Principle 1 no free lunch - take 100% responsibility of your life
Principle number 1
No free lunch - Take 100% responsibility of your life
v. 47 - When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have
mercy on me!"
Blind Bartimaues took responsibility for his healing- when he had it was Jesus of Nazareth
"There is only one person who is capable of setting limits to your
growth: it is YOU. You are the only person who can revolutionize
your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness,
your realization and your success. You are the only person who can
help yourself. Your life does not change when your boss changes,
when your friends change, when your parents change, when your
partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes
when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when
you realize that YOU are the only one responsible for your life.
We live in a generation that blames everyone else for its problems and circumstances.
Teenagers blame their parents, Parents blame their children, and Workers blame their co-
workers or their boss – and the blame game goes on.
When we blame others for our circumstances – it sucks the energy required to cause the
necessary change in our circumstances.
Son, if you can learn this early you will always remember that when you point your finger at
someone or some circumstances/ situation then you have three fingers pointing towards you
and the fifth one pointing above!
I learned early to take responsibility for my life:
At the age 11 and 9 years respectively, my elder brother and I chose to live with our paternal
grandmother – a wonderful woman of God full of joy - in Loitokitok, Kajiado District of the Rift
Valley province. This was 240 kilometers from Nairobi where our parents lived and in those
days the one way journey would take upwards of 12 hours due to the condition of the roads –
the roads were basically cattle tracks.
Our grandmother passed away when my brother was 12 years and I was 10 years old. As
expected, our parents then required of us to go back to Nairobi to stay with them since there
was no one to take care of us BUT we chose to stay put in Loitokitok.
Our father, a man who believes in the possibility of situations that are really difficult allowed us
to stay on, knowing that after a month or so we would be crying to go back to Nairobi. A young
man in the neighbor hood was asked to keep an eye on us and ensure our safety.
We took care of our cooking, washing, Laundry and basically all the chores in the house. We
would draw water for the use in house during the weekends, from the river that was 5 km from
home. The weekends were our “bath days”- and would ensure our cleanliness throughout the
Two weeks after the demise and burial of our granny, the young managers of the home forgot
the most important chore for the weekend– drawing water from the river for use in the house
for the week. As expect, by Thursday of the following week the water pots were empty.
This news were revealed when we got home and at about 6.30pm –having spent a good amount
of time playing on our way back from school.
Since it was too late to go to the river and we did not have water for the evening meal we did
what any 10/12 year olds would do.
After crying for a while, my elder brother asked a rhetorical question that I believe has guided
my life since then in taking full responsibility of my life.
“Suppose we cry until tomorrow morning, what will happen?” and I answered innocently –
“we will have no water and hence we will sleep hungry!”
A decision was made immediately to go to the river irrespective of the dangers and draw water
at that very hour.
Amboseli National park is a few Kilometres from Loitokitok and hence at the time wild
animals, lions, buffaloes, Elephants etc would roam in Loitokitok. We picked up the water jerry
cans and rushed to the river and came back with the water at around 9.30pm.
That single act has guided me throughout my life.
Let me ask you, who are you expecting to change your situation? It's time to make a smart move
and take control!!
Successful people in all fields have acquired and mastered a vital Secret Weapon- taking control
of their lives. They don't just do this during the good times; they take control all the time. If
something good happens, they know it is because of their direct efforts and actions. In contrast,
if things don't go as planned, they know that the finger points only at them. Mastering this
weapon means that there is no pointing the finger at anyone but the person in control. And that
person is you. Most people are quick to mention their contribution should something go
according to plan, yet they are the first to point fingers when things go wrong. You will notice
that these people are far from successful. Successful people take ownership of the decisions they
make, the good and the bad.
Remember that no one will ever want success more for you than you. I see people living life
thinking their family, friends, or strangers will someday give them what they want in life. You
have a better chance of winning the lottery.
If things are not going according to plan, then something needs to change. For things to change,
you must change. For your results to change, you must change what you are doing or how you
are doing it. Ultimately, making a change is in your control.
Will it come at a price? Absolutely.
But that is not the question you should be asking. The question is, what price are you currently
paying for not taking control? Compare this with the price you must pay to take control and
have the life of your dreams. Either way, you will pay the price. You might as well choose to
pay the right price and live the life you deserve. Take control.
If you were to think of life as a video game, who holds the controller when playing a game?
Sure, there are challenges flying your way, but only you are in control of your maneuvering. If
you don't like where you are in the game, then you move forward. If you stand still whilst in
combat mode, you will be killed. You are in charge of defending yourself and moving ahead in
the game. You must get to the end. You will get scared, hit, and defeated on occasion, but you
will survive and move forward.
There are two types of people in this world--those who are controlled by their environment and
those who control their environment. In the second group are the successful people who know
how to take control of their environment, never letting others dictate what they do or, more
importantly, how they feel.
Most people live life in reaction to the events and circumstances that surround them. People let
their environment or circumstances dictate what they do and how they think, feel, and act.
Rather than reacting, look at living a life based on your desires and requirements. People who
are distracted by everything happening in their surroundings do not excel because they are so
caught up with insignificant events. Many people behave in a reactive way to changes that
occur in their life. They spend too much time dwelling on past events. Their time and energy is
Incidents happen all the time. Think of them as the bugs that hit your windshield when driving
down the highway. The key is to simply take control of the wheel and look beyond the bugs to
the road ahead as you focus on getting to your destination. That doesn't mean that you deny the
fact that things can happen, and oh yes, things will happen. Work on being in complete control
as you come across challenging circumstances in life. It may be daunting at first, just like taking
your first baby steps, but have you thought about walking lately? Very quickly, new skills
Are you just going hope that something miraculous will happen in your life? Or will you
actively do something about your life?
The game of life must be played one way and one way only--on the offense. You must always
be one step ahead of the game if you want to win. If you are going to play on the defense, you
will end up watching things happen. Successful people always make their moves and preempt
the surrounding moves of other people and of circumstances. Playing defense will never get
you the results you want. Play the game on the offense and account for your surrounding
moves in advance. Again, this will come with practice. The more you do this, the easier it will
become. If you truly learn to take control, you will be the first to forgive in a situation. You will
be the first to admit your mistakes. You will be the first to make a move on a sale or sign a
business deal. You will be the first to show kindness. You will create the energy and motion for
others to follow.
Wouldn't the world be a better place when more people start to take control.
My son you and I are where we are because of the choices and decisions we have made about
Things happen that you can't control - but you can control your response. Let me repeat that.
Things happen that you can't control - but you can control your response.
I hear people say all the time. He makes me so mad or she makes me so mad.
Nobody can make you mad. You're the only person who can make you mad. People can do
things that upset you, things you don't like, and things that hurt you. But you decide how
you're going to respond.
A man went to an art gallery and was heard to ask the art dealer:
“ I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? “
Art dealer answered, “I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror! “
Nuggets of taking 100% responsibility for your life:
My son, follow the following steps to really take control of your life.
Realize that the most important opinion about you is the one that you hold.
Ultimately, nobody else is responsible for your life but you. Nobody else is accountable for your
actions but you. Therefore, nobody’s opinion about you is more important than yours.
Recognize that the most important conversations are the ones you have with yourself.
Whether or not you are aware of it, you have a running conversation with yourself from the
time you get up to the time you go to sleep. Your thoughts and ideas are “you talking to you.”
Have daily conversations with yourself that are supportive and reinforcing. We know the value
of talking to people who praise us, reward us, recognize us, are happy to see us, and let us
know they genuinely enjoy talking with us. Talk to yourself with those same qualities—silently
as well as audibly.
Develop a strong system of internal values.
Weigh what you hold to be true, good and lasting. Write down some of your values for periodic
review. Read material that reinforces what you hold to be significant in life. Know what you
believe and why you believe it. At times, have discussions—even debates—with yourself. Draw
conclusions about life. Think about deeper issues. Your values will greatly affect how you relate
to others. The stronger your values are, the greater the impact. If you are lacking in internal
values, you will tend to draw from and even use other people to try to mimic their behaviors, if
only superficially. Instead, seek to become a model, one who can help and give strength to
Don’t reinforce your failures.
Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street. Failure is a temporary setback, not a residence. Failure
is a learning experience, not a person. Like success, failure is a growth process, not a status.
Don’t wallow in your mistakes. Correct them and move forward. Failure is an event not a
Don’t demand perfection of yourself.
An A is usually awarded to the person who scores 75 percent or better in Kenya Certificate of
Education, and sometimes the score doesn’t need to be that high. In a football Match it matters
not whether you score 7-0 or 1-0, the fact is you have won the match and your cumulative
points goes up by 3!
Give your best effort every day and keep racheting it up and forward. Perfection is not only
totally unrealistic to expect and virtually impossible to achieve, but it greatly deters your ability
to move forward. The person who constantly looks over his or her shoulder at what might have
been done better can’t possibly be focused on the future. Drive with your eyes ahead; don’t
drive by concentrating on the rearview mirror.
Give each job or task your best effort.
Countless individuals say, when confronted with a chore, “I’m too good to be doing this.” They
have contempt for their current situation and position, and get discouraged easily. Success is an
accumulation of what you do in the minutes of each day. No task is too unworthy to do well.
There are no small parts—only small actors.
View the big picture of life.
Often step back from the landscape of your life today and take a long walk, ride a bike, or just
sit silently, observing the wonder and abundance of God’s creation in nature. You are a part of a
much bigger whole. Listen to the subtle rhythms of your environment. Recognize that you have
rhythms and cycles of change in your life. Relax and open up to the vast creative and
interrelated world around you.
To develop confidence, you must see yourself ultimately as a unique part of creation.
You must recognize—with pleasure—that nobody in the universe in the past, now or in the
future is just like you. You are special for your purpose on this wonderful world.
No one in the universe has exactly your temperament, history or experiences.
No one in the universe has your footprints, your fingerprints, your voice print or your genetic
No one in the Universe has precisely your set of talents, capabilities and skills.
You are one of a kind.
The value is there.
It just needs to be dusted off and polished.