The document provides fashion advice discouraging the wearing of newsboy caps unless working at a 200+ year old golf course, mesh clothing outside the gym without further explanation needed, sportswear from schools not attended to avoid dishonoring alumni, sweater vests which keep only 1/6 of the body warm, Crocs which are the new socks and sandals in one and smell bad after an hour, Hawaiian shirts when plaid exists, and ascots without also wearing a frock coat and Homburg hat.

1. NEWSBOY CAPS
There are far more dignified ways to keep a balding pate protected from the
elements, or draw attention to your sense of style. Unless you’re the clubhouse
manager at a 200+ year old golf course, leave it on the rack.

2. ANYTHING MESH (OUTSIDE THE GYM)
We really don’t feel that any more explanation than the picture provided should be
necessary.

3. ANY PIECE OF SPORTSWEAR FROM A SCHOOL
YOU DID NOT ATTEND
Don’t dishonor the proud alumni of Biglerville High School (Home of the Canners) with
your poor performance at your co-ed kickball game, no matter how great the logo is or
how cheap it was at Goodwill.

4. SWEATER VESTS
“I need something that keeps exactly 1/6th of my body warm”, said no one, ever.

5. CROCS
The new socks with sandals, now in one convenient package. Nobody cares how
comfortable they are—after an hour of wear they smell like a YMCA shower curtain.

6. HAWAIIAN SHIRTS
You’ve heard of plaid, right?

7. ASCOT
Unless you’re going to wear a frock coat and Homburg as well. Do it right or don’t do it
at all.