1. florida and its wonders
this is not a penis i swear
a powerpoint by fellow florida resident
50spraysofglade
and edited by seymouria bc thank u
2. tHe BaSIcS
florida is the 27th state in the US
(and the most annoying)
(and weirdest)
also PENIS
and the most precarious??? look it could fall off any minute
and join cuba
biggest import
biggest export
mf oranges (the state used to be full of nothing but groves tbh) old people literally come here to die exciting right
3. basically alabama
tallahassee the capital
floridas slightly more antiquated
georgian south with rich
annoying spring breakers
conservatives
floridas deep
south pretty
much
buncha trashy spring breakers and tacky
rednecks tourist shops
suburban
dreamland damn
tourists
and
disney
world
florida’s cultural highlights
multicultural places
idk??? definitely
not “south” anymore
Rich old Jewish
people from NY
retire here
Also gay
Miami area the only cool part
of fl
aka little Latin America
key west is pretty bomb too
4. DISNEY WORLD AND BEACHES!!!!!
the only reasons tourists come here
happiest mf
place on earth
full of
screaming
deyhdrated sun
stroked kids
and parents
peaceful cocoa beach
way way WAY!!!! better than disneyland we actually have stuff here
florida’s most well known beach and most disliked
notorious
for annoying we also had an awesome
space station
spring
but it got budget
breakers cuts…thanks to the
and bikers government
really tacky and
ratchet dont come
thanks government u
here its dumb
assholes
5. WEATHER
OUR WEATHER IS BULLSHIT
lies all lies to be quite honest
summer is really
effing hot until it
rains for ten
minutes if u have a dog w a
in the afternoon coat like this and u live
in florida
effing humidity
it hates u
everywhere
plotting ur death right now
winter doesn’t exist pretty much
typical fl storm but people flip shit when it gets
lower than 60 degrees (and
anything below 60 is cold ok so be
quiet u dont know
what we have to go through during
that kind of weather)
we’re also the lightning
capital of the world or
something like that this tree is suffering from a hardcore blizzard
also wat r seasons???????
6. and then these assholes
beep beep comin through
they come during the bitch lmao
summer and fall months
and tear shit up
some are really bad but for
the most part they kind of
just show up and annoy us for
a few days and then leave our
roofs half missing
sucks if ur name is on the hurricane name list hahaha
smell that
that’s the smell of safety
7. politics lol
SO THIS ASSHOLE
is our governor
nobody likes him.
nobody.
its not even just because he
looks like an overly
flamboyant
form of voldemort
he is
btw we
voldemort “u could’ve had it allll”
suck at 2014 guys
2014
elections
(charlie crist btw)
this
was literally
us two days god dammit florida its
after Obama
won every fking year with florida let me
u help u with
that we also didn’t
lol one ballot
o wait AH AH AH
get our shit
our count
was due on two ballot AH together in
election
night???
AH AH 2000 so yeah
every other
state hates us
8. oh and this is our capitol
yes it basically looks like two certain male appendages
it goes well w/ our government
9. college football
is kind of a big deal ok
florida state university
university of florida
these two teams are the most
notable and popular
u and/or ur family root for one
team and one team only
and ur part of a (really dumb)
ongoing war with each other
if u and/or ur family arent die
hard fans of
this one is **technically** the
“better” school academically not
either team u probably just ride this one has very
gonna lie but it has really ugly the bandwagon esp when it comes pretty team colors
!!!!!!!!!
team colors
to the rival game in november (or u
just don’t care either way bc ur lame) (jk)
if u say u root for “both teams” ur kind of an asshole tbh
unless ur not from here then ur forgiven (for now)
some other important fl colleges
10. IS FLORIDA A “SOUTHERN STATE????”
the biggest question of all time
i have the answer.
this part of the US
is considered “the south”
canada
east
west this is florida
notice how it’s even
south further
“south” than where the
chart specifically says
“south”
SO FLORIDA IS PRETTY MUCH AS SOUTH AS YOU CAN GET
THERE’S YOUR DAMN ANSWER
ARE U HAPPY
12. old people
Old people are so prevalent in this state
there’s a giant fking retirement
community that acts as its own
city/county with a school system, a
newspaper joint, and several shopping
this is why driving is so hard in florida
centers
shh be very quiet when approaching privileged
rich white senior citizens in their natural habitat
this place is actually the STD capitol of the US what
13. food!!!!!!
we also specialize in stone crab and other seafood
that actually looks pretty creepy don’t let it stare at u
everyone knows about key lime pie we also really like sweet tea yall
this is fried gator tail no lie it’s actually good
we are the head
bitches of the citrus
industry
14. of course our lovely wildlife
and the worst of the worst
they steal ur food and poop on ur cars
