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Why My Horse Doesnt Listen


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This presentation is based upon the book, ‘Why my Horse Doesn’t Listen – Learn to communicate effectively’. Communication is an integral part of our life. We use our communication skills while reading, writing, speaking, and listening. Almost the whole day is spent in communicating with others. Communications with others is critical. None of our personal or professional day to day activities can be completed without communicating. We keep communicating may be verbally or through writing to our friends, family members or professional colleagues. However, occasionally someone to whom you were communicating must have asked you a question, “What do you mean” or “What you want me to do”? Sometimes you start with correcting yourself, “But I mean to say”, or someone who is talking to you says, “No, No, what I wanted to say”. Have you ever found yourself saying to your superior about your subordinate, “Sir, I told him several times, but I don’t know why he does not listen? Or “I don’t know why he does not do it”? All these questions and statement point out only one thing and that is, “Communication is not as easy as we think it is”. It is very rightly said, “Communication is done by the listener”. Most of the time if people do not implement what you want them to do, the reason could be that they have not understood your instructions and not necessarily that they were not interested or wanted to disobey you.

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Why My Horse Doesnt Listen

  1. 1. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” 1
  2. 2. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” You can take a horse to the pond but cannot make it drink”, is an old proverb. Similarly You can speak a lot, however, what gets communicated, depends upon how one listens. 2
  3. 3. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Has anyone ever asked you, • “What do you mean?” • “What do you want me to do”? Did anyone tell you, • “But I mean to say”, Or someone who is talking to you says, • “No, no, what I wanted to say . . .” Have you ever found yourself talking to your superior, • “I told several times, I don’t know why he doesn’t listen” Or • “I don’t know why he does not do it”? 3
  4. 4. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Listening is • Foundation of effective Communication. • Key to win friends, • Tool to improve relationship with Spouse/Superior/Subordinates, Communication: an effective tool for a rewarding Professional Career & Successful personal and social life • Helps you boost business profits, • Facilitate advancement of your career 4
  5. 5. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” ‘Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen’ will help you to Communicate effectively in all spheres of your life, H: Communicating at Home O: Communicating at Office R: Communicating with Relatives S: Communicating with Seniors, Subordinates & Spouse E: Communicating with External world 5
  6. 6. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Communication is a two way process 6
  7. 7. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Your posture communicates even before you start communicating through words 7
  8. 8. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Unless you get his attention, how can you communicate with him? 8
  9. 9. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” You may wear the most expensive clothes you have in your wardrobe, yet people may not notice it and may even fail to notice your presence. This may be because you are feeling down, unhappy or depressed 9
  10. 10. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Let me speak first… 10
  11. 11. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” When will this meeting get over. I am getting bored. 11
  12. 12. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” “God has given you one face and you make yourself another.” Shakespeare 12
  13. 13. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Never point your finger at somebody, as this makes you look harsh or angry. 13
  14. 14. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Why is he saying so? I am sure, he must have some personal interest in it. 14
  15. 15. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Adult Dr. Eric Berne has used the term adult to depict the persona of an individual who is grown up, is rational, and talks reasonably but assertively. The persona of Lord Krishna symbolizes Dr. Eric Berne’s definition of an adult. Arjuna asks Lord Krishna, “Keshav, I have never seen you either extremely happy or disturbed in any situation.” Lord Krishna answered, “Because I never react, rather I always act. A reaction is always uncontrolled, which makes people either extremely happy or disturbed depending upon the situation, whereas an act is always planned and controlled. Since, I know the outcome of my act in advance it doesn’t surprise me. Hence, you will always find me calm and composed.” 15
  16. 16. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Complementary Transaction Cross Transaction 16
  17. 17. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Drink” Let me find out, do I look angry or pleasant, while talking to others. ? 17
  18. 18. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Tips for Improving Listening Skills • Stop talking • Always look at the person speaking to you • Show interest in what the other person is saying • Visualize the other person’s viewpoint • Speak only affirmatively while listening • Don’t interrupt • Try to discover the meaning • Use the other person’s words while answering or responding • Take notes 18
  19. 19. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Communication gap or failure to communicate? The Barriers – Originating from the Receiver’s Side • Not paying attention • Preconceived notions about the speaker • Mind reading • Passivity • Selective listening • Interfering 19
  20. 20. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” The Barriers – Originating from the Sender’s Side • Message vague in sender’s mind • Bad Timing • Inappropriate medium or language • Inappropriate voice modulation, tone, non-verbal • Too much or too little • Aggressive or submissive • Usage of appropriate words 20
  21. 21. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Navarasa - The Nine Human Emotions • Shaantha (peace or serenity) • Haasya (Happiness or Joy) • Karuna (Sadness or compassion) • Roudra (anger) • Veera (courage) • Bhayaanaka or Dar (fear) • Bheebhatsya (disgust) • Adbhutha (wonder or surprise) • Shringaara (love) 21
  22. 22. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Different Situations Demand Different Technique • Communicating without INTENTION • Communicating to KILL TIME • Communicating OPINIONS • Communicating Through EMOTIONS • Communicating to MANIPULATE • Communicating to MOTIVATE • Communicating with UNDERSTANDING 22
  23. 23. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” “Berukhi ke saath sunana dard-e-dil ki dastan, woh kalai mein tera kangan ghumana yaad hai” (If someone’s beloved is not interested in listening to his problem, she shows her displeasure by fiddling with her jewelry). 23
  24. 24. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Communication – Styles • AGGRESSIVE: “ONLY I matter, you don’t” • SUBMISSIVE: “ONLY YOU matter, I don’t” • ASSERTIVE: “NOT ONLY I matter but YOU TOO” 24
  25. 25. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Inadequate Behavior Non - assertive Non - assertive Behavior Behavior Consequences Disturbed of Self Feelings Non-assertive Doubt Behavior Self Disturbed Doubt Feelings Non - assertive Behavior 25
  26. 26. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Barriers to Written Communication • If the tone of your message suggests, you are instructing • If the tone of your communication is threatening • If your communication projects you being high-minded • If your communication display you being authoritative • If the tone of your communication is commanding • If your communication makes your listener feel being evaluated 26
  27. 27. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Email Etiquette While emailing do you • Keep your mails short and simple? • Keep in mind the correct usages of grammar, punctuation, & spellings? • Read and re-read your mail before finally sending it? • Format your mail to make it look attractive and impressive? • Highlight key sentences either by using bold or different colors? • Respond immediately to mails as soon as you receive them? • Attach large attachments or ZIP the file before attaching? • Delete some of the trail mails in between, which were just forwarded? • Change the ‘subject’ of your mail every time the same mail is forwarded? • Carefully choose options such as, ‘Reply all’, ‘URGENT & IMPORTANT’? 27
  28. 28. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” CONTENTS • Foreword • Preface • Acknowledgments • How to Make Best Use of This Book? 1 Communication - An Introduction 11 Communication – Written 2 Communication – The Process 12 Communication – Email Etiquette 3 Communication – Body Language 13 Communication – Presentation Skills 4 Communication – Listening 14 Tips for improving Verbal Comm. 5 Communication – Barriers 15 Telephone Etiquette 6 Communication – NLP 16 Ex. 1: Test Your HORSE Sense 7Communication – JoHari Windows 17 Ex. 2: How good a LISTENER are you? 8 Communication – T.A. 18 Key: Test Your HORSE Sense 9 Communication – Emotions 19 Key: How good a LISTENER are you? 10 Communication – Styles 20 Answer Sheet – Body Language 28
  29. 29. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” Published by: VIVA Books Pvt. Ltd. (192 pages, ISBN 81-309-0436-3) 4737/23 Ansari Road, Daryaganj, New Delhi 110 002, India, (9111-42242200) 215-216, New Apollo Estate, II Floor, Mogra Lane, Andheri (E), Mumbai 400 069 Jamal Fazal Chambers, 26 Greams Road, Chennai 600 006 B 103 Jindal Towers, 21/1A/3 Darga Road, Kolkata 7, Sovereign Park Apts. 56-58, K.K. Road, Basavanagudi, Bangalore 560 004 101-102, Moghal Marc Apts. 3-4-637 to 641, Narayanguda, Hyderabad 500 029 29
  30. 30. “Why My Horse Doesn’t Listen” 30
  31. 31. Vivek Mehrotra 919998001326 31