The document discusses Alberto Sandoval-Sánchez's experience as a Latino man living with AIDS. It describes how being diagnosed with AIDS in 1990 forced him to reinvent his life and sense of identity. It discusses how AIDS embodied the ultimate abjection, and how Latino queer bodies with AIDS destabilize social norms. Sandoval-Sánchez explores how identity is shaped at the intersection of race, sexuality, illness and migration for Latino men with AIDS.

1. Presentation by:
Melanie Gross & Amy Hahm

2. The Quilt Series
 1. 911
 2. ICU
 3. REM
 4. RM#
 5. 4AM
 6. DOA

3. The Quilt Series: Summary
 In this part of the reading,the narrator recalls the
experience of losing his partner, John.
 At this point, John, who suffered from the AIDS virus,
had become severely affected to the point where he,
despite his reluctance, needed to be hospitalized.
 The narratorstood by John‟s side in the hospital,
certain that it was only a matter of time before he would
be gone.
 Eventually, whenthe narrator had gone to their home to
rest and wait, John passed. This was devastating
forhim.

4. The Quilt Series
 2. ICU: “My future was  4. RM#: “Friends cried and
planned: when he dies, I strangled the corridors. I
will go home, drink a glass ignored their open arms, it
made me mad when they
of milk, pull a razor from
held me back so I‟d push
the box, drag it across the
them away, tell them, He
lines in my palms up looks great. You should have
through the crooks of my seen him yesterday. They
arms. It will be clean, it will wiped their face unbelieving,
be over.” (Cuadro, p. 127) their fingers wrenched the
flowers, I felt like they should
die instead, not John,
cornered to the wall,
unconscious, a halo of bare
fluorescence.” (Cuadro, p.
131)

5. Discussion Question
 What do you think ofthe
narratorsreactions to the situation?
Do you think they are too extreme?
Are they justified?

6. The Quilt Series
 3. REM: “John looked about,  5. 4AM: “Later on people said
absorbing the metal pads taped time would heal, but the pain was
to his chest, his wrist wired down, too much to forget, his life
his waist tied to the bed. He pounded out of my head and all
pulled with withered arms taut, that was left of mine, measured
his mouth twitched in panic. He from that point, 4AM sharp and I
stared at me till I was shame- began to howl.” (Cuadro, p. 134)
faced. His look said, „How can
you do this?‟” (Cuadra, p. 128)  6. DOA: “I locked my fingers into
his hand like a young lover‟s grip.
 4. RM#: “But all he could do was Still he felt more like meat then
pick at my palm pull at the false flesh. I wanted to throw it
skin of latex, stare past me like down, push him out of the bed, I
an animal who avoids the eyes. started telling him, I‟m sorry I
Still I tried to whisper sweet wasn‟t here, I‟m sorry it wasn‟t
thoughts into his ears, „Baby I‟m me.” (Cuadro, p. 135)
at your side, I love you so much, I
don‟t know what I‟ll do.‟” (Cuadro,
p. 132)

7. Discussion Question
 Why do you thinkthe narratorfelt such a strong
sense of guilt about Johns suffering and
death?
 At this time,the narratorhimself was also
infected with AIDS. How do you think it
affected him mentally and emotionally to see
what John went through?
 What do these quotes tell you about the
depth of the relationship betweenthe
narratorand John?
 How important is it to have a support system
when coping with a disease?

8. Conquering Immortality
 “At that time I was jacking-off  “The usher‟s hands were
regularly to fantasies of large and loud banging flat
getting screwed by men, on the door, his face acne-
scared and hair shorn. He
straight men, their wives in
called us damn faggots, as
bed with us in pink, flurry if this was all too common.
nightgowns. The husband A look of tiredness across
and I would simply forget the his mouth. There were two
woman and when I was about other ushers in the
to come it would just be him bathroom, bored having to
and me. I would sleep in the bust up another couple of
curve of his arm, the sinews fags like nameless
creatures fucking in plain
of his bicep, a son wrapped in
sight who needed to be
his father‟s protection, as if shamed and we begged
masculinity could save me.” for it.” (Cuadro, p. 145)
(p. 139)

9. Discussion Questions
 In the quote on page 139, what do you thinkthe
narratormeant when he said “as if masculinity
could save me”?
 Why do you think that he engaged in such risky
behavior, especially in such a public place?
 What does the way thatthe narrator describes
ushers reactions to the situation tell you not only
about the way others view homosexuality, but also
about his own insecurities?

10. Conquering immortality
 “As I enter my seventh year of diagnosis where reports of anti-viral promise
and T-cell counts have lost their assured importance, I see my life as a
series of facades, each layer in erosion; white patches along the sides of
my mouth, a shortening of breath, a burning pain in my calves, each taking
an ability away from me, to where keeping simple food down is what is of
value. Forgotten is career and income, no longer the depiction of my
personality but disabilities are what frame me. And what is left after my
body, torn down, is my soul. I notice as I stand here that today is beautiful,
that the sand-colored walls of the Egyptian, yellow like dark mustard, set
out against the blue sky.” (Cuadro, p. 148-149)

11. Alberto Sandoval-Sánchez
 Diagnosed with AIDS over
20 years ago
 Homosexual Latino living
with AIDS
 Lover passed away by a
heart attack
 Death of lover more
devastating then being
diagnosed with AIDS

12. Definitions
 Abjection  Abject
 The act of humiliating  Extremely
or degrading bad, unpleasant, and
degrading

13. Politicizing Abjection
 “Since 1981, with AIDS, and  “After my own AIDS diagnosis in
despite all of the changes in 1990, I felt that I had no escape.”
medications and their unequal (312)
distribution the world over, vivo
immersed in abjection. The  “I could not give up the freedom
undead survived with the fear of that migration had provided
contagion, with the horror of me, particularly the opportunity to
pollution, with the agony of articulate a gay identity shaped
memories living dead young men by a Latino consciousness.” (312)
who either went to their homeland
to die or whose dead bodies and
ashes were brought home to their  “With AIDS, just as with
families to pay their final migration, once again I had to
respects. How many coffins and reinvent life and my notion of
secrets remained sealed to hide home – this time in the shadow of
the disfigured and decaying death, en lasentranas del
cadavers? How were their early monstruo.” (312)
deaths explained en
unasociedadlatinoamericanaque
vive del quediran, where
homosexuality and AIDS are still
most often taboos?” (311)

14. Discussion Question
 How do you think being Latino or having migrated
to America, affect Sandoval-Sánchez when he
was diagnosed with AIDS?

15. Politicizing Abjection
 “I am fascinated with  “What does it mean
the abject body: if I to have the monster
were not, how would under your skin?
I be able to keep on How can you love
living with AIDS? EL your abject body
SIDA is the ultimate when it betrays you?
embodiment of how do you feel in a
abjection.” (313) society that expels
the sick, the Latino,
the queer, the
migrant, the Other”
(313)

16. Discussion Question
 According to Sandoval-Sánchez‟s description,
how do you think our society views people
who have AIDS? On top of that, Latinos,
homosexuality, and immigrants?

17. Politicizing Abjection
“Life is breathless.
Colors are blindness.
Music is deafness.”
“It is a feeling of terminal loss
For what is left behind.
Life is in ruins. So is the body.”
“At that point you are homeless.
You are a wanderer
Lost in a cemetery without finding a tomb.”
“I run to the mirror.
There is no image: my face is gone.
There is no memory of what I looked like.”
“I run away from my body.
I can not even recognize my body.”
“I scream: The Alien is inside me.
What‟s inside me? What is it?”

18. Discussion Question
 What do you think Sandoval-Sánchez was trying to
share with the readers with John Lechte‟s poem?
 How do you think it represents a man with AIDS?

19. Politicizing Abjection
 “The politics of abjection that I suggest engages the Latino gay body
with AIDS – a body marked by race, ethnicity, class, sexuality, and
migration, a body that endangers and troubles the cohesion of the
social order by destabilizing the borders between normal and deviant,
insider and outsider, sameness and difference, health and illness, life
and death.” (317)
 I want to inquire specifically how Latino queer bodies materialize and
enact abjection as a strategic performance in which identity is always
in the making.” (318)
 What do you think Sandoval-Sánchez means
by this?

20. Latino living with AIDS
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHVGT
krG8vo

21. Bibliography
 Cuadros, G. (1994). City of God. San
Francisco, California: City Lights Books.
 Alberto Sandoval-Sànchez Up Close and
Personal.” News & Events. Mount Holyoke, 27
Sept. 2007.