Our relationship didn’t happen overnight. Met in 2003 with AskAway project. ALA in Toronto in 2003 - (remember the SARS epidemic) and I ended up traveling by myself. I took a chance and asked to hangout with Stef and her husband Josh - and they took a risk and let me! The beginning…
Then, I invited her to join me at Altrusa -
Stef talks about Altrusa
Then, working together at SCLS - supervisor/employee. Then - when Stef became director at WiLS, our relationship changed again. No longer supervisor/employee, our friendship was allowed to be more important. We were able to collaborate on different types of projects - like this one. We’ve known each over 11 years now. The point here is that relationships don’t necessarily develop overnight - they need to be nurtured and developed.
Without trust, it is impossible for a relationship to be sustainable: personal life, professional life, collaboration.
3 elements to trust:
1. Predictability: act consistently positive 2. Dependability: rely on person when it counts 3. Faith: believe person will continue to act this way in the future
(Interpersonal COmmunication and Human Relationships, Knapp/Vangelisti)
Think about examples: people acting irrationally, “pulled the rug out from underneath”
Small tip? Be predictable, dependable
1972: ½ of americans felt most people can be trusted. (General Social Survey) 2013: ⅓ of people say so. And ⅔ of people say, “you can’t be too careful in dealing with people.” (AP-GfK poll)
If trust is the basis of strong relationships, what does this MEAN??
To me, you have a couple of choices: 1. Trust people: people are reluctant to do this because they don’t want to be the person who is fooled. let that go and assume that people are genuinely working toward the same goal. 2. Don’t trust people: You may be right, but you will always feel disconnected and afraid. Dealers choice.
This concept is near and dear to my heart.
I learned more about the concept of being authentic or genuine when I read the book, the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. What the author, Paul White, found was that “people want appreciation to be genuine” and that “while we all want to know that we are valued, we want to be authentic, not contrived.” We’ll talk more about appreciation in a little bit - I want to focus on the genuineness p art here.
Think about some of the people you know or interact with on a regular basis and think about your interactions with them. It doesn’t have to be someone you know well - it could be your next door neighbor, the barista at the local coffee shop or a co-worker. When you have an interaction with them, do you feel like the person is being real or putting on a front during their interactions with you? It may be subtle, but we can usually tell when someone is not being genuine or is trying too hard to be genuine. For example, in a previous position many years ago, I had a co-worker who was a little “too genuine.” Here’s what I mean by that - she was always friendly, polite and professional - but it came across as fake. Her friendliness was a little over the top if you know what I mean. It never seemed real to me. I understand the concept of fake it til you make it, but there has to be a basis of genuineness there, too.
The level of genuineness may vary a little bit, too based on the type of interaction. At an interview, you expect a candidate to be formal but also authentic. When you get to know a co-worker, they may lose some of the formality but the genuineness should remain and become more apparent.
Someone who’s not authentic isn’t someone with whom I’ll be pursuing a relationship.
Beyond Networking: WAPL 2014
Beyond Networking: Building
Meaningful Relationships and
Jean Anderson, SCLS
Stef Morrill, WiLS
I’m fine. How are you?
I was hurt when you said
that she is the most talented.
I’m a librarian.
I liked that movie.
Gut level statements:
I miss you.
The Vulnerability Spectrum
● Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and
Everything We Do by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman, 2010
● The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman and
Paul White, 2010
● Building Collaborative Communities - an Essay by Scott London
● The Power of Vulnerability, TED Talk by Brene Brown
● Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
● Know More about Building Community Collaborations (webinar) from
4/25/14 with Shawn Brommer, SCLS.
● Overcoming the Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni
Continuing Education & Multitype Consultant
South Central Library System