Healthy Voices - Session Three - Writing - Course notes

Healthy Voices is an initiative of
Bayside Medicare Local
Course Notes
Session Three – The Mechanics of Writing

Introduction
Session 3 builds on some of the themes covered during Session 2. We look in more
detail at aspects of the writer’s voice as well as exploring many of the Do’s and Don’ts of
writing. By the end of this session you should be able to define who you see as your
audience and understand, in more detail, the writer’s voice you will use to engage them.
During the previous session we considered aspects of the art of story-telling. We
considered how to source ideas and then craft a story around that idea. This session
refines that further, allowing you to revisit that story and hone your writing skills.
Defining Your Audience
Are you embarking on a project that seeks to speak to a small part of the community, or
a broader cross section? Are you targeting specific interest groups? Or do you seek
mass appeal?
If you are not yet sure who you are writing for now is the time to sit down and try to
define it.
Let’s consider a restaurant review blogger. Their target audience might be:
1. Themselves
2. Their friends
3. People who eat out with kids in: a part of Melbourne/anywhere in
Melbourne/anywhere in Australia/anywhere in the world.
4. People who eat out in: a part of Melbourne/anywhere in Melbourne/anywhere in
Australia/anywhere in the world.
5. Anyone with an interest in food in: a part of Melbourne/anywhere in
Melbourne/anywhere in Australia/anywhere in the world.
6. Anyone who might read a blog
The broader the target audience the broader their subject matter will need to be in
order to be relevant. If the blogger was simply looking for a readership drawn from
people who eat out with kids in Melbourne’s north then the majority of their posts will
be about family friendly restaurants in Melbourne’s north. However if the writer is

aiming to attract anyone will an interest in food anywhere in the
world their posts will need to be a lot more diverse in order for their site to be
‘important or interesting’(see Session One) to their target audience.
If they are targeting an audience drawn from people who eat out with their kids then
their content detail should reflect that. They will mention whether the menu is child
friendly, details about high chairs and pram access might be relevant and they are
probably more likely to review places that open for lunch.
If however, their intended audience is broader, then information contained in their posts
should also be broader. They might review restaurants from a wider geographical area,
content might include: advice on the best places for romantic dinners, and critiques of
wine lists and more sophisticated dishes are likely to be reviewed.
Finally, if they are interested in a really broad audience (eg. anyone who might read an
internet blog) their writing will need to be impeccable, engaging and sufficiently
entertaining to enable them to move beyond the restaurant reviewing niche.
Task: Define who you are writing for. Consider what implications writing for that
audience has in terms of the tone, language and content of your writing.
Writer’s voice
Once you have defined your audience, considerations around writer’s voice that we
began to explore during Session 2 become even more relevant. A distinct, well targeted
writer’s voice is a key part of engaging your target audience.
What is writers voice?
Writer’s voice is the distinct personality, style, or point of view, of a piece of writing or
other creative work. It can be broken down into a number of components:
Language used: Consider the impact on voice of the use of slang, formal language,
technical language, language associated with the young, or the old.

The following excerpt is from James Kelman’s Booker prize winning
novel ‘How late it was, How late’1:
“At least he hadnay sawed off a finger. He gathered up the newspaper page with
the wood shavings and folded it into the rubbish bin. When he returned the tool to
the guy he kept his hand out: I'm Sammy, he said.
Boab, pleased to meet ye.
They shook hands.
Didnay take ye long, said Boab.
Naw it was just a wee footery job. Good saw by the way, good feel to it.
Aye like I says it was my fayther's. It's been in the family for donkeys'. I think it was
my grandfayther's.
Is that right? Hh! Heh ye wouldnay have a bit of sandpaper?
Naw son sorry, ye're unlucky; I had some but it's away.
Just thought I'd ask”.
For many reader’s Kelman’s words are impenetrable, the Scottish street slang too difficult
to grasp, at first glance at least. The language does set a scene though, the writer’s
unique and distinctive voice shining through. His is a voice that is both loved and
loathed across the literary world.
Tone of the writing: Sarcastic, ironic, smug, powerful, informative, arrogant, friendly,
conspiratorial, familiar. Writers use tone to; convey messages, persuade, inform,
highlight and so on. While a distinct tone is more obvious in some writing than others,
good writing tends to have an identifiable tone/s.
Mood of the writing: Sometimes voice is about the mood of the writing: It might be:
Sombre, optimistic, questioning, impatient.
Rhythm: The writing may have a rhythm: Easy going, relaxing, upbeat, fast paced
1
http://www.randomhouse.com/boldtype/0497/warner/kelman_excerpt.html

Think about David Attenborough and his speech. His is a distinct
voice, uniquely trusted. You will find many clips on You Tube narrated by him. Listen to
the first minute or so of this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JmrmwIyhAE and
examine how he uses rhythm and tone to; draw in the viewer in, and ensure they
understand the issues he is raising.
Style: The style of writing may define its voice: Enquiring, thoughtful, reflective,
opinionated, uncompromising, demanding, and/or authoritative.
Pitch: Pitch can also be a determinant of a unique writer’s voice. It may be: hysterical,
laid back, shouting, or downbeat.
Explore Robert Fisk’s writing: http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/robert-fisk-
how-does-tony-blair-get-away-with-his-lies-9538846.html, and more here:
http://www.independent.co.uk/biography/robert-fisk. Consider how he uses mood,
rhythm, pitch and particularly tone to focus your attention on his words.
Task: Think of at least 5 writers you enjoy reading. Spend some time considering their
work. Are they alike? In what ways? How are they different?
Consider your own writing voice. How would you characterise it?
Hear some tips on developing voice from Sarah Wilson:
http://www.sarahwilson.com/2013/12/how-to-develop-your-blog-voice/
Creating an online identity – Choosing a name
Every voice needs a name, and so does your online voice. That name might be the
name of your blog, of your site, your facebook page, or it may be a social media
persona or pseudonym. The name you choose is important. People will form an
opinion of you and/or your site based on its name. They may even chose whether or
not to bother reading your content based on your online name. Your name is part of
your brand so spend some time on this aspect of your project as you don’t want to be
stuck with something you aren’t happy with or which does not sell the story you are
seeking to tell.

There are 3 main things to consider when choosing a name. It
should:
 Reflect your site's contents or persona’s writing style
 Be memorable and attractive
 Be appropriate for use across all social media
People should be able to predict what your site contains when they hear its name. It
should be interesting and descriptive. Think about the blogs we have looked at during
these workshops. Except for a couple named after their authors, the majority have
descriptive names:
http://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/
http://ww2today.com/
http://www.humansofnewyork.com/
http://thegardendeli.wordpress.com/
The titles above reflect the content of the site their represent – either the sites subject
matter or writing style, or both.
Being memorable helps people find your blog or site again if they fail to bookmark it.
Even if they can’t remember the URL they can always use a search engine to find your
site. If your chosen name is either too similar to others, or isn’t memorable in some way
you may not be easy to find online.
The best names are ones which can be used across all social media. To build your
online brand you want to be able to use the same name across as many platforms as
possible. Before you chose a name it can be a good idea to check that no one is
currently tweeting, has a Facebook account etc etc, under that name. Even if you have
no current desire to use that aspect of social media, you may want to in the future.
Task: The name of the blog we set up as part of the training materials for these
workshops is Coburg’s Food. This name works on some levels but not on others. The
name is descriptive and it reflects its contents. It might be memorable, but probably

only if you live in, or near, Coburg. Its name is probably only going
to be attractive to people living in, or near, Coburg. That might be a good thing if that
is the audience the blog is seeking to attract but not if it is seeking wider appeal. As for
the final criteria: in theory it could be used across all social media but do you really want
to comment on Facebook posts as Coburg’s Food? Can you come up with a better name
for our blog? What are you planning to call yours?
In Summary
Throughout these first 3 sessions we have considered aspects of good communication
and in particular good writing. To summarise, good communication is: authentic, has a
distinct voice, is understood by its target audience and, in the majority of cases, seeks to
entertain, inform or persuade or all three. We finish this section of the workshops with
some Do’s and Don’ts of writing. The hints that will make you better writers and your
material a better read.
Writing Do’s and Don’ts
Generating ideas:
 Do carry a journal – ideas can strike at any time and it useful to record them
when they do.
 Do read as much as you can – reading generates story ideas, as well as extending
your vocabulary, it keeps you well informed and exposes you to new ideas.
 Do write something that resonates with you – if you are bored by your topic it is
probable that your audience will be too. If your topic resonates then you are
more likely to write with passion, flair and intensity, all of which will ultimately
make your writing more interesting to read.
Developing the skill:
 Do develop your understanding of the dynamics of language – language is key in
creating your writers voice, it is key in ensuring your meaning is understood and
it is key in keeping the audience engaged. Understanding how words work
together will help you develop in all three of these areas.

 Do seek to understand the rules of good grammar –
Grammar allows you to control how your work is read. It ensures that you are
understood. Anyone who has read the letters page of any newspaper, or have
listened to talk back radio for any period of time, will know that there are an
awful lot of people irritated by poor grammar. Good communicators don't always
use 'correct' grammar but it can help your writing to understand its rules.
 Don’t forget to use punctuation – Like grammar punctuation is key to ensuring
people understand the point you are trying to make. Use commas, use full stops,
use exclamation marks (but not too many), they will make your work a much
easier read if you used well.
 Don’t worry if it’s not perfect the first time – The world is a forgiving place. One
bad blog post isn’t going to mean no one will ever visit your site. Besides you
can always edit.
 Do solicit feedback – Feedback allows you to hone your skills. It allows you to
see your work as others see it. You don’t always have to agree with the feedback
or implement suggestions but you should always seek to find out what your
audience thinks.
 Don’t try to please everyone who gives you feedback - not everyone’s tastes are
the same.
Refining your writing:
 Avoid empty adverbs - Which of these sentences reads better: “the cup was
completely full of water”, or “the cup was full of water” ? Many adverbs are really
overused, completely redundant or totally pointless. Or to edit that sentence and
make it sound less like it was spoken by a 15 year old rolling their eyes, and
more like good effective writing: Many adverbs are overused, redundant or
pointless. For other examples of overused adverbs see:
http://falmouthinstitute.com/trisec/2011/02/avoiding-empty-adverbs/
 Watch out for repeats – pet words you use, over and over and over again.
 Avoid flat colourless writing. “The man stopped to tie his shoelace, before
opening the car door and driving to school. The journey took 15 minutes and he
listened to the radio the whole way”. Unless these things are somehow key for

plot development are they a really an essential thing for the
audience to know? They sure aren’t very interesting.
 Don’t add suffixes: “Selfishness”, “Harrowingly”, and so on, are all examples of
pointless and often irritating suffixes. Describing an act as selfish is always going
to be better than describing an act as an example of selfishness. Harrowing is a
really strong word until you put a ‘ly on the end of it.
 Telling is not as powerful as showing – Describe! This rule appears as rule 8 in
this blog post: http://www.holtuncensored.com/hu/the-ten-mistakes/.
 Trim fat – fatty words, fatty phrases, & fatty repetition . Fatty words are words
that are designed to sound impressive but do nothing to advance the readers
understanding or enjoyment of the written work. An example might be “I went to
the shop and purchased some clothes”, does that really sound (or read) better
than “I went to the shop and bought some clothes”? Professional documents in
particular often include fatty writing. If you would like to practice trimming fat
some exercises can be found here:
http://www.designsensory.com/pws/lesson3/lesson.html
 Avoid using too much jargon, Jargon has the potential to alienate parts of your
audience and should only be used where it either builds authenticity or is a
legitimate part of the ‘voice’. Acronyms count as jargon, limit their use to
situations where you are sure they will be understood. Eg TAB is far better
known than Totalisator Agency Board.
 Use the right words. Precision is important. Vague words can be misinterpreted.
Ensuring Productivity:
Don’t check social media during your writing time.
Resources:
Stories in one sentence – see how powerful brevity can be: http://www.onesentence.org/
Writing exercise ideas: http://flyingcarstrategies.com/9-exercises-writing/
Writing Authentically: http://hq.squidoo.com/tips/authenticity-matters-3-tips-for-more-
genuine-writing/

Writing task: Read this blog post:
ZAATAR – Lunch for two for $2.00?
Where in Melbourne can you get lunch for 2 people for $2.00? Coburg – that’s
where. At Zaatar on Sydney Road $2.00 buys you two (delicious) zaatar topped
pizzas and in case you want something to wash them down with there are
bottles of tap water and glasses ready on the bench. Zaatar is situated on the
Corner of Sydney Rd and Munro St in Coburg. There is easy parking nearby and
the Sydney Road tram stops right outside.
The restaurant takes its name from the Middle Eastern spice mixture (zaatar)
which includes a wild thyme or oregano, sumac, sesame seeds and salt.
According to local rumour it is run by George, Ameen and Wadi Choueiri, sons
of the founder of A1 Bakery. After A1 was sold they apparently fell out with its
new owners and set up by themselves. Maybe this is true, maybe not, but either
way it doesn’t affect the quality of the food.
When I visited (not for the first time) last week - a lunch reward for a 4 year old
who had behaved impeccably at the dentists - I was feeling rich so we splashed
out on more than just the pizzas. We had the mezze plate with dip and salad, a
cheese pie, a latte, and a gingerbread man.
The mezze plate allows you to choose 3 mezze – I had a potato and pea ball,
the pumpkin kibbeh and cheese pastry called a sambousik. Of these the cheese
sambousik was, for me, the clear winner. The pumpkin kibbeh was pleasant
enough and the potato and pea ball was OK- not bad just unremarkable. There
were some meat options but I ignored them in favour of the veg. Which brings
us nicely on to the subject of salad.
The reason I go to Zaatar at least once a week is their Tabouleh. There are two
choices of salad to have with your mezze: Tabouleh and Fattoush. Whilst I
really like their Fatoush I absolutely love their tabouleh. Lots of parsley, lots of
tomato (yeah I know, not for everyone...) and a lovely lemony flavour. Zaatar’s

chefs seem to have an odd relationship with lemon. While the
Tabouleh and eggplant dip are beautifully acidic, their homous, for me, needs
more lemon. It’s really nice and smooth, but too too rich without the acidic
counterpoint. Anyway, today I chose the eggplant as that tends to be reliably
good.
My son, on the other hand, likes Zaatar for the cheese pies. Today he polished
his off before I could taste it, much like the gingerbread man he followed it with.
Previous experience tells me that this cheese pie was probably very similar to
most of the pizza/pie options: quick, easy, tasty and filling.
At Zaatar you order at the counter, get a number and your food arrives at the
table quickly. If you want to order more you go back up to the counter where
the service is efficient and friendly. The seating area is large (easier to get a
pram into the than equally fabulous Al Alamy up the road), and although it is
often pretty busy I have never not found a table. Zaatar is open until 8pm each
evening but is probably best suited to lunch when it’s noisy, busy and excellent,
excellent value. 8/10
Next week we are off to a Taste of Thai to see whether they deserve the ‘92%
like’ they are currently getting on Urbanspoon.
See if you can rewrite the above post using only 140 characters (the same as you get
when using Twitter). Then have a go at editing it using the rules detailed below.
Editing your story
We covered the first two steps in writing your story in Session 2 (Outlining and Building
your story). Editing your story is the final stage.
Editing your story can be hard. Many people find it hard to edit their own work. You
know what you mean and as a result it can be difficult to assess whether others will too.
Here are a few simple rules to keep your editing on track:

The 24 hour rule - Let it sit. Applying the 24 hour rule gives you time to digest what
you wrote. Removing yourself from the work (even if it is only for a day) tends to make
it easier to assess how easy your writing is to comprehend. It also allows space for your
emotions to change. Whilst you don’t necessarily want to lose the emotion in your
work. Things written under duress can be the incredibly powerful, but only when the
emotion on the paper is the one you want to express. An angry post about waiting
times at your local GP might not sit well within a blog about mindfulness, but it could
work really well in one which relies on describing day to day experiences for its content.
Edit for structure & content first then spelling and grammar later. It can be difficult to
edit for both structure and content at the same time as spelling and grammar. Edit the
structure and content first as otherwise you may end up editing material that you are
never going to use, or miss material you added after your spelling and grammar edit.
Reduce your word count. Most people overwrite; use unnecessary words and/or
superfluous sentences. Don’t be afraid to delete material that adds nothing to your
argument or narrative.
Don’t over edit: Over editing has the potential to remove all the individuality and
passion from your work. Once you have edited for structure, content, spelling and
grammar move on. You have other things to communicate about.
Editing Resources:
For an entertaining article about editing your novel: http://io9.com/5520058/4-danger-
signs-to-search-for-before-sending-off-your-novel
This completes the sections of the workshops on storytelling. Many of the concepts that
we have covered here will inform later sessions. Now is the time to put pen to paper if
you haven’t already done so. Now is the time to write.
End of Session Tasks:
Write your first story.
Decide on a name to use online.

Healthy Voices - Session Three - Writing - Course notes

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Healthy Voices - Session Three - Writing - Course notes