Hold a “mirror” up to the other person – describing how they look or act….
When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, put the message into your own words:
Kindergarten story – son it’s the law
PROF.Dr. Azize ERGENELİ
SUNUM TARİHİ:14 MART 2007
WHAT IS LISTENING?
you ask a group of people to give
a one word description of listening,
some would say hearing.
Is following and understanding the
sound---it is hearing with a purpose.
DEFINITION OF LISTENING
The process of receiving, constructing
meaning from, and responding to
spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to
• Hearing- physical process; natural;
• Listening- physical & mental process;
active; learned process; a skill
• Listening is hard!
You must choose to participate in the
process of listening.
Listening is a conscious activity
based on three basic skills:
Maintain a constructive Attitude
Strive to pay Attention
Cultivate a capacity for Adjustment
What is it:
reflection of content and feeling at a
To try and get an understanding of what
may be deeper feelings
HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW
A computer instructor explains with
enthusiasm how to use a new word
Focuses on the Program
certainly enjoys teaching
this word processing program.
I think she would enjoy teaching
She seems very impressed with
the usefulness of this new
Focuses on Person
feelings about teaching
the importance to her of
teaching this particular
her evaluation of the program
Empathizing does not mean you need
to agree with your partner
Empathizing does not mean you need
to give in to your partner
Empathizing means you do not dismiss
what your partner says as ridiculous
It is easy to know when you are
being empathic because:
1. Your body language and tone match
2. Your tone and your feelings match
3. You are focused on what your partner
is saying and meaning.
Listening is needed
Listening skills form the
… But not practiced effectively
70% of all communication
Listening is an active process
that has three basic steps.
TYPES OF LISTENING
1. Inactive listening.
2. Selective listening.
3. Active listening
4. Reflective Listening
WHAT IS ACTIVE
A way of listening and responding to another
person that improves mutual understanding.
A way of paying attention to other people that
can make them feel that you are hearing them
This type of listening is called active because it
requires certain behaviors of the listener.
Our brain works four times the speed that someone
can speak. You have to actively focus on listening so
that your mind doesn’t wander.
It enriches you and those around you, and guides
other areas of your life.
It can build trust and respect between people, and
prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict,
frustration or hurt feelings.
While listening to other people’s point of view, you
may just learn something new and fascinating!
Do you know these?
We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 10003000 wpm
75% of the time we are distracted,
preoccupied or forgetful
20% of the time, we remember what we
More than 35% of businesses think
listening is a top skill for success
Less than 2% of people have had formal
education with listening
BENEFITS OF ACTIVE
It forces people to listen attentively to others.
It tends to open people up, to get them to say
The Main Goals to Active
Maximize your understanding of the
Minimize their defensiveness (and your
KEY CONCEPTS OF ACTIVE
1. Display involvement in what the person is saying
2. Carefully observe the person speaking
3. Resist distractions
4. Try to stay focused on what is being said
5. Ask for clarification of anything that you do not
6. Delay making judgments about what is said.
Active listeners speak 30% of the
time and listen 70% of the time.
Sometimes, we have to try hard not to
interrupt – the only acceptable reason
is to clarify or confirm what has been
Why is active listening
When people are preoccupied with current
life stresses or difficult situations, it is hard
for them to listen.
Anxiety can make it hard to listen.
Being angry at the person who is talking also
makes it hard to listen.
Having an idea in mind of what a person
“should do” makes it hard to listen to that
person's point of view.
ACTIVE LISTENING BARRIERS
Internal Barriers Within the Listener
Barriers Within the Speaker
Speaking in Code
When to Use Active Listening
Giving and receiving
STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Step 1: Listen
To Feelings As Well As Words
Focus on Speaker
plan, speak, or get distracted
What Is Speaker Talking About?
– Emotions -- Implications
Speaker? Listener? Others?
Look At Speaker
Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers
Opening door to good conversation
shows an interest…. But it must be
done sincerely, without judgment.
1) Verbal&non-verbal encourages
2) Non-verbal behavior
1 ) Encouragement
Convey interest and Keep the person talking.
Concentrate attention upon the speaker
Don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal
words in a positive tone of voice.
Repeat one or two words of the person's
Be aware of your body language!
Use varying voice intonations
Non-Verbal Active Listening Techniques:
Maintaining appropriate eye contact
with the interviewee.
Occasionally nodding affirmatively to
display understanding and interest.
Using expectant pauses to indicate to
the interviewee that more is expected
The various forms of
timing and speed of delivery of speech
use of silence
you are listening
When you asked some questions:
Encourage more explanation
Keep the person talking
Ask questions but not too many
Types of Questions
1) YES/NO QUESTIONS
2) OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
3)PROBING OR FOLLOW-UP
4) LEADING QUESTIONS
type of question involves
asking a question that requires only
a "YES" or "NO" response
Observation: "What happened?"
Meaning: "What do you mean?"
Affect: "How do you feel?"
Motive: "What do you want?"
Action: "What will you do?"
Asking another question to clarify or obtain
further information about a interviewee’s
Phrased to indicate a preferred response
Indicates the auditor asking the
question isn’t objective
Other Questioning Tips
Avoid asking multiple questions at once.
Generally, it’s best to start with open
Best questions are short, clear, objective.
Ask questions in logical order.
Allow for quiet, thinking time.
Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase
that step we will use another
techniques for active listening;
Reflect What Is Said (In your words)
Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine”
(when she actually looks very upset)…
Reflecting, you say
say you’re OK, but by the tone of your
voice, you seem upset, correct?”
Act like a mirror and reflect feelings
that you see and hear.
particularly useful when the person’s
tone of voice or gestures don’t match
the person’s words.
OR just as a check…
“Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR
“I sense you’ve become worried. Is that
Why You Do It?
to help the other person see their concerns in a new light
to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify needs or
to diffuse negative feelings
to establish the focus for resolution
How You Do It?
recognize underlying needs
re-word concerns from negative → neutral/positive past
→ future; problem → opportunity; interpersonal → system
rights/wrongs → impacts positions → interests singular →
Concern: “She always talks to everyone
else but me when there is a problem.”
Reframe: “It sounds as if you would like
more direct communication to resolve
acknowledge the story and capture
EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right.
You’re upset because you think we’re
going off in the wrong direction and you
want to clarify our objective before we
write this assignment. Is that right”
CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to
put the message in your own words –
that’s active listening.
Feelings May Need
Not Work In the
Face of Strong
Why You Do It?
•to review progress
•to pull together important
ideas and information
•to establish a foundation for
How You Do It?
•restate the central ideas and
feelings you have heard
Example: “Let’s see if I have a clear understanding of
your experience at this point…”
“So basically what is most important to you is…”
Step 4: Agree
Get Speaker’s Consent to Your
Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It!
Solution Is Near!
Remember that the objective of all of this
is increase understanding of the other’s
point of view, not necessarily to agree
“A good listener tries to
understand thoroughly what the
other person is saying. In the
end he may disagree sharply, but
before he disagrees, he wants to
know exactly what it is he is
Kenneth A. WELLS
Are You a Good Listener?
Do you frequently think of other things when others are
talking to you?
Do you doodle, shuffle papers, look at the clock or out
the window, read the newspaper,or watch TV?
Do you silently argue with the talker?
Do you only selectively hear ideas that fit your
Do you feel most people have little to talk about that is
interesting or important?
Do you listen passively without any facial expressions?
Do you frequently interrupt others as they are
Do you complete sentences or ideas for people when
they pause to think?
Do you silently criticize characteristics of the speaker:
voice, looks, manner of speaking?
Do you have to ask people to repeat what they said
1. Be there
2. Listen carefully to the person
3. Accept the person and his/her
4. Stay with the other person's point of
view without becoming that person
5. Trust the person enough to keep out
Active listening is important for
identifying and creating negotiating
goals, because listening helps to orient
the negotiator to the environment.
Because people do not learn much
while they are talking,
negotiators should attempt to
talk less than
50% of time.
In negotiation, there are FOUR major reasons to
1.To learn the other side’s proposals and
2.To discover the needs of constituents and
3.To discern subtle position changes and
4.To show other side that their proposals are
is a critical communication
skill for managers and consultants, as
well as for all of us in our personal
You can't negotiate effectively until
you understand what the other person
Active listening, is crucial to achieving
your ultimate communication objectives.
Active listening is a skill that, like