1. Wendy’s World: talking about life …
My Perfect Man
Have you ever visited a dating website? A website where you look for a man
or a woman for friendship. Or maybe more. I never have. But I’ve
sometimes wondered, if I did, if I actually visited a dating website, how
would I describe my perfect man?
Sometimes it’s easier to say what we don’t want. For example, I don’t want
a man with a big spot on the end of his nose. Or, I don’t want a man who
blows his nose on his sleeve. Or, I don’t want a man who reads computer
manuals all day and never talks to me or looks at me.
Also I definitely do not want a drug dealer, an accountant or a psychopath.
Do you know what a psychopath is? If you’ve seen the movie Psycho you’ll
know. A psychopath is a crazy guy who murders women for fun, usually
with a very sharp knife or a big axe. Then he chops the woman’s body into
little bits and flushes it down the toilet.
So, definitely, no psychopaths.
I like a man who can dance. Sometimes I dance all night and my man, the
man of my dreams, has to love to dance too. All night. But he must use
deodorant. A strong deodorant. My man will dance all night and never
sweat.
I do not like sweaty men. Also I do not like hairy men. Most of all I do not
like men who are both sweaty and hairy.
I like a man who can sing. I want a man who will write love songs just for
me. And sing them just to me. But he mustn’t sing in a café, in the park or
on the street. No, that would be embarrassing, very embarrassing.
My man should send me love letters, in the mail, not email, in pink
envelopes, pink perfumed envelopes. And he should send me flowers, red
roses, white roses, tulips, or whatever, I don’t mind. He should send me
flowers every week.
He should buy me presents. Nothing too big, nothing too grand or
expensive. Ear rings, bangles, a pair of sandals, or a necklace, maybe.
My ideal man would know how to cook. Because I can’t. I can boil an egg. I
can pour cornflakes into a bowl. I can make a cheese sandwich. I can open
a yogurt carton. I can grill a sausage. But I can’t cook paella or a vegetable
lasagna.
I can’t bake a cake either, obviously.
© www.englishteachersdb.com

2. My Perfect Man 2.
But I can eat. I can eat almost anything. And I do. So a man who could
cook up a few canapés, a tasty Thai green curry or a tiramisu would be just
right for me.
My man should have blue eyes. Eyes that remind me of the sky on a
summer’s day or the sea in a picture postcard. Of course the sea isn’t really
blue. It’s a kind of dirty green or brown. It’s full of oil, urine, sewage, shit,
dead fish and rusty bicycles.
But I want to look into my man’s clear blue eyes and forget that the world is
full of shit.
My man should never fart. At least not when I’m around. I don’t like the
sound and I don’t like the smell. I know everybody does it, even we girls,
but people, men and women, should fart in private, behind closed doors.
Definitely. My mother taught me that.
So, my man should never eat baked beans.
Also, he should not eat sardines for supper. Sardines stink. I do not want to
kiss a man who has just eaten a plate full of sardines. I do not want to kiss
my man and taste fish oil.
I want a man who knows how to clean glasses. I like to drink wine from a
shiny, sparkling clean glass. No finger marks, no lipstick stains, no sign that
someone else once drank from this glass.
My man should be bigger than me but not too much bigger. I don’t want a
man who could pick me up with one hand. Have you seen the movie The
Terminator? My man should not be a Terminator. Too many muscles.
But he should be handsome, good-looking, cute as we girls say. Of course.
Who wants an ugly man? Not me. Not anybody. But don’t worry guys. One
girl’s ugly guy is another girl’s cute guy. Even guys who fart have
girlfriends.
So what do you think? Will I ever find my perfect man? Is he out there,
somewhere, looking for me? I think he may be.
But if I bumped into him in the subway or the supermarket would I know
him? Would he know me?
Maybe I passed him on the street today and didn’t notice. Maybe.
© www.englishteachersdb.com

3. My Perfect Man 3.
Worksheet
How much have you understood?
• What sort of men does Wendy not want?
• Why does Wendy not want a psychopath as a boyfriend?
• What sort of letters should Wendy’s man send her?
• What sort of presents should Wendy’s man buy her?
• Why does Wendy’s ideal man have to know how to cook?
• Why does Wendy want a man with blue eyes?
• Where is it okay for people to fart?
• Why should Wendy’s man not eat baked beans?
• How big is Wendy’s ideal man?
• Why does Wendy tell ugly guys not to worry?
Make up a sentence for the following phrasal verbs:
• look for
• pick up
• cook up
• bump into (run into)
Make up a sentence for the following expressions:
• blow my nose
• full of shit
• I don’t mind
Discussion:
• How would you describe your perfect man or woman?
• Would you look for a partner on a dating website?
© www.englishteachersdb.com