethat I ambless
Yes
I ambless by thebest
You cough up evil like the spirit of thedevil
But a rule of evil will neverbe forever
And I ain’t gonna beno bodiesvictim
You hear
You hear

When you knockme down
I will neverstay down
For if I amnot on the ground you can’ttrample
And makeof me an example
If I amnoton theground
You can’tcrush my pride
By extinguishing my fireinside
Like malaria mosquitoessucking fora bloody bellyfull
You arehere to buckme like a big bad bull
You wantto minusme by multiplying my misery
you can’tallow me by leaving me be
You musta fancy melike howyou fancy a cup a tea
But soonerorlater if you fancy too much tea you gonna wee-wee
But a tell you
you nah wee-weepon me
Soonerorlater
you gonna havea belly ache fromthe evil Tea- cake you alwaysbake
And I sincerely hopewhen you poo
You will find no tissue is in the loo

Peopletalking in my head
Roll River Jordonroll
Se fe cool de steam
Se fe Cool the steam
of this wickeddream
Healingstream
Hear my scream
Wash away de pain
De shacklesand de chain

De Stress an de strain from me brain
De Stress and de strain from me brain
For my mind is sinkingin a painful turmoil
Naked fearis twistingmy brain with pain
People talkingin my head
Strangers on a mission
You are Having conversations inmy head
An intense conversationWithoutexplanations
Strangers on a mission
You are Having a conversationin my head
having conversationwithout my permission
You are like a televisioninmyhead
A televisionwhich
I wish I could switch off
A televisionthatgivesme information
That there is no remission withoutmedication

Voicesinstruct me to destruct
Voicesinstruct me to construct
Voicesthat confuse me
Voicesthat abuse me
Voice that belittle me
Dem a trample pon me brain
Jus a trample pon me brain

A trample pon me brain an me feel insane
Fall rain Fall
Se fe wet me worries
It a get too tall
Se fe wet up the worries whenit get to tall
Roll River JordonRoll
I got squatters squattingin my brain
Squatters squatting inmy brain
Squatters squatting inmy brain
I want to complainabout thispain in my brain makesme insane
I needthe fallingrain to wash away the pain
The shacklesand the chain
The terror is stalking The Preachers preaching
The terror is stalking the Women arewalking

The terror is stalking The Dogs are barking
The terror is stalking The Lions are chasing
The Terror is stalking the voicesare calling
The terror is stalking the People are parking
They parking for free To persecute me
An nobody feelsbutme
Nobodyhears but me
Nobodyfeelsbut me
Nobodyhears but me
A strange episode
I find
My mind isa heavy load
A strange episode I find
My mind is a rocky road
I want to fly away

fly away
fly away
fly away from myself
Fly away
Fly away
Fly away
Fly away from myself
Reading the fine prints
It isendof term
Andthe summeris longandhot
Andsome people thinkyouare
Whenyouare not
She was a golddigger
Diggingforgold
But I ain’tgot any
Notevena penny
I can feel hersharpfingernails
Like snails
Digginglike aspade on a grave raid
Diggingbeneathmyskin
buriedbeneathmyshin
Heavybreathingagainstmychin
Wet

Wickedandwildlike sin
Andeverytime Ifeel herheadonmy shoulder
My heartgrewcolderlike ayoungwintergettingolder
But she onlygrewbolder
She was a golddigger
Diggingforgold
But I ain’tgot any
Notevena penny
I ain’tgot any
Notevena penny
Andthenone day
She Said
Your home isat riskif youdon’tkeepuppaymentonloanssecure on it
AndshortlyafterI readthe fine prints
She said
Her love forme was dead
Stone coldDead

LastOrders
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Even if me shoesa beg bread
An a got a tumorin my head
I still preferto be to be alive than dead
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Ano go me ago
A comeme a come
So me nah go commitno suicide

Me jusa go sidung a wait forthe turning tide
Me nah tek nuh early ride into nuh sunset
Causefe mi time no come yet
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Although sometimemeget scared and a fret
Becauseme can’tget rid of thebad breath
An me misiss sometimeseh me nuh havenothing morea get
Me nah go tun nuh duppy rolling calf
An mek god laugh
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Even if A gota tumorin my head
An prefer to bealive than dead
Me nah leave yah beforemetime
Notbeforemy bell start chime
I preferto suck thelemon
To suckthe lime until the righttime

Until the righttime
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
Ano go me a go
A comeme a come
KidnappersCarnival
Kidnappersyap like hungry dogs
Playingtheir giddygame that weavesa smearof shame
This is a dangerous dagger that dance
like the dirty dog that urinate on the diningtable
During your dinnerparty
The knife you use to cut your birthday cake
Is use as a Dagger by your attacker
A cruel calypso singsthe ballad that slash the skinof carnival
This sorrowful sonnet ofbondage is too surreal to be a song
It Is the soca that searchesthe livingdead for stolentreasure
Treasures Buriedin pure pain

Sufferingisthe strange moonshine
The spotlightis on a run-away train full of hostages
Heading for a crowded Port of Spain
Ballad of a CocaineSwallower
She was Just another gig
For Mr Big
Just another gig
She was taking a short cut to suicide withher eyesopenwide
He was commiting just anotherhomocide
And enjoyingthe ride on the money tide
She was just another gigfor Mr. Big
Just another gig
Just another ride on the moneytide
She was a cocaine courier
He was the big time trafficker
She was a first time smuggler

Jane was the swallowerwhose life got smallerand shorter
Mr. Big was her teacherthe powerful powderprovider
He was her shadower who onlycare about his powder
The white powder that was gonna make himricher and richer
He was the preacher that persuade her, convert herto faithful follower
He made get-richquick look easierand easier
So
Jane didn’tseekno shelterevenwhenthings got risker and risker
She was just another gigfor Mr Big
Just another gig
Just another gig
And I rememeberthe day
Just two days after her nineteenthbirthday
WhenI saw it on telly
that the cocaine package burst inher belly
Burst like a horrible hurricane in herbelly
And at herfuneral I saw her familyfeel the pain
According to the eulogyshe was just anotherplain quietJane
Nothinglessnothing more
Just like the girl next door
Nobodyknew the smuggler
The cocaine courier
The trafficker
The cocaine swallower
Brother only knewthe lovingsister

Mother onlyknew a obedientdaughter
Nobodyknew she was walkingon cocaine avenue
Searching for a quick revenue
Nobodyknew she was just another gig
For Mr Big
Just another gig
MoonshineLove
Moonshine Loveis better than money in my wallet
Moonshine Love isbetterthanprofitinmypocket
When me fall in love
Me try me bestendeavour
To fall forever
Me really fall like hurricanea call
Like Beckhama bend football
Me give it me all
Like Saulturn Paul
Like saleshoppersina da mall
Me feel it in a me heart
Me feel it ina me soul

Me feel it justlike Nat King Cole
Me ketch it like a cold ina me mole
Me growso young meneva get old
For moonshineLoveisbetter than money in my wallet
MoonshineLoveis betterthan profitin my pocket
Moonshinelovemakeme feel brand new
The feveris quickand me ketch it like flu
When me find love
Me nuh Analyseit
Me juslovingly handcuff it
Me justGrab it
An put it ina me pocketand hopeit fit like a plug ina socket
Me catch it
me nah drop it
For yuh knowhow many peoplewaiting to haveit
Yuh knowhowmany peoplewantto wrap up with it
Of course
Somepeopleonly justwantto tek it and makeblanket
But the truthis not many peopleis lucky to get it
So when yuh get love
Don’tjuststare atit
jus grab it,
lock it and putit ina mepocket like plug ina socket
Me jusgrab it,

lock it and putit ina me pocketlike plug ina socket
A tell you should really get into the habit
For Moonshineloveisbetter than money in you wallet
MoonshineLoveis betterthan profitin yourpocket
Try it
Try it
Love is better than money in you wallet
Justtry it
When me fall in Love
To fall forever
Me feel like a rainbow
Flowersin a garden a grow
Like Lovers lips a play yo- yo
Like Loversa dancetoe to toe
Like megot a golden dream in a me bow
Like mea the only one ina theknow
Like loverslove boaton a river a row
My Love logo is sweet like a mango
Me nah knockit
Me justlovingly handcuff it
Me ketch it
Me nah drop it

For many peoplewantto haveit
Many peoplewantto wrap up withit
Mind you
Somepeopleonly wantto take it make blanket
But aah!
Many peopleain’t lucky to get it
So me jusgrab it
lock it and putit ina me pocketlike plug ina socket
Me jusgrab it,
lock it and putit ina mepocket like plug ina socket
A tell you should really get into the habit
Love is better than money ina you wallet
Justtry it
Fe fall in love forever
Forward ever
Backward never
a foolish lover is never clever
A say
Forward ever
Backward never
A foolish loveris neverclever
But a tell you
A foolish loveris morebraver

Than thosewho are afraid to love
too scareto care
Too scareto drinkblessing fromabove
Me nah knockit
Me justlovingly handcuff it
Me catch it
Me nah drop it
Me justtry it
For many peoplewantto haveit
Wantto wrap up with it
Somepeoplejustwantto takeit makeblanket
But aah!
But notmany peoplelucky to get it
Me jusgrab it and lockit
And putit ina me pocket
Me justgrab it
Lock it and put it ina me pocket
JustTry it…please

EARLY ERUPTION
Four firm thrustingthighs
Two fine bodiesentwine
Just like sweetred wine
Indulgingin a mind blowingexperience
Keepme long
Keepme strong
Keepme proud
Give me lightning
Give me thunder
Give me ying
Give me sweetsensual suffering
I really don’tcare ifI am under or over
Don’t care ifI am fallingoffthe white cliffof Dover
I just needto go on a little bit longer

I just needto be a little bit stronger
I am aimingto please
But she is aimingto tease
But you won’tneeda universitydegree toagree with me
That onlyone of us can derive maximum satisfaction
From
Any early volcano eruption
life isso great right now
So please dear Lord
Keepme highlike a happy cloud
Floatingover land and sea
Keepme long
keepme strong
Keepme proud
Let me enjoythe beauty down below
That’s the way I want to be
Oh how I wish I was a just a little bitstronger
To delay this final crescendo
That final crashing crescendo
like a fallingaeroplane crash landing
ooops…
it was much too earlyfor sweetvolcano eruption

Dem Kill Bogle
Dem Kill Bogle the dance hall king
Just after Bogle Jump the newBogle Prance
Bogle move to the grove doingthe Bogle thing
Bogle didn’t know this was his last dance
For just after a wicked gun criminal
shot him deadat a gas station
And cause a tidal wave of emotion
The gunman just ride-uppona bike an shot himina him head
And dempronouce Bogle dead
on arrival at the KingstonPublichospital
Bogle had had a bigfuneral
In a nice glass casket criss like biscuit
Dem took him up a dovecot to have the burial

People bawl an tell himgoodbye
But nobodycould tell me
WhyBogle shoulda die
Garrison Community
War pon de dutty don the almshouse gunman
Cause a tireda making so much trip to the cemetery
To bury people frommy community
rise up in a social rebellionfe improve we social condition
Unite against this evil oppression inthis GarrisonCommunity
rise up against the repressive regime dat a kill the cream
an a strangle we dream
dat a mash up we life dat a pushus ina endlessstrife
war pon de dutty don the almshouse gun man
Rise up against thisviolentmuderationand constant boderation
Rise up against the gun shot wound death and gansta destruction
Before dem pronounce you chile dead on arrival at the hospital

Shot by an evil gun criminal
stop de denial
It’s time we put gansta on trial
Nuh shelterno dam criminal
In a nuh GarrisonCommunity
Insane love
Doesn’tseemsreallyright
Whenstars ain’tbrighton a full moonnight
No manborn of a womanshouldbeathislady
Evenif she giveshimmeatwithoutgravy
And
He buriedhisflamingcandle insidethe reluctantpocketof herbirthdaysuit
And
His sadisticsuffocatingsmile squashedherlike aburningbootona doomedfruit
Andstill
She swear
She heardthe soundof hisfuriousfistfromabove
Proclaimingyethisgreatestlove
When
Stars ain’tbrighton a full moonnight

then
Heavytearsare like fallingrainthatfallsinvain
Thenlove islike agreat shame
As a toothache ona sleeplessnight
A wake that isa fake
A sleepless unhappinessof anunkindmind
Didyou know ?
That her bruisedheartstill beatsbeneath?
Bruisedbeyondthe flowers beneaththe wreath
That your love wasonlya furiousfist
A reddreadmist
A fuss
A fight
Doesn’tseemsreallyright
If stars ain’tbrighton a full moonnight

Loved it
Theysaidthat her beautyonlybreaksskindeep
They demonise herasvain
She was devotedtodegrade me
She had a desire todemoralize everymanshe meet
She was doomto demolishmydignity
She was dedicatedtodefile mydecency
And to crushmy male egolike astampede ona tomato
It isno use
Trying todefendthe indefensiable
Everythingtheysay wastrue
But I have grownto love beingmiserable
I have grownso well tocherishmymisery
Andjustso you know

I love everyminute of it
Spiritual Ceasefire
WhenWar isthe prayer
Prayed at the Alterof peace
Hope is a day notfar away
WhenWarmongergot the hunger
To prove that betweenhe andme
He ismuch stronger
Suddenlythe sunshinesonme
Andmy tinymusclesgrowsmuchbigger
AndI know

Now
ThoughI can’t stop himurinatingevil onI
From the sky
ThoughI can’t stop Cloudscrumbling
ThoughI can’t stop the stormfrom coming
I know
The angel of war
Has gone too far
Fill withthe spiritof the devil
Proclaimingthe wisdomof evil
But I know

In pursuit of love
A candle lit
A dinnerfortwo
Love whisperslike acandle
If it burnsbrightall nightlong
She isdrinkingdryMartini
In herskimpystringBikini
Hopinghe has rosesinhispocket
A heartin hissong
Hopinghe has no discreetfeeling
Witha bulgingself-indulgingmeaning
Tonightthere will be nosweaty
Earth shatteringhealing

She ishopinghe will feel atease
To a sensual dance
Withlipsbrushingcheektocheekromance
To the tease of herperfume
At ease tothe wordlesssing-a-longtoatimelesslovesong
Andto quietlygettoheavenlybliss
With
Justone sweettenderkiss
Lead me not into Temptation
A whyyoumust a temptme
A temptme
A temptme so
A whyyoumust a temptme
A temptme
A temptme so
You gimme anwhenme thinkit’sfe me
You gimme a shock
By snatchingitback
You sprayyou’re love myway
Justlongenoughforme to have a chance to smell
the fragrance of sweetromance
but justas quicklyyougimme

an me thinkit’sfe me
yougimme me a shock
by snatchingitback
I wantto feel the flames
I wantto feel the flames
The nakedflamesof yourpassion
evenif the flames consumes mybody
I wantthe flames of passionthatgimme thatsweet tinglingsensation
I wantto capture yourfinestfragrance andmake it mine
I wantthe flamesof yourpassiontocontrol my everyreaction
A whyyoujust a temptme
Temptme
Temptme so
A whyjusta tempt
Me temptme so
Temptme so
You gimme anwhenme thinkit’sfe me
You gimme a shock
By snatchingitback
Didyou mothernottell you
to spray yourlove lightly
Didshe not tell you
that unintentional misuse of yourlove
maybe harmful tosomeone’sheart

Didyou mothernottell you
that
Temptationlurksinthe shadowof the mind
Like a dirtydeliberatebreeze
that youfoolishlyfancyinthe dark
If you inhale
It can be fatal
That Temptation
Is an explosive reaction
If Sprayedon nakedflamesof passion?
Perhaps the Morning After
I woke upthe nextmorning
Withno clotheson
Perhaps
Notin my ownbed
Perhaps
Glancingnervouslyata sleepingpartner
Perhaps
a sleepingstrangernakedbesideme
And
Then I remember
That
Last nightI was toodrunk to care about thismorning nightmare
That lastnight
I shouldhave beencautious

And
Use my love onlyas directed
For unintentional misuse
May abuse
Someone else heart
Winter wilderness
Expose me
To
The winterwilderness
Of
Your loneliness
So
That we can sleepa silentslumberof purityinnude solitude
And
Dream togetherof StLucian sunlight
And
Wake up to the realityof a summerof love

I dream in Living Colour
My dreamsare no more in blackand white
As the quietDreamsof my fatherhassilentlyfadedaway
He dreamtthat hisdrearyday wouldturnintoa wonderful night
He dreamtthat hischildrenwill live inanew day
A newdawnof freedom
My Dreamsare nomore in blackand white
So now I dreamin live andlivingcolour
I dream of powerfor the oppressed
But still Ipray that my grand-childrenwillliveinanew day
A newdawnof equal rightsfor blackand white

Black mother is in pain
Black motherAfricaisinpain
Andthe pain isagainand again
Yes
Without fail
She a wail
She a wail
For whenthere isnomoon
Come rats
In all theirdifferenthats
Holyfaceslike missionaries
MissionariesdressedasPirates

Theytooktheirturns
Andrapedmy motheragainand again
Black womaninpain
Andthe pain isagainand again
Yes
Withoutfail
She a wail
She a wail
For the rat inthe hat like the pope hascarvedher up
Carvedherlike a Christmasturkey
Theytooktheirturns
and rape mymotheragainand again
HolyMary Mother of God
Your childrenhave tore the babesfrommymother’swomb
I pray
For white sepulcuressailed
Withbabe of a black womb
Trappedina doomtravellingtomb
Black mother isin pain
An the painisagain andagain

Yes
Withoutfail
She a wail
She a wail
For fate has fashionherbabe a dog
His libertya trans-atlanticwaterymorgue
My motherAfricaisweeping
For herchildrenmustnowseektospeakwitha borrowedtongue froma bastardmother
My motherisweeping
While Iam searching
See
I got thisnotion
That my true identitylieslike asunkentreasure atbottomof the Atlanticocean
Black mother
Is inpain
An the painisagain andagain
Say she pray forthe rain
Andthe rain came andwash all her crops away
Yes
The rain came andwash al her crops away
Nowpilgrimbabe nowpilgrimman
Fillsthe prisonsandthe Asylums
Euro-prophetpredictshismindaviolentclock
That tellsatime of roastedtoast
Notbutteredbread

Sunbathingona beachof wine
Reddreadwine
In Pursuit of Paradise
Theyask me this
For so itseems
Theyreallywantto know
Why
I roam so far awayfrom myislandhome
I mustbe mad as life go
To swapsea, sunand sandfor snow
My islandhome where skiesare blue
Andstars shine brightat night
Where the gentle breeze
Kissand caresscoconut trees

Where doctor birdssingsashibiscussmilessweetsunshine
I explainedagainandagainto myEnglishfriend
That if like me
You livedinparadise
One day youjustmightsee
Acrossthe sea
A flockof goldendreams
floatingonthe horizonof hope
Andgo in pursuitof a greaterparadise
The Fallen Apple
Yesterday
Satan sawEve walkinginmyfrontgarden
Walkingstarknaked
Andlustwas a candle that became a flame
Flame became afuriousfire of forbiddendesire
Andmy worldwasneverthe same
Whenthe apple isripe it will fall fromthe tree
But if youshake
Tease
Or if you climbtothe treetop
The apple will dropbefore the time
She shakes
Her ecstasygripslike anearthquake
As she discoverpleasureisthe treasure belowthe waist

NowSatan isasleep
She shivers
Andfor the firsttime
Eve
was
cold
If All Men Did it Sitting Down
EverywomanI meet
Complainaboutme notputtingdowntheirtoiletseat
I wouldjustlike to explain
Whensome menaim
It isjust like the fallenrain
Like some hose
Witha sprinklerforanose
So whenIput up the lid
This was justa carefulbid
I guesslife couldbe somuchsimpler
And
All those womenwouldbe muchhappier
If
All mendiditsittingdown

The family Ritual
Thisis annual ritual
A familyholiday
Nottoo much suitcase please
I am onlythinkingof myownself-perseverance
My owntravel insurance
Cause I endup strugglingwiththemall
The wife
Want to bringeverything
Put ourentire familylifeinasuitcase
Taxi honking
I am shouting
Wife still upstairschecking
Checkingwindowsthatalreadybeenlocked
Justtryingto make sure
Tryingto protect
Tryingto preserve

That materialisticthingthatpushus along
The song that singsourlife
Taxi to the airport
Asianmusiccomingstraightat me
He isquietforthe entire journey
That’s good
Sometimestaxi driversreallytake the mick
Theybelievebecause itistheircar
Theyownyour personal space
Theyfeel thattheyreallyhave totalkto you
Asksillyquestions
Talk aboutthings
Chitchat
Some timesyoureallywanttosay
Shutup! shutthe …..
But youdon’t
Because youdon’twant tobe rude
You don’treallywantto be rude insomeone else car
Do you?
You probablywouldn’tgetfar
It istheircar
But it isyourtaxi
Some taxi driversfeel theyhave toentertain
To playthe perfecthostandyoujust to make the most
But thisone was okay
He merelysmilewheninsome strife

I anxiouslyasked mywife
Have you got the passport?
Have you got the tickets?
Checkingin
The queuesare long
So I lookforthe shortest
The shortestbecame the longest
I have onlyjustnotice
The sign “ workerundertraining”
She take ages or so itseems
People inthe otherqueue
People whocame afterus
Are nowsitting
Relaxing
Chatting..waitingagain
At last…
She tellsme one of my suitcase istooheavy
Needstogo to outsize baggage
As itis one kiloover
I start to whinge
I can’t understandwhyitisso heavy
It isonlyclothes
Her supervisorinterrupt
Apparentlyshe diditwrong
Same oldsong

She saidshe was sorry
I reflectthatshe gave me stressfor nothing
Keepme twominutesextrainthe godamqueue
Two whole extraminutes
Checkinin..relief
I am hungry
My whole familyisthirsty
Nothingisnew
My wife wantstogo to the loo
She alsothoughtit wasa goodideato take the children
So I waited
Waitedwithourhand luggage
The loudspeakerwarns
Do not leave baggage unattended
Theywill be takenawayand be destroyed
I watch people walking
I watch people talking
But I didn’theara word theysay
I watch people watchingme
Andknewthat theywere notseeingme
I saw people Iwill neversee again
My familyreturns
We wenttoburger kingtoeat something
There wasno emptytables
There wasone witha lone youngman

Sittingpeacefullyeating
I ask if we couldjoinhim
He saidyeshe was justgoing
Works everytime
I jointhe queue togetthe burgermeal
A whopperandchickenroyale meal deal
I waitand waitand wait…
WhenI was next
There wasa problemwiththe cashregister
So I waitand waitand wait…
I thoughtit couldbe worse
Couldbe waitingona bus inthe cold
I thoughtof John Prescott
I wonderif the transportministereverwaitforabus for an hour
A hourhuddle inthe cold
Waitingwitha cigarette smokerpuffingsmoke inyoureyes
A cigarette smokerpoisoningyourspace
As if herlife dependsonit
At last..
I got my burgermeal minusmysauce
Can I have some tomatosauce please?
She gave me twosauce for fourmeals
I am suddenlytiredof asking
I made my wayback to our table
And
The mealswere cold

Window Shopping
Year afterYear
I have waitedoutside yourshopwindow
To lookinon your latestfashion
Steppingoutsidemyowndefinitionof myself
To see
What othershave cleverlymade of me
Yet
I dreamthat my mindmirrorsare far better
Far betterof reflectingme thanshopwindows
Shopwindowsgenerallyspeculate
A reflectioninterpretsonlyone solitaryimage
Andbingothe meaningof my whole story
ThisI dreamcan be contrived
Justlike a mannequinexistence
I feel shopwindowscannottaste
Cannotreallytaste all the contradictionsof myingredients

Cannotsee the sunrise of mywanderingheart
Cannotreallysee myhiddenhillsof solitude
Cannotwalkwithme in the valleyof myexperience
Cannottell verywell whatmaskIwear today
So do I try to shopliftyourversionof me
To lookfor myself inthe facesof strangers
Yesterday
It strikesme like lightning
Today
Like thunder
That perhapsinsearch of my perfectself
I silentlydaydreamnottowalkalone
So on thisgreatjourneyof myself discovery
Contradictionswillrise likemountainswithwings
Torture like aneagle cagedin myheart
AndthoughI may oftenlookinat yourshop window
I will alwaysreturntothe windowsof mymind

On the Road to my destiny-book

On the Road to my destiny-book

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