Relationship

2. •Identify and compare ways of establishing relationships and managing
changing relationships.
•Identify the effects of changing situations, roles, and responsibilities on
relationships and appropriate responses to cope with these.
I am able to:
•Understand the changing nature of relationships with my family through time, and the
importance of these relationships.
•Acknowledge the importance of friends and friendships.
•Build relationships with other people to assist in my overall feelings of self-worth and general
well-being.
•Communicate by controlling many things at once, which is a skill I need to be an effective
communicator.
•Understand that relationships change as I get older.
•Develop a personal code of integrity to guide me in my relationships in the future.

3. Human beings are social beings. We cluster together in cities rather than spreading ourselves across the land. We
constantly interact with others in various ways and at many different levels as we share our diverse skills for the good of all.
In the process of living in our society, we enter into a wide range of relationships. Those who value and build strong,
positive relationships add to those people and in turn are added to in many ways.
Our relationships build and evolve over time, starting within our family and gradually moving out into the wider world.
Our first relationships once we are born, are with our parents. They see to our needs in terms of food, shelter, hygiene,
clothing and of course love. In turn, we as babies feed back to them perhaps by gurgling and smiling, filling their lives with
joy, or maybe by crying and struggling, creating stress and a sense of failure in our parents.
Gradually our relationships broaden to include other family members; our brothers and sisters, grandparents, cousins and
so on, who are regular contributors to our lives. From them we receive education, companionship and other treasures.
Our effectiveness in encouraging their interactions with us, will influence how often and how positively they do so. The
more they enjoy their interactions with us, the more often they will want to spend time with us.
As we grow older again, we may begin to attend playgroups and preschool groups of various sorts. In these situations,
most of us begin to develop our first relationships with friends. At first they are often rocky. We have to learn to share and
communicate our wishes and feelings to people who have not lived closely with us.
Gradually, however, we get better at thinking of the other person in our relationships. Then they become smoother, though
even at our age, there is still plenty to learn and things don’t always run smoothly.
Building positive relationships is a real skill requiring good communication and care for others. That includes feeling
responsible for the outcomes created by your actions.
Increasingly we can meet our own needs for food, shelter, hygiene and clothing but we still need other people for our
important special relationships.
Gradually, we move from liking people especially well, to the formation of special close relationships and even love for
someone beyond our family. When such relationships last, they are often the starting point for new families to form. But
like other relationships, they too must be worked on.
Good communication and taking responsibility remain important foundations to build on.

4. TASK
2. What would your definition of a ‘relationship’ be. Use a 1:4:P:C:R (1 person
defines, share with group of 4, Publish, Circle, Refine).
3. Who is your first relationship most likely to be with?
4. What are you likely to receive from it?
5. What might you contribute to it?
6. In an approximate order, what relationships are likely to develop as you grow
older?
7. According to the text, which people are most likely to be successful in our
world?
8. To develop good relationships with the people in your life, how might you
proceed?
9. Give an example of the importance of the following things to the development of
a good relationship:
Giving to the other person
Good communication
Taking responsibility

5. TASK
• Family relationships are very important
throughout life. Using a Round Robin, with
the sheet of paper provided for you, briefly
explain some of the important benefits of
having a good family relationship at the
following points in your life:
3. Your first 3 years of life
4. Your teens
5. When you have a young family of your own
6. In your old age
Rule 1: 1 person read all responses to group
Rule 2: Add more responses to the new sheet,
but DO NOT repeat anything.
• Explain what you think, are the 3 most
important things you can immediately do to
further build and retain good relationships
with your family now and throughout life.
DISCUSSION
Students’ responses. Note that families meet
our physical needs from birth but gradually
these are met by ourselves and others in later
life. However, our mental, social and spiritual
needs will always be met to some degree by
our families if we keep good relationships with
them. “Blood is thicker than water!”
What do you think family relationships were
like for people in the past, especially the early
settlers? (Use a Venn diagram to compare)

6. GAME
Form a doughnut. Face one another and
in pairs study each other for 1 minute.
Now turn and face away for 30 seconds.
Each person must change two things
about their appearance. Face one
another again. Try to spot the changes.
DISCUSSION
Showing a real interest in another person
is one of the best ways of showing real
friendship. For 1 minute discuss with
your partner how you can show a real
interest in your friend.
With whom and how do you think the
early settlers made friends?
Would it have been easy? Why/why not?
DEMONSTRATION
Catch the ball.
DISCUSSION
How did you feel when excluded? Included? From
this, we can see that we all need to feel included, and
that excluding others can be very hurtful to them.
Give me some examples of when you have been
excluded and how you felt.
What other things can you name that are very
important to forming good friendships?

7. TASK
2. List the qualities you think are important
to be a good friend?
3. Which of these qualities do you
consistently provide to your friends?
4. Which of these qualities do your friends
consistently provide to you.
5. How important is it that friends have a
lot in common? Explain
6. How can you make new friends?
7. Where are some good places to make
new friends?
8. Name 5 activities that are fun to do with
friends.
DISCUSSION
friendships.
Look at your answers for Q4-7.
How does peer pressure impact on friendships
(negative and positive)?
Friendships are a major source of our social
well-being so we need to ensure that we are
good at making and supporting our
As friends, we must make wise choices and
we shouldn’t require our friends to make bad
choices either.

8. ACTIVITY
Take a ball of string. Hold one end.
Throw the ball to another person and
state a relationship you have with that
person. That person repeats the
process and so on. Try not to pass the
ball to anyone else already on-line until
all the people are holding the string.
Allow the odd double-up if this is not
possible.
You should see and state such
relationships as:
-ride to school together on the bus
-same sports team
-live in the same street
-both in Room 1
-sit in the same group in class

9. TASK
2. List people other than your family and
friends with whom you have a
relationship (e.g. sports coach)
3. Order the importance of these
relationships to you, by numbering them.
4. Do you have a poor relationship with
anyone? Explain why you think that is.
5. Explain how each of the following can
contribute to the establishment and
maintenance of good relationships:
- being interested in the other person
- showing respect for the other person
- using good manners to the other person
- being assertive with the other person
- caring for the other person
- seeking to meet the needs of the other
person
5. With whom do you think the early settlers
would have had to form relationships and
why?
DISCUSSION
friends?
We can see from the ball of string activity that there
are many different sorts of relationships, some
closer and some more distant, but we all can see
that a good relationship is the result of doing the
things listed in Q4.
What sort of needs are met by people you have
relationships with, who are not your family or
Which of these relationships assist your overall
feelings of self-worth and general well-being?

10. GAME
Each student to take a piece of paper from the
pile and work around the class to meet and
form a picture. This is your group for the next
game.
DISCUSSION
What ways did we communicate to find who our
partners are? (Speaking, Tone of Voice, Body
Language).
Rate the 3 areas as percentages adding to
100% in terms of their importance in the way
we communicate. Discuss the estimates.
Research suggests that for any message the
actual weighting is approximately 7% the words
we say, 23% the tone of voice we use, and
70% the body language we use.
GAME
In your groups of 3, you have to spend 2 minutes
communicating without words. How much have you told each
other by the end? Ask the other two to tell each person what
that person told them, to check if all 3 have the same
message.
DISCUSSION
POINT
Do you now have an idea of how difficult it must have been for
the early settlers and the Maori people to communicate. List
some of the ways they may have misinterpreted each other
and what the consequences might have been.
When we are communicating there are many things that can
be said with the same words, e.g. ‘I’m not going to town’. Try
saying the sentence several times, each time accenting a
different one of the underlined words. How does its meaning
change? What other variations can you make on the
sentence if you use both tone of voice and body language?
So the next time someone says to you, ‘It wasn’t what you
said, it was the way you said it,’ you’ll know what they mean.
Also, different cultures have different ways of saying things
too, which you need to consider. Communicating involves
controlling many things at once, and you have to become
skilled at it, because good communicators are very healthy,
happy and successful people.

11. GAME
Stick a label onto another person’s
forehead without them seeing what it says.
Each label has a career written on it. You
have to find out who you are by talking to
various people. No one is allowed to ask
or tell directly, but instead you have to ask
interesting questions about the other
person’s career and they about yours, until
you can guess what you do. You have 10
minutes for this. Then you will sit down and
tell me what you do before taking off your
label.
empowered.
want you to stop.
ASSERTIVENESS
In relationships we are sometimes confronted by
aggression, lack of respect or other situations
which hurt our feelings. Part of good
communication is to be assertive at such times to
express your feelings without accusing or
otherwise inciting the other person involved. If
they don’t know you were hurt by their actions,
they can’t act on that knowledge.
All you have to do is clearly state using the word
‘I’, how you feel and why. That leaves it over to
the other person to act or not. It’s better to
express your feelings rather than bottle them up.
It can also help you, the speaker, feel more
e.g. I feel angry when you call me that name, so I
Use the next 10 minutes to practice making ‘I’
statements to each other. Some students can
share their statements with the class at the end
of the session.

12. DISCUSSION
Look at the diagram
and note the gradual
change in the
relationships we have.
Think of people you
know at each stage.
How are each of the 4
needs met at each
stage, as the
relationship changes
as we get older:
-Physical well-being
-Mental/Emotional
well-being
-Social well-being
-Spiritual well-being

13. DISCUSSION
In small groups think back as far as you can
remember to the relationships you had with other
children. Compare them with your relationships
with your peers today.
How have they changed as you have grown older?
How do other relationships change?
How have the relationships changed between
Maori, NZers, and immigrants over they years?
Have they got better or worse? Why do you think
that?
Relationships are so often damaged because
people lash out and say or do things without
thinking of the consequences. They may regret
them later, but the damage is done. This is why
we need personal integrity, based on clear
personal principles to guide us as we meet the
various changes that come as we grow and
mature.

14. TASK
2. What sort of person do you want to be when you’ve grown
up?
3. What sort of work will you do?
4. What sort of people will you mix with?
5. What about friendships? Who will your friends be?
What will they bring you?
You bring them?
8. Will you travel? Who with?
Why will they want to?
9. Will you have a house? Who will share it with you?
What will you be to them?
What will they bring to you?
You bring them?
12. What words will describe your closest relationship?
13. How will you create this lifestyle for yourself?
14. What skills will you need?
15. Personal qualities?

15. Would a best friend
Eat your last sweet
Talk behind your back
Have a party and not ask you?
Mine did.
Would your best friend
Borrow your bike without telling you
Deliberately forget your birthday
Avoid you whenever possible?
Mine did.
Would your best friend
Turn up on your bike
Give you a whole packet of your favourite sweets
Look you in the eye?
Mine did.
Would your best friend say
Sorry I talked behind your back
Sorry I had a party and didn’t invite you
Sorry I deliberately forgot your birthday
-I thought you’d fallen out with me
Mine did.
And would a best friend say
Never mind
That’s OK.
I did. Bernard Young