1. 6/8/2010 Cope, Inc.
A Work & Life Article
Difficult People
Difficult people are part of life - at work and outside of work. Where two or more people gather together,
someone is likely to be or become difficult. It could be you.
We all have moments when we react in a hostile way, are indecisive or just don’t feel like being flexible on an
issue. Some people however, are difficult by nature and are consistently hard to deal with. The only way to
cope with their behavior is to learn how to minimize their impact.
What You Need to Know About Difficult People
Difficult people have learned that their behavior keeps others off balance and unable to work effectively. If
you passively accept their unpleasant behavior it will continue - their tactics work. When you respond in a
calm but firm manner however, you empower yourself and shift control away from the difficult person back to
the larger group.
How to Recognize and Cope with 3 Types of Difficult People
1. Hostile and Aggressive: these people try to bully and overwhelm by bombarding others like a tank with
hurtful remarks or they strike like a sniper, and then disappear.
1. The Tank - The bully who rolls over people like a tank has a strong need to prove that his view
of the world is right. The bully favors combativeness as a communication style and respects
confidence in others. Demeaning someone is one way to demonstrate combativeness and a
sense of confidence. The bully devalues people he believes lack these qualities. How to COPE
with a Tank - you can see them coming, because they roll over you
Let the bully rage for a short while until the anger loses some momentum
Remain in place and look directly at them
Do not worry about being polite
If interrupted, say, “you interrupted me, XXXX" calling them by their name
If seated, stand up. Try to get the bully to sit down.
Speak from your point of view -"In my opinion..."
Stand your ground without letting the argument escalate
2. The Sniper - If it is a sniper you have on your hands, then the coping tactics are different.
Snipers take shots at you or others that are harder to recognize. They use not-so-subtle digs,
gossip or they tease. The sniper craves control of the situation, but won’t say so. How to COPE
with a Sniper - they are harder to spot, because their tactics are subtle
Ask them to speak clearly and directly when they disagree
Call them out by asking, “That sounded like a dig. Do you mean it that way?"
If the sniping is in front of others, stop and address the attack then
Phrase your response as a question which gives the sniper an alternative to fighting
http://cope-inc.com/article2.php?a=diffi… 1/2

2. 6/8/2010 Cope, Inc.
If you witness a sniper attack between others, don’t put yourself in the middle - instead of
helping you may make others angry with you
2. Complainers: Complainers find fault with everything it seems, putting others on the defensive.
Complainers are either open with their criticism or private. If private, the complainer grumbles to one
person about another so that he or she remains without blame. How to COPE with the Complainer
Ask the Complainer for problem-solving solutions
Listen respectfully, letting the Complainer blow off steam
Repeat the suggestions so that the Complainer knows he has been heard
Be careful about agreeing with the Complainer - it may confirm that you are responsible
Don’t let the Complainer use words like “never" or “always" without specific examples
If appropriate ask for complaints and suggestions in writing
If the Complainer is accusing someone other than you, tell them to speak to that person - forcing
the direct involvement he wants to avoid
3. Naysayers: They are distinguished by their tendency to consistently view the glass half empty,
constantly emphasizing the worst of a situation. Naysayers can have a big impact on work groups that
are feeling discouraged about a project or an event. They tend to travel solo, but have the keen ability
to spread their pessimism to the group. How to COPE with the Naysayer
State your point of view with realistic but optimism
Don’t try to get the Naysayer to see the brighter side of things
Ask the Naysayer, “What is the worst thing that can happen?" - the worst is seldom the end of
the world.
The goal when coping with difficult people is to undo their controlling behavior so that you can get on with
your work. Only when their destructive attitudes fail to work will difficult people have an incentive to change.
We have described a few of the types of people that you may encounter at work. For more information and
assistance, we recommend that you call COPE.
Recommended Book Coping with Difficult People, Bramson, Robert, Ph. D., Dell, 1988, Audio CD, Simon
& Schuster, 2003. Written by: Michele Ginnerty, M.A. Edited by Mary Sue McClain
COPELines published by COPE, Inc.
This material may be reproduced without permission provided that it is not modified or altered in any way and
acknowledgement is made to COPE, Inc. All information on this site is © 2009-2017 COPE, Inc.
http://cope-inc.com/article2.php?a=diffi… 2/2