Unemployable in America, Part 1 -- If you're considering a career in graphic design...don't.

1. Unemployable in America
PART 1: Kids, Step Away From the Graphic Design Degree
***
When one’s psyche has been wounded, the victim seeks out various methods of healing. These methods run the
gamut, from psychiatric counseling to group therapy to secular activities like prayer. All methods involve plenty of
introspection in an attempt to “make sense of the past,” i.e., “where did I go wrong” and “if only I didn’t do
this/that/other.” In my own attempt to make sense of these past few years, I have chosen writing as my method of
therapy in the hopes of promoting the healing process. Perhaps by sharing my healing stage with the world, others
can learn from my experiences – and possibly avoid ever needing therapy in the first place!
***
Twenty years ago, my first design instructor told my class, “When you turn 40 you can forget about finding work in
this field.” Eighteen years later, having spent two years fully unemployed (and over a decade with no permanent job)
and having amassed enough application/interview horror stories to fill a book, I can confirm that what she said is a
sad reality for many “dinosaur” designers like me. This reality becomes even more painful when you combine an
already sick industry with a now sick economy and very sick hiring practices.
Why did I not listen to that instructor? Why did I pursue graphic design as a career? Well, simply put, I fell for the 20th
century scam ideology of “do what you love to do!” and “you gotta be happy fulfilled/blahblahblah in your job!” What
a crock. While you’re young (which today means under the age of 39), it’s easy to be duped into believing this still
commonly regurgitated dogma when suffering from the blind optimism that comes with being young. But, make no
mistake, the only people who can pursue this “dream” are those who never need to worry about money and have a

2. guaranteed lifetime source of income to pay the bills, i.e., a spouse or trust fund. If you are single, it is a seriously
dangerous gamble. You may have fun for a decade or two, but sooner or later you will hit that magical age of “too
old” faster than the blink of an eye. Then, what?
Now, of course, none of you young kids are going to listen to me – it’ll be different for you! (Funny, that’s just what
my entire classroom said, including me!) And most certainly I will be met with scoffing messages from other designers
who have waltzed through the Great Recession completely unscathed, “Well, I’m over 39 and I’m doing’ JUST FINE!
So, clearly the problem is with YOU!”* So, I will share some observations on what to expect in your new design
career, followed by tips on how to make your transition to “unemployable dinosaur designer” a little more tolerable
when the time arrives.
_______________
*Ya know, I’ve heard this line so many times these past few years, not from designers per se but from those who have never
once been unemployed (“well, I had no trouble finding a job, so it’s clearly you!”). It makes me pose the question that if
someone is dying of cancer, do you tell them, “Well I’VE NEVER HAD CANCER! So it’s clearly something wrong with you!”
Seriously, where does this “I’ve never seen it so it can’t be real” line of thought come from????

3. Observations
On salaries: My very first design job was back in 1997; it was a temporary gig and paid $17.50/hour. Over the next 15
years I worked my way up to eventually earn three times that amount until that all ended in 2013. In the years
following the Great Recession, I saw salaries and hourly rates tumble. I now routinely see jobs advertised that pay
closer to what that 1997 gig paid. I have even seen a few that pay less than what I earned as a secretary ($12/hr) back
in 1992.
Job Posted in June 2014

4. On “rock star with just the right amount of sparkly and swagger” job descriptions: Typical graphic design job
descriptions will include plenty of nonsense, including:
Statements like “3 to 5 years of experience required.” Putting a maximum number of years on experience is an easy
way of saying “no one over the age of 30 need apply.”
Computer programming skills, i.e., javascript, php, sql, etc. Why hire two people to help create your digital brand,
when one programmer who knows Adobe CC will do just fine? This plays well into why the current ugly “flat design”
trend is so popular – because anyone can do it, hence it’s cheap.
A boatload of bullet points indicating they want a “jack of all trades,” but expect to be disqualified for being
“overqualified” (AKA a “jack of all trades”). Here’s my favorite example of a “bullets gone wild” job post
(http://nojobtoday.tumblr.com/post/91259136144/joke‐job‐of‐the‐day) – 54 bullets. I refer to these in my Tumblr
blog as “joke jobs.” This job disturbed me because I do indeed meet all 54 bulleted requirements, and yet I still
didn’t qualify for an interview.
Some seriously STUPID adjectives and phrases like “fresh” (under the age of 25), “lives and breathes design” (has no
life outside of work), “award‐winning” (if I’ve won awards, why on earth would I be bothering with your dumb
company?) and “rock star” (I still don’t know what this means…regularly come to work drunk and trash the office?).

5. Here’s probably the most pathetic example, posted by The Princeton Review, asking for “just the right amount of
sparkly and swagger” – do you think they programmed that field into their ATS? And, how does one gauge whether
their level of sparkly and swagger are “just the right amount?” Can you buy some sort of measuring device at Home
Depot?
On interviews: Expect to be interviewed by 24‐year‐old “air head chicky poos” who have no clue how to conduct
themselves professionally and who have no clue about what they are looking to hire. Now, as long as you yourself
remain in the twentysomething age bracket, this shouldn’t be too much of an issue. But when you reach “too old”
and the airhead chicky poo is half your age, well, it never ends well. Part 3 of this series will be dedicated to the “air
head chicky poo.”

6. My favorite line from a telephone screening with one of these dimwits went as follows:
Chicky poo: Are you experienced in Adobe Creative Suite?
Me: Yes, I am.
Chicky poo: Are you experienced in Illustrator?
Me: Um, Illustrator is a part of Adobe, sweetheart.
On begging for the job: Be prepared to constantly be “proving yourself” as part of the hiring process via the form of a
design test. Sometimes it’s just a condescending software test to make sure you know what buttons to click (because
throughout your 18 years of experience on your resume, it’s still possible that you faked your way through
Photoshop). Sometimes it goes further and the “test” they give you equates to doing work for free. Never mind that
you are expected to perform this free creative project without the benefit of a face‐to‐face creative consult and that
such a request is insulting, demeaning, etc. Assuming you perform their little “test,” you have now provided this
company with free work that they can reuse to their heart’s content, AND you still don’t get the job (many times you
won’t even receive a follow‐up email from the hiring manager with any feedback whatsoever).

7. Advice
You’ve now read my warnings on why you should not become a graphic designer. Since you’re going to ignore
everything I’ve said (because it’ll be different for you!), here are some tips on surviving life while you pursue your pipe
dream of “doing what you love.”
Tip #1: Never move out of your parents’ house. The early years when you’re young are the years you will be most
successful; this is a time to hoard hoard hoard every penny you make ‐‐ when you become “too old” you’re going to
need them! Remember, you can’t miss what you never had; nothing hurts worse than losing your independence after
25 years.
Tip #2: Get married and HAVE CHILDREN – and do this before you are 30. My biggest regret is that I truly believed I
could be happy in life with just a career, so when I failed to meet any decent guys in this horrible state of
Stinkassachusetts and resigned myself to a life of being alone, I decided to focus on my career for fulfillment in life.
But when my career ended and I was left with NOTHING – too old for a job, too old for a date, too old to have kids – it
sent me into a serious downward spiral.
I cry for a few minutes every single day, and I will probably do so for the rest of my life.

8. Putting the emotional aspect aside, there are also financial incentives to follow this advice. In addition to benefiting
from a spouse’s second income, by the time you finally admit your design career is over due to being “too old,” your
kids will most likely now be over 21 and will probably have found gainful employment of their own (remember,
twentysomethings rule this economy, the world belongs to them!), and that’s bonus income. Guilt trip them into not
moving out (for example, threaten to have a yard sale and sell their childhood stuff and bedroom furniture).
Tip #3: Avoid the state of Stinkassachusetts. I’d actually recommend this to everyone in ANY field at all…this state is
decrepit (I will be writing more about this in Part 2 of this series). In fact, by avoiding Stinkassachusetts you greatly
improve your chances of not dying alone and childless as I will (see Tip #2).
“House Hunters” even did an episode about this ‐‐ see s38e10, “Change of Scenery to Chicago,” in which a single
middle‐aged Boston woman gets fed up with the horrible Boston dating scene. The last scene of the show has her
saying, “The dating scene in Chicago definitely blows Boston out of the water. Over the last four months, I've been
out on several dates with seven different guys. And compared to Boston, I did two dates in two years, so it's
definitely a step in the right direction.” Why the hell didn’t I do the same thing?)
Tip #4: Always be ready to start your new career in “something else,” so when the end arrives you can dive right in,
rather than being left scratching your head and asking “what now?”

9. In conclusion, become a graphic designer if you are filthy rich and/or have access to the fountain of youth. Otherwise,
I suggest you start getting excited by the thought of applying for minimum wage shelf‐stocker at Target and moving
into your mom’s basement at 47 (oh, and expect to be rejected by Target, I’ve learned they don’t hire anyone over
35). If you’re still not convinced on what a bad career choice this is, please spend some time reading the inspiring
stories in the “Graphic designer needs a change” thread over on the Indeed forum
(http://www.indeed.com/forum/gen/Career‐Advice/Graphic‐Designer‐Needs‐Career‐Change/t25289).
I will devote the remainder of my life to steering kids away from this horrible horrible field. I hope I live long enough
to see that the role of graphic design has gone the way of the milkman and the gandy dancer.