You’re a new mom, and like every new mom who came before you, and all those still awaiting their turn, you will forevermore agonize over how your decisions will affect your children, immediately and in the future. The weight of the world is on your shoulders because you know you don’t get a do-over. Make your decisions with a positive mindset, and you will do right by yourself and your family every time.

1. ADVICE FOR NEW MOTHERS
The Struggle Between Going Back To Work and Being a Great Mother
Make your decisions with a positive mindset, and you will do right by yourself and your
family every time.
You’re a new mom, and like every new mom who came before you, and all those still
awaiting their turn, you will forevermore agonize over how your decisions will affect your
children, immediately and in the future. The weight of the world is on your shoulders
because you know you don’t get a do-over.
Recently, one of my former students, Abby (not her real name) reached out to me about
a decision she made and was struggling with. During her maternity leave she had been
laid off from a job that had previously allowed her to work from home 4 days a week; a
job she had expected to go back to. Fortunately, after a brief search, Abby was offered
a position with another company. However, although her husband would be able to
work from home and stay with their baby, she could no longer do so. In addition, she
would now have to commute to work, extending the period of time she’d be away from
her family each day.
She was distraught and conflicted, expressing in an email, “I still can’t get past this
sadness and the overwhelming feeling of how I am going to be a great mother, wife and
employee, and make enough time for everyone, including myself.” A few days later we
got the chance to speak, and this is what I conveyed to Abby…

2. It’s not the circumstances, but the way you view and respond to the circumstances that
will affect the outcome and become your reality. It takes constant awareness and
practice to see and accept the situation at hand as a beautiful opportunity, the
universe’s perfect plan. In this case, it is an opportunity to be proud of yourself for
contributing to your family’s financial stability, and a rare chance for your husband to
forge a unique, and otherwise unlikely bond with your baby.
Being a “great mother, wife and employee” has everything to do with devotion and
commitment, which is not determined by time frame. My advice for new mothers? Be
fully present and “all-in” no matter what you are doing, and whether the measurement is
in minutes or hours, the quantity of time will be less important, if not completely
inconsequential.
Same thing when it comes to finding time for yourself – to exercise, to read a book, to
get your nails done – whatever it is that will clear your mind and give you a recharge. It’s
vital, but again, it is not the amount of time that provides the greatest benefit. Just the
act of creating even a small space for you (maybe during baby’s weekend nap time), will
be a constant subliminal reminder of your autonomy and your separate identity.
And a final truth, my friend and fellow mom… nothing lasts forever. Life moves quickly
and is always changing. What seems like a forever consequence of your most stressful
decisions, will soon reveal itself as a phase, an experience from the past for you to
merely reflect upon. Embrace every moment and every well thought-out decision you
make with pride and confidence in yourself, and I assure you, your reflection will not be
riddled with regret. To rephrase a very wise man’s quote: It will not be “the wind” that
determines your success as a mother, but “the set of your sails.”