This document provides retail prices for various men's products promoted for their quality and usefulness. It summarizes items including a $289 backpack, $125 shirt, $280 denim jacket made with polar bear tears, $80 underwear that must cost over $40, $190 pants with special pockets, a $400 watch that tracks health data, $180 shoes that clip to bikes and promise better sex, a $650 bike described as necessary, an $80 helmet to protect against physical and mental threats, and $190 cordless headphones.

2. Backpack: This Backpack will hold all of your stuff. RETAIL:
$289

3. SHIRT :Cotton shirts will get you sweaty. This shirt will get
you LAID. Retail: $125

4. JACKET: No ordinary denim jacket is good enough for a guy like you or me.
When you wear just any old 30 or 40-dollar jacket, you might as well be
homeless. No, this 150-dollar jacket is built very specially and sown with the
tears of newborn polar bears. RETAIL: $280

5. UNDERWEAR: If you’re not wearing underwear that costs more than 40 bucks,
you might as well being your grandpa’s tighty whities.
RETAIL: $80

6. PANTS: Unlike most pants, these pants have special pockets to hold your
phone and wallet. RETAIL: $190

7. WATCH: Some people think the job of a watch is to tell time. We call those
people IDIOTS here at men’s health. The purpose of a watch is to be a
second telephone which you can wear outside your pocket. If your wrist
doesn’t tell you how many calories you’re burning, you also are at
increased risk of every known disease. RETAIL: 400$

8. SHOES: Let’s be honest, you probably have a lot of shoes already. But do you
have special shoes that clip into your bicycle pedals? No, you don’t. And these
cheap 100$ shoes will surely add to your obscure wardrobe, which we all know
will help you have better sex and get that promotion and ripped abs in 20 days.
Men’s Health GUARANTEE RETAIL: $180

9. BIKE: You might be thinking this list is getting pretty pricey. Maybe we can save
some money by taking public transit, right? WRONG. You NEED this bike. Four
Hundred bucks, they’re practically giving it away!
RETAIL: $650

10. HELMET: You’ll need this helmet whether you are walking or riding. Notice the
big brand name on the side to let people know just how much you spent. This
helmet will protect you from force trauma and also mindsets different from your
own.
RETAIL: $80

11. HEADPHONES: Cords are for poor people.
Retail: 190$