It is hard to believe, but plpgsql used to be a thing. Now lost in all the hype of REST APIs and JSON wizardry, the idea of doing server-side database functions gives most people the shivers. But as it turns out, doing things server-side can be pretty useful. So useful that Postgres 11 recently upped the plpgsql game by introducing support for true stored procedures. What does that mean for you? It's time to take another look at plpgsql and what new options are available inside everyone's favorite database. This talk aims to cover A brief overview of postgres functions An equally brief look at plpgsql At least one slide on DO scripts A slightly more extensive look at the new stored procedure functionality A primer for advocating on using server side logic Always with the trade-offs Ok, plpgsql probably isn't going to take over the world, but its a handy toolset and one too many DBA's and Developers simply overlook in favor of more cumbersome solutions buried in their app code. We need to at least give it a fighting chance.