Personal Develepment To Discover The Source Of Your Anger


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By focusing on your personal development you can discover the source of your anger and create the changes needed to move past that anger. We all love to blame others for how we feel but I believe that we have full control over all our emotions, anger included.

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Personal Develepment To Discover The Source Of Your Anger

  1. 1. April 26, 2013Using Personal Develepment To Discover The Source OfYour AngerI just received an email from a subscriber in which theyshared with me a couple things they were struggling withand I wanted to create a post in order to hopefully startthem on a path of personal development that helps withtheir struggles, one being anger.There is an entire industry that focuses on people’sinability to control their anger. Some people do needtherapy to deal with these issues and that cannot beignored. However for most of us simply finding thesource of that anger and then choosing to take action on dealing with the sourcewill be enough to make a difference in our life.I am confident in saying that the source of your anger is usually not the externalfactors you believe it is but you. You are the source. That is what we are going toexplore today – how you are creating your own anger.ControlYou see I believe that all emotions can be controlled. We choose what to laughat, cry at and be inspired by. Anger is no different in the fact if we get angry it isbecause we consciously chose to be angry. In most cases no one forced us toyell, pound our fists, flip off the guy in traffic or storm out of the room.Getting angry over things we cannot control or believe could happen but haven’t isdetrimental to our happiness. A lot of anger comes from a place of feeling like weshould be able to control something we can’t. This is such a waste of our time andenergy. Try to let go of the things that make you angry that you have no controlover.This includes the traffic, the weather, the news, Bob at the office or the anger youfeel anticipating that something might go wrong. Anger is usually something youare a manifesting inside long before anything actually happens. Let’s use trafficas an example of an uncontrollable.Before you even leave the house you are angry at how traffic is going to be. Whydo we get angry at the traffic? How does it make sense to be in our car giving itto the traffic people whoever they are and wherever they are? They can’t hear
  2. 2. you! What a waste of precious energy. Why not look at traffic as the mini vacationit can be. Listen to a personal development audio cd, comedy or whatever but youhave the choice to make it what it is.You have the power to change how you look at life which in turns changes howyou live that life.All those little things that bug you at the end of the day are just all you. Youcannot change those things in life but you can seek to improve your outlook onthem. Do you know who is really bugging you? Yourself and that little voice insideyou that is telling you to be angry.The Little VoiceLet’s quickly examine this little voice just to be clear on how it plays a part in ouranger. Is your voice saying you should be mad because….You don’t make enough moneyYou don’t have the career you deserveYou don’t have the body you wantYour boss doesn’t appreciate or understand youPeople don’t treat you rightThe list can go on forever but I am here to let you know that you control what thatvoice is saying. The little voice wants to blame everyone else for why you feelangry and take no responsibility. Stop blaming everyone else for what you don’thave and see if it shifts the way you look at things.At the end of the day everything we have is a direct reflection of the effort wewere willing to put into it. Maybe you are angry that you know you could try harderbut just don’t. I can’t be angry at myself for not being a millionaire if I don’t want toput in the time and effort to become one. Maybe I will just be mad at the universefor not handing me the money. Ya right!Positive AngerHow can something as negative feeling as anger have any positive attributes?Well the fact is anger is not always a bad feeling to have if you use it to create apositive outcome. We assert ourselves better with a hint of anger but becomeaggressive when we let anger control us.Turn your anger into something positive that helps other people. If you take a look
  3. 3. at how a lot of change is created in the world it can usually be traced back tosomeone choosing to be upset by an event in their life. If it wasn’t for thosepeople feeling a need to take action on that anger vs. dwell on it we may not havepeople who work toward world piece, a green earth, join protective services orcombat cruelty to animals.Using your anger to take action in a positive way is the best method for dealingwith that anger.If you are not looking to change the world you can also exercise, exercise andthen exercise some more to combat the effects of anger. Once you become fullyself-aware as to why you are angry you will handle it better in the moment but untilthen you need an outlet for all that anger.This is especially true if you used to be physically active all the time and are notas much anymore. People do not realize the benefit the regular exercise wasgiving them because they never attributed exercise to reducing their anger.Find something you love like running, yoga, martial arts or whatever you find givesyou that release. Your body will not only benefit physically but your emotionalhealth will shoot through the roof. If you are going to choose to let things angeryou then you might as well benefit from it.Simply by adding back in the type of exercise you used to love to do you may findsome of that anger disappears. Who knows you may discover that the reason youwere angry with yourself is because you had given up a physical activity you lovedin the first place. You most likely will discover what you are blaming for “making”you give it up.AcceptanceFirst ask yourself are you angry at the fact you feel angry? The angrier you feelthe angrier you get. This is like adding gas to a fire expecting it to go out. Now isthe time to forgive yourself for feeling angry, for the outbursts and the needlesshurt you have caused others. Holding onto this will not allow you to makeprogress.Accept the fact you are angry and that you are responsible for your anger. Thatmay make some of you defensive and it is not meant to. I want you to feel asurge of personal power instead now that you realize you are the master andcommander of your anger.By acknowledging that yes you are angry with yourself for something you wish youwould have done or something you did that you wished you hadn’t you can be at
  4. 4. peace with it and start fresh. You will never deal with your anger by avoidingadmitting you are angry.Do not be ashamed that you are angry because out of that feeling you willbecome afraid to fully express your emotions in any way. Even when you havemastered your emotions you will still feel anger sometimes but it will come out aspositive self-assertiveness not as a self-destructive behaviour like yelling orovereating.Accept yourself for what you are right now and move forward.The Internal Source of Your AngerI will be so bold as to say almost all of our anger has nothing to do with what isgoing on around us and everything to do with what is going on inside of us. We areusually angry at ourselves for something. Blame your lack of money on yourcareer all you want but realize that it is you who wakes up each day to go to thatcareer. No one is forcing you but you.But Darrin, what about the bills, my family and my obligations? Yes we all havethose but that doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy to fulfill them. If you areunhappy with an area of life get to changing it. This may involve you leaving yourcomfort zone, taking on new skills and becoming someone you don’t believe youare capable of becoming. I believe you can.It can be difficult to break out of being routinely angry but I want you to see it forthe routine it is. If you wake up feeling angry before anything has even happenedto you yet then you need to discover the internal source of that anger. You arepreplanning being angry.We all tend to apply all of our past feelings to situations and always want tobelieve we already know what will happen so we can justify your anger. Justbecause it happened yesterday doesn’t mean it will happen today. Even if it doesthat doesn’t mean you have to react the same.You never give yourself the opportunity for those situations not to happen or todeal with them in a different way by starting your day angry. Even waking uptomorrow choosing to only plan on reacting to everything in a positive way is agood first step to take.What you have is the responsibility to not let others anger you through theiractions. You are most likely angrier at yourself for letting them make you feel thatway vs. their actual act of angering, you intentional or not.We are angry at ourselves for letting other people control how we feel.
  5. 5. Wake up each day and treat it exactly like it is – a new day. Free of the past andonly full of the future you choose to create. What would a day without anger feellike to you?Today we explored how the main sources of anger could be:You have given up something you loved doing; you believe you should besomething more than you are, you are trying to control the things in life youhave no control over and you are letting others control your emotions.There could be others so keep digging deeper until you find the source of youranger. It could end up being one main source that has controlled all of your anger.You never know until you take the time to do the work.The only feelings we feel are the one’s we allow others to make us feel. Realizingyou have that type of control means you can consciously choose your life.Take Action Request:As you can see this is one of the more lengthy posts I have written and this takeaction request will be more in depth also. If you struggle with anger please takethe time to do this.Get out your journal and write down everything that makes you angry right fromthe career you hate down to the fact your wife puts her socks on left foot first.Every little thing you can imagine that you know rubs you the wrong way. Now withthat do the following:Ask yourself why that particular thing makes you angryThen ask yourself why exactly that particular answer makes you angryThen keep going until the last answer sounds like “The reason I am angry isbecause I….” this is where you find the source of your anger and canacknowledge and take responsibility for it.What I hope you discover is how you are choosing to let those things anger you.This exercise should also help you come to the realization at how silly some of thethings are that you get mad at and really is just a matter of letting go.Your Life Your Choice Your DesignDarrin WigginsP.S. – Here is a link I found that has more great information on how to discover
  6. 6. the source of your anger.“Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rageleaves him less than he had been before – it takes something fromhim.” – Louis L’Amour