William Harryman, MSC, NCC, MS
Southern Arizona Center Against Sexual Assault
Southern Arizona Center
Against Sexual Assault
Anyone who has survived
a sexual trauma:
sexual assault, sexual
stalking, and anything
else that might be
Ages 12 and up
Female and male
24/7/365 Crisis Line:
520-327-1721 / 800-400-1001
520-327-1721; After Hours,
Walk-in clients in crisis are seen
between 8 am – noon ,
and between 1 pm – 5 pm
Acquaintance Rape is a sex
crime committed by
someone who knows the
victim - a friend, classmate,
relative, co-worker, or
someone you meet in a bar
or at a party.
As a sex crime, acquaintance
rape includes forced,
manipulated, or coerced
sexual contact, including
while drugged or sleeping.
Sexual Assault: a spectrum of sexual violence that
includes any sexual contact or activity without consent.
Coercion: any form of pressure employed to overcome
one’s ability to freely give one’s consent.
Sexual Harassment: any unwanted attention or advances
regarding sexual gratification, favors, or other verbal or
physical conduct of sexual nature.
Rape: any penetration (vaginal, anal, oral) with anything
(penis, fingers, objects) done without consent.
Sexual Exploitation: sexual abuse of a person through
the exchange of sex or sexual acts for food, shelter,
protection, other basic necessities of life, and/or money.
Consent: a clearly and freely given word or
overt action confirming a willing desire towards
and limited to a specific sexual request or
Consent cannot be provided by minors, or any
individual who is mentally impaired, including
impairment by intoxication through drugs or
Consent is an affirmative response.
It is NOT a lack of response.
Intrusion- Attempt by the offender to violate the
victim's personal space and level of comfort. May draw
close by revealing personal information or through
"accidental" touches and stares.
Desensitization- Occurs when the victim feels
comfortable with the offender and has come to regard
intrusive actions as no longer, or at least less,
threatening. The victim of the desensitization may feel
uneasy but convinces himself or herself that the feeling
Isolation- The offender uses the victim's trust to isolate
him or her from others.
Social norms put pressure on many of us to be polite
Relying on these norms, many victims of assaults may
suppress feelings of fear and discomfort in an attempt
not to offend.
Acquaintance assault prevention demands that we set
aside such social norms and listen to our instinctual
sense of fear and discomfort.
Some women do not offer a firm NO in order to not
hurt the man’s feelings. It’s okay, he will survive. You
are not responsible for his feelings, only your safety.
683,000 forcible rapes per year; 56,916 per month;
1,871 per day; 78 per hour; 1.3 per minute
84% of women knew their attacker (date rape)
90% of date rapes occur when either victim or rapist are drinking
33% of men said they would rape if they could not get caught
44% of women who were date-raped have considered suicide
* Stats are from RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)
In 2005-2010, 78% of sexual violence involved
an offender who was a family member,
intimate partner, friend, or acquaintance.
90% of rape victims who knew their attacker did
not report the attack to the police.
38% of acquaintance rape victims are 14-17
The average age of all adolescent and college
victims is 18.5 years.
U.S. Dept. of Justice Crime Statistics
1 out of every 6 American women has
been the victim of an attempted or
completed rape in her lifetime (14.8%
completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).1
17.7 million American women have
been victims of attempted or completed
9 of every 10 rape victims were female
1. National Institute of Justice & Centers for Disease Control & Prevention.
Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women
2. U.S. Department of Justice. 2003 National Crime Victimization Survey.
Lifetime rate of rape /attempted rape for
women by race:
All women: 17.6%
White women: 17.7%
Black women: 18.8%
Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%
American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%
Mixed race women: 24.4%
National Institute of Justice & Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. Prevalence,
Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey. 1998.
15% of sexual assault and rape victims are under age 12.
29% are age 12-17.
44% are under age 18.
80% are under age 30.
Ages 12-34 are the highest risk years.
Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general
population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual
7% of girls in grades 5-8 and 12% of girls in grades 9-12 said
they had been sexually abused.
3% of boys grades 5-8 and 5% of boys in grades 9-12 said
they had been sexually abused.
In 1995, local child protection service agencies identified
126,000 children who were victims of either
substantiated or indicated sexual abuse.
Of these, 75% were girls.
Nearly 30% of child victims were between the age of 4 and 7.
93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker.
34.2% of attackers were family members.
58.7% were acquaintances.
Only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children and Families. 1995
Child Maltreatment Survey. 1995.
U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. 2000 Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law
One in five adult women (363,000 in 2003) have been
victims of one or more forcible rapes1 in their lifetime
(Ruggiero & Kilpatrick, 2003)
1 That statistic only includes vaginal penetration of a
woman against her will, not any other form of sexual
In 2011, AZ youth in 9th-12th grades: 13% of girls and
7% of boys report experiencing forced intercourse2.
In 2011, AZ youth 9th-12th grades: 12% of girls and 11%
of boys answered YES to, “During the past 12 months,
did your boy/girlfriend ever hit, slap, or physically hurt
you on purpose?” 2
1, 2 Arizona Dept. of Education (2012). 2011 AZ Youth Risk Behavior
Survey Trend Report.
A woman who gets raped usually
deserves it, especially if she has
agreed to go to a man's house or park
If a woman agrees to allow a man to
pay for dinner, drinks, etc., then it
means she owes him sex.
Acquaintance rape is committed by
men who are easy to identify as
Women who don't fight back haven't
No one deserves to be raped. Being in
a man's house or car does not mean
that a woman has agreed to have sex
Sex is not an implied payback for
dinner or other expense no matter how
much money has been spent.
Women are often raped by "normal"
acquaintances who resemble "regular
Rape occurs when one is forced to have
sex against their will, whether they
have decided to fight back or not.
• Intimate kissing or touching means
that intercourse is inevitable.
• Once a man reaches a certain point
of arousal, sex is inevitable and they
can't help forcing themselves upon
• Most women lie about
acquaintance rape because they
have regrets after consensual sex.
• Women who say "No" really mean
• Certain behaviors such as drinking
or dressing in a sexually appealing
way make rape a woman's
• Everyone's right to say "no" should
be honored, regardless of the activity
which preceded it.
• Men are fully capable of exercising
restraint in acting upon sexual urges.
• Acquaintance rape really happens - to
people you know, by people you
• This notion is based on rigid and
outdated sexual stereotypes.
• Drinking or dressing in a sexually
appealing way are not invitations for
MYTH: A woman who gets raped usually deserves it,
especially if she has agreed to go to a man's house or
park with him, if she is dressed provocatively, if she is
drunk, high, or passed out, or if she was flirting, kissing,
or initiating sexual contact.
REALITY: No one deserves to be raped. Being in a
man's house or car does not mean that a woman has
agreed to have sex with him. Being dressed
“provocatively” is not consent, nor is drunkenness,
being high, or being passed out. Flirting, kissing, and
sexual play are not forms of consent.
The only consent is “YES.”
Otherwise, No means NO, not maybe and certainly
Acquaintance rape victims suffer the same
psychological harms as stranger-rape victims:
Loss of self-esteem
Distrust of others
Fear of AIDS
Victims of sexual assault are:
3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic
13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
For women, sexual assault is the leading cause of
World Health Organization. 2002.
Believe them – they are telling you the truth.
Be sincere – mean what you say.
Tell them you are sorry this happened, that it
was NOT their fault.
Really listen, do not try to solve it as a problem.
S/he needs you to witness their pain.
Ask what kind of help they would like – give
them their power back.
DO NOT tell them you understand or know how
they feel – you don’t, even if you are a survivor,
Suggest counseling – you are not a professional and
should not try to be one (it’s not good for you or them).
DO NOT push them to “get over it” – every person is
different and there is not any limit on how long healing
If you push ideas such as, “You really need to pull
yourself together, the survivor will distance from
you and stop confiding.
Give them time and room and space – if you are talking
more than them, you likely are taking care of yourself,
not the survivor.
Don’t give advice – the survivor has had their power
taken from them. Support whatever decisions they make,
but let them make choices.
97 percent informed at least one close
confidant but only 28 percent informed police
(Wiehe & Richards, 1995)
Only 20 percent decided to prosecute.
Koss (1988) reports that only two percent of
acquaintance rape survivors report their
experiences to the police.
This compared with the 21 percent who reported rape by a
stranger to the police.
• Wiehe, V.R. & Richards, A.L. (1995). Intimate betrayal: Understanding and responding to the
trauma of acquaintance rape. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
• Koss, M.P. (1988). Hidden rape: Sexual aggression and victimization in the national sample of
students in higher education. In M.A. Pirog-Good & J.E. Stets (Eds.)., Violence in dating
relationships: Emerging social issues (pp. 145168). New York, NY: Praeger.
1. Justice Department,
2. FBI, Uniform Crime
3. National Center for
Policy Analysis, Crime
and Punishment in
4. Department of Justice,
Felony Defendents in
Large Urban Counties:
average of 2002-2006
5. Department of Justice,
Felony Defendents in
Large Urban Counties:
average of 2002-2006
A prior or current relationship or previous acts
of intimacy are insufficient indicators of
Verbal consent must be obtained both in each
instance of sexual intimacy and as the level of
sexual intimacy increases (e.g., moving from
kissing to petting, from petting to oral sex, from
oral sex to penetration, etc.).
Like other forms of sexual assault, acquaintance
assault is motivated by a need to control, to
humiliate, and to harm.
More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault
incidents were reported by victims to have
occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their
4 in 10 take place at the victim's home.
2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or
1 in 12 take place in a parking garage.
43% of rapes occur between 6:00pm and
24% occur between midnight and 6:00am.
The other 33% take place between 6:00am and 6:00pm.
One in twelve male students
surveyed had committed acts
that met the legal definitions
of rape or attempted rape.
84 percent of those men who
committed rape did not
believe what they did was
Sixteen percent of the male
students who committed rape
and ten percent of those who
attempted a rape took part in
episodes involving more than
one attacker. A Beaverton, OR, man sentenced
to 10 years for date rapes
The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.
52% are white.
22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.
Juveniles accounted for 16% of forcible rape arrestees
in 1995 and 17% of those arrested for other sex
In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was
intoxicated — 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.
In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon —
3% used a gun, 6% used a knife, and 2 % used another
form of weapon.
84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.
~ U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Statistics. 1997 Sex Offenses and Offenders Study.
~ 2002 Recidivism of Prisoners Released in 1994 Study.
46% of rapists who were released from prison
were re-arrested within 3 years of their release
for another crime.
18.6% for a violent offense.
14.8% for a property offense.
11.2% for a drug offense.
20.5% for a public-order offense.
2002 Recidivism of Prisoners Released in 1994 Study.
When should you get involved? Whenever
someone could get hurt if the behavior
BUT, bystander intervention only works if you
stay safe. These are suggestions to assess the
1. Identify the problem
2. Decide if the situation could get more dangerous
3. Decide if you can say or do something without
becoming a target yourself
4. Choose your action (see the following list)
If you assess the situation may be too
dangerous for you or the victim, call 911.
Take your friend home from the party if they
are too intoxicated or seem to be acting more
drugged than reasonable for their consumption.
Keep friends who are drunk or high from going
off on their own to secluded places (outdoors,
bedrooms, cars) with another person(s).
Intervene – see the following list.
1. “I” statements
1. Name the behavior
2. State your feelings
3. State how you want the person to respond. This
focuses on your feelings rather than criticizing the
2. Silent Stare
Not all communication is verbal
A disapproving look can say far more than words
Reduces the tension
Funny doesn’t mean unimportant – do not
undermine your intervention
4. Group Intervention (BEST option)
Safety and power in numbers (3 or more is best)
Indicated when someone has a pattern of
Present examples of the behavior as evidence of a
5. Bring it Home – Make it Personal
Prevents him from distancing himself from the impact
of his actions
Prevents him from dehumanizing his targets
6. We’re friends, right….?
Reframes the intervention as caring and non-critical
Example: “Hey Jim, as your friend I need to tell you that
getting a girl drunk to have sex with her isn’t cool. Come on,
let’s go downstairs so she can sleep it off.”
Most effective for street harassment
Snaps someone out of their “sexist comfort zone”
Example: Ask a man harassing a woman on the street for
directions or the time.
Allows a potential target to move away and/or to
have other friends intervene
Example: Spill your drink on the person or interrupt and
start a conversation with the person.
These suggestions come from “Stop Abuse at Virginia Tech”
Believe someone who discloses a sexual trauma
Be respectful of yourself and others
Watch out for your friends – If someone seems
in trouble, check on them. ALSO, call out friends
acting inappropriately or offensively.
Speak up –Don’t laugh at racist, sexist,
homophobic jokes. Express your distaste.
Get involved – Become a peer educator or
If you’d like to volunteer at SACASA, see me after the presentation – we have a
new advocate training beginning in June.
33% of men said they would rape
if they couldn’t get caught
We teach women how not to get raped
We don’t teach men NOT to rape
We are implicitly teaching girls and women that men
are not safe, but MOST men are safe
We are implicitly teaching men that they are
predators and have no control over their desire
We cannot stop date and acquaintance rape by
teaching girls and women to be afraid
But we CAN stop date and acquaintance rape by
teaching boys and men three things:
Respect all women as you would want to be
respected (or how you’d want your mother/sister
NO MEANS NO!
Being unconscious is NOT consent
Rape is NOT a joke | Rape is NOT funny
Rape is a SERIOUS and VIOLENT crime
Rape is NOT acceptable and will NOT be tolerated
It is NEVER the victim’s fault . . . EVER!
Las Familias, children (and adult survivors) involved
in intra-familial sexual trauma. 327-7122
SACASA, men and women, 12 and up, no fee, no
insurance required. 24-hr Sexual Assault Crisis
Lines: (520) 327-7273 or (800) 400-1001
Emerge!, domestic violence shelter, education,
support groups. 795-8001; Crisis Line 888-428-
Tucson Medical Center, Phone: 327-5461, TMC
partnered with SACASA to create a dedicated room
strictly for forensic exams of rape survivors.