1. How to PRO-test.
Protests are fun, Especially when you don’t get killed, injured or worse…arrested.
Here is a simple five-step guide of how to protest like a pro, inspired by the triumphs
and mishaps of the National Union of Student’s Anti-Budget’14 rally (21/5/14).
1 Respect yourself, Respect your cause.
Chances are, you and your comrades are probably protesting for a half-decent cause,
that all people with half a brain should agree with. If this is so, please stay ice-cool. If
Ghandi and his followers could gain India’s independence through peaceful protests,
you and your friends surely do not need to start a fight. So please don’t fight, don’t
burn, or throw things. This wont help your cause, all it will do is ensure that there the
next day’s headlines will belittle your protest, and paint you and other protesters as
“angry, wild, young people’.
When this happens, unfortunately the media-machine and indeed the public will see
your cause as illegitimate.
And remember, your personal safety should be your first priority. If a policeperson
asks you to move along, just move along. It isn’t worth being defiant at this time.
Getting arrested or injured by police seriously will not help your cause…
2 Steer clear of uber-radical groups
Even if you happen to be a member of an ‘uber-radical group’.
At every protest, there will be a bunch of people who will always take things
just a little too far. It is quite easy to pick them out from a crowd- at first they are the
ones who chant just a bit louder than everyone else, then they are the ones going past

2. the barriers, then ones verbally abusing bystanders. They are the people who think it’s
a good idea to set the budget alight with mentholated spirits…
These groups are the first ones to get rowdy, and once things get pear shaped for
them, everyone nearby can get in the crossfire. This includes you! Moreover, in the
heat of protest, they may try to convince you to do something you might regret, such
as breaking police blockades…
So when they lure you with questions like “are you interested in our movement”, and
when they try to sell you their newspaper, just smile, say you need to go and see your
friend in the and WALK AWAY, don’t look back…
3 Brownie points for cool chants.
What’s the point of a protest without chanting? “No if’s, No but’s, No Education
cuts” and “No cuts, No fees, No Corporate universities”. The key here is rhyme,
simple, at times broken, sentence structures, preferably with a “dah-da duh-da, duh
da-da-da-da duh” pattern, and a lack of big words. In a chant- “Big words, No rhyme,
total waste of time!”
4 More brownie points for punny signs
Examples from the NUS rally in Melbourne include “Chris Pyne puts the ‘N’
in Cuts”, “education shouldn’t be a debt sentence”, for all the Game of Thrones fans
“I prefer Joffery”. I mean, what’s the point protesting if you aren’t witty?
5 When in doubt- pretend to be a journalist
Just walk off to the side, get out your DSLR or Smartphone and start taking
pictures. Or alternatively, get out some pen and paper and begin to doodle. Pretend to
talk to the fine fellow from the ABC next to you. Look serious. …Look very serious.
The fact is journalists have all the fun at the protests. They experience the atmosphere
but police doesn’t constantly threaten them… However, pretending to be a journalist
only works if you stop chanting, stop holding signs, and if you aren’t wearing a t-shirt
that says “Fuck Tony Abbott” or similar.
But even so, if you feel uncomfortable at a protest, if you need some space, locate
where the news people are and walk over to them. The general rule is that the
journalists are always going to be as close to the protest as you can be without being
unsafe; also they will almost always be in a position where they can quickly escape
the deluge of people, if need be. Once you find them you will be in a place where
there are less people kneeing and elbowing you while screaming in your ear, making
your protest experience far more comfortable and enjoyable.
Julia Pillai