5 DANGEROUS phrases when preparing your wedding speech
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These are the phrases I hear over and over again when people talk about their wedding speech ... and they always worry me! So, I've put this together to help you learn from OTHER people's mistakes!
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5 DANGEROUS phrases when preparing your wedding speech
- 2. Hello! Thanks for downloading this free booklet! Over the years, I’ve worked with men and women of all ages to help them understand why they’re nervous, what effect those nerves are having on them and, most importantly, to equip them with the knowledge, skills and tools to overcome them. This free booklet shares the 5 most dangerous phrases I hear from grooms, best men, brides and parents. When I hear them, I know this person needs some help with their preparations! So, this is your chance to learn from OTHER people’s mistakes! Happy reading, and remember nerves CAN be fixed!
- 4. “I’ve found a place on the internet that will write it for me!”
- 5. What’s the problem? • Tough to find a great provider • Not YOUR language or personality • Time and money well spent? • Harder to learn / remember What’s the risk? • More likely to stumble over it (and then panic) • Attention on the page, not guests What’s the solution? • Use internet to get IDEAS instead • Involve friends who’ve done this before • Give it a go! Then build from there…
- 8. What’s the problem? • You’re ignoring the event… … and the emotions / stress you’ll likely feel What’s the risk? • Nerves come “out of nowhere” on the morning • Too little time to practice enough • Tempted to go back to comfort zone / switch to a toast instead What’s the solution? • Acknowledge your nerves! • Speak to someone you trust • Learn about nerves / adrenaline NoMoreNerves.com
- 10. “Shutting me up will be the problem!”
- 11. What’s the problem? • Bravado? Ignoring your real feelings? • Quantity DOES NOT equal quantity! What’s the risk? • A flood of talking with no structure • Speech goes on too long What’s the solution? • Again, acknowledge your REAL feelings • Practice out loud and time yourself • If you feel up to it, video yourself!
- 13. “It’ll be more natural and funny if I improvise!”
- 14. What’s the problem? • Presumes your brain will work! • Huge pressure at the last minute – when you’re already busy What’s the risk? • Adrenaline will override your creative and language functions • You struggle, notice yourself struggling and then freak out! • You race to the (premature) finish line What’s the solution? • Just DON’T rely on improvising! • At the least , prepare bullet points, but preferably the whole speech • Practice it at least a couple of times
- 16. “I’ll just have a few drinks beforehand and …”
- 17. What’s the problem? • Alcohol Vs Adrenaline: adrenaline will win …. for a while! • You realise you’re not feeling calmer and have no backup plan What’s the risk? • You either stop drinking and fly into a panic, or • You keep drinking and end up suddenly, and awkwardly drunk What’s the solution? • Have a social drink, but don’t RELY on it to calm you down • Have your speech prepared & rehearsed • Learn and practice other methods: Breathing “Inner soundtrack” Muscle relaxation
- 18. Well?! Have you caught yourself or anyone you know using these phrases?! This was kind of a light-hearted list, but if you HAVE said any of things, make sure to follow the tips I’ve given you and everything should be fine! If you DO feel like you need help, check out the next page to see what you can do to help yourself. Good luck! P.S. Will you do me a favour? Please share this with anyone you think will benefit, so we can help to spread the word that nerves CAN be fixed!
- 19. FREE 15 min. call to see if I can help you Discount on Coaching & Vouchers I want to help you! Sign up to my mailing list to receive: Yes Please!
- 20. www.NoMoreNerves.com Take control and achieve your goal derek@NoMoreNerves.com +353 (0)87 677 3417 NoMoreNervesCoaching @NoMoreNerves
Editor's Notes
- Hello! And welcome to the world of NMN My name is Derek and I’ve been coaching men and women for about 8 years now to help them manage their nerves and deliver a great wedding speech. In this video I’m going to share with you 5 phrases that I hear from people all the time. When I hear these phrases, I get a bit worried, so I’ve recorded this video to explain why and to help YOU learn from other people’s mistakes. I hope you find it really useful and, as a kind of “nice to meet you” gift, at the end of the video, I have a special surprise for you that I think you’ll like So, let’s start the countdown with number 5…
- <funny voice> OR: ‘A fella in work is going to write it for me’ OR: ‘My cousin is giving me the one he used for a wedding last year”
- Explanation Writing a speech feels unnatural, because we don’t do it very often, and very few of us were taught how to do it. And when something is tough or uncomfortable, what do most people do?? Yep – understandably, they usually avoid it, rather than learn how to do it for themselves. Problem? This CAN be done well, if you choose the right service provider, but I’d usually advise against it. It’s not in language you’re fully comfortable with (because they’re not your words); and it has someone else’s personality stamped on it. It will take time and money – both of which would be better spent with me ;-) It didn’t come out of your brain, so it’s going to be harder to put it back INTO your brain! Result / Risk? If they’re not your words, and it didn’t come out of your head, it makes it much more difficult to learn and get comfortable with the speech. You’re more likely to stumble over some words and phrases, so your attention is all on the words on the page / in your head, and not on the guests. Solution? Watch a few youtube videos, or do a google search for some ideas. That word is important – IDEAS, not exact phrases or jokes that are not in your type of language. Get help from a friend who is good at this sort of thing or has done it before. Finally, give it a go! The speech doesn’t have to be a work of art or a Shakespeare play! Just get writing some ideas and build on that. By writing it down and practicing it out loud (repeatedly!), you’ll know yourself if it feels right and can tweak it where necessary.
- Explanation? This is SO Irish – partly because we’re a fairly laid back culture, but mainly because we are not good at acknowledging our emotions and feelings. Hey, maybe you really aren’t that nervous … yet! You might want to come back to this video a few days before the wedding! Problem? Ignoring the event! Therefore not preparing for the speech, or for the stress and emotion that they will feel Risk? A total shock on the morning and a growing temptation to say that “it doesn’t matter anyway…” Which in turn means that your speech … will fall short of expectations … Solution? Acknowledge your nerves honestly and talk to someone you trust about the speech! Maybe read up about it on the internet, but be careful: all the reading in the world won’t add up to getting proper support from someone who has experienced it themselves.
- Explanation? Sometimes this is a genuine comment from the more extraverted among us! But, in my experience this is usually someone covering up their nerves with bravado – which is another form of ignoring their feelings (if that’s the case, then watch the “I’ll be grand” section again). Problem? OK, maybe you are genuinely chatty and have no problem with being the centre of attention – but quantity does not equal quality – ESPECIALLY for a speech! Risk? Your guests are subjected to a flood of talking that doesn’t have a structure, probably repeats itself, goes off topic and quite likely goes on too long. Solution? Again, it starts with acknowledging how you’re REALLY feeling. If you genuinely are cool with the nerves, then it’s a matter of being strict on yourself about preparing: decide what to say and not to say; write it down and practice it against the clock. 5-7 mins is the max! Get someone to listen to you or video yourself to catch yourself wandering off topic.
- Explanation? No one wants to deliver a boring, over-scripted speech, or to stand there reading it straight from the page, in a monotone voice. So, they often go too far the other way and think that NO preparation is more natural. Problem? You’re presuming or hoping that, because you’re normally chatty, eloquent and/or funny, that you will be able to come up with a brilliant (or at least half decent) speech in the moment. Risk? The adrenaline kicks in, your creativity and language ability go out the window. You find yourself struggling, start to freak out, and race to a premature and unsatisfactory finish… Solution? Just don’t do it! Improvising a good speech is very hard to do, even for the professionals. You don’t have to write every single word down, but if you at least have a skeleton outline with bullet points and key phrases, these will serve as lamp-posts to guide your way when the fog of adrenaline sets in!! (damn, that’s good!)
- Drumroll!
- Explanation? Ahh … good old Dutch courage. This advice is popular among men, and maybe one or two drinks would USUALLY make you a bit more mellow …. Problem? The thing is – when the adrenaline kicks in, the alcohol doesn’t have its usual effect of “depressing” your nervous system. It gets over-ridden … at least for a while. Risk? You realise it’s not having the calming effect you’d hoped for and one of 2 things can happen: you stop drinking, and fly into a panic because your genius plan didn’t work; OR You persist with your genius plan and your adrenaline eventually gets overpowered by the alcohol intake which, by now, is significant, and you end up suddenly, and awkwardly drunk. In neither case will you be fit to deliver a half decent speech. Solution? By all means, have a drink or two as part of your special day, but don’t RELY on alcohol to settle your nerves and turn you into a public speaking superstar! Rather than relying on alcohol to relax your nerves, learn and practice a few other methods. First up, the better prepared you are, the less nervous you’ll feel, so make sure to put in the groundwork beforehand. On the day, focus on breathing and muscle relaxation – you’re bound to be carrying some pent-up stress in your shoulders and neck, so take some quiet moments throughout the day to just go through some slow, deep breathing and relaxation. I’ll teach you how … but in the meantime, just hop on Google or Youtube for some ideas…
- Hello! And welcome to the world of NMN My name is Derek and I’ve been coaching men and women for about 8 years now to help them manage their nerves and deliver a great wedding speech. In this video I’m going to share with you 5 phrases that I hear from people all the time. When I hear these phrases, I get a bit worried, so I’ve recorded this video to explain why and to help YOU learn from other people’s mistakes. I hope you find it really useful and, as a kind of “nice to meet you” gift, at the end of the video, I have a special surprise for you that I think you’ll like So, let’s start the countdown with number 5…
- First off: if you have something important coming up in the next couple of months, then get in touch with me to arrange a FREE 15 minute callback to discuss your needs (yes – on my phonebill, not yours!). No pressure, just a chat that’s all about YOU and your goals. For the second bonus, I’m happy to offer you 10% off my fee for the standard NMN coaching programme, or if you have someone else who’d benefit from it, you can get 10% off the purchase of a voucher – this makes a great gift for people in your wedding party. To bag these bonuses for yourself, what you need to do is just watch till the very end of this video, click the link and sign up for my NMN newsletter. When you do this, I’ll also send you my blog posts and it’ll help us to stay in touch with each other. If you want that FREE callback, just reply to my email any time to arrange it. So, there you go - hopefully you’ve found this both fun and useful. Watch out for the blog updates arriving in your email and please help spread the word, by sharing and liking my stuff, that nerves can be fixed. Here come those details – bye for now!